Stumbling
by A Christy
Summary: N&OC Complete: EPILOGUE ADDED. Catching up with Nick and Alex a month or so after "Justice and Desire"...
1. Chapter 1

**A.N**: To anyone who just randomly happened on this fic, you'll probably want to read "Luck and Destiny" and "Justice and Desire" before you read this one to get familiar with the Nick/Alex backstory... But then again, you may not need to. Who knows?!!

Wow, I can't believe I'm writing more on these two, especially when I have only the _vaguest _idea of where I'm going with this. Actually, _vague_ might be an overstatement! I just sort of had a craving to write... So, I guess I'll just warn you now: _Read at your own peril, and be prepared for some serious fluff!_

* * *

"Well, if you'd leave your phone _on_, you wouldn't have this problem." Alison looked back at Alex, a mild reprimand in her voice.

"Yes, thank you for that helpful piece of advice. Sheer brilliance, really." Alex smirked back at her young friend. "The problem isn't that _I turn it off_. It's that _it turns itself off_. I'm going to take it back to the shop, but I haven't gotten around to it yet. So get off my case. And besides... it's only coffee."

"Yeah, but you would have seen _him_. He's so gorgeous... I really need to make him my very own..."

Alex laughed out loud. "OK, now you're starting to worry me."

Alison grinned back. "Relax, I'm just joking... mostly." She laughed again as Alex shook her head. "And besides, I think he's into me too... I caught him looking at me yesterday morning when he thought I was looking the other way."

"Ah, it must be love." Alex grasped at her heart comically and the younger woman laughed and smacked her arm.

"Hey, just because you found _Mr. Right_ doesn't mean you're the expert on love."

Alex laughed. "I didn't say I was..." But she couldn't help but smile as she thought about Nick. A month and a half later and she was more in love than ever. As if on cue, her cell phone rang in her bag.

Alison smirked. "Oh yeah, _sure_. _Now_ it's on."

Alex raised one hand to proclaim her innocence as she pulled out her phone. "I told you it's not my fault, it's the phone." She hit the answer button without looking at the screen. "Hello?" A voice on the other end warmed her heart.

"Hey sunshine. How're you doing?"

Alison watched a smile form on her friend's lips and didn't have to guess who it was. She shook her head grinning and motioned towards the car before she walked away.

"Hi there. I'm great. Just finished a lecture. I'm going to drive Alison home. Whatcha doing?"

"Sara and I worked overtime this morning and we're just going to grab a bite. Want to join us?"

"Yeah, definitely. Where are we meeting?" Alex got the info and hung up, smiling.

She looked forward to their weekends together, but she often missed him during the week. Since Nick worked nights, they tried to sneak in time together whenever they got the chance, but unfortunately conflicting schedules often meant only an hour or so here and there. So she always jumped at a chance to see him.

She unlocked Alison's door for her and they pulled out of the campus parking. "Alison, I'm meeting Nick for brunch- You want to come?"

"Nah, I don't want to invade on your precious _Nick-time_." She grinned mischievously at Alex, who laughed back.

"Don't worry, a woman that Nick works with will be there too."

"Oh yeah? Is she pretty?"

Alex smiled. Typical Alison; always sizing up the competition, whether there was a _target_ or not. "Yes. _Very_. And tall and thin too."

"And you're not worried?"

"That she and Nick...? Nah."

Alison smiled and sighed longingly. "Man, I need to find myself someone decent. I'm tired of these..."

Alex cut in. "One night stands with super hot guys?"

Alison laughed. "I'm not that bad, am I?" Alex laughed and Alison continued. "Seriously, I think I'm going to ask that guy out the next time I see him."

Alex nodded, envious of her friend's self-assurance. She'd never been able to just ask a guy out like that.

"Cool. You should. So... Are you coming or what? You don't have anything else to do, so I think you should."

"Thanks for rubbing that in." She pretended to be annoyed and Alex laughed again. "But, OK. I guess I will come then."

"Good."

* * *

After brunch, Alex dropped Alison home and then headed towards Nick's place. She smiled as she pulled in behind his Denali and found him leaning up against it, waiting for her. He walked up to her car, opened her door and reached for her hand.

"Madam."

She smiled up at him as he helped her out of the car, and then whooped in surprise as he picked her up off the ground and held her there for a deep kiss.

"Wow." She smiled at him as he lowered her slowly down his body and back onto terra firma. "This hotel has very friendly service."

He laughed. "And they also have rooms by the hour... Care to join me inside?"

She laughed back. "Oh, that sounds so... lascivious. You've peaked my interest. Lead the way."

He grabbed her hand and they made their way inside.

* * *

Later, as she snuggled against him, she once again felt the urge to count her lucky stars. She'd never been this happy in her entire life, and the man beside her was the reason. She nuzzled his neck and whispered into his ear.

"I love you, Nicholas Stokes."

He pulled her closer and kissed her temple. "You better."

She sighed in his embrace and stroked his chest slowly. Then she let out a little groan of regret.

"_Arg_. I don't_ want_ to, but I better leave and let you get some sleep." She started to move away and he pulled her back down to him.

"Wait... Can't you just stay a _little while_ longer? At least until I fall asleep?" He smiled at her hopefully and she couldn't stop the smile from forming on her lips. He smiled wider, knowing he had her.

"Man oh man..." She chuckled in exasperation as she snuggled beside him once more.

"What?" He grinned into her forehead.

"You know that smile of yours is like a secret weapon or something, right? I seriously can't resist it."

He laughed and smiled even wider. He tried to sound innocent as he replied. "I don't know what you mean...?"

She giggled and leaned her head back to look him in the face. He was still smiling and she gave him a chastising look.

"Yeah, we'll see... One day I'm going to meet all these sisters of yours, and then I'll get the _real_ story."

He laughed and kissed her softly. He looked back into her eyes, smiling again in amusement. "And they'll tell you what a sweet innocent boy I was."

"_Hmph_. Yeah _right_." She put her arm back across his chest and kissed him lightly again. "We'll see... _We'll see_."

* * *

She was throwing some books in her knapsack when her phone rang. The call display showed "unlisted" and she smiled. _Must be Nick_...

"Hello?"

"Hi. Miss me?"

She laughed. "And _how_." She looked at the clock. 10 pm. "Are you just getting up now?"

"Nah, I've been up a while. Tried to call you earlier but you weren't there."

She frowned.

_Yes, I was_...

"Oh, must have been when I was in the shower. Bummer. Are you getting ready for work?"

"Yep. Thought I might say _hi_ on my way through..."

"Ah, damn. I'm just heading out to the computer lab at school."

"This late?"

"Yeah, it's quieter at night, so it's easier to get stuff done."

"Hmmm. Is that a good idea, Alex? I don't know if I like the idea of you-"

"I won't be alone. There's a group of us. Our assignments have just started appearing and we're all sort of in it together. It'll be fine, don't worry. Plus, campus security is always wandering around. Seriously Nick, don't worry. I did this all the time last semester."

Nick frowned. Security guys were usually not the most conscientious folks. Hell, who could blame them? They weren't exactly the highest paid guys around.

"Well, alright but... Can I call you later tonight if I get a break? I'd just feel better about it. How late do you think you'll be?"

"Well, we never usually stayed past 3am last term, so that's probably a safe bet."

"Hmm. That's late. Alex..."

He sighed. After all they'd been through together, he'd been unable to shake this over-protectiveness he always had about her. So far, she'd seemed to be OK with it, but one day he knew he was going to try her patience.

"OK. Just take your cell phone. And try and make sure it's actually _turned on_ for a change..."

She heard his half-amused/half-impatient tone and groaned.

"Jeeze, are you and Alison comparing notes? I keep telling you people it turns _itself_ off. It's not me!"

He laughed at her defensiveness. "OK, OK. Honest mistake. I mean, you're always telling me how much you hate talking on the phone, so I just assumed you don't like to have it on very much." He could hear her getting ready to say something else but he continued. "Then why don't you just get it fixed or replaced or something?"

"I'm going to. I just haven't gotten around to it. Man-"

"_OK_. Whatever. I'll try and call you tonight, if that's OK."

"Yeah, _of course_ it's OK. Listen, Nick... I have to get going."

She breathed out in exasperation, realizing she was getting worked up over nothing. After all, Nick was just showing honest concern for her. It was amazing that he cared so much, in fact. She was a very lucky woman. She smiled self-deprecatingly to herself.

"Nick?"

"Yeah?"

"I may not like talking on the phone much, but I _always_ love talking to _you_."

She could hear the smile in his voice as he replied and she felt instantly better.

"Good thing, because I'm always going to need to talk to you. Especially if I can't see you all the time."

"Have a good shift. I love you."

"I love you too. And play nice with the other girls."

She hung up the phone laughing and headed out to meet her friends at the computer lab.

* * *

Alex and thethree other girls from the teaching program had one of the computer rooms all to themselves. Alex had looked pointedly at Alison as she turned on her cell phone and placed it on a desk.

"_There_. How much you want to bet it's turned off all on its own at some point... And I am not going to touch it once, unless it rings." She smirked at Alison.

"Wow, _relax_... _I believe you_. Just get the thing replaced and move on. Sheesh!" She laughed and pulled out her books. "Now if you're done pleading your innocence, can you help me with this stupid assignment?"

Alex grinned. "Maybe. What's in it for me?"

"The pleasure of my friendship should be enough." The two other girls grinned and Alex snorted.

"Hmm. I'll think about it."

They set to work on their various assignments. After what seemed like forever, Alex had finally gotten a thesis organized for her essay. She leaned back in her chair and massaged her neck muscles.

_Man, these chairs do havoc on my back_.

She looked at the clock in the corner of the computer screen. 1:30am. She looked over at her cell phone, wondering when Nick would call...

"Ah hah!" Alison and the other girls looked at Alex in question.

"What?"

"Look at that. My phone is turned off. _All by itself_..." She grinned triumphantly at the other women.

Alison shook her head laughing. "I already told you I believed you."

"Yeah, but I still needed to prove it. My pride was at stake here!" They all laughed and Alex turned on her phone. 1 message.

_Uh oh_.

She listened as Nick's disappointed message played out. She didn't like to call him while he was working, but if she made it quick...

The phone rang briefly and then he picked up. "Nick Stokes."

"Hello, Nick Stokes. Alex Winters here. I just wanted to let you know that I have incontrovertible evidence supporting the faultiness of my phone. I have _witnesses_."

He laughed on the other end. "Excellent, excellent. Good work. Want me to bring you over an evidence bag, to make it official?"

She laughed back. "Not necessary. Sorry to call you while you're working, but I wanted to let you know everything's fine. I'm going to head home in about an hour or so, I figure."

"Good. And I'm glad you called. And... An hour and half, huh? _Hmmm_."

He trailed off and she queried the pause. "What?"

"Well, I'd be happier if you called me again when you get home. I know, I know, I'm being over the top..."

She smiled. "I don't mind. I'll call you when I'm safe and sound. I promise."

"Thanks. I'd just feel better." She could hear the relief in his tone and she smiled. She'd definitely gotten lucky when she'd been assigned a guardian angel.

_Maybe somebody up there likes me after all_.

* * *

As she finished up some notes, Alex eyed her friends tiredly. "Guys, I'm thinking of heading home now. Everybody OK for rides?"

They all nodded and she started to pack up her stuff. She grimaced as a cramp suddenly took hold in her lower stomach, and Alison looked up in concern at Alex's small intake of breath.

"You OK, Alex?"

"Yeah, just a cramp. I'm about due for my period, so..." She waved it off. "No biggie. I'll see you guys later."

As she headed out to her car, she frowned. She'd been on the pill for years, specifically because she'd always suffered such bad menstrual cramps. It had been years since she'd had them. She rubbed at her lower belly slowly, trying to work out the tension.

_Great_. _I hope these don't get any stronger_... _I'm tired and I need some sleep_.

She climbed into her car and started to make her way home, hoping she wouldn't be needing muscle relaxants later.


	2. Chapter 2

Alex pulled into her driveway still frowning. The cramps hadn't gotten worse, but they hadn't disappeared either. She went inside and grabbed some Tylenol with codeine.

_That should help_.

She crawled into bed a short while later and tried to relax all her muscles simply by strength of will. As she began to feel some release she had a sudden thought.

_Shit_. _I forgot to call Nick_.

She lay there for another moment before she decided there was no getting out of it. She'd promised him she'd call. She slowly rolled over to her bedside table, hoping the movement wouldn't cause the cramps to strengthen again. She dialled his cell phone and went straight to voicemail. She left him an "_I'm home safe_" message and rolled back over to try to sleep.

* * *

Nick looked down at the photos in front of him again with disgust.

The body of a little girl, probably only 9 or 10 years old had been found in a garbage bag behind a Walgreen's. Warrick was still on the scene, looking for evidence, but Nick had returned to talk to Doc Robbins about his examination of the body. Greg walked by and saw Nick's expression.

"Hey man. I heard about your case. There are some _serious_ sicko assholes out there."

Nick nodded sadly. "Yeah, there sure are." He looked up at Greg, trying to get his mind off the gruesome image before him. "How'd the B&E go?"

"Uh, not great. There wasn't much to find, unfortunately. Very disappointing."

Nick smirked slightly. "Get used to it, man. B&E's are a pain in the ass."

Greg nodded forlornly and headed down the hall. Nick pulled out his phone to call back to the doc to see if now was a good time and noticed a message on his phone. He smiled as he heard Alex's voice, giving him the _all clear_. She sounded tired.

Nick got up and headed back to the coroner's section. He wasn't looking forward to this one.

* * *

Alex woke up late and had to rush to get ready for her lecture.

Her cramps were gone, but she still felt kind of crappy. She pulled her wet hair into a ponytail and quickly drove to her lecture. Her lecturer gave her a slight frown as she tried to slide unobtrusively into a seat next to a friend of hers, Carrie. She smiled sheepishly and the woman continued her lecture. Carrie smiled at her and whispered.

"You look tired. Late night with the man?"

Alex smirked. "I _wish_. Alison, Yvonne, Jo and I were here at the computer lab until the wee hours."

She spied Alison on the other side of the room and was annoyed to see her looking fairly refreshed. But it wasn't that early a class, really. 10am. And she _had _slept, but it sure didn't feel like it right now.

"And I'm feeling a little _off_ today."

She yawned and tried to focus on the lecturer. As she sat there, she felt the cramps returning yet again.

_Damn it_. _I'm going to have to get some muscle relaxants after this class_.

* * *

Nick felt his heart sink as he heard the coroner's report.

"She was sexually assaulted, beaten and then finally strangled." The doctor shook his head sadly. "A tragedy for someone 3 times her age."

Nick nodded unhappily and Doc Robbins went on. "And it gets better. There's evidence that she was a victim of frequent abuse."

Nick was still feeling unsettled as Warrick entered the room. He saw Nick's expression and frowned.

"What do we got?"

Nick looked down at the little girl as Doc Robbins ran over the information.

"Nick?" He looked up to see Warrick looking at him questioningly.

"Sorry... What?"

Warrick's brow furrowed in concern. "You OK, man?"

"Yeah... Yeah, I'm cool. I just... I just really don't like these cases."

Warrick nodded, remembering how Nick had lost his cool and punched a wall during a big case they'd had a couple years back involving the murders of most of a family, including a couple young boys. There'd also been a bizarre incest thing going on too, which had surprised and disgusted the whole department. None of them liked cases involving abused kids. Especially Catherine... and Nick.

"It's alright, man. I was just wondering if you heard anything from Trace yet?"

"No, not yet. They said they'd page me as soon as they had something, though."

"Cool. Well, I'm going to check missing persons. Check in with me when you hear from them."

"You got it."

Nick walked back down towards DNA to check up on the semen sample Robbins had removed from the young girl.

_How could someone do something like this_? _She was just a little girl_.

He felt a momentary shiver up is spine as he inevitably felt his own memories sneaking back into his mind. The child abuse cases always brought it all back home for him.

_Nobody should ever be able to do that to a child_.

He knew he probably should have seen a therapist about his own experiences long ago, but he'd never felt comfortable with the idea of discussing it with anyone. In fact, Catherine was the only one who knew the truth. And it had all happened so long ago...

He sighed.

_I'll deal with it_. _I always do_.

He and Warrick signed out late that morning and Nick was still feeling disturbed as he drove past Alex's house. Her car wasn't in her driveway, so he figured she probably had a class. He almost felt relieved that he wouldn't be seeing her just then. He felt a strong urge to be alone for the time being.

* * *

Alex decided to bail on her next class and head home and relax.

She was feeling steadily worse. And she'd barely missed any classes since she'd started the program, so she wasn't too worried about missing much. She swung by the pharmacy on her way home and got some heavy duty relaxants.

_Hopefully these will do the trick_.

She went home and popped a couple of pills before climbing back into bed.

_Sleep_. _That's what I need_. _A nice long sleep_.

* * *

Nick fell into a deep troubled sleep, only to wake up in a cold sweat a little while later, blurry dream images of a woman holding him down and not letting him move still resonating in his mind. He sat up slowly and ran his fingers back through his hair, trying to calm his racing heartrate.

_Jesus_. _I haven't had that nightmare in a long time_.

He crawled out of bed and went to the kitchen to pour himself some water. He sat on a barstool, trying to suppress the old familiar sensation of helplessness and self-disgust that always followed the nightmare.

* * *

Alex tossed and turned as she watched James Meadfield approach Nick with the gun...

_No_!

She jerked awake as she cried out loud into her empty bedroom. She felt the tears rolling down her cheeks as she relived the panic of the Meadfield attack. She pulled her knees up to her chest and rocked herself slowly, trying to stop crying.

_Damn it_. _It's been weeks since I've had that dream_. _Why am I having it now_?

She felt a tingle of a cramp in her middle and sighed.

_Well, at least the cramps are mostly gone again_... _But I'm not in a good place right now_. _What's wrong with me_?

She laid back down and tried to go back to sleep, still feeling the tiring effects of the muscle relaxants. She curled up into a ball and tried to think happy thoughts.

_Nick's fine_. _Nick's OK_...

* * *

Nick's alarm went off and he sat up in bed, confused. He slowly remembered where he was and turned off the annoying buzzing sound. He was surprised he'd slept right up until the alarm. He rarely had to rely on it anymore. He climbed out of bed and made his way into the shower.

* * *

Alex had gotten up around 6pm and had felt significantly better. She and the girls were heading back to the computer lab again tonight and she was getting her things ready to get going. She looked over at her phone, realizing she hadn't talked to Nick today. 9:30pm...

_He's probably up by now_.

She dialled his house and hoped she wasn't waking him up.

"Hello?"

She smiled. He didn't sound groggy. "Hi there. I didn't wake you, did I?"

He yawned and smiled slightly. "No. I've been up for about an hour. How're you doing?"

He sounded a bit... _different_. She couldn't put her finger on what it was.

"I'm OK. I was feeling pretty crappy earlier, but I'm OK now."

"Yeah? What was wrong?"

"I don't know. I was all crampy. I think it's PMS or something."

He smiled. "Ah yes. The joys of being a woman. At least you don't seem to get the mood swings."

She laughed. "Yeah- You must have had fun growing up in a household full of women."

"My dad, brother and I always knew when we should tread carefully around the girls, that's for sure."

"Well, I just wanted to say _hi_. How was your shift last night, or this morning, or whenever it was?"

She laughed, but he didn't join in. Nick frowned. He hadn't had much luck pushing his earlier nightmare from his mind.

"Ah, it was OK. Not great."

_That tone again_. _Hmmm_. _I hope everything's OK at work_.

"Tough case?"

He smirked at her perceptiveness. "Yeah. I've had better."

"Are you OK? Do you want me to pop by? I was just heading out to the computer lab anyway..."

"Another study group?"

"Yeah, something like that. Should I stop by?"

He frowned. For some reason he still didn't feel like facing her right now. "You can if you want."

_You can if you want_?

He sounded decidedly unenthralled with the idea. She felt a second of insecurity.

_What's going on_?

Then she concentrated on being rational.

_Easy_, _Alex_. _He obviously had a rough night at work and he's not himself right now_. _You probably would have been the same way if he'd called you this afternoon_.

"Ah, you sound like you need some '_me_' time. I'll just get going to the lab."

He smiled into the phone, reminded yet again of just how lucky he was. He hadn't realized she'd picked up that easily on his mood, but obviously she had. And she was being so sweet about it...

"Thanks, darlin'. I don't think I'd be very good company right now."

She felt her insecurities slipping away as he spoke, and she smiled when he continued. "I'm going to check up on you again tonight though, if that's alright? Take your cell phone, OK?"

"OK. I'll talk to you later."

"I love you Alex."

He really felt the truth of the words just then.She was an incredible, understanding woman and he couldn't imagine his life without her now. Maybe one day, he'd finally find the courage to tell her about everything.

She smiled into the phone. "You better."

* * *

Alex watched as Alison climbed out of her car across the parking lot and made her way towards her. "_Hey_. Why weren't you in _Literacies _today?"

"Ah, I wasn't feeling so hot. I went home, took some drugs and went to sleep for the afternoon."

"Still crampy?"

"Yeah, but I can't understand why I'm suddenly getting them. I haven't had them for years... Since I went on the pill."

"Beats me." Alison smiled. "We're women: Our bodies are strange and wonderful things."

Alex laughed and they went inside to meet the others.

* * *

Nick's case had taken a turn for the worse. Brass had a name and an address on the little girl's family for him and Warrick as soon as they'd gotten to work.

And almost as soon as they'd walked into the house, Nick had pegged the stepfather as the culprit.

Warrick sensed it too. The man was a textbook alcoholic with a mean disposition. The tired-looking wife steadied a baby on one hip while a small boy hung shyly at her side. As he took in the whole effect, Nick felt like he was setting up a shot for a movie scene.

The questioning had been ugly and Brass had stepped in at one point as he watched Nick border on losing his temper. In the end, the whole family had been dragged down to the LVPD and the questioning continued.

Nick swallowed as he looked down at the little boy, Ben.

He was 7, but there was a sadness behind his eyes that made him look a little too world-weary for his age. Nick volunteered to examine the little boy for signs of abuse, even though he was uncertain if he could handle it if there _were_ signs...

* * *

Alex looked at the time and was surprised Nick hadn't checked up on her yet; she was getting ready to leave. He must be busy with that case.

_I'll just call him once I'm home and save him calling me anyway_.

The 4 of them made their way out to the parking lot and Alison and Jo headed towards Alison's car. Yvonne's boyfriend had just picked her up.

"See ya tomorrow, Alex." Alison and Jo waved at her.

She was about to wave back when she felt an excruciating pain in her abdomen, causing her to double over.

She gasped as she went down on her knees. It felt like she'd imagine it would be like to have a red hot poker inserted into your gut. Her bag had fallen beside her and she heard her cell phone ringing from within.

* * *

Nick left a message on Alex's cell phone and hung up, annoyed.

_She really needs to replace that damn phone_.

He sat back on the staffroom sofa and rubbed his eyes. He'd wanted to talk to Alex to try and distract himself from the horrendous facts of the case before him.

Poor little Ben had also been a victim of longterm abuse, both sexually and physically. The boy was so withdrawn, it had taken an hour of Nick's encouraging words and gentle smiles before the boy would even speak. It had broken his heart and he couldn't deny that it was effecting him pretty badly.

"Hey Nicky. Are you OK?" He looked up to see Catherine's sympathetic gaze from the doorway. She made her way inside and frowned at him with concern. He nodded at her.

"I'm OK, Cath."

She didn't look convinced and he knew the strain must be showing on his face. She chewed the inside of her lip, not wanting to tread on his painful memories inadvertantly, but she knew he'd confided in her about something that nobody else knew. She was the only one who would really understand, and she wanted to be there for him.

"Are you sure? It's a bad case, Nick."

She sat beside him and grabbed one of his hands, squeezing it lightly. He smiled slightly and squeezed back.

"Well... It may be affecting me a little, Cath. But I'll get through it, don't worry. I've managed before."

She smiled compassionately. "OK. But if you need me..."

"I know where to find you. Thanks."

She stood up and made her way down the hall, giving him a kind look through the window.

He leaned back again and stared up at the ceiling. He blew out a big breath as he considered something he'd thought a thousand times before during his life.

_I love kids_, _but_ _I don't know if I really want to bring a child into this world_, _knowing that there are people like that out there_... _It just doesn't seem right_.

He sighed heavily and headed out of the staffroom and back into the fray.

* * *

"Hold on Alex, we're almost there."

Alison called over her shoulder from the driver's seat. Alex's head lay in Jo's lap on the back seat of Alison's car as they sped towards the hospital.

Alex could barely focus on her words, the pains coming in continual waves from her abdomen. Jo stroked her hair and tried to ease her fears. "We're just pulling in now, Alex. Hang in there."

As Alison screetched to a halt in the Emergency bay, she quickly jumped out of the car and ran around to the back door. She gasped as she saw the blood beneath Alex's hips. She tried to stay calm for Alex's sake and turned and ran through the Emergency doors, calling back "I'll get some help" as she went.

Alex wasn't sure how much time had passed before she felt hands lifting her from the backseat, and then she was staring at the intermittently passing lights on the ceiling above her as she was wheeled down a hallway...

And then she passed out.


	3. Chapter 3

Alex looked at the doctor in shock.

"A _miscarriage_?"

She stared at Alison over the doctor's shoulder, confused. "But... _I was pregnant_?" It wasn't sinking in.

_But that's impossible_...

"How could that be? I'm on the pill, and have been for years."

"It's not unheard of, Miss Winters. Nothing is 100 percent."

Alex continued to stare around her in disbelief.

_How could this_...

She felt a dull ache in her lower abdomen, but it was continually fading. She looked down at her stomach, still not fully comprehending everything.

The doctor spoke up again.

"I'm estimating you were somewhere between 40 to 50 days along in your pregnancy." He watched her carefully, worried that she might be in shock. "It was a particularly bad miscarriage, but I don't think there was any permanent damage- everything looks OK. And you're fine. You can go home now. You'll probably be a little sore, so just take it easy for a couple of days."

She looked back at him incredulously.

_I was pregnant with Nick's baby?_

The doctor misinterpreted her distress. "Don't worry, Miss Winters. I'm confident you can still have children."

Alex shook her head at Alison. "But..."

_I'm on the pill_. _And a month or so ago_, _Nick and I were still using condoms as well_. _How is this possible_?

She didn't know how comfortable she felt discussing her sex life with everybody all of a sudden. She swallowed hard, and decided she really needed to talk to Maddie when she got home. She was a good doctor; she'd know what was going on.

"Alex, I haven't gotten a hold of Nick yet, but I-"

"_No_ _don't_... don't call him, OK?" She felt panicked at the thought and didn't really know why.

Alison looked a little surprised but eventually nodded. "Um, OK... I can take you home. Whenever you're ready."

Alex thanked the doctor and stared at her blood stained pants.

"Alex, just leave the gown on. I'm going to drive you straight home anyway. It's still early; nobody will see you."

She nodded back at Alison, almost not hearing her. She scooped up her clothes and couldn't seem to keep her eyes from the blood...

_My God_. _A miscarriage_?

She was understandably subdued all the way home, and Alison didn't try to start a conversation. She finally spoke as she pulled into Alex's driveway.

"Do you want me to come in? I could stay with you."

"Uh... no. No, Alison; but thanks. Thanks so much for everything."

"Don't even think about it. And are you sure you don't want me to stay?"

"Yeah. I'll be OK. Thanks."

"Well, call me if you need anything. And... You better call Nick. He's going to be worried if you don't call him. At least call and tell him you're home."

Alex nodded, realizing with chagrin that her friend understood that she was nervous about talking to Nick. "I'll call him. Uh,... see ya."

"Bye. And I mean it- call me if you need anything, OK?"

"OK."

Alex crept slowly inside and sat down heavily on her sofa. It was still dark outside, but she didn't turn on a light. It was still too early to call Maddie. It would keep until morning anyway. What difference would anything make now, anyway?

She felt the exhaustion start to overtake her and she dragged herself up to bed. She didn't bother changing, she was too tired. She reached for her phone and then paused.

_How am I supposed to tell him about this_?

* * *

Nick's cell phone chirped and he checked the display.

_Finally_...

"Alex?" He sounded tired.

"Yeah, hey Nick. I'm really sorry... I got distracted and forgot to call you. Sorry."

"That's OK. You home now? It's pretty late."

"Yeah. Just going to hit the hay. I'm beat."

"Cool. I'll let you go then. Maybe I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Yeah, that'd be great. I'll be home all day."

"No classes?"

She frowned. "Uh, no. Not tomorrow. Or later today, I guess"

"OK. I'll give you a call. Sleep tight."

"G'night."

She hung up feeling incredibly depressed.

She told herself she'd tell him tomorrow. He sounded tired and that's why she hadn't wanted to bother him tonight. He was already stressed out about something at work, and she hadn't wanted Alison to drag him all the way over to the hospital when there was nothing he could do.

Plus she was worried about what his reaction would be. They'd never talked about having kids, but they hadn't been together very long yet. It was hardly something they needed to discuss at this point.

And she hadn't really _wanted_ to discuss it either...

She still wasn't certain whether she even wanted to have kids, and she was afraid of how it would affect her realtionship with Nick if she finally decided she _didn't_ want them... Especially if he _did_. She'd figured she wouldn't have to worry about it for a while though... Or at least that's what she'd thought until _tonight_.

Alex looked down at the bloody jeans still sitting in her lap.

_I was pregnant with Nick's baby_,_ and now it's gone_. She swallowed uncomfortably, her mouth dry.

_I don't know how he's going to react_.

And then she thought about what _might_ have been.

_I could have had Nick's baby_..._And I don't even know how I feel about that_.

* * *

"I just don't see how it was even possible that I was pregnant, Maddie... I was on the pill and Nick and I were using condoms then too."

"Well, you were on a lot of medication for your injuries, Alex. I know for a fact that any one of them could have diminshed the effectiveness of birth control pills. It takes at least a month of being off the drugs before you can safely rely on the pill again."

"But...?"

"Are you sure you used condoms every time?"

"Yeah, we... _Oh_."

She suddenly remembered their first time back together.

"Wait. Not the first time... We... We sort of forgot." Alex suddenly felt awkward discussing her sexual escapades with her older sister, doctor or not.

"It only takes once, Alex. In your case, it sounds like the planets were aligned for you: Weakend birth control and no back-up protection."

Alex felt her lip quivering. She realized that in the back of her mind, she'd been holding onto the possibility that she hadn't really been pregnant. She'd been hoping that it was some sort of misdiagnosis. But now...

"_God_."

"Alex, are you OK? I... I could..." For once Maddie felt helpless.

It had been a family joke that Alex had about as many maternal instincts as a block of wood, but things might have changed since she'd met Nick.

_Maybe she's more interested in having kids now_?

She heard Alex sniffling into the phone and fought back her own tears. "Oh, honey... I'm so sorry."

Alex sniffled harder. "I don't even know _why_ I'm crying... I just feel... I don't know."

"It's natural, kiddo. You're body's been through a bit of a shock and it's trying to compensate. Your hormones may be a little whacky." She waited for Alex to speak again, but the lull in the conversation stretched on. "Alex? How are you feeling about all of this? I know you weren't really sure you ever wanted kids, but... Have things changed? Are you... What are you feeling right now?"

Alex wished she knew.

She tried to consider Maddie's question, but no clear answer appeared to her. She definitely felt depressed but she wasn't really sure if it was just her hormones, or if she genuinely felt a sense of loss. She couldn't seem to think clearly.

"I don't know, Maddie. I honestly don't know what I feel right now. Scared mostly, I guess."

Maddie could guess why. "You haven't told Nick yet have you?"

Alex replied in a small voice. "_No_."

Maddie could hear her getting choked up again and wanted desperately to be supportive. "It's going to be OK, Alex. Nick loves you. He'll be there for you, don't worry."

Alex hoped desperately that she was right.

* * *

"Hello?" Alex's voice was thick with sleep as she grabbed the phone beside her bed.

Nick's tone was apologetic. "Oh sorry, hon- Did I wake you?"

"Yeah, but it's OK. What time is it?"

"Noon. I know you got in later than usual last night but I thought maybe you'd be up by now... Sorry."

"It's OK, really. I should get up anyway."

She didn't really feel like it though, she had to admit. She still felt weary. And then her fear resurfaced.

Nick continued. "I was actually calling to say I'm a bit tired today, so I was going to have to miss stopping by this afternoon. I thought I might hit the hay a little earlier than usual."

The truth was, the child abuse/murder case was oppressing him right now and once again he was having trouble with the idea of facing her. He couldn't seem to shake this sense of self-doubt, and an inrrational feeling of shame.

Disappointment washed over her and she felt an uncontrollable urge to burst out crying, but she tried to stifle it. "Yeah... that's... That's OK."

Nick frowned. She sounded like she was about to cry. "Alex? What's wrong?"

"Oh, nu... nothing. I'm just a bit... I'm just tired, I guess."

And then she bust into tears.

"_Alex_? What's going on? Tell me."

He felt his heart lurch as her sobbing increased. Even though he was dealing with his own issues right now, it had absolutely nothing to do with how much he loved her. He couldn't stand the thought that she was hurting about something... And she clearly was.

"Um...Something happened, Nick. I... I can't..." She cried some more and he moved towards his front door.

"Alex, I'm coming over. I'll be there in a minute." He put the phone back on the charger and trotted out of his house.

* * *

Alex tried to get a handle on her crying, but she couldn't seem to stop. She went to the bathroom and grabbed some kleenex, blowing her nose noisily.

_Pull it together, Alex_. _Nick's on his way_...

She realized she hadn't even cleaned up since all this had happened, and she quickly turned on the shower and climbed underneath the spray. Her tears were unrelenting, but at least they were lost in the falling water.

She felt like she'd been standing motionless under the shower for ages when she heard a knocking at the bathroom door and Nick's voice called out. Panic grew inside her and the sobs were coming more strongly now. She tried to call back but only ended up whimpering through her tears. She leaned her head against the shower wall and felt herself shuddering under the sobs.

Nick opened the door slowly, calling to her again. "Alex? Are you OK in there? Can I come in?"

She was crying too much to respond and he moved into the bathroom and towards the shower. He gently pushed the curtain back and was anguished to see her with her face in her hands, leaning against the shower wall and crying.

"God, Alex, _what_...?"

He turned off the water and grabbed a bath towel. Leaning inwards, he gently wrapped her in the towel and pulled her to him. Holding her tightly, he felt nervous as he tried to figure out what was wrong. She continued to cry and was shaking in his embrace.

_God, if somebody had hurt her_...

He felt his adrenalin kicking in and he squeezed her to to him.

"Alex, _please_... Tell me what happened? Are you hurt? Did somebody hurt you?"

The fear-laced anguish in his voice brought her somewhat out of her misery as she felt a sudden concern for him. He loosened his hold on her as she moved in his arms. She tried to look up at him, but it was so hard...

"Alex, honey... Please; you're scaring me. _What's wrong_?"

She finally managed to look into his face and she felt guilty when she saw the fear and concern etched in his features. She couldn't stop the sobbing, but she managed to speak through the tears.

"Nick, I..." She continued to struggle with the words.

"Did someone hurt you? Are you hurt?" He carefully held her cheek in his hand and stared into her eyes.

"No... It's not... It's nothing like that. I just..."

She fought to get control, but it was difficult. The sobs were weakening at least. "There was a... I was..." She blew out a sobbing breath.

"Nick, last night... I... I had a miscarriage." She watched him nervously.

His eyes instantly registered shock.

"_What_?" His hand was still on her face and he continued to look into her eyes.

"I had a miscarriage. I was... I didn't even know it but... I was pregnant." She sobbed again and the tears streamed a little more quickly down her face again, wetting Nick's fingers.

"I was pregnant and I had a miscarriage." Her lip was trembling and she bit it in an attempt to stop the quavering.

He continued to stare at her in astonishment and she felt her nervousness increasing.

_Oh God Nick_, _I'm so sorry_. _Have I let you down_?


	4. Chapter 4

**A.N:** Thanks for the reviews, folks. Much appreciated.

Boy, I'm mean to these two, aren't I? Ah, nobody wants to read about people who are happy and well-adjusted anyway... BORING! ;)

* * *

Alex watched as comprehension finally seemed to dawn on Nick. She watched the emotions roll across his face: Shock, confusion, disbelief... and finally sadness.

"Oh, Alex... _I'm so sorry_. Are you OK? Oh, honey..." He pulled her back into his arms and gently rubbed her back as she shook in his embrace.

"I... I don't know." She started to cry harder again and he held her tighter.

"It's alright... Let it out. I'm here now. It's going to be OK."

He continued to massage her back soothingly, and she slowly started to feel her sanity returning. Sensing her tears lessening, he led her over to the side of the tub and lowered her down to sit. He crouched in front of her, taking her hands in his.

"I'm so sorry, Alex. I can't even begin to imagine what you're feeling right now."

He realized he had no idea how _he _felt about it, either... But right now, all he wanted to do was make her feel better, or at least be there for her. He looked into her eyes tenderly and moved her wet hair out of her face.

"Let's get you dried off and upstairs. You still look tired, hon. Do you feel OK? Are you in any pain."

She shook her head at him timidly and he leaned in to kiss her lightly on the mouth. "Thank God."

She gave him a small grateful smile and he started to feel a little less worried about her; she might be coming around.

_That's my girl_.

He helped her to dry off and towel-dried her hair for her while she sat meekly before him. He ran a comb through her hair to get the tangles out and she felt a sudden warmth invading the grey, cloudy region of her heart at his kindness and care. She smiled up at him again and he crouched back down in front of her.

"You feeling a little better?" He smiled hopefully at her and she felt her own smile increasing.

"Yeah, I think I am. Thanks to you."

He pulled her close again and hugged her tightly. "I'd do anything for you, Alex. I love you so much."

A lump formed in her throat as she tried to respond. He leaned back to stare into her face smiling, understanding the love he read behind her speechless gaze. He kissed her softly and then slowly pulled her up onto her feet.

"Come on... Let's get some sleep."

He led her upstairs and Alex couldn't wait to be nestled once again within his safe embrace.

* * *

Alex fell into a deep sleep almost as soon as Nick laid down beside her and wrapped his arms around her.

She still felt confused, but at least she didn't have to worry about Nick's reaction anymore. She should have known Maddie was right; Nick was an amazing, loving guy and she should have trusted him to be supportive, no matter what happened.

She slept soundly while he held her close.

Nick didn't get to sleep as quickly.

His thoughts were racing at the implications of Alex's loss... Hell, it was _his own_ loss too. He couldn't believe she'd been pregnant; she was on the pill. It made no sense to him. And the irony of the situation wasn't lost on him. He'd been so wrapped up in his case at work, and the tragedy of child abuse and murder... And his own questions about wanting to raise a child in a world like that...

He frowned into Alex's hair as she slept.

_I might have been a father_.

He didn't know what to think.

* * *

Nick was shifting behind Alex and she woke up, momentarily forgetting everything that had happened to her. She smiled and started to turn around. As she rolled over, she noticed that Nick seemed to be straining against something, despite the fact that he was completely asleep.

"Nick?"

He continued to move stiffly in his sleep, clearly fighting against a bad dream. Alex sat up and leaned over him as she grasped his shoulders and tried to gently wake him. He continued to shift in his sleep, and he emitted a small anguished moan. She shook him a little harder and called his name again.

Waking gradually, Nick saw the figure above him and pushed back with all his might as he shouted.

"_Don't_!"

The woman fell away from view and he jumped out of the bed and stared down wildly.

Alex was staring up at him astonished from the side of the bed, Nick's push having almost kocked her off. She was too startled to speak as she watched his dilated eyes moving back and forth, clearly still half asleep.

He slowly seemed to become aware of his surroundings, and as she watched him he began to stare at her strangely.

"_Alex_?"

She looked back at him, still a bit shocked and nodded. "Nick... are you OK?"

He took a big breath and leaned down on his knees, staring at the floor. She started to get up and move towards him when he suddenly looked up at her, a strange look in his eyes again.

"I... I need to go..." He suddenly moved past her and she heard him close her bathroom door downstairs.

Hesitating, she finally slipped down the stairs behind him, confused. All at once, she heard wretching noises from within as he got sick, and she leaned back against the wall behind her, shocked at his response to his nightmare.

_What the_...?

She waited for him to open the door, feeling unsure about disturbing him. She heard water running inside and then he finally opened the door. He looked up when he saw her standing on the landing. She gave him a weak smile.

"Are you... Are you alright?"

He nodded slightly and ran his fingers back through his hair.

_He always does that when he's stressed about something_.

Alex fought back the nervous flutter in her chest as she considered the reasons for Nick's stress.

"I'll be OK. I just... had a bad dream."

He gave her a small smile, but she couldn't help but think there was something _off _about it; it seemed forced. She moved towards him and tried to take his hand, but he appeared to almost pull away from her. She tried not to frown, but she was feeling more and more worried about his reactions.

She looked up into his face, confused, but he didn't seem to want to meet her eyes. He kept looking away, not holding her gaze for very long.

"Nick?"

He swallowed visibly and sighed. "Alex, I... I'm so sorry. I'm not... I'm not feeling so hot all of a sudden. I think maybe... Maybe I should just go home."

She stopped breathing for a second, but she didn't realize it. He continued.

"You've been through so much today already... You don't need me here, feeling sick as well. I think I should go."

He finally looked her in the eye, but what she saw there wasn't comforting. He looked distant and... _cold_.

"Uh... _OK_." She couldn't think of anything to say as all her earlier fears resurfaced with a vengeance.

_Maybe now that he's had time to think about it_...

She felt suddenly chilled and tried not to start crying again.

He moved awkwardly towards her and then he gave her a quick hug before stepping back again.

"I'm sorry, hon. I better just... I should leave you to rest. I'll give you a call later, OK?"

He smiled at her feebly and started to back down the rest of the stairs. Then he seemed to think better of his hasty departure for a minute. "Um, are you OK? Will you be alright, by yourself?"

She could almost hear the breaking sound as her heart stiffened inside her chest.

_No_. _No_, _I don't think I will_. _What's going on_, _Nick_? _Why are you pulling away from me_?

"Yeah. I'll be OK."

He nodded. "I'll... I'll call you later, I promise. Get some sleep, alright?"

She nodded, afraid she'd start crying if she opened her mouth. He gave her one last look and slipped down the stairs.

She started crying the moment she heard the front door closing behind him.

* * *

Nick couldn't focus as he made his way around the corner towards his house.

He hadn't been lying to Alex; he really felt ill. The dream had been... That was the worst one he could remember having since he'd been a kid. Everything had seemed so real, right up until he found himself staring at Alex in her bedroom. And then the self-disgust had returned and he felt ashamed. He'd almost felt too disgusted to let her touch him... It had taken everything he'd had in him not to just run out of the room.

He'd seen her look of confusion and he felt disgusted with himself for leaving her alone like that. At the thought, he actually stopped and turned to look back towards her place.

_What am I doing? S__he needs me_.

But then he felt a shiver run down his spine again.

_I just_... _I don't want her to look at me right now_. _I feel so_...

He turned around and walked home.

* * *

Alex crawled under her covers and cried herself back to sleep.

Her own dreams were troubled and confusing. Images of Nick and people she'd known long ago flashed through her mind, all of them out of reach, continually moving further and further away from her.

She heard the phone ringing and snapped awake. It was dark outside and she looked at her clock to find it was just after 8 at night. The phone continued to ring and she stared at it, not moving. She didn't think she could handle hearing Nick sounding so distant again...

At the last minute she snatched up the phone.

* * *

Nick hung up the phone, disappointed.

_She must still be sleeping_.

He sipped his coffee and stared at the wall.

_God, after all this_... _she must be so worn out_.

He frowned.

_And I let her down_. _I should have been there with her_. _I should have been there when she woke up_,_ to tell her she'd be OK and that everything would be alright_. _I'm such an idiot_.

He looked down at his hands and noticed they were shaking slightly. He still couldn't seem to get past the discomfort this case had been causing him and he hoped it would all be finished off tonight. He didn't know if he could handle another shift focussed on that tragedy.

Tragedy.

_Alex_. _She lost our baby_. _Our_ baby.

It felt strange, just thinking about it. It didn't seem real, somehow. Alex and he had never discussed having kids, for obvious reasons; they'd only met a few months ago. He loved her like he'd never loved anyone in his life, but he just didn't know how he felt about the fact that she'd been pregnant. He wasn't sure if he was ready for that kind of responsibility.

He frowned.

_Why not_? _I love her and I know she's the one, deep down_. _One day, I'm going to marry this woman_.

He felt his heart tingling at the thought.

_She was so upset though_._ Clearly she was unhappy about losing the baby_, _so she must have really wanted it_,_ whether it was planned or not_.

_But am I ready for that_?

The more he considered it, the less he could figure out. He felt certain that hearing about the miscarriage had combined with his stress about this case, and that's how he'd ended up with such an intense nightmare this time. It had been half a day since he'd had it, and he still felt shaken.

He frowned deeper.

_Am I even fit to be a father_?

* * *

Alex put the phone back on the cradle sadly. Whoever had been calling had hung up before she'd answered.

She stayed in bed, feeling the depression take hold. Her body still felt exhausted, despite the fact that she'd slept all morning and most of the afternoon. But her mind was wide awake unfortunately, and the events of the day played across it.

Nick clearly had been more bothered by her news than he'd let on... Or at least moreso than he had realized at first.

Maybe after he'd had time to think about it, he'd realized he was more upset than he'd first thought. He obvously really wanted kids. And that's probably what his nightmare had been about. The fact that he'd pushed her away while he was coming out of it had probably had something to do with his dream... Maybe he was pushing her away because that's the way he really felt; like she _had_ let him down and he couldn't stand being near her.

The tears slid down her face again and she pulled her comforter closer. Squinching her eyes tightly shut, she tried to think about something else... Anything else to help diminish the ache in her heart.

She prayed for sleep, and it came.


	5. Chapter 5

Nick went to work that night feeling more than a little out of sorts. As he drove past Alex's place, all noticed that all her lights were out. She needed to sleep, so he didn't wake her.

He worked mostly alone that night on a new case, after he'd tied up all the loose ends on the little girl's case. The stepfather was going to prison for a very long time, but Nick still thought he was getting off easy.

His next case was a missing person's, and he and Detective Vartan spent the whole evening fleshing out clues and trying to retrace the man's last steps. Nick was happy for the distraction.

He'd finally gotten beyond his self-revulsion of earlier and desperately wanted to see Alex, so he could make sure she was OK. He was still kicking himself for leaving her alone like that.

He desperately hoped he could make it up to her.

* * *

Alex woke up early and took another shower. She was finally feeling as if she'd actually gotten some sleep, despite her troubled dreams and the mini panic-attacks she'd had the few times she'd awoken during the night.

As she sipped her tea she stared at the morning news on the TV, not really hearing it. Her thoughts kept returning to the day before.

_Did Nick push me away because he was having a bad dream about us_? _Does he really hate the fact that I lost our baby_? _Does he resent me now_?

She felt hollow, in more ways than one. Rather than feeling the urge to cry this time, she felt nothing; just an empty detatchment.

She decided there was no reason why she shouldn't go to her morning lecture today. She got dressed and started to get her books together when she suddenly frowned.

_Damn_. _My car is still in the school parking lot_...

She quickly called Alison and asked if she could pick her up on the way to class.

* * *

Nick and Detective Vartan had waited until morning to interview the missing man's employer, so the shift had stretched a bit past the regular quitting time.

He checked his watch as he jumped into his Denali. Hopefully Alex would be up by now. He pulled out of the lot and headed for her house.

When he got there, he was surprised to see her getting into Alison's idling car.

_I guess she must be feeling better_.

He parked in front of the townhome and made his way towards the car. As she looked out the window of the car at him, he smiled apologetically as he drew nearer, but noticed her usual smile wasn't forthcoming as she climbed from the car.

_Man, she's really hurting_...

He swallowed in sympathy.

"Hi." She gave him a bemused look and he felt disappointed.

_Or maybe she's mad because I left_...

He sighed.

_And_ _I can't really blame her_.

"Hi." He took her hand in his and ran his thumb across the back. "How're you feeling?"

She nodded slightly. "I'm OK."

He looked over and smiled at Alison through the window and she smiled back at him.

"So... You're going to class today?"

"Yeah... I feel alright, and I don't want to miss any lectures."

"Right. Well, don't wear yourself out." He ran his hand up her arm and squeezed her shoulder gently.

She nodded. "Yeah. I won't. Listen... I... I better get going. I don't want to make Alison late."

His stomach dropped at the tone of her words. She sounded so _distant_.

"Oh yeah, sure. Sorry. I'll let you go... Um, will you call me when you're done?"

"It'll probably be late afternoon, Nick. I... I have tutorials all afternoon..." She looked away uncomfortably and he recognized the pattern: _She was lying to him_.

He swallowed and tried to moisten his suddenly dry mouth.

"Uh, that's OK, I don't mind. Call me when you get home. Doesn't matter what time it is. OK?"

She nodded slowly. "Yeah. OK."

She turned to get back in the car.

"_Alex_?"

"Yeah?" She looked at him with a mild questioning look.

"I love you." He smiled hopefully at her.

Her lips twitched, but she still didn't smile. "I... I love you too, Nick."

She turned and climbed into the car. Nick watched as they pulled out into the street and disappeared from sight.

His heart was beating like a racehorse.

_Do you Alex_? _Do you still love me_?

* * *

"Are you OK?"

Alex let out a breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding since they drove away. "Yeah. I'm fine."

Alison looked uncertain. "That was... _weird_."

Alex frowned.

_It definitely was_. _What happened to me back there_?

"Yeah, I guess I'm still a little _off_..."

Alison decided she'd been through enough and it wasn't the time to try and prod her for information. "That's completely understandable, Alex. But are you sure you're up to going to class?"

"Yeah, I'll be fine. We'll just be sitting anyway. If I get tired, I'll leave. Don't worry about it."

Alison frowned. The hard tone in Alex's voice definitely indicated '_end of discussion'_. Again, she decided not to force it. She was probably just feeling depressed, and that was to be expected.

She couldn't imagine what it would feel like to lose a baby... Especially the baby of the man you were completely in love with. She must feel so disappointed and sad and...

_Don't women end up in therapy for that kind of stuff_?

Alison couldn't stop from sneaking peeks at Alex during the lecture, looking for a sign of what was going on behind her eyes...

* * *

Nick sat in his living room chair, brooding.

Was Alex just feeling a sort of post-partum depression, or suffering from the loss, or... Was she angry with _him_? Had she been totally disgusted with his lack of support and was starting to think that maybe he wasn't the man she'd fallen in love with?

He took a long drink of his beer and sighed.

_Or am I just over-reacting_? _She just lost a baby_, _for chrissakes_..._ It's not always all about you_, _Nicky-boy_.

His eyelids had started to flutter and he decided to go to bed. If he fell asleep, he'd still hear the phone when she called.

_If_ she called...

* * *

Alex finished her lecture and went to lunch with a few of the girls from her course.

Carrie had heard the whole story from Alison and Jo, and was watching her friend surreptitiously as they all ate. She hadn't thought Alex had noticed, but was suddenly caught by a semi-annoyed stare from across the table.

Alex shook her head brusquely and mouthed the words _I'm fine_. Carrie shrugged her shoulders and nodded OK.

* * *

When Alex got home after lunch she was tired. She looked at the phone.

_I promised to call Nick_...

She couldn't call him yet. She didn't know why she'd lied and told him she had tutorials all afternoon.It had just sort of come out on the spur of the moment. She decided to take a nap and call him when she woke up.

* * *

Nick had the nightmare again, except this time there was a twist...

_As the old familiar events replayed across his dreaming mind, he could hear Alex calling to him from outside his childhood bedroom door_, _and he could hear a baby crying in the distance_...

He woke up in a sweat, breathing heavily. He fought to control his out-of-control heartrate and took a couple deep breaths.

_Jesus_...

It was dark outside and he frowned as he looked at his clock. 8:30pm. He picked up the phone and checked for messages. None.

Still feeling unsettled from the nightmare, his heart began to thump heavily in his chest again.

_She didn't call_.

He leaned back on his bed and tried to figure out what was going on.

_Why haven't you called_, _Alex_?

He picked the phone back up and dialled her number nervously.

Alex grabbed the receiver and answered groggily. "_Hello_?"

"Alex... I'm sorry I woke you. I... I was worried when you didn't call. Are you OK?"

Alex felt sudden anger rush through her and she sat up in bed as she replied.

"God, why won't anybody believe me when I say I'm OK? I'm getting sick and tired of being asked _how I am_. I'm fine OK? I'm perfectly fine so I wish everybody would move on. Man..."

Nick's eyebrows had gone up in surprise at her vehemence. "I... I'm sorry. I just... well, you were so upset yesterday and I... I was worried."

"Well, that was yesterday, and it's over now. I'm fine, alright?"

She suddenly sighed.

"Look, Nick... I'm sorry. I just woke up and... I guess I'm a little irritable. I didn't mean to take it out on you. I guess I'm just tired. I think... I think maybe I just need to go back to sleep right now, OK?"

She was apologizing, but he didn't really feel any sincerity behind the words. He felt more like he was being... _dismissed_.

He tried to respond, but all that came out was a croak at first. He attempted to clear the anguish welling up in his throat and tried again. "Uh, it's alright Alex; I understand. Get some rest. I'll call you tomorrow."

"OK. Thanks. Talk to you tomorrow."

Nick hung up the phone and laid on his back, staring at his bedroom ceiling.

_Alex_, _please don't shut me out_...

* * *

Sara could recognize that Nick was in a bad mood from the moment he walked into the locker room that night. She didn't like to intrude on her colleagues' personal lives, but she didn't like the downcast expression on her friend's face either.

"Nick?"

He looked up questioningly.

"You OK?"

He sighed and sat down on the bench. "Honestly, Sara, I don't really know."

She moved to sit beside him. "Want to tell me about it?"

He frowned as he looked at his boots. "I... I feel like I'm losing Alex."

Sara looked back at him in surprise.

As far as everyone could tell, Nick had been on cloud nine since he and Alex had finally gotten together, and it seemed like a a good, healthy relationship. Catherine knew Alex better than the rest of them, but she was off on holidays this week so she wasn't there for Nick to confide in. Sara decided to try to step in, for Nick's sake.

"What happened?"

Nick tried to explain everything that had happened without revealing his own secret. He mentioned the nightmares without describing them. Sara listened carefully and let him get it all off his chest. He breathed out noisily once he'd told her everything.

"I... I just don't know what to do, Sara. I don't want to pressure her if she doesn't want to talk to me right now, especially after what she's been through but..."

"But you don't want to let her slip away, either."

He nodded sadly and she put a hand on his knee.

"Look, I don't know much about babies and pregnancy and all that... Well, outside of textbook knowledge anyway. But I do know that between the stress to her body and the hormones and the trauma of it all, she's probably reacting very normally under the circumstances. She may be saying she's OK, but she's probably just in a sort of denial, and she's desperate for everything to be normal again, you know?" She looked at him sheepishly. "At least that's how I think_ I'd_ be feeling, if I was her... I'm sorry, Nick. I'm probably not much help here. This is probably more Catherine's department..." She sighed.

Nick grabbed her hand and smiled at her kindly. "No, Sara. You made a lot of sense, actually. I think maybe I need to try not to take this personally. Especially after I wasn't there for her when I should have been."

"Nick, you didn't-"

"Yeah, I _did_, Sara. I let her down. But I realize what's done is done, and all I can do is hope she'll be able to forgive me... And let me make it up to her. And I think you're probably right. She's probably dealing with a lot of confusing emotions and things right now and she's not herself, as much as she wants to be. I just need to be patient and wait for her to... Hopefully she'll let me back in."

He gave her a sad little smile and she squeezed his hand. "She will, Nick. She'd be crazy not to... You guys are too great together."

He smiled at her appreciatively and they both stood.

"Thanks, Sara. Catherine couldn't have done a better job."

Sara smiled sympathetically at him and made her way out of the locker room. Before she walked through the door, she turned suddenly.

"Nick?"

He looked up again. "Yeah?"

"The nightmares... Do you have them often?"

He smirked. "Not too often. Just... sometimes."

She nodded back, a knowing smile on her face. With a job like theirs, it was understandable. Sometimes you couldn't stop some cases from getting to you. She smiled sadly.

"Me too."

She slipped out the door and out of sight.

Nick grabbed his cell phone and closed his locker, still thinking. He didn't seem to be able to do much for Alex, aside from be there for her, but maybe he could do something for their relationship. And for _himself_.

_Maybe I should think about talking to someone_...

* * *

Alex woke up the next morning surprised at the time.

_Man_, _I just slept for almost 20 hours_.

She gave a mental shrug.

_I guess I needed it_.

She climbed out of bed and went through her morning routines. She didn't have a lecture until the afternoon, so she thought she'd do some grocery shopping.

As she climbed behind the wheel of her Corolla, she hesitated. Thoughts of her brief conversation with Nick slipped through her brain, but she shook it off, thinking it was no big deal. She'd just been tired and cranky.

Somewhere in the back of her mind, though she felt a sliver of discomfort...

She chose to ignore it and started off to the grocery store.


	6. Chapter 6

Nick walked inside his house and flopped down on the sofa. He'd gotten off a little earlier this morning and it was too early to call Alex. Especially after how happy she'd been the _last_ time he woke her up...

It was Friday, but he wasn't looking forward to his days off right now. Considering it had been a particularly shitty week, he should be, but unfortunately this whole thing with Alex was stressing him out.

_Is she going to call me today_?

He hadn't gotten as much sleep as he would have liked to yesterday, so he decided now was as good a time as any to catch up.

* * *

Alex put away her groceries and looked at the clock. She had two classes in a row today, but they were both in the morning, so she had the afternoon free. Usually she spent it with Nick...

She immediately felt anxious and couldn't figure out why. She tried to ignore it.

_I don't want to think about this right now_.

* * *

She ran into Alison as they both left their last class for the week and she made a conscientious effort to act friendly. "Hey, Al... whatcha doing today?"

Alison looked at her friend in surprise. She sounded a_ little_ more like her old self, if still a little subdued. "Um, actually I'm working this afternoon. But you can come by and keep me company for a bit if you like."

Alex nodded distractedly. "Yeah, maybe."

_But probably not_; _it's not exactly a big thrill to watch her serving coffee_...

Alex frowned at herself.

_What is wrong with me_? _Whose thoughts are these_?

She decided to head home and try to straighten out her mood... and her head

* * *

Later that afternoon, she didn't feel much better. It wasn't that she was in a bad mood, exactly; she just couldn't seem to feel anything at all. And she couldn't even feel worried about this lack of emotion.

She looked at her phone with a similar lack of interest and sighed.

_I guess I better call Nick_.

* * *

Nick felt confused as the ringing sound woke him up. After a couple more peals, he figured it out and dove for the phone.

"_Hello_?"

"Oh, Nick... Sorry. Did I wake you?" Her tone was bland and he sighed inwardly.

"That's OK. It's time for me to get up anyway. How..." He stopped himself from asking the question that had previously been a point of contention between them. "Uh, what are you up to?"

"Nothing much. Just watching TV."

"Hmmm. Um, what are your plans this evening?"

He felt unbelievably uncomfortable right now. He'd never had so much trouble just talking to her; it usually felt so _natural_. This whole thing was making him off-kilter and unsettled, and he hated it.

"I... I don't really have any plans."

She really wanted to be alone, but she could hear him trying so hard to be diplomatic on the other end of the phone... Something deep inside was shouting at her, but once again she pushed it back.

"Do you want to go out for dinner? Or maybe I could _make_ you dinner?"

"Um, yeah, sure. That sounds fine. What time should I come around?"

His brief happiness at her acceptance of his invitation was shortlived as he once again noted her lack of enthusiasm.

_Normally, we wouldn't _need_ to arrange a time_... _She'd just come over automatically_.

"Um, 6-6:30ish?"

"OK. I'll see you then."

As he hung up the phone he felt more stressed than ever. He tried to console himself with the thought that at least she was coming over; it was a start.

Somehow, he still wasn't convinced.

* * *

Alex brushed her teeth and looked at herself in the mirror.

_I still look the same_,_ but am I_? _Am I really_?

She didn't really want to go to Nick's tonight, but she felt... _obligated_. She knew she was acting different towards him, but she couldn't seem to stop herself. Maybe she _had _changed...

And maybe there was no coming back.

He might still have been holding her responsible for the loss of their baby, or he might not have been, but she honestly didn't care anymore. She just wanted everybody to leave her alone. But she knew she owed him _something_ at least, even if she couldn't figure out how she felt about him anymore.

From nowhere, she felt a slight tremor in the region of her heart and for a moment she couldn't catch her breath. She sat down on her sofa and tried to take a deep breath, but it wouldn't come.

Finally, she felt oxygen moving back through her lungs and she took a deep shuddering breath.

_Whoh_. _What just happened there_?

She stood up, realizing it was almost 6:30. As she walked out the door, she felt the beginnings of a headache.

* * *

Nick held the door for her as she walked into his house. She smiled at him, but it didn't reach her eyes.

He tried not to frown.

_I need her_. _I need_ us. _How can I get it back?_ _I need her to feel something for me again_... _Anything_.

"I'm just setting the table. Want to throw on some music?"

"Sure."

She walked to his stereo and randomly grabbed a CD. An old Everclear song started to play softly. She tried to appear interested.

"So, what's for dinner? Smells good."

Again, the wooden smile.

Nick tried to sound upbeat, despite his anxiety.

_I don't know if I can handle this_...

"Uh, barbecued salmon and veggies."

"Sounds good. I haven't had salmon since I was home."

He watched her as she spoke, his apprehension increasing. She was acting like she was just going through the motions, like she was performing an act... And performing it _badly_, in fact. He wanted to pull her into his arms and demand that she act the way she used to, that she _love_ him the way she used to.

"Um, why don't you have a seat. I'll bring the food over to the table."

She nodded and sat at the table.

After dinner, she smiled somewhat appreciatively, and he almost began to hope.

"Thanks Nick. That was delicious. You're such a great cook. I didn't realize how much I missed eating salmon."

He smiled back warmly. "I'm glad you enjoyed it. I have to admit, I think I outdid myself."

She grinned back at his small boast. "Ah, still so modest... I always loved..."

She felt a twinge in her stomach as she fought against her own words. Her smile faltered and Nick frowned.

"Alex?"

She felt the throbbing in her head start up again and she rubbed at her temples. "Sorry, I just have a bit of a headache. I had it before I came."

"Want some Tylenol?"

"Yeah, that'd be good. Thanks."

As he left the room, she frowned.

_What is wrong with me_? _Am I having some sort of after-effects_? _I think I need to call Maddie again_.

He handed her the tablets and she washed them down with water. As he remained hovering over her, she began to feel uncomfortable. He seemed to sense it though, and moved to the sofa. She watched him sit and felt a fluttering in her chest again...

_God, don't let me have to fight to catch my breath again_.

But as she continued to watch him, he gave her a hesitant smile and she felt the fluttering increase. She was suddenly warmer, and found herself smiling back.

He looked at her hopefully. "I rented some movies if you're interested?"

He patted the sofa beside him, still smiling gently. She couldn't seem to stop herself as she moved across the room and sat down beside him.

She swallowed. "Um, what do you have?"

He showed her the options on the coffee table and they decided on "_50 First dates_". Nick thought a comedy might be a safe bet right now.

As they laughed through the lame but fun comedy, Nick could feel Alex begin to relax beside him. He took a chance and carefully put his arm around her. She didn't pull away. And then she snuggled into him closer. His heart began to speed up, and it was all he could do to concentrate on the movie.

All too soon, the final credits began to roll and Nick felt nervous as he thought about what would happen between them now. Would she realize her mistake and pull away again?

As if sensing his thoughts, Alex _did_ pull back.

She'd been feeling some strange stirrings inside her as she sat close to Nick and then suddenly a wave of panic had washed through her. She heard Nick sigh as she moved away quickly and stood up.

"Nick, I think... I think I better get go-"

"Alex..."

He stood and moved towards her. Again, she felt scared.Not of him though, but of _herself_, and this mystified her.

"Alex, I can't take this anymore. This... _Us_... You're a million miles away from me and I don't know how to get you back."

His tone and the look in his eyes held her rooted to the spot. She desperately wanted to run away from him, but her body wouldn't let her. He moved closer and tentatively reached out to touch her arm. When she didn't pull away, he put his other hand on her shoulder and leaned in to look her in the face.

"You... You're not yourself, and I understand. It may take a while for you to feel alright about things again. I just wish you'd talk to me about it. I... I know I blew it the other day, but..._God_, I'm so sorry for letting you down. I should have stayed with you, but I... I'm..."

He didn't know what to tell her. He wanted to explain, but he still wasn't ready to talk about what had happened to him when he was a kid. He'd gotten a number for a pychologist this afternoon, but he hadn't even taken it out of his wallet yet.

"Look, I swear it had nothing to do with you at all, and everything to do with _me_... _I love you_, Alex. We... We need to talk about this."

She frowned.

_Did he mean it had everything to do with him not wanting children, or_...?

She shook her head, her confusion becoming unbearable. She needed to get out of there.

"I don't want to talk about it right now. I just want to go home."

Nick's eyes reflected his anguish, and her heart pounded painfully in her chest. She couldn't think straight. The he spoke quietly.

"_Please_, _Alex_. Please... _Don't shut me out_."

She suddenly felt as if she might cry and she pushed past him quickly in bewilderment. She hadn't cried since _that day_...

"I'm sorry, Nick. I have to go."

He stood there helplessly as she rushed out the door past him.

* * *

Alex woke up the next morning, uncertain of just when exactly she'd gone to bed.

Her eyes were red-rimmed and dry and she realized she must have cried herself to sleep. She vaguely recalled some bad dreams, but it was all a blur. Despite her obvious crying spell, right now she felt nothing but the old familiar numbness. It was as if last night had never happened, even though she knew it had.

Had someone else been in her body, spending time with Nick, and listening to him plead with her... And she had been watching from somehere else? She felt so separate from it all right now.

_Am I losing my mind_?

She grabbed her phone and dialled Maddie's number. After she explained her bizarre symptoms and behaviours, Maddie sighed.

"You _have_ told Nick, haven't you?"

"Yeah, of course I have."

"And?"

"And what?"

Maddie couldn't believe how dense she was behaving, but she let it pass, under the circumstances.

"How did he take it?"

Alex shrugged. "He was fine."

"Fine? That's it? He must have had _something_ to say."

"I guess… I don't really know, Maddie. He was fine when I told him, and he stayed with me for a while, and then he left and… I don't know. He wanted to talk about it last night, but I just wasn't up to it, I guess."

Then Maddie could hear the frown in Alex's voice.

"And you know what else? I'm seriously tired of everyone walking on eggshells around me. I guess maybe it's been putting me in a bad mood. I just don't know, Maddie. I just wish everyone would move on and let it go. It's over."

Maddie frowned into the phone.

_Man, she's in denial already_. _And she's switching from topic to topic_... _Is she going through post-traumatic shock? _

She tried to focus Alex back onto the problem at hand.

"I can't understand why you don't _know _how Nick feels about all this."

"Well, I guess I didn't really ask him… I've been busy, and I... I just really don't need to rehash it, Maddie. I told you, it's over. I need to move on."

"Look, just tell me you aren't pushing him away over this…?"

Alex sighed. "Look, it's not like I didn't want to talk to him that... _that_ day. But he pushed me away _first_. Literally."

"What in God's name are you talking about."

Alex told her what had happened after Nick had come over and stayed with her briefly after her miscarriage. Maddie felt confused; that didn't sound like the guy she'd come to feel so fondly about. She felt certain Alex hadn't been seeing things clearly.

"And after that, you haven't talked about it?"

"Well, like I said last night he wanted to but… I didn't feel up to it."

Maddie listened to Alex's blase tone and her concern increased.

_A week ago, he was the man of her dreams and now she doesn't have time to discuss anything_?

She cringed as Alex continued.

"I don't know Maddie, I just feel so… _uninterested_. In anything. I think you must be right about the hormone thing."

"Alex-"

"God Maddie, _do not_ ask me if I'm OK, alright? _If I hear it one more time_-"

Suddenly, impatience overrode Maddie's feelings of unease. Alex needed to snap out of this and snap out of it fast.

"You want people to stop treating you _kindly,_ Alex? Well, how's this? _You're blowing it_. You've been through a major trauma and you're not yourself. It's not unusual. But the people around you are trying to help you because they care, and it sounds like you're acting like a total bitch. And Nick probably got scared, as would anyone in his situation. People aren't_ perfect_, Alex. God knows _you_ definitely aren't. You need to stop avoiding all this and let the people who love you _help you_ right now." She paused, sighing heavily before she continued.

"And because you're going through something major, I understand _why _you're acting like a bitch and I'm willing to let it go. Nick will too, if you _let_ him. But you have to snap out of this Alex, right now. It's time to ask yourself: _Why are you feeling so disinterested in everything right now_? _Why are you annoyed with everyone and acting totally out of character_? You're in _shock_, Alex. All your symptoms, and your weird behaviour..."

Alex tried to deny this last assertion, but Maddie went on.

"Alex, I'm serious. _This is not you_. If you can't sort this out by yourself, then I'll find someone in Las Vegas who can help you."

She paused in her diatribe, and Alex sat thunderstruck at her sister's harsh comments. Maddie started to speak again, quietly.

"Alex, you're my sister and _I love you_. That's why I'm telling you this. You need to sit down and really think things through. You need to think about what it all means. It sounds cliche, but you need to sit down and_ scream_, _shout_, _cry_... Or whatever release works for you in the long run. I know you're strong enough to work this out on your own because you've done it before, with your fears after James Meadfield... But you have to actually _take the time_ to sort through it all. Open your eyes and look at what's happened to you, or you'll never fully heal… And you may be ruining a wonderful relationship while you're at it. And Alex, trust me: You've lost a baby. _You'll never forgive yourself if you lose Nick too_."

She sighed noisily into the phone. "Think about it, and call me if you need to talk about anything, OK? I'll be here. Anytime. Otherwise, I'll call you tomorrow."

Alex heard her sister hang up, and she sat back, dumbfounded.


	7. Chapter 7

**A.N**: Hey, thanks _Mellie_ and _I Want George_ (Great name, by the way, but who's this _George_ guy? _Heh heh_). I'm glad you liked the chapter- I was really unsure about that one.

And what... _Me_ throw more things at Alex and Nick? Why, I'd never do such a thing! ;)

* * *

Alex didn't leave the house on Saturday.

Her phone rang a couple of times, but she didn't pick up. She was too angry. Angry with Maddie for what she'd had the _nerve_ to say to her. She'd just had a miscarriage, and _that_ was the response she'd gotten from her _own sister_? And she was a doctor, for God's sake! What the hell kind of treatment would that be considered, exactly?

At first, she walked around her townhome fuming, thinking about all the things she could say to her sister when she called her back. She started to formulate the speech in her head so she'd be prepared, but her best lines get slipping away from her. So she decided that writing it down would be better.

She started to tell Maddie what she'd gone through, how scared and uncertain and completely awful she'd felt after it had all sunk in. She explained how this fear had changed to shame, anguish, self-doubt and... disappointment. Alex felt suddenly confused again.

_Disappointed_?

Where had that word come from? She hadn't even really wanted kids, had she? A sinking feeling in her stomach belied these thoughts, but she still felt confused and uncertain.

It was at this point that Alex leaned back from the paper and stared at the wall, wondering if this letter really had anything to do with her anger at Maddie anymore.

* * *

Nick had finally broken down and called Alex Saturday afternoon, but she hadn't answered the phone. He didn't leave a message. He couldn't find the words.

He took a deep breath and fought back his disappointment.

_I'll try again later_.

* * *

Late Saturday night, Alex sat curled up in a ball on her bedroom floor.

She hadn't even bothered to change out of her pyjamas all day. It was just as well, since she was so exhausted now she didn't know if she'd have had the energy to put them back on to go to bed.

She'd ended up doing pretty much everything that Maddie had told her to do, despite her initial outrage at her sister's lecture. But she'd been right; Alex could see that now. She'd thought long and extremely hard about her miscarriage and was shocked to discover how much she'd been avoiding and repressing. She'd actually cried so much that she'd had to run to the bathroom and throw up at one point. And it reminded her of Nick that afternoon...

_Was he really that upset about this_?

She wished she'd taken the time to find out.

Now, completely spent after opening her emotional floodgates, she crawled under her covers and clutched at her pillow in despair. One thought lingered as she fell into an exhausted sleep:

_God_, _Nick_... _What have I done_?

* * *

Sunday morning came and went and Nick decided he'd have to wait and let Alex make the next move. He'd called her house several times yesterday, but she'd never answered.

He pulled his baseball equipment out of the closet and threw it in his bag. As he headed out to his Denali, he tried not to think about the dull ache in his chest.

_Man_,_ I don't know how I'm going to focus on the game today_.

* * *

Alex woke up slightly after noon and sat up slowly, shocked to note the time.

_Whoh_..._ I can't believe I slept this late_.

She walked over to the window and stared out, frowning at the clear blue sky and cheerful sunshine.

_Will Nick even listen to me after how I've behaved_? _He must think I've completely lost it_.

Swallowing nervously, she moved towards her phone. Several rings later his answering machine kicked in. She quickly hung up, uncertain of what to say.

She made her way downstairs to the bathroom and frowned at her reflection in the mirror.

_I look like shit_.

She stripped off her pyjamas and climbed into the shower.

* * *

An hour later, Alex found herself aimlessly driving around town, still sorting through her thoughts.

She still didn't know how she felt about everything, but she knew she'd been avoiding it for too long and her body had obviously been at war with her stubborn mind. Thus, she'd had the weird physical reactions... And the mood swings and coldness.

She frowned as she thought about how she'd been treating everybody.

_I've been a pretty crappy friend this week_.

Pulling over to the side of the street, she dialled Alison's number on her cell phone. A strange guy answered and told her that she was working. Alex hung up and headed to the cafe.

* * *

After apologizing to Alison for her odd behaviours, Alex felt relieved that her friend had forgiven her so readily. She'd been incredibly understanding and Alex felt a little choked up as she left the cafe.

They'd made plans to meet that night for another computer lab session, and Alex hoped this might be the chance for her to start getting back on track with her life, and with school... and _everything_.

Before she started her car, she tried Nick's number again. Just as his voicemail kicked in, her phone cut out. She frowned down at the display.

_It's fully charged_,_ so what's the deal_? _I'm definitely taking this piece of crap back tomorrow_...

* * *

Once more, she was driving around town, heading in no particular direction. Oddly enough, she suddenly found herself on a street she knew. As she moved along, she saw a familiar house.

_But Catherine's on vacation right now_. _She's not e_ven...

She was surprised as she saw someone walk past the picture window. Alex eased her foot down on the brake, trying to decide whether to pull into her driveway or not. She finally parked behind Catherine's black Denali and turned off the engine.

Catherine had heard her pull up and smiled warmly at her from the window. The front door opened a second later.

"Hey there, lady. Fancy meeting you here."

Alex gave her a slight smile and tried to appear as light-hearted as the other woman. "Ah, you know... I was just in the neighbourhood."

Catherine's brows went up slightly. "Alex? What's wrong?"

Alex grinned bemusedly and shook her head.

"Damn, Cath. Can't we even go through the formalities first? So I don't feel like I'm taking advantage of your hospitality?"

Catherine looked at her skeptically but eventually grinned back.

_Well, her sense of humour isn't gone_,_ so it can't be _that _bad_...

"Sure. Give it your best shot."

"How is your vacation going? You didn't go anywhere?"

Catherine laughed.

"It's been shitty, actually. We were supposed to go to Tahoe, but Linds came down with the mumps the day we were leaving, so we've been hanging out here the whole time. If I didn't annoy her enough already before this, a week confined in our house together has brought it all home for her. _Literally_." She smirked, but Alex could sense the stress behind her eyes.

Alex smiled gently. "She doesn't hate you, Catherine. Even if she _tells _you she does, she doesn't mean it. We all went through it when we were teenagers."

Catherine led her to the living room and they each sat down.

"I know she doesn't, but it still hurts." She played with a coaster on the coffee table. "I was hoping this little holiday would be a fun getaway, with just the two of us... Two girls having fun again, like we used to. So much for _that_."

She looked at Alex sadly, but then shook it off.

"But it's not her fault if she takes after me a little too much. I was a handful growing up too..." Her eyes took on a faraway look as she seemed to be recalling her own past, a vaguely amused expression on her face. "I guess I just wanted to be a better parent to her than _mine_ were to _me_, you know? But it's _hard_..."

"But you won't stop trying?"

Catherine smiled widely. "Not on your life."

Alex nodded, still smiling. "You _are _a good mother, Catherine. She may not realize it right now, but she will one day. You'll see."

Catherine looked at her keenly, her own smile slipping slightly. "What's wrong, Alex?"

She didn't know where to start. "Cath, did you always want kids?"

"Well, not so much when I was still _sewing my wild oats_, but I always knew I'd have them one day."

"And did you plan to have Lindsey at the point that you did?"

"Not exactly. Eddie and I weren't the most stable at that point... But then again, we were _never_ really stable. Why?"

"I was just thinking about how life throws stuff at you sometimes, and how some people come out of it smelling like roses." She smiled at Catherine appreciatively.

Catherine laughed again. "Yeah, well... I wouldn't exactly say it's been a bowl of cherries. I had a messy past and I did a lot of things I'm not proud of, but she made me want to straighten up and fly right, you know what I mean? I cleaned up my _habits,_ stuck to dancing and saved my money so I could make something more of myself. I wanted to be able to support her, and maybe give her some choices I never had growing up."

Alex smiled again. "Like I said, some people come out of it smelling like roses."

Catherine shook her head, grinning. "Well-"

"_Mom_?"

A whining voice came from the back of the house and Catherine's grin widened as she stood up to see what her daughter needed.

"You were _saying_?"

Alex slowly made her way to the back of the house after Catherine and peeked through Lindsey's door. Lindsey smiled over her mother's shoulder as she sipped her fresh glass of water.

"Hi Alex."

"Hey brat. How're you feeling?"

"Like crap."

Alex smirked at her. "Well, you might as well _feel_ like it, because you _look_ like crap too."

"Alex!" Lindsey tried to look outraged but ended up in giggles instead. Alex laughed back.

"See ya later, kiddo."

Catherine smiled up at her and caught the glassy look in her eyes. Alex looked away suddenly and headed back to the living room.

She seemed to have composed herself when Catherine returned a minute later. "OK, so what's going on, Alex? You seem a little downcast."

Alex sighed.

_I might as well just tell her the whole story_.

"Last week I had a miscarriage."

* * *

After Alex told her everything, right up to her phone call from Maddie, Catherine eyed her sympathetically.

She wasn't certain, but she was pretty sure she'd had a miscarriage herself when she was in her early twenties. She also remembered that at the time she'd felt _relieved_, but then again her circumstances had been a lot different than Alex's. For one thing, she hadn't had a guy like Nick who loved her for all he was worth.

"So, you're feeling a little messed up. That's only natural. Nick will understand, don't worry."

"Yeah... It's just that... Well now I'm scared all over again. I've honestly never thought that I wanted to have kids, and now I'm not so sure. I mean, I'm not sure_ I do _either, but..."

"But you can't figure out why you're so disappointed?"

Alex nodded sadly. "I mean, Nick didn't say he was upset, but the way he took off that day... What if I'm just disappointed because I couldn't give him something I know he wanted? Maybe deep down I feel like I've let him down."

She frowned. Except maybe it wasn't such a _deep down_ feeling anymore...

Catherine shrugged. "The only way you'll be able to figure that out is to talk to Nick and see what he really feels about all this. It sounds like you haven't really given him the chance to say his part."

"I know... I guess I just got freaked out after the way he reacted that day. I wanted him to tell me how he felt then, but he had that nightmare and took off. He was so upset.... I guess I assumed... He said it had nothing to do with me, but I can't help but think..."

Catherine frowned. She had an idea what the nightmare had been about, but it wasn't her place to discuss it. Nick would need to tell her in his own time. She sighed. There had to be something she could do.

"Alex, Nick was working on a pretty disturbing case last week... It bothered all of us, actually. But especially Nick, and I know that he was feeling a little stressed out about the whole situation, so I honestly think he was telling you the truth. It probably had nothing to do with you at all... I'm thinking it was just really bad timing."

Alex frowned as she thought back to last week. She'd known something was troubling him at work, and there had been that day when he'd needed some time to himself...

"_Dammit_." She looked at her feet.

"What?"

"I'm such an idiot. I was so caught up with my own problems that I didn't even consider... I mean I just _assumed _that he... _Jesus_."

"Don't be too hard on yourself. You weren't just having a _bad day_, Alex. You went through a major shock that night. No one could blame you for how you reacted. It must have seemed crazy to you, and so out of character for Nick on top of it all. I'm sure when yout talk to him, it'll all work itself out. You'll see."

Catherine looked so genuinely optimistic that Alex started to think there might actually be a light at the end of the tunnel now. She'd never known the woman to ply people with false hopes; she was too honest.

She smiled at Catherine. "Can I borrow your phone? I don't trust my cell right now; it keeps cutting out."

Catherine grinned and nodded. "I'll just go check on Lindsey."

* * *

Nick heard the phone ringing but he couldn't seem to wake up enough to answer it. He'd had a few beers after the game, and then a couple more when he got home and discovered no messages waiting for him on his voicemail.

Since he was working later, he'd hoped that a little extra alcohol would at least provide him with a better sleep than he'd had the last couple of nights.

The ringing faded out and he fell back asleep.

* * *

Alex found Catherine and let her know she was heading home.

"No answer?"

Alex shrugged. "Maybe he's sleeping. He's back at work tonight, if his schedule's the same as usual."

Catherine nodded. "Yeah probably. But don't give up, Alex. He's waiting for that call, I know he is."

"I hope so." Alex smiled timidly. "I'm supposed to meet some friends at 10 tonight to do some work, but maybe he'll be up before then... Anyway thanks, Cath. You've made me feel a lot better, as usual."

Catherine gave her a small hug. "Anytime. And I'll see you soon."

Alex nodded. "I hope Lindsey's feeling better."

She went out to her car and started for home.

On a whim, she went the long way round and drove past Nick's place. She couldn't see any lights on, so she figured he probably _was_ asleep. She drove home and tried to relax, thinking about what she'd say to him once they finally spoke. She had no idea where to begin.

Her phone rang and she jumped, startled from her ruminations.

She looked at the phone nervously, hoping it was Nick. "Hel... Hello?"

"So, have you come to your senses?"

Alex couldn't help but chuckle. Her sister was nothing if not consistent.

"Yeah, Maddie. I think I have. And you might want to record this next part because I'm not sure when you'll ever hear it again from me: Thank you for what you said. _You were right_."

Maddie laughed with relief and Alex joined her. Alex told her about what she'd discovered after she'd gotten past her sense of betrayal on Maddie's part, and how she was slowly coming back to her senses.

"I'm sorry I was so harsh, but you had me worried. And hey, listen... Did you tell mom and dad about all this?"

Alex smirked. "No, and I hope you haven't either."

"You know I didn't."

"Maybe I'll tell them one day, but I just don't think it's necessary right now. You get that, right?"

"Yeah. But what about Nick? When are you going to straighten things-"

"I think he's probably sleeping now. He works tonight. But I'm going to try to get him before he heads out, hopefully."

"Good. Don't let this one get away."

Alex smirked as she pulled out a joke from their teen years. "If you like him so much, why don't you marry him?"

Maddie laughed. "I've got my own copy, thanks." She smiled into the phone. "I'm glad you're OK, hon. I was worried."

"I know you were. I'll be OK, don't worry. I'm not completely sure what's going on with me yet, but I'm getting there. And I'm not trying to avoid anything anymore, I promise."

After they hung up, Alex made herself some dinner and tried to figure out what she was going to say to Nick. She decided to take a short nap so she didn't get tired tonight while she was at the lab. As she lay there, she kept running through things she should tell him, but she could only think of one thing to say at the moment:

_I'm so sorry_. _And I love you_.

* * *

Nick's alarm went off and he hit the _off_ button automatically. He'd definitely slept better today, but he was feeling grumpy. He remembered the missed call while he'd been only half-conscious earlier and he checked for messages.

Nothing.

He stumbled off to the shower, still groggy and still disappointed.

* * *

Alex looked at the clock for the thousandth time since she'd woken up. 9:40.

She had to get going, but she still wanted to try Nick first. She'd been secretly hoping he'd call her, but she knew he'd probably been waiting for her to call first, after the way she'd treated him. It was her own fault.

She took a deep, calming breath and moved towards the phone. Her hand shook as she picked up the receiver, and she smirked.

_Calming breath_,_ my ass_. _Those _never_ work_.

She held her breath as the phone rang... And then the voicemail kicked in. Disappointed, she briefly contemplated hanging up again, but then realized she needed to make the first move, whether it was through voicemail or not. She couldn't put it off any longer.

"Hi, Nick? It's Alex. Um, I tried you earlier, but I guess you were probably sleeping. I was going to try to get you before work, but I guess maybe I missed you... Or something. Uh, anyway... I... I really need to talk to you, if you have the time. I know it can't happen tonight, but maybe you want to meet me for breakfast or something? Or anytime you want, _really_... So... Yeah. I... I have to head out tonight, but you can try my cell... Although it's acting even weirder now."

She laughed nervously and realized she was rambling.

_OK, Alex, wrap this up_...

"OK well, um, give me a call if you get a chance. You can leave me a voicemail at home too, if you want. Uh... Bye."

She hung up and shook her head in annoyance. _What was that babbling nonsense_? A_nd you want to be a teacher_?

She grabbed her bag and headed out the door.


	8. Chapter 8

**A.N:** _Wowee!_ So many nice compliments from everybody! And it's cool to see some folks from the other stories are still hanging in there too. Good to see ya! Here we go... And I'm definitely NOT throwing in any more surprises; Nope, not me.

* * *

Alex pulled into the parking lot and saw Alison's car. She parked beside it and headed towards the computer building entrance around the corner. She swiped her student card in the security slot and the glass doors slid open. She quickly located the girls in a back room and smiled.

"So... who's going to help me write this stupid paper?"

* * *

As Nick was getting ready to go to work, he looked hard at his phone. He blew out a breath as he contemplated checking his voicemail one more time, just in case _someone _had called when he was in the shower...

He felt a moment of pleasant surprise as he discovered there was, in fact, a message on his phone. He felt even more shocked as he listened to Alex's message. He couldn't believe she'd actually called.

When it finished he replayed it. She sounded nervous. But was it a _good_ nervous, or a _bad_ nervous?

He thought she'd sounded less reserved than she had before, and he wanted to believe she was finally ready to talk to him, but... He immediately dialled her cell number and went straight to voicemail.

_Damn_.

He left a message. "Alex? I can definitely meet you for breakfast. I'll call you in the morning... Say, around 7:30 or so to confirm where, OK? Talk to you soon."

He hung up, his pulse racing. Well, whatever it was about, he hoped they'd finally get to talk things out. He couldn't take this uncertainty anymore. It was killing him.

And most of all, _he missed her_.

The tiny patch of hope in his heart knocked his mood up a couple of notches as he walked into the CSI wing.

* * *

Alex had finally typed in all the quotes she planned on using for her paper when she looked over at her phone.

_1 message_.

She swallowed excitedly, even though she was a little disappointed that she'd missed the call. Or rather, _her phone_ had missed the call.

_Stupid piece of_...

She flipped it on and played the message. Alison watched her from the side as a small smile crossed Alex's lips.

"Good news?"

Alex smiled shyly and nodded. Then she shrugged. "Maybe. Hopefully."

_God_, _I hope so_.

Alison wisely decided not to pry and they resumed their essay work. So far they'd been there about an hour and a half and they'd all been completely absorbed in their work.

Alex leaned back to stretch out her back and she couldn't stop her mind from replaying Nick's words back to her. She was almost too excited to concentrate right now.

_C'mon Winters_,_ focus_. _You've got a lot of work to do and_ 7:30 _is still a long way off_...

She was just checking the time when suddenly the lights flickered.

Everyone looked up in confusion as the lights went out completely, and the computers all shut down. A set of back up lights kicked on, but the room was substantially dimmer. Everyone began mumbling their complaints but they all sat still, expecting it all to start back up shortly. Brief power outages weren't completely uncommon and they usually didn't last longer than a minute or 2.

Alex figured at least 5 minutes had passed when Jo decided to call the security phone. Everyone looked up at her expectantly as she hung up.

"A security guy is already on the way. They've called IT, as well."

Alex frowned. This seemed more like a _power_ problem, not a _computer_ problem. They probably should have called a maintenance engineer instead.

_Oh well_,_ whatever_.

Just then the security guy showed up.

"Sorry folks. We're looking into the problem, so we appreciate your patience. Might be a good time for a coffee break. I'll be staying here since the mechanical door needs to stay propped open for now. Nothing electronic is working in the building right now."

Alison smirked and looked over at her friends.

"Yeah, _no kidding_." Then she laughed as she looked at Alex directly. "I can't be certain, Alex, but I bet this has something to do with your crappy cell phone."

Alex snorted. "I wouldn't be surprised. The damned thing's cursed!"

* * *

Nick was just documenting some evidence as his pager went off. He sealed the envelope and then read the message: _Everyone to the staffroom_, _ASAP_.

_Hmm_. _This sounds interesting_. _I wonder what's up_.

He took a minute to put the evidence away properly and then made his way towards the staffroom. He noticed a bit of hubbub in the hallways as he walked along. People seemed to be muttering to each other and moving around quickly.

Greg was approaching from down the corridor and he hailed him down.

"Hey man... Do you know what's going on? Why's everyone acting all weird?"

"There was an explosion at UNLV and the Sheriff's calling for all hands on deck. I was just heading over to answer Grissom's page."

"Yeah me too. Let's go."

The two men moved quickly down the hall and entered the room just as Grissom was filling in Sara and Warrick.

"Guys, I'm sure you've all heard the story. Explosion at UNLV. Wait for the crews to clear and OK the scene and then get cracking as soon as you can. We'll probably have people running evidence back and forth, so you should take at leasttwo vehicles. I'll be in mine as well and I'm calling in Catherine. Move."

The CSI's grabbed their gear and sped out to the parking lot. Nick climbed in with Sara and Warrick took Greg. Sara told Nick what she knew as they made their way to the university and Nick frowned.

"Is there any theory yet? How long ago did this happen?"

"About 11:45ish. And no, no theories. The security guard who called it in said they'd just had a power outage shortly beforehand and they'd called someone in. The problem is, there were people in one of the buildings at the time, so..."

Nick frowned. "There was more than one building involved? Which ones?"

"The explosion was in one of the chem labs, not surprisingly, but it took out most of the computer lab that was beside it."

Nick felt a sinking feeling as he absorbed Sara's words.

_Computer lab_?

Alex hadn't said where she was going that night, but... She'd spent a few nights there last week, saying it was easier to work there when it was quiet. He felt his heart pounding painfully in his chest the more he thought about it.

_It's Sunday night_, _and she has school tomorrow_; _I can't see her going out to a club or anything like that_..._ So where was she going that late_?

He pulled his cell phone out and quickly dialled her number at home.

No answer, only voicemail.

He tried her cell phone, but as usual it went straight to voicemail and he swore under his breath. He waited for the beep and left a message.

"Alex? It's Nick- Can you please call me on my cell phone as _soon_ as you get this message? It's _urgent_. Thanks."

He hung up, feeling incredibly tense. Sara eyed him with worry out of the corner of her eye as she drove.

"What's wrong, Nick?"

He felt his hands shaking and he tried to calm down. He looked over at her.

"Hopefully nothing, Sar. I just... Well, Alex has been doing a lot of late night work in one of the computer labs at UNLV, and I just want to make sure she's OK."

Sara felt her pulse quicken now too and she looked at Nick nervously while they stopped at a red light. "What? Did she say she was going there tonight?"

"_Not exactly_, no. But she did go out somewhere tonight and I don't know where."

Sara tried to think more rationally as she exhaled loudly.

"God, Nick... She could be _anywhere_. I'm sure there's nothing to worry about. Maybe she's even home sleeping and just didn't hear the phone."

He tried to follow her logic in an attempt to slow down his erratic heartrate.

"Yeah, maybe she is. I better leave a message there too, just in case. And her stupid cell phone hasn't worked right since she got it." He felt his frustration growing. "Damn I wish she'd replace that thing."

Sara smiled sympathetically. "I'm sure she's OK, Nick. She'll call soon and let you know she's alright."

Nick wanted desperately to believe her.

_Please_, _Alex_... _Be alright_.

* * *

The four CSI's had to hang back as the firefighters finished up, and then the scene had to be declared safe. Grissom and Catherine arrived a little while later.

The place was a war zone.

The chem lab was destroyed and the roof of the neighbouring computer lab had mostly caved in, with the walls near the front of the building completely decimated. Brass stood at a distance from them, grilling the head of security about what had transpired. The man was clearly in shock.

"The power was out in these two buildings... They share the breaker system. So I sent Curtis over to watch the entrance of the computer lab... Once the power's down, the swipe cards can't open the door, so we had to leave it open.... Uh, the main lights are down... And the cameras were down too, so I didn't see what happened after that."

"Is there any way of knowing who was in the building?"

"Well, there was nobody in the chem lab, but there are people in the computer lab 24/7. This is the only one that's open all night. I mean some people could have left without us knowing since the doors are wide open and they can't swipe out, but... Everybody would have been swiped in to begin with, and it shows up on a computer in our office. We use it to make sure nobody without an after-hours card is in there messing around with our machines, because the system also shows who's logged on to the computers."

"But with the system down and the door open, anybody could have left in the meantime. Or entered..."

"Yeah, I suppose. Curtis would have seen them go, but..." The man faded out as he wondered about his missing colleague, now presumably crushed under the debris.

"Well, I'm going to need a printout of who you showed as entering the building, as well as a list of who was logged onto the computers when they went down. Was there only one guard over here?"

"Yeah... Stan Curtis."

"Where would he have been?" 

The man looked forlornly at the pile of rubble where the front of the building had once been. "He should have been watching the doors."

Brass nodded grimly but didn't say anything more. The head of security turned to him.

"I'll go get those lists and I'll be right back."

"I'll be here."

As the man wandered away in a daze, Brass made his way over to the CSI's. He gave them a breakdown of what he had so far.

"Have they found any bodies?" Warrick asked.

Nick felt a shiver as Brass replied and Sara frowned as she watched him from the side.

"Not yet." He turned back to look towards the disaster before them. "But I'm pretty sure we'll be finding a security guard under that mess near the front." He grimaced.

Catherine shrugged. "Well, I guess we wait then."

Sara watched as Nick pulled out his cell phone to make sure it was still turned on. She swallowed and tried to remain optimistic. Alex was probably home asleep. Nick had nothing to worry about.

A fire marshall came over next and Grissom questioned him. "How long until we can get in there?"

The marshall shrugged. "Probably not for at least another 45 minutes. Fires are all out but we need to check for possible flash up points or other hazards."

Nick felt as if he was going to explode. He started tapping his foot and was finding it hard to stand there patiently while Alex might be... He attempted to calm himself and let out a big breath. Sara moved in closer and dropped her SUV keys into his hand as she spoke quietly.

"We've got some time, Nick. Why don't you go to her house... Just to be sure."

Caught off-guard, Nick hesitated for a second. He looked over at Grissom and then back at her again. She spoke softly once more.

"I'll cover for you."

He nodded anxiously and then clutched the keys in his hand. "Thanks Sara. I'll be quick." He snuck off and hurried to Sara's Denali.

_Alex_,_ you have to be home_. _Please be there_.

* * *

"Where's Nick?" Warrick Brown looked around him quizzically. Grissom looked around, and Sara jumped in to explain.

"I left something back at the lab and since we had time, Nick offered to go back and grab it for me."

Grissom raised a brow at her, but said nothing. He turned back to regard the collapsed structures in front of them and Sara breathed a sigh of relief. Catherine watched Sara closely. She slowly moved over her and pulled her slightly away from the others.

"What's up with Nick, Sara? He was looking a bit antsy earlier."

"He can't get a hold of Alex..."

Catherine frowned. "And?"

"And she's been doing a lot of late nights in the UNLV computer lab lately."

Catherine stared at her in shock, and Sara continued. "I guess she mentioned she was going out somewhere tonight but she didn't say where, and now she's not answering either her home phone or her cell phone. He's gone to check her house."

Catherine couldn't believe what she was hearing.

"I just saw her today..." She stared at Sara, worry creasing her brow. "She said her cell phone was acting up though, so maybe it doesn't mean anything that he can't reach her."

"That's what I said. She could be _anywhere_."

"Yeah, you're right. We can't start assuming the worst."

But she couldn't shake the bad vibe that was running through her right then.

* * *

Nick walked slowly over to where his colleagues hovered and Sara looked at him expectantly. He moved closer to her, staring at her miserably.

She swallowed nervously. "She's not there?"

He shook his head, unable to speak for a moment. As soon as he'd pulled up in front of her townhome, he knew she wasn't there since her car was gone. He banged on the door anyway, even though he knew it was hopeless.

Catherine had seen him return and approached the two. She was about to ask the question but then she took in their despondent expressions. She frowned.

"No sign, Nick?"

He continued to look upset and she moved closer to him. "What did she say to you, exactly?"

"I didn't talk to her; she left me a message saying she wanted to get together for breakfast, but she was going out tonight so I was supposed to call her cell phone, but... I got voicemail. But that was way before this happened..." He looked over her shoulders at the collapsed buildings.

"Well, I saw her today and she was complaining that it wasn't working right, so it may be nothing. She could have gone anywhere, Nick. Vegas is a busy town, night or day."

He'd been trying to convince himself that it was possible she was out doing something else, but he was having difficulty buying it. She'd been a mess since the miscarriage, not to mention that she was probably still not feeling completely healthy yet.

"I don't know, Cath. I don't know." He looked away, lost in thought. Then he looked at her speculatively.

"You _saw _her today?"

She gave him a small smile.

"Yeah, I did. She stopped by this afternoon. We had a really good talk. She had some things to sort out, and I think she's feeling a little more like herself again." She continued to smile and she gave him a pointed look.

His heart sped up a little and he looked at her hopefully. "Yeah?"

She nodded, still smiling. "Yeah."

He ran his fingers through his hair and blew out an agitated breath. He spoke out loud to no one in particular.

"Alex, where the hell are you?"

* * *

Brass watched as the stricken security head lumbered back across the road towards him. He was a fairly large man, and not particularly fit.

_The guy knows his way around a pizza_,_ that's for sure_.

Brass worried the whole catastrophe would give the guy a heart attack at some point.

"Here you are, detective. It looks like there were 9 people in there tonight."

"In addition to the guard?"

"Yeah."

Brass looked the tired man over kindly. "Listen, pal... why don't you go back to your office and hang there until we need to talk to you again. We know where to find you."

The stressed man nodded thankfully and headed back to his refuge. Brass looked down at the list in his hand and then scowled as the news vans began to pull up across the street.

_Great_. _Here we go_.

He looked around him unhappily.

_Where's the damned Sheriff when you need him_?

He continued to look at the list as he moved back down the sidewalk, planning to find an officer to try and track down numbers for these people. Maybe some of them had left the building before the blast. He didn't feel hopeful.

The power had gone out at 11:28 according to the head of security, and the blast had been at 11:46. He'd found that people generally tended to mill around for a while before giving up on getting their work done, and there hadn't even been that much opportunity for _milling_ in this case.

Spotting an officer just past the CSI's, he made his way in that direction, planning to pass off the list. He read through the names as he considered sending the man to the Registrar's office for student records.

Then he stopped short, shock coursing through him.

_No_, _it can't be_...

He read it again, thinking his eyes were playing tricks on him.

_Alex Winters_?

His shoulders slumped as the air left his lungs loudly. He slowly looked up and spotted Nick off to the side with Sara and Catherine. He stared at the man uncomfortably and considered his best course of action. Then he realized there _was_ no best course of action.

He slowly made his way towards the CSI's, reflecting on how much he hated his job on days like these.


	9. Chapter 9

**A.N**: Did anyone order a big ol' plate of angst?

* * *

Something was tugging at the back of Catherine's mind and it was bugging her. After a minute, it finally came to her.

"Nick… I just remembered something Alex said. She mentioned meeting some friends at… I don't remember the time. _10_ maybe? She mentioned doing some work..."

Nick felt his heart stop and Catherine watched as he paled before her. "Nick… _what_?"

He struggled to answer. "She… she always met her friends at 10 at the computer lab."

He had to lean down for minute, hands on his knees, feeling abruptly light-headed. Catherine and Sara moved to his side, and Sara put a hand on his back.

"Nick, that doesn't mean anything. You have to think positively… Maybe they're somewhere else tonight?"

He leaned up slowly and looked her in the face. She flinched at what she saw in his eyes: Utter anguish.

Catherine tried to console him as well. "Nick, there's still no reason to think-"

"What's going on here?" Grissom interrupted suddenly, looking concerned. "Is there something wrong?"

Catherine looked at him dejectedly. As much as she wanted to stay positive for Nick's sake, she was finding it hard.

"Gil, Nick thinks… He thinks Alex might have been in the computer lab tonight."

Grissom looked sharply at her. "_What_?"

He looked over his shoulder towards the crumbled buildings and absently noticed Brass coming in their direction. As he turned back to look at Nick, Sara could practically see the man's mind working.

"Nick, would she have driven here?"

Nick worked to focus on what Grissom was asking him. "Drive?" He slowly started to nod his head as he followed his boss's train of thought.

"Yeah… Yeah, she would have."

"Well, there's gotta be some parking around here somewhere. See if you can find her car."

Nick nodded suddenly, his eyes full of purpose. "Yeah. I'll look around." He sprinted away from them and began to pray in his mind.

_God_,_ don't let me find her car_.

* * *

Brass almost felt relieved as he saw Nick take off before he reached the small gathering of CSI's. Warrick and Greg had joined them just as Nick had exited, and had been quickly apprised of the situation. Brass caught the tail end of the conversation as he moved up beside Sara.

"… hope he doesn't find that car. This is just _brutal_, man." Warrick looked off in the direction Nick had run. "Maybe I should check the other side…"

Brass raised a questioning eyebrow and Catherine looked at him sadly before explaining. "Nick's worried Alex might have been in the computer lab. He's looking for her car."

Brass shook his head, a troubled expression starkly replacing his usual look of amusement.

"_Don't bother Warrick_."

They all looked at him with apprehension as he held up the sheet of paper in his hand.

"I have a list of all the people who swiped their after-hours access cards to get inside the building and…"

He shook his head again sadly and Grissom took the paper from him, scowling slightly. As his eyes scanned the names, his eyebrows went up suddenly and he looked up slowly, catching Catherine's glance first. She recognized the look in his eye and felt a tear slide down her cheek.

_Oh God_, _no_. _Not Alex_.

She looked in the direction Nick had sprinted.

_Oh_, _Nicky_...

* * *

As Nick searched through the darkened parking lot with his small flashlight, he continued to pray that he wouldn't find what he was looking for. The power was out in this lot too, making it a slow process despite the fact that there weren't many cars around.

He'd managed to focus all his attention on the search and for a short time he escaped the horrific scenarios that had been playing through his mind. His light flicked past a black car and then reflected off another one just behind it. He squinted to try and judge the colour.

_Silver_.

He moved closer, his mouth suddenly dry. He flashed his light towards the rear end where the make and model showed.

_Toyota__ Corolla_.

Still trying to tell himself that it was an incredibly common car, he looked at the license plate below. He and Alex had always laughed that she wasn't _quite_ the devil, since part of her plate number was _667_ and not _666_.

As he illuminated the plate number and recognized the numbers, he sobbed out loud.

* * *

The CSI's were cleared to begin their investigations and Warrick looked worriedly back in the direction they'd last seen Nick heading, past the quickly increasing crowds of onlookers.

"Maybe I should go after him…"

"No, Warrick; just start processing. I'll wait for Nick."

Grissom sounded tired and Warrick nodded and moved away. As he neared the site, he saw one of the crew waving frantically at the rest of the rescue workers.

"I've found a body over here." Warrick strained to hear the details and moved closer.

"Male, probably early 20's..."

Warrick couldn't help but sigh with relief. At least for the moment, they could still hope that there might be survivors... Maybe there were people trapped somewhere under the rubble, unconscious but alive. He knew the chances were slim to nil, but he refused to give up hope for Nick's sake.

This case had just become personal.

* * *

Nick wiped at his eyes and tried to clear his head.

_C'mon man_, _you need to get back over there_. _There may be survivors_...

He fought against the errant tears that threatened to fall and leaned against Alex's car. He couldn't believe that after all they'd been through together, it could all end like _this_. It was so... _random_.

He looked back towards the lit area surrounding the site; they'd placed huge lights up so that they could work effectively in the dark. Even now, they'd be combing through the rubble for evidence of what had happened. And survivors.

_They'd be looking for survivors_.

Nick clenched his jaw and took a final wipe at his watery eyes and ran back towards the ruined buildings.

Grissom turned away from the chaotic site just as Nick forced his way through a crowd of spectators and moved quickly in his direction. Grissom straightened his shoulders and waited for the younger man to reach him.

Nick finally stood before him, eyes red-rimmed and desperate. Grissom spoke softly and carefully.

"You found her car." A statement.

Nick nodded wretchedly and struggled against a fresh set of tears.

Grissom sighed. "We have a list of the people who signed in tonight. She was on it."

Nick gasped at this final nail in the coffin. Grissom put his hand on his shoulder compassionately.

"Nick, I'm sorry. I don't know what to say..."

He shook his head uncomfortably. He really had never been good at this part of management... or friendship.

He waited for Nick to pull himself a little more together and looked at him with concern. "I think... I think you should head home, Nicky. You're in no shape to be here ton-"

"_No_."

It was more of a gasp than a word. Nick tried to calm himself.

"No... No, Gris; I'm staying." He looked at the other man, more than a little desperation revealed in his face. "I have to stay. There might be... survivors."

Grissom frowned. He had little hope they'd find anyone alive under all that.

"Please, Gil... She might have survived. I... I have to know for sure. I _can't_ leave."

Grissom shook his head, but had to acquiesce in the end.

"OK, Nick. _Stay_. But you're not here in any sort of official capacity, alright? You can help out, but no evidence gathering. I'm putting you on leave, effective immediately."

Nick nodded sadly and looked over at the frenzied activity behind Grissom. "Have they found anyone yet?"

"One body. A young male."

Nick exhaled noisily and walked towards the shattered buildings, unwilling to give up hope yet.

* * *

Catherine continued to process, but every now and then her eyes were drawn to Nick's hunched form, as he worked to help the rescue crew dig through the debris. They'd found that young guy half an hour ago, but there'd been nothing since; no other bodies _or_ signs of life.

Sara walked up to her and shook her head, disheartened.

"This is impossible. How are we supposed to find anything in all this munched-up concrete?" She looked over at Nick and felt helpless.

_Damn, this is so unfair_. _He deserves to be happy_,_ just like anyone else_.

"Catherine, do you believe in God?"

Catherine frowned. "Yeah, why?"

"Do you ever wonder if sometimes he doesn't actually _like_ us?"

Catherine followed the younger woman's gaze back to Nick and shook her head unhappily.

"Makes you wonder how much hurt a person can handle in one lifetime, doesn't it?"

Then she patted Sara's arm. "Keep processing. We'll find something."

* * *

Nick rubbed a hand across his dirt-stained forehead and wiped away the grimy sweat that kept dripping into his eyes.

He'd been working full-throttle for almost an hour and hadn't found a thing. Nothing but chunks of concrete and layers of dust. His heart ws beating hard under the exertion, but he carried on. He refused to give up. He had to find her.

But as time passed, he despaired of what that would really mean in the end.


	10. Chapter 10

Alex lifted her head and was confused for a moment.

_Where am I_?

Lights and crowd noises forced her fully back into consciousness, and she groggily looked around at her friends. She grinned, yawning.

"God, guys... What _time_ is it? How could you let me sleep on the table?"

Jo smiled back at her. "Obviously you needed a nap. We realize you older girls need those-"

"Hey!" Alex tried to pretend she was insulted, but her grin gave her away. "You just watch yourself, you young _whippersnapper_, or I may whack you with my cane!"

They all giggled and Alison took a sip of coffee, smiling at her over the rim.

_Man, I'm glad she's back to her old self again_.

The diner was busy despite the fact that it was coming up to 3 in the morning, but Alex had learned long ago that this city didn't operate on normal hours.

"Well, so much for getting halfway through my essay tonight." Yvonne smirked.

"Yeah, well... We've all been working hard, so I think we deserved a night of hanging with the girls and talking crap. And they're not due until Friday; we have lots of time." Alison took another bite of her donut.

Alex yawned again and stretched. "Guys, I need to get going. I was supposed to be getting up early tomorrow..."

She felt herself flush involuntarily as she thought about getting together with Nick for breakfast. Alison smiled at her, but again said nothing. The knowing look in her eyes was enough to make Alex grin back at her.

"Um, can you take me back to my car, Al? I need some sleep... Or some _more_ sleep." She smiled sheepishly.

"Yeah, no problem. You mind if I drop these two off first? They're on the way back to campus."

"Why? They're young and tireless... They don't need as much sleep as us _golden oldies_." She smirked at Jo and the younger girl whacked her lightly, laughing.

"_Screw that_! Alison, take us home first. _Grandma_ here can wait her turn."

They all laughed again and Alex realized how good it felt to smile again. They all settled up with the cashier and made their way outside to Alison's car.

* * *

"Well, I'm finding lots of fried wiring here, but I have no way of telling whether it happened before or after the explosion. I'm going to take it back to the lab." Catherine stood in the remnants of the chem lab, looking at Grissom.

"Good. Call me when you have something."

Grissom resumed examining his section of the chem building and she made her way through the piles of rubble. All the CSI's were concentrating on that site for now, trying to figure out what had caused the explosion. Well, all of them except Nick...

She spotted him still slogging away with the crew in the other building, or what was left of it, digging down through the mangled layers of concrete. She wanted to go over and check in with him, but she figured he was so focussed right now it would be a shame to make him stop and start thinking about everything again

As if sensing her watching him, Nick suddenly stood up and looked behind him, wiping his gloved hands on his already dusty pant legs. She made her way towards him, smiling compassionately.

"Hey there. How're you holding up?"

She almost didn't want to hear his answer as she noted the deeply entrenched sorrow behind his gaze. Her heart moved into her throat and she swallowed with difficulty as he shrugged hopelessly.

"There's nothing. We're not finding anything."

She decided to work the angle he'd just presented her with. "Well, that could be a good thing, couldn't it? Maybe you're not finding anyone because there's _no one_ _to find_."

He'd been thinking the same thing for a while now, and it was this hope that was secretly keeping him going... And keeping him _sane_.

"God I hope so, Catherine."

His eyes tightened and he chewed at the inside of his lip, striving to keep himself together. He looked at his watch for distraction. 2:40 am.

She rubbed his arm kindly, feeling more useless than ever. "I... I gotta get this to the lab. Can I get you anything?"

He smirked at her sadly and shook his head. She made her way towards her SUV, knowing exactly what Nick_ really_ needed. Or _who_.

If only she could help him.

* * *

Alison and Alex drove back towards the school, singing along to the radio together as _OutKast _blasted from Alison's car speakers.

Alex shouted over to her friend. "Did you put this system in yourself?"

"What?!!"

Alex reached over and turned the volume down to a more conversational level and Alison laughed as she repeated her question.

"No, an ex-boyfriend put it in for me. It was pretty much all he was good for, in the end. He used to be an installer for an audio/video place."

"Well, whatever. This stereo is kickass."

And it was almost always set at top volume, as far as Alex could tell. At least it had been all night tonight. Grinning to herself, she looked out her window as she thought back to her teen years, when she and her friends had spent many an evening cruising around town with the stereo cranked...

She suddenly swivelled her head around as a black Denali drove past them going in the other direction. She hadn't seen who was driving, but she felt a little nervous excitement anyway, images of Nick dancing through her mind. She smiled as she continued to look out the window. She was nervous about how breakfast would go, but she was hopeful that Nick would be understanding about her bizarre moods that past week...

"_What the_...?"

Alex turned to ask Alison what was wrong, but before she could ask she saw a barrage of flashing lights ahead of them down the street, close to the university. As they drew nearer, she realized it _was_ the university.

"My God... What's going on?" Alex strained to see past the truck that was now stopped in front of them.

They weren't moving, and after a minute Alex climbed out of the car to get a better look at what was happening down the road. She scanned ahead, squinting to see what was going on. She relayed what she could discern back to Alison.

"Well, it looks like there are a ton of emergency trucks and stuff up there... Lots of people moving around. I just can't see what they're all doing there."

"Are we going to be able to get through?"

"I don't think so... There's a cop up ahead and he seems to be turning people around..."

_Hmmm_. _How am I going to get my car_?

"Listen, I'm sure I can get through up there somehow on foot, so why don't you just pull a U-Turn here and get out of this traffic. The parking lot's not far."

Alison frowned. "Are you sure? I don't mind waiting.."

"Nah, I'll be fine. The place is crawling with cops, so it's not like I won't be safe."

"Well, alright... But call me on your cell if you can't get to your car for whatever reason and I'll come back and get you."

"Cool. Thanks. And I'll see you tomorrow afternoon."

She shut her car door and made her way towards the chaotic scene ahead. She was surprised to see a helicopter appear overhead and noted the call sign letters of a local TV station on the side of it.

_Wow, whatever this is, it must be big_.

She frowned as she reached in her pocket to make sure she had her car keys, and felt relief as her fingers touched the metal ring. Then she checked the other side for her cell phone. As she pulled it out, she noticed she had another message.

She flipped her phone on and queued up the message, but she couldn't hear anything over all the noise. She moved off to the side a bit and tried again...

_Was that Nick_?

She wasn't sure, but it had sounded like him. Unfortunately, she couldn't make out what he'd been saying.

_Hopefully it'll be quieter when I get inside the car_.

* * *

Brass looked around at the mad activity all around him and sighed.

_Everybody loves to check out a tragedy_.

He had been sticking near the front with some other officers, trying to keep the press and other unwanted spectators back behind the crime scene tape. He couldn't believe so many people would be sticking around at this time of night, but evidently they were because the crowd wasn't getting any smaller. In fact, it actually seemed to be getting _bigger_...

He decided to do a quick loop back around the fallen buildings and see what they'd come up with so far.

* * *

As Alex drew nearer to the bigger crowds, she could finally see what had happened.

_What the_...? _My God_.

Where the computer lab and the building beside had once been, now there was only a partial shell of one left standing. It reminded her of pictures of bombed areas from the various wars they'd seen in the last few decades. She could see people combing through the annihilated structures and shuddered.

_But we were just there a few hours ago_... _What the hell happened_?

She walked towards the scene in shock, unable to comprehend what she was seeing.

* * *

Nick stopped moving and stood stock still as he heard a worker call out that she'd located someone else under the rubble. He slowly turned as the woman began to gather assistance to continue digging the body out.

Like a zombie, he moved forward, unable to look away. He stopped breathing as they cleared some debris away from the face...

_A woman_.

He sucked in a few deep breaths as he realized it wasn't Alex. He leaned back against a chunk of concrete and tried to stop his hands from shaking again.

But in his heart, he knew it wasn't looking good.

* * *

Alex tried to move past some people so she could get a better look at what had happened. She was still in a dazed state of astonishment over the melee before her. She found herself pressed against the yellow police tape that cordoned off the scene, still doubting her own eyes.

_When did this happen_?

She felt the cool plastic of her cell phone in her hand and looked down at it, wondering if she should call Alison and let her know what was going on, but she realized she'd never be able to hear her.

Slowly, she started to come to her senses and looked around her at all the onlookers.

_Why are all these people just standing around here_? _What are they waiting for_?

Feeling suddenly like a morbid crime scene observer, she started to make her way back in the direction of her car. As she got closer to the street that led to the parking area, a policeman blocked her way.

"Sorry miss, but you can't go this way." He had to shout over the noise of the helicopter, which was hovering nearby.

Alex frowned and shouted back. "But my car's in there. I need to get my car."

He looked confused. "Sorry, what was that?"

She shouted at him again and he looked skeptical. "Did you say your car is back _there_? Where exactly?"

Alex gestured behind him and raised her voice again. "In that parking lot, right there."

His brows went up and Alex wondered what the problem was. Had something happened to her car?

_That'd be just my luck_.

The policeman grabbed his radio out of his belt, watching her with wonderment. He'd been the one to go around and pull all the plate numbers of the cars in that lot to see if they could piece together who might still be in the computer building.

"Miss, were you in the computer lab earlier?"

"Yeah... I can't believe what I'm seeing here." She turned back towards the carnage and shook her head. "_When did this happen_?"

He didn't answer as he radioed one of his colleagues. "Warren, I've got a woman here who says she was here tonight; she has one of the cars we checked from the parking lot."

His radio crackled in response. "Say again?"

The officer scowled over his shoulder at the helicopter. "_Son of a_... I _said_, I have a woman who was inside the computer building earlier tonight. I'm going to send her over."

"Roger that."

He looked at Alex as he lifted the section of yellow tape closest to them and pointed to another officer on the opposite side, nearer to the actual devastation. "Miss, can you please go see that officer over there? He'll need to question you."

Alex felt surprised once again, but did as she was told.

"Shoot... _Wait_... What's your name?"

But she didn't hear him over the din as she made her way to the other officer.

* * *

Brass made his way back towards the crowd, relieved that the latest body hadn't been Alex. He hadn't seen Nick around for a bit, but he was sure the CSI was still making his way through the mess, trying to find her.

_Man_,_ life ain't fair_.

He was almost to the police tape when he stopped suddenly, astonished.

_Or maybe it is once in a while_...

He moved quickly towards the woman and the officer that hovered under a spotlight tower.

* * *

"No, the power went out and we decided to go for a coffee break."

"And when was this?"

"Oh, I don't know... Around 11:30?"

"And who was with you?"

"There were 4 of us. The other girls were Alison Stone, Yvonne Madras, and Jo... er, Josephine... Uh... I can't remember her last name."

The cop looked at some notes he had. "Josephine Walker?"

She felt puzzled. "Yeah, that's it. How did you know that?"

"We have a record of all the people who swiped their security cards in tonight before the power went out. Since none of you could swipe back out, we were uncertain who might have still been inside after the explosion."

Alex's eyes widened and she felt her pulse rate reacting. "Officer, what time was the explosion?"

"11:46."

She felt as if someone had knocked the wind out of her.

"_What_?!!" She ran her fingers through her hair in agitation. "But... But that was just after we _left_..."

The officer nodded slowly.

"Oh my God. Was anybody hurt?"

"I'm not actually at liberty to say right now, but it's a relief to take 4 names off the suspected fatalities list, let me tell you."

It suddenly sunk in.

_Oh my God_... _They thought we were in there when it happened_.

She started to shiver and she wrapped her arms around herself.

_And we almost _were...

Then she frowned.

_I can't believe we didn't hear the explosion_... _We must have been just out of the parking lot when the explosion ocurred_.

Then it clicked: Alison's stereo.

_We must have been so close_... _And yet we didn't hear a thing_. _I can't believe how lucky we were_.

She felt another chill run down her spine as she started to grasp how close she and her friends had come to being killed... And how many people might actually _have_ _been_ killed.

"_God_... How many people did you think were-"

"_Alex Winters, where the hell have you been_?"

She turned quickly at the loud voice and saw Detective Brass moving towards her, shaking his head in amazement. He had a strange expression on his face, but he definitely seemed relieved to see her.

"Detective Brass?"

"Listen kiddo, I'd love to chat but I have a feeling there's someone who really needs to see you right now. Follow me."

He started to walk away and Alex had to run a bit to catch up. "I don't understand?"

He stopped unexpectedly and she almost ran into him. "Alex, we thought you might be somewhere under all that..." He gestured towards the disaster before them.

She frowned back at him with chagrin. "Yeah, I know... I had no id-"

"Alex, _Nick's working here tonight_."

He'd said it so softly that she shouldn't have heard him over all the noise. But she did.

Her hand went to her mouth and she looked towards the crews working in the rubble.

_Oh God_.

Brass saw all the comprehension he needed to in her panicked eyes and he put his hands on her arms, speaking gently to her.

"Stay here, OK? I'm going to go get him. Don't move."

She couldn't control her racing heart and her hands began to shake as she scanned the faces around her for Nick. She couldn't shake the feeling of guilt as she realized what he must be going through right now. She knew how she'd feel if their places had been reversed...

* * *

Brass jogged through the clumps of workers, trying to locate his young comrade. "Nick! Nick Stokes! Where are you?" People lifted their heads as he moved amongst them, but Nick wasn't one of them.

_Damn it_. _Why can't it be easier to tell someone the _good _news for a change_?

He kept looking.

* * *

Nick had tried to resume digging after they'd found the woman's body, but he couldn't get his hands to stop shaking. Feeling suddenly as though he was too tightly strung, he'd dropped what he was doing and moved quickly towards the front of the building, where it was clear... And where he could breathe. The guys working around him knew what was going on and looked after him sympathetically.

It was starting to occur to him that he didn't know if he could handle it if he _did_ find Alex...

He reached the clearing in front and pulled off his gloves, wiping his hands on his pants again nervously. It was more an attempt to stop them from shaking than trying to clean them off.

He drew in a couple of deep breaths, trying to clear some of the concrete dust out of his lungs...

And then his breath left him completely as he saw a familiar figure not 30 feet away, looking around frantically.

* * *

Alex stayed roughly where she was told to, but she couldn't keep from wandering back and forth, looking at every face that moved around the site. Even when she stood still momentarily, she couldn't keep from tapping her foot nervously.

_Oh_, _Nick_... _Where are you_?

She moved to the left again and tried to see past some guys who were pushing a big chunk of concrete aside...

_Was that Nick behind them_?

She frowned.

_No_.

She moved back to the right and scanned the ever-moving crowd of people searching the scene. Her eyes moved back and forth desperately...

Until a lone figure standing motionless in front of the building caught her eye and she gasped.


	11. Chapter 11

**A.N:** Something tells me it might not have been a good idea to blow up the computer lab in my story... The internet was down all weekend!

_Note to self_: _Don't mess with karma_!

I want to thank everybody once again for all the nice reviews. Your flattery is going straight to my head. There'll be no living with me, soon.

* * *

Alex was running before she even realized it, sprinting across the distance that separated her from Nick. As she drew closer, the look on his face was enough to make her eyes start to water.

* * *

Suddenly unable to move at the sight of her, his heart was pounding so hard in his own ears it was blocking out all other sounds around him. Nick thought he was seeing a ghost or a mirage...

_Is it really her_? _Or am I just seeing her there because I _need_ to_...

Then she had seen him and started to run towards him.

Still unable to believe what he was seeing, he had slumped back against the wall, trying to breathe. As she finally reached him and threw herself into his arms, he was almost too shocked to respond...

And then the feel of her, the smell of her... It all came back to him in a rush and he knew he wasn't dreaming. He gasped as she whispered into his ear, her voice ragged.

"Oh God, _Nick_..."

He started to sob as he clung to her for all he was worth.

She squeezed him back tightly and felt her own tears flowing freely now too. She could feel him shaking in her arms as he cried harder, and she started to weep into his shoulder. He was squeezing her so tight Alex could hardly breathe, but she wasn't willing to let go.

Nick was worried his heart might explode as he held her as close to him as humanly possible. He was afraid to let her go. He sucked in a few quick breaths as he tried to stop his crying, but the sobs continued and he moaned into her hair.

She squeezed him tighter again in response and his heart seemed to stretch painfully in his chest once more.

* * *

Slowly, as she felt him calming beneath her, Alex's tears began to taper off and they finally stood locked in the embrace, quietly holding each other. Nick drew in a shuddering breath and kissed Alex's hair, sighing.

She never wanted to leave his arms again, but she forced herself to pull away from him slightly, desperate to see his face. As she looked up at him, she felt her bottom lip begin to tremble once more.

His face was dirty and the tracks of his tears were clearly visible... But it was his eyes that tore at her heart. All she could see was pain. Relief was prominent, but she could see the suffering lurking behind it.

"_Oh_,_ Nick_... _I'm so sorry_."

His eyes were still watery and he tried to smile but he couldn't pull it off. He stammered awkwardly and her insides twisted painfully.

"I... I thought I'd lost you. I thought you were _gone_, Alex."

The emotion behind his words cut her to the quick and she felt the tears slide down her cheeks again. She hugged him tightly once more.

"_God_... _I'm so sorry_. _I'm so sor_ry." She started to cry again. "I'm right here. I'm not going _anywhere_."

He pushed his face into her hair and started weeping lightly once more.

"I was so scared, Alex. I can't believe you're really here." He sniffled, trying to stop the tears once more and she reached her hands up to touch his face as she looked into his eyes.

"I'm OK, I promise. I was nowhere near here when it happened. I'm fine."

He tried to smile once more and she kissed him tenderly. "I'm alright, Nick." She pushed in close to him again and spoke into his shoulder. "_I love you so much_."

They stood there, locked together for what seemed like hours, but was in truth closer to 5 minutes. They had each finally stopped crying and now stood simply holding each other once more.

Brass stood some distance away, smiling.

_Thank God for small miracles_.

He wandered over towards the chem building and Nick's fellow CSI's, thinking at least he could tell _them_ the good news.

* * *

Nick was emotionally spent, but he felt his head slowly clearing. He drew in a deep breath and as he let it out he moved slightly away from her. She looked up into his face and was glad to see the agony seemed to have diminshed substantially.

Still slightly amazed, he shook his head fractionally.

"I can't believe you're really here. _I thought_..." He let out another breath. "_Where were you_, _Alex_?"

She frowned, a pained expression on her face. "We... when the power went out, we decided to go for a coffee break, and then it sort of stretched out... I'm so sorry, I can't even... I didn't know what had happened here."

"You didn't get my message?"

"I didn't know you'd called until I glanced at my phone when I got here... I came to get my car." She shook her head sadly. "I couldn't hear the message over all the noise."

She started to feel weepy yet again. He saw her eyes getting glassy once more and pulled her back into his embrace. He gazed down at her lovingly.

"It's OK, Alex... don't start apologizing again. _This is not your fault_." She started crying again and he rubbed her back tenderly, speaking into her ear. "Honey, don't cry anymore. It's _not_ your fault... Do you hear me?"

She shivered slightly and he reached out and pushed a strand of hair away from her face. "I'm just so relieved you're OK... I was... _I was a bit stressed there for a while_."

She sniffled noisily and he kissed her forehead. "I love you Alex. And I was reminded of _just how much_ tonight."

She tried to smile through her waning tears. "_I love you too Nick_. I... I couldn't... When Detective Brass told me what was going on, that you _thought I_..." She tried to clear her frazzled mind and speak clearer.

"I just knew how I would have felt if I thought something had happened to_ you_."

He caressed her cheek and stared intensely into her eyes. "Thank God you showed up when you did. I think I'd reached my breaking point..."

She looked pained again. "Oh, Nick... I'm so-"

He leaned in and kissed her softly, halting her words. Sudden warmth flooded her body and she clutched at him weakly. When he finally leaned back, he gave her a small, amused smile.

"No more apologies, OK?"

She smiled back and nodded. "OK."

He leaned in again and kissed her more deeply as he lifted her off her feet and into his arms.

* * *

Brass didn't want to intrude on Nick and Alex's reunion, but he figured the sooner Alex finished her statement to Warren, the sooner they could leave.

Warren had given him a clearly unimpressed look when he'd first dragged Alex away in search of Nick, but the man had been understanding once he'd gone back to explain the circumstances.

"Um, sorry to barge in guys..." Nick and Alex pulled away from each other, but Nick's arm remained around her shoulders as they turned to face him.

"Detective Warren needs to ask Alex a few more questions, and then you can get out of here."

They both nodded, smiling and followed Brass back over to where Warren stood. Alex tried to give him as much information as she could but unfortunately, outside of the witnessing the power outage, nothing out of the ordinary had occurred. This made sense though, since they'd determined that the explosion had come from the chem lab building next door.

Nick cut in briefly. "Alex, I'm just going to go tell Grissom-"

"He knows." Brass cut in, grinning.

Nick smiled at the man. "Well, I better check in with him anyway."

He looked back at Alex, his smile still a tad too overladen with concern for her liking. "Don't move from this spot, OK? I'll be back in a minute."

She smiled kindly and grabbed his hand once more. "I'll be right here, I promise." She smiled into his eyes and she felt a little better as the worry there seemed to recede again.

"I'll look after her, man. Don't worry." Brass added.

Nick nodded to the man. "Thanks Jim."

He squeezed Alex's hand one last time and jogged back towards where his fellow CSI's were working. Warren continued his questions, trying to establish a timeline of the night's events. Alex was slightly distracted as she watched Nick disappear into the crowd.

_Hurry back_.

* * *

"Man, that girl's gotta have about _9 lives_." Warrick smiled, shaking his head in amazement.

Sara nodded her agreement. "Yeah, except she's already been through a _few _of them."

Nick grinned bemusedly. "Yeah, _no shit_. How's that old song go? _'If it weren't for bad luck_,_ she'd have no luck at all_.'"

The three of them laughed, but the relief evident behind it spoke volumes. Grissom appeared, smiling at Nick.

"Take her home, Nicky. You've had a rough night."

Nick exhaled slowly. "Yeah, I have. Thanks, Gris. I'm just waiting for her to finish up with the detective." He looked back in Alex's direction even though he couldn't see her from there. Then he smiled at Grissom.

"I'll see you tomorrow night. I don't think I'll need that leave afterall."

Grissom smiled back. "We'll see you tomorrow."

* * *

Alex and Nick walked towards her car.

They'd need to take the long way out of the university grounds, but Alex didn't care as long as they could get the hell out of there. Nick held onto her hand as they walked, pulling her close to his side for most of the walk.

They finally reached the car and Alex dug into her pockets for her keys. She pulled her cell phone out of one pocket and Nick frowned.

Her eyebrows went up curiously as he grabbed it from her, and then looked around for a moment. Pulling his flashlight out of his pocket, he shined the light around until he found what he was looking for.

Alex was surprised and then amused as Nick dropped her phone to the pavement and brought his foot down heavily on the defective device. Then he picked it up and expertly lobbed it into the garbage bin he'd located in the distance with his flashlight. Alex grinned up at him, hearing the metal clank as it found its mark.

He pulled her close again and smirked as he spoke.

"I'll get you a _new_ one."

* * *

Alex let Nick drive home since the combination of the late hour and the events of the evening had finally worn her down. She felt utterly exhausted.

Nick, on the other hand was feeling a lot more like his old self as it finally sank in for him that she was _really_ _and truly safe_. He smiled over at her as they climbed into the car and her heart skipped a beat.

"Your place or mine?" He continued smiling.

"Doesn't matter to me." She reached behind his neck and massaged it lovingly. He shivered lightly at her touch and then started the engine. He grinned over at her.

"Well, I could probably use a shower, so how about mine?"

She gave a small laugh as she took in his dusty appearance again.

"Yeah, sounds good."

* * *

She was so tired she could barely keeps her eyes open, but she didn't want to fall asleep before Nick finished his shower and joined her. A part of her needed to see him again before she fell asleep.

She heard the bathroom door open and then his footsteps coming down the hall. She felt nervous suddenly.

Wearing just a towel, he smiled at her as he entered the room and her stomach went to mush.

"You're still awake?"

She nodded, blushing lightly. Despite her exhuastion, she still couldn't fight back a small stirring of arousal.

She could never resist him when he was all damp and sexy in nothing but a towel. Unfortunately she was too tired to even think about doing anything about it tonight... _Even_ after he dropped the towel momentarily before pulling on a pair of boxers.

He turned to smile at her, loving how cute she looked in one of his t-shirts. He climbed into bed and immediately wrapped her in his arms. She sighed into his embrace, hugging him back happily. He kissed her hair and caressed her back tenderly.

Warmth enveloped his heart as he thought about how good it felt to have her here with him again. Even before they'd had their problems, he'd been thinking about it more and more often lately; asking her to move in with him...

But that was something they could discuss tomorrow. He felt his pulse speed up at the thought.

_Is it too soon_?

Then he tried to be more realistic.

_Slow down Stokes_. _We have other things to talk about first_. _Tomorrow_.

She yawned and tried to speak. "Nick, I-"

He cut her off, knowing how tired she was. "Hon, you're _beat_. We have a lot to talk about, but it can wait. Get some sleep. We have tomorrow to talk about everything."

He was still thanking his lucky stars for that fact.

She snuggled in as close as she could get and he shivered as she kissed his neck just below his ear, whispering, "I love you Nick Stokes."

"_You better_."

He smiled into her hair and they both drifted off.

* * *

**A.N (part 2):** Well, I'm not _totally_ happy with that chapter, but it was a tricky one to write. _Anyhoo_, hope it was tolerable.


	12. Chapter 12

**A.N: **Wow, I'm glad you guys liked the last chapter. I guess I wasn't sure about it b/c it was difficult to write. Anyway, thanks!

* * *

Alex felt warm and comfortable and she snuggled closer into her pillow... But it felt a little too solid underneath her and she was momentarily confused. She ran her hands over it and, opening her eyes she squinted beneath her. Then she rememebered.

She raised her head and her breath caught in her thoat as she saw Nick smiling back at her.

"Mornin' darlin'."

She couldn't stop the huge smile from forming on her lips and Nick's heart beat a little faster. Moving up his body a bit, she put her face next to his, nuzzling his cheek and sighing out a word.

"_Morning_."

He turned his face and kissed her softly at first, and then it quickly deepened into something more. He rolled sideways and pulled her tightly against him and she moaned into his mouth. She hadn't realized how much she'd missed this... And missed _him_. She forgot how amazing he made her feel.

She started to feel a tremor in her stomach and in the back of her mind, she wondered if she was ready for this. Emotionally, there was nothing she wanted more, but _physically_...

As if sensing her thoughts, Nick pulled away from her a bit, breathing a bit heavier than normal. "Alex, maybe... maybe we should wait?"

She smiled gratefully back into his eyes and he kissed her tenderly. He leaned back to smile at her again.

"There's no hurry. And we have some things to discuss..."

She grinned sheepishly.

_Yeah, like how I was a crazy, bitchy_...

"Are you hungry? We're a little late for our _breakfast meeting_, but... There's always lunch." He smiled in amusement.

She looked at his clock radio. Almost noon.

_Wow_,_ I guess I was tired alright_.

"Yes... Feed me, please."

He laughed and climbed out of bed, pulling her with him. "Well, let's go see what I've got..."

He held onto her hand and they made their way to the kitchen.

* * *

Alex had pulled her jeans back on and sat flicking channels in Nick's living room, her knees pulled up in front of her, bare feet dangling off the edge of the sofa. Nick was in the bathroom shaving and Alex grinned as she could hear him whistling some crazy tune.

She found the cartoon network and settled in for some _PowerPuff Girls_. She was barely aware of the show as her mind started to wander.

_Where do I start_? _Do I tell him what's been freaking me out_? _Do I mention that I'm not sure if I want to have kids_? _Or is that signing the death certificate on this relationship_?

"_Hey_."

She looked up suddenly, startled by Nick's reappearance.

"Oh, _hi_."

She smiled nervously and he moved around the coffee table towards her. As he sat down beside her on the sofa, he grabbed her legs and pulled her feet onto his lap, massaging the soles. Pleasure creeped up her legs and her nerves calmed a bit.

He looked at her expectantly. "_So_."

She laughed lightly. "_So_."

He leaned over and kissed her tenderly, then looked into her eyes. "So, let's talk."

She felt a shiver up her spine, but smiled shyly. "OK."

He looked down at her feet for a moment, and he stroked the top of one foot, seeming to give it all his attention. Then he looked back up suddenly and his eyes were serious.

"Alex, I'm so sorry I let you down the other day. I wanted to be there for you, I promise you. I knew how much you were hurting, and all I wanted to do was try to make you feel better... But I let you down."

He sighed and frowned as he tried to gather his thoughts, but Alex spoke up.

"Oh, Nick... I... I understand, really. And I'm sorry for acting so weird afterwards. I was acting so crazy... I swear, I almost don't know who that woman was. I couldn't even... I couldn't even_ feel_. I felt like a stranger in my own body... But, I think I'm OK now. Maddie thinks I was in shock or something, and thinking back, I think she must have been right. I can't believe how I treated you. I just... _Man_, I was so-"

"Hon, you _weren't _yourself, so I understand. You'd just been through... Well, the miscarriage... It must have been such a shock. I can't even imagine what you were feeling. And then I... I wasn't there for you when you needed me."

"Nick, it's OK, _really_... I know you've been going through some stuff..."

He looked at her, somewhat surprised. "Yeah?"

She nodded sympathetically.

"_Yeah_. Catherine said you guys had a tough case at work and that it was stressing you out. And then I remembered that day I talked to you and you weren't feeling like yourself then, either... It's just that, well... I know you've been dealing with all this work stuff and I understand why you left, after the... You had that _nightmare_. I could see how much it upset you. I guess I misunderstood what happened. I mean, _at the time_... I guess I thought you... I thought you were upset at me for losing the baby."

He shook his head sadly and when he spoke, his voice was barely a whisper.

"Oh, Alex... Nothing could be further from the truth. I love you so much. I would never, _ever_ blame you for something like that. _Never_." His eyes shone with emotion and she swallowed with difficulty.

"I... _I know that_. I know it had nothing to do with me or the... the..."

She couldn't bring herself to say _the baby_ for some reason. She stumbled to continue and he watched her closely.

"I know it had to do with what... What you've been going through; this case that's been troubling you. I was just a little irrational at the time and I wasn't thinking straight. _I'm so sorry_."

He hugged her close and whispered into her cheek. "You don't have to be sorry. I'm the one who's sorry. No matter _what_, I should have been there for you and I wasn't. But... Thank you for understanding why I left. I wasn't myself then, either, you're right."

He pulled back to look into her eyes, and she was troubled by the sadness she could sense there. He spoke solemnly.

"I _was_ shaken by that case, but it actually runs a little deeper than that." He paused and wet his lips nervously. "I'm... I'm trying to work out some of my own problems right now and I... I want to tell you about it all sometime but... But I'm just not ready yet. I need you to... I hope you can understand that it has nothing to do with you, or with us... It's just something I've been avoiding for years and it's time I dealt with it. I know that sounds crazy, but..."

She'd been listening to him carefully and was a little surprised at this revelation, but she wanted to stop him from continuing to worry about how _she _was feeling; she knew she'd be fine now... As long as they were together.

She didn't want him to worry about her when it seemed like he was already dealing with something fairly serious himself.

"No, Nick, it's _OK_... When you're _ready_." She stroked his cheek lovingly. "I'll be here when you're ready to tell me. Don't worry."

She smiled into his face, wanting to convince him that she understood that he needed time. "I'll be here. I'm not going anywhere."

His mouth slowly began to quirk into a surprised smile. He shook his head, his smile growing as she watched. Then he pulled her close and whispered into her ear.

"_Damn_,_ I love you_."

She hugged him back and rubbed at the back of his neck gently.

"Probably _almost_ as much as I love you."

* * *

They watched random TV shows for a while, content just to be back in each other's arms again.

After a while though, Alex began to feel nervous again. She hadn't told him about her worries... About her concerns about wanting to have children. She was still scared about mentioning it. It seemed as though Nick could sense her mood change and he leaned away from her, curiously.

"What's wrong?"

She had to laugh, as nervous as she was. "How do you _do_ that?"

He grinned. "What?"

"How do you always _read_ me so well? It's bizarre..."

He smirked. "I dunno... Must be my investigative skills or something."

She shook her head. "Well, whatever. It's still freaky."

He wouldn't be deterred, unfortunately. "So what's wrong, Alex?"

She smirked herself, not sure how to begin... And unsure if she even _wanted_ to begin.

In the end, she decided it had to be said. If she was going to be with Nick, he had to know about her uncertainty about having children.

"Wow... I... I don't know where to begin. There's... There's more I need to tell you. After I had the miscarriage, I had a lot of thoughts running through my head." She tried to clear her thoughts now as the confusion threatened to return.

"I was upset after it happened, but the thing is... I wasn't really sure _why_."

He looked at her in mild confusion, but said nothing, wanting her to continue. She bit her bottom lip for a second and then went on.

"I was depressed and disappointed, but I'm not sure if it was because I'd lost the baby... Or only because I thought I'd let _you _down."

"Alex, I-"

"No, _I know_, Nick. I know you didn't feel that way. But I... Up until now..." She took a deep breath. "I've never been sure whether I want to have kids or not. I mean, I'm not sure that I _don't_ want to have them either, but..."

She shook her head, looking at him helplessly suddenly. "Am I making any sense at all?"

He pulled her close again. "Yeah, you are. What I think you're saying is that the miscarriage has had you questioning whether you want kids or not. Is that it?"

She sighed.

_Why couldn't I say it that easily_?

She spoke quietly into his shoulder. "Yeah. That's it."

He stroked her back gently. "It's _OK_ to feel that way, you know. It doesn't make you a bad person or anything."

She pulled away from him again, mildly surprised at his reaction... And the fact that she couldn't tell what his reaction really _was_. He read the question in her expression and sighed, looking back at her with chagrin.

"The truth is, all this has had me thinking about it too and I don't really know how I feel about it either. I'm not sure if I... I'm not sure if I'm ready to be a father, either."

She was astounded at his admission. "Really?"

He gave her a bemused smile. "Yeah, _really_. Why does that surprise you so much? Especially when you've basically just admitted to feeling the same way."

She shook her head slightly. "I guess I always just saw you as excellent father material. I always imagined that you'd make a wonderful dad one day."

She felt momentarily surprised at her own statement, but at the same time she realized it was absolutely true. She could see Nick as a father, and a great one at that.

He couldn't deny the pleasure that gave him and he smiled at her shyly. "Really?"

She nodded back honestly. "Yes. Absolutely."

He leaned in and put his forehead against hers, still smiling. "_Thanks_."

Then she felt the concern again. "So, you can see my problem."

He leaned back and shook his head.

"No, I _can't_. As far as I can tell, we both feel the same about it right now." He smiled kindly at her. "And I'm not going to stop loving you, so why don't we just cross that bridge when we come to it?"

She smiled back in amusement. "Are you sure?"

"Of course I'm sure."

She leaned back into his arms and he squeezed her tightly. But in the back of her mind, the worry remained.

_What if one day you change your mind_... _and I don't_?

She didn't have much time to dwell on it though, as she noticed Nick still looking at her, a vaguely nervous expression on his face.

"What?"

He chewed at the inside of his lip and ran his fingers through his hair. Alex felt nervous now too.

"Nick? What is it?" She'd sounded calm to her own ears, but her heart had begun to race.

"Well, I feel sort of bad springing this on you now... Maybe it's bad timing." He paused, frowning down at the floor.

She looked at him in amazement.

"Well, it's too late _now_, isn't it? You can't say something like that and leave me hanging... What's going on, Nick?"

His head snapped up at her tone and he noted her concerned look with chagrin.

"No, Alex...it's nothing bad." He smirked at his own stupidity. "I'm sorry; I shouldn't have phrased it like that. I just wanted to ask you something, but I don't know if now's a good time."

She still felt confused, but his self-effacing tone had removed the worry somewhat.

"Please... Just ask me _now_."

He grinned at her timidly and grabbed her hand, stroking her skin softly.

"Well, I was wondering... I mean, you can think about it for a while if you like..."

She was beginning to look impatient and he laughed as he realized he was inadvertently torturing her.

"Alex, would you be interested in moving in with me? Living here with me, in my house?"

He watched as her brows went up in astonishment and his nervousness returned.

_Man_, _maybe this is too soon_...

Alex wasn't sure she'd heard him correctly. Her brain began to freeze up, despite the warmth that coursed around her heart.

He exhaled heavily. "Ah Alex, nevermind. I just thought that with our schedules the way they are right now, it would make it easier to see each other and... Sorry. I shouldn't have asked now. It's too soon after... I'm sorry."

"No... No, it's OK. It's not too soon, really..."

She seemed to be unable to do anything other than stammer, so she stopped and tried to concentrate on getting the words out of her mouth. Nick spoke again.

"Well look, just think about it then and-"

"Yes."

"You'll think about it? OK, _great_.... Just let me know when you've decided and-"

She grinned and laughed lightly.

"No, I mean… _Yes_, Nick, I want to move in with you. I don't need time to think about it."

Now it was his turn to look shocked. "Really?"

She smiled at him lovingly and squeezed his hand. "Yeah, really. I can't think of anywhere else I'd rather be."

She melted under his huge smile. She smiled back at him as she moved into his arms and he hugged her close, murmuring in happiness.

"You really want to move in with me? Honestly?"

She laughed again and squeezed him back.

"Yes, yes, _YES_._ I really mean it_. Why don't you believe me? Do I need to get some sort of official, signed document? _I hereby agree to move in with Nick Stokes_..." She stopped as she felt him pulling away and standing up.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm getting some paper and a pen..."

He grinned at her playfully and she moved after him, grabbing his arm and whacking him lightly.

"I can't believe I'm in love with such a _goof_. What have I gotten myself into?" She shook her head, feigning disbelief.

"Well, you can't back out _now_. You promised." He pulled her back into his arms, smiling down at her.

"Wait, I don't recall making any _promises_..."

She felt bad as he actually looked uncertain for a moment. "Nick, I'm _joking_."

He looked sternly at her in mock reprimand.

"Don't make me punish you, lady."

He moved his lips down to hers in a passionate kiss, crushing her against him. When they came up for air a minute later, she smiled in surprise.

"Um, yeah well... You can punish me like _that_ anytime you like!"

He laughed and she stroked his cheek again as he looked down at her longingly. His voice was gentle as he spoke.

"So, uh... When do you want to move in?"

She smiled wider. "How about _right now_?"


	13. Chapter 13

**A.N: **And now for something _completely_ different: Here comes the _fluff!_

* * *

Alex ended up waiting until Nick was on days off again before she finally and officially moved in. She'd been taking things over gradually during the week, and she was thankful she didn't have very much stuff.

Her townhome had been a month to month rental only, but she felt bad about moving out so soon and her landlord had been a really nice man, so she gave him an extra month's rent.

She finally had eveything moved in by Friday night, and Nick took her out for dinner to celebrate.

She smiled happily at him over the dimly lit table. His dark eyes sparkled in the candle light and she felt her heart fluttering.

_My God_. _I just moved in with the sexiest man I've ever met_. _What have I done to deserve this_?

He reached across the table suddenly and grabbed her hand. He kissed it softly and her skin tingled under his lips. He looked up at her and smiled irresistably.

"Alex, I was wondering..."

He continued to watch her enticingly and she couldn't take her eyes off him.

"Yeah?" She swallowed roughly, thoroughly under his spell.

"I was wondering... Are you going to finish that fish?"

He kept a straight face, but his eyes danced with humour in the flickering light. She tried not to give him the satisfaction, but she couldn't hold back the laughter, and her shoulders began to shake slightly with the act.

He laughed with her and she shook her head at him.

"I can't _believe_ you. This is supposed to be all romantic... and stuff."

He snorted more laughter.

"And _stuff_? Yeah, that sounds romantic right there. You have such a way with words, darlin'."

They continued to laugh and he squeezed her hand affectionately.

"Well, at least I'm not a _mooch_." She whacked his fork away as it descended towards her plate. "It just so happens I'm not finished eating that yet. I'm just taking a break."

He raised his brows skeptically. "Hmmm. _Yeah, right_." Then he gave her a measuring look. "Fine. We'll just wait then. _Take your time_... Finish it off."

She stared back at him boldly, not willing to admit defeat even though she could not possibly eat another bite. Between the garlic bread, ceasar's salad and several glasses of red wine, she had already been close to full even before her creamy fish dinner had been placed in front of her. And it had been an extremely generous portion on top of that.

She smiled sweetly at him and scooped up a portion of the delicious fish onto her fork. She placed it delicately in her mouth and forced herself to swallow it down.

She felt her stomach beginning to protest and Nick watched her with amusement as she looked a bit uncomfortable for a moment. She fought to smile back at him again, but he burst out laughing as she attempted to make a _yummmm_ sound and ended up sounding like a pained animal. She started to laugh uncontrollably herself and tears of mirth began to roll down her cheeks.

As the laughter began to subside she finally pushed her plate towards him, smiling and sighing in resignation.

"Here, finish it off then."

He looked at the plate with disinterest. "Nah, I'm full. I couldn't eat another bite."

She stared at him in shock and he started to chuckle again. She shook her head in mock outrage, but was unable to keep the smile off her face.

"You _son of a_ -"

He pulled out his Texan drawl to put her over the edge.

"Now, darlin'... This is one _grade A_ ee-stablishment. Don't be causin' no scenes now, or we're like ta find oursells plum rustled on outta here."

She burst out laughing again and felt more tears sliding down her face. He laughed heartily from across the table and she couldn't seem to control herself. Some people at the table closest to them started to look in their direction, annoyed. Alex covered her mouth and accidentally snorted as she tried to stop laughing. This made Nick laugh even harder and she blushed in embarrassment, still laughing.

"Man, I better get you out of here before we _do_ cause a scene."

He hailed down a waiter and asked for their bill. As an afterthought, he called after the man.

"Make it quick, buddy; I don't know how much longer I can control her!"

Anything he said after that was muffled by the linen napkin suddenly hanging down into his face.

* * *

They were still laughing as they made their way inside Nick's house. She stopped as she contemplated that thought.

_Nick's house_. _I guess it's sort of my house now too_. _Or at least_,_ it's_ _my_ home...

The thought made her so happy she thought she might burst.

Nick turned and smiled back at her as she appeared to be lost in thought for a second. She looked up to see him watching her from across the living room and she raised her brows, grinning.

"What?"

He moved towards her and wrapped her in his arms. "Welcome home."

She quivered a bit in his embrace, smiling happily as she looked up into his face. "Thank you."

"I got you a housewarming present..."

He moved away to get something and she watched him with curiosity as he headed down the hall. He returned a moment later with a small box wrapped in shiny red paper and a bow. She laughed as she lifted the lid off and saw what was inside.

"A new cell phone." She smiled up at him in amusement.

"You'll find that I've already entered the most important numbers in there. My cell number is under the name "_Sir Cool_".

She laughed out loud and he grinned back at her.

"I love it. Thank you." She leaned up and kissed him lightly.

"You're welcome."

He looked down at her, his grin becoming slowly more seductive, and she felt a shiver of excitement. He yawned lightly. "Well, I'm feeling a little tired..."

She licked her lips in anticipation, knowing she wanted nothing more than to make love to Nick right now. She was _burning_ for him, in fact. They hadn't made love since before the miscarriage, and Alex was sure she was back to normal now... But first, she thought she might have _a little fun_...

"Yeah, I'm feeling a little tired myself. It's been a long day."

She leaned into him and rubbed her body against him slowly. She whispered with a breathy voice in his ear. "I had a wonderful time with you today... And tonight. Dinner was lovely."

She ran her hands down his body and was satisfied to feel him tremble beneath her. She looked back up into his eyes and was briefly amazed at the amount of desire building behind his gaze. She almost gave up her plan right there and then.

But then she decided she had to go through with it, especially after all the teasing he'd subjected her to.

"So... I guess I better head off to _my_ room and get some sleep. Good night."

She kissed him on the cheek and was gratified to note the look of desire had been replaced by confusion. She made her way down the hall towards the spare bedroom and she paused to look back at him as she grabbed the door knob. She yawned and stretched her arms over her head, feigning tiredness.

"Boy, I didn't realize how beat I was."

She yawned again and then slipped into the room and closing the door behind her, fully enjoying the look of shock on his face.

She instantly leaned back against the door giggling into her hand, thoroughly impressed with herself.

_Man_, _I'm _not_ a nice person_...

She quickly began to strip down to her bra and panties, a special matching set that she'd bought yesterday in anticipation of this evening. Silky and black, she thought they amplified and minimized in all the right places, despite the sheerness and distinct lack of material.

She looked quickly in the mirror at her appearance and smiled nervously.

_Boy_,_ I hope this doesn't backfire on me_.

Then she remembered the look of longing in his eyes before she'd played her little trick... Aand the arousal she'd felt beginning to press against her as she'd held her body against his.

_Hopefully_, _he won't have the patience to try and get me back for this one right now_.

But she began to worry she was wrong as the minute stretched on. She stood nervously in front of the door, trying to hear his footsteps.

_Nothing_.

She was about to break down and open the door herself when she heard him knocking lightly. She smiled with relief.

"Alex?"

He sounded a bit nervous and she was almost worried he'd taken her too seriously. She called back to him innocently.

"Yes?"

He continued to call through the door and she held back a giggle.

"You're... You're just messing with me, _right_?"

She counted to ten and then opened the door slowly, looking up at him in what she hoped was a provocative glance.

"What do _you_ think?"

Her mouth turned up slightly at the corner and he breathed in deeply as he looked her up and down, his eyes devouring her.

"I..." He gulped as he tried to speak, desire reigniting in his eyes at the sight of her. She tried to act cool but her pulse leaped suddenly.

"I think you're a cruel, cruel woman..."

He smiled appraisingly and chewed at his lower lip, still staring at her with undisguised desire. "But I think I can forgive you if you just let me touch you right now."

She blushed a little bit, suddenly nervous under his scrutiny even though she'd set this up herself.

Steeling herself and wanting to appear the epitome of sophisticated confidence, she walked across the threshold and slid her hands up his arms slowly, slipping them under his collar as she reached his neck. He shivered lightly again and she kissed his neck, whispering into his ear as she trailed kisses back along his jawline.

"I think we might be able to work something out."


	14. Chapter 14

**A.N**: Mature themes ahead.

* * *

He pulled her closer and ran his hands down her back, his fingers caressing her as they went. He spoke hoarsely into her hair. "Man, I've missed making love with you..."

He looked down at her as she pulled back and looked up at him lovingly.

"So have I."

She pushed him gently backward and he pulled her with him towards his bedroom; her _real _bedroom now.

_Their bedroom_...

She shivered as his eyes continued to consume her and when they stepped inside the room, she stopped him and slowly began to undo his shirt. She worked slowly down through his buttons, pulling the material a little more open at each one to see his chest underneath, and he watched her every move. As she reached his waist band, she undid his belt and pulled it off, then slid her nails underneath his pants button, working it open carefully. She eased his shirt out of the open waistband and pushed it back off his shoulders and down his arms, her eyes never leaving his chest as she did so.

She was so aroused at the sight of him standing there, pants undone and shirtless, she thought she might need a moment to collect herself. She drew in a ragged breath as she ran her hands down his chest, feeling him shiver underneath her fingers.

His hands finally moved towards her, sliding down her arms and moving to her waist. He breathed roughly as he looked down at her, his fingers shaking slightly as they played with the top of her delicate panties.

She trembled as he touched her skin and then she moved her mouth towards his chest, kissing his collarbone and then slowly making her way down. His hands slid up to her shoulders and he groaned as her fingers made their way back down to his opened pants, sliding the zipper down and moving under the dark material sensually.

Her tongue flicked out to caress his chest and as he felt her hand slipping along his stiffened shaft below, he shuddered under the sudden onslaught of sensations. Then she was forcing his pants and his boxers down his legs and he slid his hands through her hair as she stayed on her knees, her fingers running down his hips, his thighs...

He groaned as he felt her lips touch his thigh just below his hip bone, and her fingers grasped him gently and massaged him until he thought his legs might give out. He ran his fingers through her hair and whispered her name harshly as she kissed his maleness slowly and erotically.

"_Alex_..."

She looked up and smiled at him longingly and he groaned and pulled her up into his arms again, kissing her passionately.

She pushed him back towards the bed and he pulled her into his arms as he lay back. He clutched at her back and then slid his hands down to her behind, his fingers slipping underneath the thin material of her panties and sliding downward...

She breathed out raggedly as he touched the skin underneath and he covered her mouth with his own, savouring her. She moaned into his mouth as his fingers stroked her slowly, and he felt his own arousal throbbing rythmically underneath her.

She shuddered beneath him as he grazed the tiny nub that was the center of her pleasure. Kissing him back hungrily, her hands clutched at his sides as her hips rocked slowly back and forth with the waves of pleasure that he was sending through her. He moved his lips down to her throat and then she felt his hand sliding across her sensitive breasts, barely restrained by the silky material of her bra.

He stopped to pull her legs around him and she slid to a partial sitting position on his body as he sat up to capture her breast in his mouth, suckling at her nipple through the fabric. He slid a hand down to her panties once more, inflamed even more as he felt her warm wetness resting on his stomach through the fabric. He moved his hand underneath her and reached his fingers back up to stroke her through the material again.

She gasped once more, arching her back and closing her eyes as the sensations rolled through her body. She moaned softly as his teeth pulled at her nipple through her bra and she leaned back further, her hands sliding behind her to his stiffened erection.

He paused briefly in his attentions to her breast to moan at her touch, and then he suckled harder on her taut nipple in response. Feeling suddenly hindered by the fabric covering her breasts, he reached his hands back to undo the offending lingerie and peeled it off her, his head dipping back down to catch the tantalizing mound once more.

She slid her body slowly back down his body and he sat up straighter to continue tasting her. He cried out as she slid onto his erection, and she pushed herself more tightly against him, the hot dampness between her legs driving him mad with need.

He slid his hands down her sides and lifted her up as he tried to push her panties down her legs. She hovered above him on her knees, wiggling her hips to help them slide down and kissing his neck passionately. She lowered back down as they disappeared and she shivered as she felt the skin of his shaft resting between her legs once more.

Nick looked into her eyes intensely and she exhaled loudly as he pushed is body up beneath her, wanting to feel her against him. She was enthralled by the look in his eyes and he groaned as he saw that desire reflected back at him in hers, devouring her mouth again.

He kissed her deeply as she reached beneath her and stroked him sensually again, feeling him pulsing within her fingers. She carefully guided him inside of her and they both moaned as he entered her.

As she began to move up and down on his lap, he stared up into her eyes and she felt scorched beneath his gaze, her own arousal increasing with every second. He grasped her hips in his hands and pushed and pulled with her, forcing himself deeper and deeper inside her. She felt her breasts throbbing along with the rhythm of her core, as his erection caressed her swollen clitoris with every thrust.

He watched her face as the orgasm built inside her, and he could feel her inner muscles clenching him, bringing him along with her. As it grew within them, he began to move faster and faster and she rode with him, her body massaging him of its own accord now.

He thought he might beat her to the moment of climax, but just as he felt himself rocked with ecstasy, she threw her head back and cried out with him.

He was leaning back now, his body locked into the thrust as they fell off the world together.

* * *

They lay entwined on the sheets, legs mingled and arms wrapped around each other.

Nick was looking into her face, smiling blissfully. She moved her hand to massage the back of his neck and he kissed her slowly. He mumbled into her lips, but she couldn't make it out. She laughed as she pulled back.

"What was that?"

"I said, '_I love you_.'"

"Ah. OK."

He laughed. "_And_...?"

She kissed him back, mumbling '_I love you too_' into his mouth. He smiled into her lips, then pulled her closer, whispering into her ear.

"That's more like it."

She giggled and snuggled in, exhausted from their lovemaking. She dozed off, happier than she'd ever been in her life.

* * *

The weekend was a blur of grocery shopping, rental movies, a little gambling... and lots of lovemaking. Sunday came and went and Alex was tired enough that she decided to nap with Nick that afternoon before his shift started that night.

She looked at his suit laid out on the chair and grinned.

_Mmmm_. _I can't wait to see him in that_.

He caught her glance and pulled her into spoon position in front of him, embracing her from behind. He spoke into her ear.

"What are you grinning about?"

"I'm just looking forward to seeing you in that suit. You clean up _real_ good, hon."

He laughed lightly at her attempted drawl, but eyed the suit less appreciatively. He wasn't looking forward to presenting at that particular evidentiary hearing in the morning. He would be presenting his evidence on the child abuse/murder case. He saw little Ben's sad face in his mind and tried to shake it off.

He kissed Alex's temple and cuddled her closer. "Sleep tight."

She smiled to herself and yawned her response. "You too."

* * *

Nick... _Nick_, _wake up_."

She tried to shake him lightly, afraid she might freak him out otherwise. She moved in closer to his ear and spoke louder.

"Nick!"

He sat up straight, wide awake now, eyes wide in fear. She gasped at the expression on his face, but made no move to touch him, remembering what had happened before...

She let him get his bearings and then spoke softly. "Nick, are you OK?"

He looked over at her slowly, his eyes seeming to clear as he moved. He let out a huge breath and looked down at his lap, running his hand through his hair.

"_Damn_."

She waited for him to speak again, nervous about pushing him. He finally looked up at her, grinning bitterly. "Sorry... Sorry I woke you."

She smiled kindly. "I don't mind. I'm just sorry you had another nightmare. Are you alright?"

He blew out a breath. "Yeah... Yeah, I'm fine. I guess."

He still looked unsettled and she ached to reach out and touch him. Of its own volition, her hand moved to his shoulder. He flinched, but he didn't pull away. Alex didn't want to make him feel uncomfortable so she removed it again. He looked up at her sadly.

"I'm sorry... I... It's not you." He was fighting to look her in the eye and Alex swallowed her own sadness. She whispered to him tenderly.

"I know, Nick. It's OK."

He pushed his legs over the side of the bed. "I'm just going to go watch some TV for a while, OK?"

He looked over at her uncomfortably. She nodded, trying to show him she understood.

"Yeah, please... Go ahead. I understand."

The semblance of a grateful smile appeared briefly on his lips. He moved to the door, then looked back at her again kindly.

"Go back to sleep. I'll be back in a little while."

She nodded. "OK."

As the door closed behind him she clutched at his pillow, her eyes beginning to well up. She wasn't sad because he was shutting her out, exactly; she was sad because she didn't know how to help him and she couldn't stand seeing that look of hurt and anguish in his eyes. And _fear_.

_What are you going through, Nick_? _What happened to you_?


	15. Chapter 15

**A.N**: Sorry for the delay in the story, guys. I've been _smokin'_ busy this week.

* * *

She couldn't fall asleep for a while, but when she did it was restless.

She woke up when she felt Nick slide back into the bed beside her a couple hours later, but she didn't move. She waited to see if he'd move in close to her like he usually did, and spoon behind her... But she felt him settle on his own side of the bed. Then he moved again and pulled the covers over himself, and she knew he was facing away from her.

She bit her lip and clenched her eyes tightly shut, willing the tears not to fall. After she heard his breathing even out, she crept out of bed, grabbed her clothes and made her way to the living room.

* * *

Alex had been using Nick's laptop to work on her assignment. Due to the explosion, she and the other girls had gotten an extension, but now the due date was only a couple of days off.

She sighed.

_I can't concentrate_.

She looked back towards the bedroom and sighed. She'd been typing in spurts, her mind thinking about Nick everytime there was a lull.

_At this rate I'll be lucky to get this__ essay done by next week instead of by tomorrow_. _I need to get out of here for a little while_.

Then she looked at the books sitting beside her. They were due that day and she knew she could renew them over the internet but... She looked at her watch. It was almost 5:30 and the library closed at 6 on Sundays. She grabbed her keys and headed out to her car.

As she drove along, her mind contemplated what had happened earlier.

_I know this has nothing to do with me_,_ but_...

Understanding or not, she couldn't deny that it had hurt when Nick pulled away from her like that. She couldn't let it show to him of course, but it cut her to the quick.

_I just have to be patient_.

She pulled into the library parking lot and sprinted to the door, hoping she would make it on time and avoid some nasty fines.

* * *

Nick woke up earlier than usual and rolled over, reaching for Alex. He felt a small surge of disappointment that she was no longer there.

_Well_, _unlike me_ _she was only napping so she probably got up a while ago_.

He frowned as he remembered his earlier nightmare.

_Man_,_ I can't believe it's taken me so long to try and sort this all out_.

Nick had finally called the therapist and set up an appointment knowing it was long overdue, not to mention the one big wall left in his relationship with Alex. But of course, just having the appointment left him as unsettled as anything.

Dragging himself from bed, he wandered down the hall towards the living room, expecting Alex to be there. His laptop was on and he could see she'd been working on something, but now she was nowhere in sight.

He frowned slightly.

_I wonder where she went_?

As he climbed into the shower, he contemplated the appointment he had in two days, after his shift ended. He was nervous about discussing this stuff with a stranger, but he was more afraid of how it was affecting his life with Alex.

He couldn't believe how understanding she'd been earlier when he'd had the dream again, but he knew it had to be hard on her.

As usual, he came awake feeling full of self-disgust and fear. He had seen her confusion reflected in her eyes, but she hadn't pushed him. She'd been so understanding about the whole thing.

This thought finally brought a smile to his face and seemed to lighten the load his nightmares always left him with. He was doing it for himself, but he knew it might never have come to therapy if he didn't love Alex so much.

He had more of a reason now to straighten things out.

* * *

Alex got home a little while later and was surprised to see that Nick was awake.

She was a little nervous about how he would be feeling right now, but she tried to act normally. She gave him a small smile as he glanced back at her.

"Hey there. How come you're up already?"

He smiled back at her and she felt her nerves settling somewhat. She made her way over to where he sat on the couch and leaned over to kiss him. She squawked suddenly as he yanked her down onto his lap and kissed her deeply.

Relief flowed through her veins and she kissed him back greedily. She grinned up at him.

"Not that I'm complaining, but shouldn't you still be sleeping?"

He smiled down at her. "Ah, I couldn't sleep anymore."

She could see the small hint of tension in his face as he said it and even though he was smiling, she knew he was thinking about the nightmare. He read her comprehension immediately and leaned into her face, resting his forehead against hers.

"Don't worry about me. I'm_ finally_ going to sort this all out." He blew out a big breath as he leaned back to look at her. "I have an appointment the day after tomorow, after work."

She smiled encouragingly and kissed him lightly. "Oh. That's good."

He stroked her cheek tenderly. "Yeah, I hope it will be. I know I... I know I act strange after the dreams, Alex and I'm sorry. It's just-"

"_Hey_." She kissed him lightly. "It's _alright_. I understand. I just worry about you, that's all. I'm sure talking to someone will do a world of good. You'll see."

She kissed his hand and he smiled sheepishly.

"Yeah, I'm still a little weirded out by the idea. I've never really been the therapy type, I guess. You know; it's fine for other people _but_... Anyway, I decided enough is enough. I really need to do this for myself... And for us too. For you."

He'd said the words quietly and he looked at her with a small smile. Her throat tightened and she tried to swallow.

_Wow_, _I love this guy so much_.

She leaned in and laid her head on his chest and he ran his fingers gently through her hair as he kissed her forehead. She finally thought she could talk without sounding choked up.

"I think that whatever's troubling you... You need to do this for yourself, Nick. Not for anyone else. And it sounds like maybe it's something you should have done a while back. But please... Don't think you need to do it for _me_. I love you just the way you are. I think you need to do it for _you_... It's obviously hurting you somehow, and it tears me apart to see you in pain."

He smiled sadly and whispered into her hair. "I know."

Then he brightened a bit. "And I _am_ doing it for me. You just gave me a little more _incentive_."

She laughed slightly and pulled back from him, looking into his eyes lovingly. "I'm glad I could help."

She leaned in to kiss him deeply.

* * *

Nick grabbed his suit and threw it over his shoulder as he walked towards the front door.

Alex smiled at him with amusement. She stood by the door and kissed him lightly, her voice a bit husky as she spoke.

"Promise me you'll wear the suit home after court."

He laughed and shifted it to his other arm as he pulled her closer. "I don't know... It's supposed to be hot tomorrow. I'll probably want to get out of it quickly."

She grinned mischievously. "Oh, I'm pretty sure you'll be _getting out of it quickly_, don't you worry..."

He raised his brows in interest. "Oh yeah?"

She smiled and hugged him back, speaking softly into his ear as she nibbled at it.

"Yeah, I can pretty much guarantee it."

He laughed again and gave her an extra squeeze before letting her go.

"_Hmmm_. Then I think there's a good chance that I'll be home in record time tomorrow!"

She laughed as he continued. "And I better get going before I have to throw you down on the carpet right now and practice."

He turned as he was exiting the door. "Don't you start your next practical teaching this week? I didn't think you'd be home tomorrow afternoon."

"No, I start Tuesday. It's a PD day tomorrow. No students."

He smiled at her sexily.

"Well then... I guess I'll see you tomorrow." Then he looked at her speculatively. "And might I mention that I quite liked that little black outfit you had on the other night..."

She smiled back.

"I'll see what I can do."

* * *

Alex woke up early and decided to pick up some groceries before Nick got home.

She'd only been there for the weekend so far, but she wanted to contribute whenever she could. Nick hadn't wanted her to pay rent since she was still in school, but she'd quickly talked him out of that. She'd saved enough to pay regular rent, so there was no reason why she couldn't pay her share of his mortgage payments.

As she pulled into the parking lot, she was smiling. Yeah, they had some things they still had to deal with, but otherwise things were wonderful. She counted her blessings for how, amazed at how her life had turned out. What could have been a tragedy had actually been the turning point in her life.

She'd never thought about marriage before, but the thought slipped into her mind now unbidden. She felt a nervous flutter in her chest.

_Whoh, slow down_, _Winters_. _You've been living with Nick for all of a weekend_. _Don't get ahead of yourself_.

She tried to shake it off, wondering why she was thinking of marriage now, after years of thinking she'd probably never follow that path herself. It wasn't that she had anything against it; she had just never been able to imagine herself with anybody for the rest of her life.

She smirked in chagrin as she went into the store. A string of crappy relationships had probably been the reason for those feelings. And the last one with Darrell had been the worst.

Then she smiled.

_It's _Nick. _I've never been in a relationship like this with someone before_. _He's the most amzing man I've ever known and I love him more than I could ever possibly tell him_.

* * *

Nick's mood wasn't what he'd hoped for the night before.

Instead of feeling excited anticipation to go home, he felt only trepidation. Court had been pretty troubling as he'd presented his evidence. He wished he could just turn his brain off sometimes; anything to stop him from rehashing the fantastically awful things that people did to other people... And to kids. Sometimes he could remain detached to an extent, but _other_ times...

He'd always been considered the "feeler" of the group, and it no longer bothered him; that's who he was. But at times like this, he wished he could be more like Grissom and look at the case as just that: A _case_.

He closed the door of his locker and grabbed his SUV keys.

* * *

Alex walked down the aisle, humming along to an elevator music styled version of "_Losing My Religion_" by R.E.M.

She was almost finished her shopping, and headed towards the next aisle in search of cotton swabs. As she turned the corner, she saw a young woman holding the hand of a small boy with dark hair. Alex's eyes were drawn to the woman's gently protruding stomach, and she found herself gulping suddenly although she wasn't sure why.

The woman was searching through the "_Pull-ups for Big Kids_" and the little boy squirmed beside her, clearly bored with grocery shopping. He looked up at Alex and grinned and she couldn't help but smile back into his dark little eyes. Then he hid shyly behind his mother's legs and the woman looked up at Alex. She smiled.

"He likes the ladies already. I don't know what to do with him."

Alex laughed lightly. "Well, he is a handsome little guy."

"Thank you. He's two and half... And a total handful."

The little boy peeked around at Alex again and giggled as he hid once more behind his mother. Alex smiled at her again.

"How far along are you?"

"Five and a half months."

"Oh, wow that's great. Congratulations."

"Thank you."

Alex nodded and smiled at the little boy again, waving to him as she passed by. He giggled again and shifted to his mom's other side.

Alex paid for her groceries and made her way thoughtfully out to her car.

_He was a cutie_.

She loaded the bags into her trunk and slammed it down. Then she leaned against it for a moment, unable to stop picturing his little face with the dark brown eyes.

_I wonder_...

She gave herself a shake and moved to the driver's seat. Still, as she pulled out onto the street she couldn't halt the thought that ran through her mind.

_I wonder if that's what our child would have looked like_?

As she sat at a stop light she glanced down at her stomach, frowning slightly.

She felt a little sad as she made her way home.

* * *

Nick pulled into the driveway, uncertain of what he was going to tell Alex.

All last night during his shift, he'd caught himself fantasizing about making love to her everytime he'd had an unoccupied moment, but now...

He swallowed and made his way inside. He threw his keys on the kitchen counter, noticing a few grocery bags on the counter. He heard a noise from the back and called out.

"Alex?"

When she didn't reply, he made his way towards their bedroom, nervous about how he was going to tell her he _wasn't in the mood_. He looked through the doorway, but she wasn't there. He glanced back out into the hallway.

"Alex?"

He heard a muffled reply from the spare room and moved towards it.

When he entered, he was startled to see her standing on a chair in the closet. He felt a moment of shock as he realized she was looking in the attic. He was more than a little unnerved by the sight.

"_Alex, what are you doing_?"

She leaned back down, a flashlight in her hand. "Sorry?"

"_I said_, what are you _doing_?"

She frowned at his tone. He looked sort of upset and she was confused by it.

"I, uh... I thought I heard something in the attic so I thought I'd check it out."

His brows went up and he moved towards her. "You heard something in the attic?"

He looked extremely concerned now and her own brows knitted in concern.

"Yeah... Like a light scurrying, scuttling sort of thing. I think you must have a mouse, or maybe a squirrel got in or something."

He stood beside her now and reached fror her hand, pulling her down to him. She landed in his arms, but there was nothing romantic about it. He spoke to her quietly.

"Give me the flashlight."

She was too stunned at his brusque manner to speak. She handed it to him wordlessly and watched as he climbed up on the chair and poked his head carefully through the attic door in the roof of the closet. She was further troubled when she saw one hand resting on his gun at his side.

Finally, he came down from the chair and tossed the flashlight on the bed as looked at her with relief. She stared back at him warily and he realized how abrupt he'd been with her.

"Alex... I'm sorry. I just... There was an incident..."

He stopped speaking, trying to decide how to tell her this story. He didn't want to freak her out now that she lived there, but he should probably tell her the truth. He'd gotten past feeling creeped out in his own home long ago, but he had to admit he still felt the occasional twinge at strange noises, expecially from the attic.

She spoke quietly when he didn't continue.

"_What incident_?"

He frowned as he caught her tone. He could almost sense the words '_what now_?' hidden there and he immediately felt regretful.

_I keep forgetting what this woman has been through in the last 4 months_..._ And here I am making it worse_.

He moved close and slid his hands up her arms tenderly.

"I'm sorry honey. I... I overreacted. I was just a bit startled to see you climbing into the attic. There was a... A few years ago, something happened up there."

Her wariness turned to concern and he led her out to the living room. He sat her down on the sofa and crouched before her, softly rubbing her hands in his.

"What happened Nick?"

She was less strained now, but she still looked concerned and the slight warmth in his heart was bittersweet as he realized she was worried about him.

"Well, we were working this case on a guy who stalked this girl and then killed her. He'd been hiding in her attic and he'd punched all these little holes in her ceiling. He watched her from up there, everything she did... He worked for a cable company and had left himself access to her attic when he'd installed her cable."

Alex looked appalled. "God, that's _awful_."

He smirked uncomfortably. "Yeah. And it gets worse."

He went on to tell her about the whole Nigel Crane incident and how he'd had to do a few renovations in his place after that. He also told her he'd been a little freaked out for a while, but he'd managed to get past it all.

She frowned, still concerned. "So that... But that's not what's been troubling you?"

He laughed sadly. "You'd think so, wouldn't you? But no, that's not what's been bothering me."

Then he looked uncomfortable. "I'm sorry, Alex. I want to tell you..."

"_No, no_... It's OK. I don't want to push you. I didn't mean to... I just thought... _Wow_, Nick. That must have been terrifying."

She rubbed his hands and pulled him to sit beside her. He drew her into his arms and hugged her comfortingly.

"Yeah, it was. But you know, you move on. You have to."

Alex nodded slightly, knowing that was all too true. But something else was troubling her. She turned to look him in the face.

"I didn't realize... Nick, have you had a gun pointed at you very many times before? I mean, besides when James Meadfield..." She swallowed uncomfortably at the memory and he regarded her seriously.

_Man_,_ she really doesn't need this kind of stress right now_. _Things are finally going right for us_...

He nodded slowly.

"Yeah, a couple of times."

She looked more than a little unhappy at his admission and he grabbed her hand again and squeezed it tight.

"But that's a very small part of my job, Alex. And it's a rare thing, honestly. It's much safer being a CSI than a regular cop like I used to be, trust me."

She didn't look particulary comforted by that fact. He tilted her face so he could look into her eyes.

"_Hey_... I can handle myself, don't worry. I'm still here, aren't I?"

She tried to take some consolation from this, but it wasn't happening.

It was true that he _had_ saved her life; several times, in fact. She knew he was capable, but still... She was all too aware of the fact that in the end, you really had very little control over what other people did. She'd had to come to grips with that after James Meadfield had killed Lisa Albertson after he hadn't been able to get to her. She'd felt guilty as hell, thinking it was supposed to have been her but everybody, including Lisa's family had shown her how foolish it was to think that way. It had been totally out of her control.

She looked back into Nick's eyes. "It's not _you_ I'm worried about: It's _other people_."

He frowned, trying to think of what to say.

"I don't know what to tell you, Alex. Yeah, I'm definitely more likely to encounter guns in my job than if I was a carpenter or something. But it's still not common, I swear to you. It's highly unusual for us to encounter the perpetrators of the crimes at the scene. And _highly unlikely_. We usually go to there _after_ everything has happened. Although _sometimes_..." He caressed her cheek gently and looked at her, a twinkle in his eyes. "Sometimes we find some pretty amazing things at scenes. Things that can change your life."

She gave him a small smile. "Yeah?"

His smile widened. "_Oh_ _yeah_."

He looked down at her lips for a moment, and then spoke softly. "It's rare, but it happens. And then life is never the same."

Her heart fluttered as he leaned in to kiss her deeply. She sighed into his lips, feeling herself relax in his arms. He kissed his way across her cheek and then his teeth tugged lightly on her earlobe as he whispered to her.

"You wouldn't happen to be wearing anything interesting under these clothes, would you?"

She laughed lightly and wrapped her arms around his shoulders.

"Um... _Maybe_."

He growled lightly and pretended to gnaw on her shoulder. She ran her hands down his back and smiled into his cheek.

"You know, when you came storming into the spare room like that, I thought maybe I'd stumbled onto your hidden porn collection or something."

He laughed into her hair and pulled back to smile at her.

"Nah... I keep that under my mattress where it's handy. Wanna see?"

She whooped as he picked her up and headed off towards the bedroom.


	16. Chapter 16

Nick sat in the counsellor's office, tapping one leg nervously. Dr. Masters watched him knowingly, making him even more nervous. He realized he was vibrating his leg and stopped abruptly.

_Man_, _that probably means I'm obsessive/compulsive or something_,_ with my luck_.

He looked back at her expectantly, hoping she wasn't waiting for him to start the conversation. She smiled at him serenely.

"So, Nick, why are you here?"

He frowned.

_That was a little more direct than I was expecting_. _OK_,_ then_.

"Um, I've been having these dreams... Well, nightmares actually. I get them sometimes."

"And what are they about?"

He looked her in the eye and swallowed nervously.

_OK_, _here goes_...

* * *

Alex heard the phone ringing as she unlocked the front door and rushed towards it, hoping she caught the call before it woke Nick up.

"Hello?"

"Hi, is Nick there?" A woman's voice.

"Um, I think he may be, but he's probably sleeping... Can you wait one moment while I check?"

"Of course."

Alex made her way back to the bedroom and sure enough, Nick was fast asleep. She smiled at his sleeping form, cuddling the pillow she usually slept on, and closed the door quietly.

"Hello? Yes, I'm sorry he is sleeping. Can I take a message?"

"Oh, yes... Can you just tell him his mother called?"

Surprise ran through Alex, with nervousness close on its heels.

"Oh, I... I can wake him up if you like? I'm sure he'd want to talk to you."

"No no, that's OK. I was just calling to say _hi_." There was a pause. "Is this Alex?"

Alex felt even more nervous. "Um, yes... Yes it is."

"Oh, I'm glad I'm finally getting to talk to you. Nick's told me all about you, but you haven't been around the last few times I've called. I know you've only been there since the weekend, but I'd been hoping to catch you while you were there sometime."

Alex felt more than a little worried at this interest. Nick hadn't told her that he'd mentioned her to his mother, but then again she guessed it was only natural. After all, he was more than familiar with her own family.

She gulped slowly. She just hoped that she measured up. Nick's parents were a judge and a retired public defender respectively, and she was more than a little intimidated.

"Oh, yeah... Our schedules are a little hectic these days I guess. Nick's been working a lot of double shifts, so we're not always here together."

She could almost imagine Mrs. Stokes frowning through the phone line.

"Well, don't let him burn himself out. He works too hard." She chuckled lightly. "And now that you're living together, I bet you were hoping you'd actually get to_ see_ him once in a while."

Alex laughed. "Yeah, that was sort of the plan. But we get to spend the weekends together at least."

"Well, once you're a teacher your schedule will be a bit more fixed, so you'll just have to slap him every so often and remind him not to waste so much time at work."

Alex laughed again and the woman continued. "So you're going to be a highschool history teacher?"

"Yeah, that's right."

"Wow, that's very brave of you. Teenagers can be a little scary these days."

Alex chuckled. "But weren't you a public defender before you retired? That must have been scarier, I'd think? You're making me nervous now..."

Mrs. Stokes laughed. "Sorry about that! And I guess realistically, if you can handle Nick, you can handle any teenager... They're basically the same thing."

Alex snorted and smiled into the phone. "Wow, I'm really glad to hear you say that. I was worried I was the only one who thought that way."

"He'll always be my baby. I just can't see him as a grown up."

Alex smiled some more. "Well, I personally hope he never grows up. It's part of his charm."

"It is, isn't it? I have to admit, I did a good job with that one. He's a good boy."

Alex laughed. "Yeah, he sure is. I'd have to say you did a _great _job. He's the most wonderful guy I've ever met."

She blushed as she remembered she was talking to his mother again. "I mean... I just-"

"Well, I'm certainly not going to argue with you!" She laughed and Alex joined her again. "And I'll let you in on a little secret: He thinks you're pretty special too."

Alex felt her heart pounding happily and she tried to think of something to say.

"Oh, I... That's... That's nice of you to say. Thank you."

"You welcome. And I'm sure it's true. I've never heard Nick speak like this about anyone else before, trust me."

Alex was pleasantly shocked and couldn't speak for a moment. Mrs. Stokes spoke again.

"I'm looking forward to meeting you, Alex. The whole family is. Maybe you can convince that son of mine to bring you home for a visit sometime? We'd love to have you."

Alex swallowed, enveloped by her genuine warmth and kindness.

"I'd love to, Mrs. Stokes. Nick always has such great stories about everyone. Maybe when I'm done school in a little while, I can try and get him to take a holiday."

"That would be wonderful. I'll leave it in your hands, then. And it was lovely talking to you, Alex. I hope we can speak again soon."

"Yeah, me too. And thanks for calling. I'll get Nick to call you when he wakes up."

As Alex hung up, she felt a shiver of pleasure.

_Wow_, _that went alright actually_. _She was so nice_...

She hummed to herself as she made herself some dinner.

* * *

Nick felt himself jolt awake. He looked at the bright numbers on his alarm clock in his darkened room. 9:17pm.

_Was I dreaming_?

He couldn't remember it if he was, but something had shaken him up. Even now his heart was racing. He sat up and kicked back the covers.

_Well_, _if I had the nightmare again_, _at least I don't rememeber it this time_.

He had his doubts about whether one therapy session could have that effect, but decided it didn't really matter at this point. No nightmares was a good thing, no matter the cause.

He stood up and stretched, then pulled on a t-shirt and smiled as he quietly opened the bedroom door.

Every day he went to bed with the door open, and every day Alex closed it when she got home, trying not to disturb his sleep. It was his own secret game; he wanted her to look in on him when she got home, even if he wasn't awake when she did it. It made him feel... _wanted_. He shook his head at his own foolishness.

He made his way quietly down the hall and sneaked up behind her as she typed at his laptop. He reached towards her waist-

"_Don't even think about it_. I heard you coming a mile away."

He chuckled and reached around to hold her, pulling her into his chest. He kissed the top of her head.

"Well, if you didn't close my door I'd make less noise and I'd be able to sneak up on you better."

"Yeah, _exactly_. And therefore I will continue to close it!"

She laughed and turned in his arms. He leaned down lower and kissed her softly.

"_Morning_."

"_Evening_."

She smiled into his eyes. "Seriously though, if you don't like the door closed when you sleep, I can leave it open. I just thought it'd be quieter..."

"No, I don't mind. You can close it."

He smiled some more, knowing he'd continue his routine of leaving it open the next day. He squatted down beside her.

"So how was the first day of school? Did you _school_ or _get_ _schooled_?"

Alex laughed and shook her head at him. She'd confided in him that the thing she was most worried about was classroom/behaviour management, since that had been the part she hadn't focussed on as much during her last practical teaching. He'd tried to convince her that she could become a hardass if she really wanted to.

"It went OK, actually. I went in swinging, and only a few kids tried to see if I was serious about punishment or not."

"And?"

"And they found out that I _was_."

He grinned at her, nodding. "_Nice_. I knew you could handle yourself."

He got up, moved towards the kitchen and went to the fridge. She stood and followed him, watching him from the doorway as he sipped some iced tea.

"Um, your mom called today."

He raised his brows slightly. "Oh yeah? Nothing important, I'm guessing."

"No. She just called to say _hi_."

Alex smiled at the memory and Nick moved over to her and wrapped her in his arms as he smiled down at her.

"What are you looking so happy about?"

Alex blushed lightly. "Oh, nothing really. She's just... She's really nice."

He grinned some more. He knew his mom had been wanting to talk to Alex for a while now. It looked like she had finally gotten her chance. And judging by Alex's small smile, it must have gone pretty well.

"Did you two have a little chat?"

She nodded shyly. "Yeah. She wants you to not work so hard and to go back to Dallas for a visit."

He laughed. "Hmmm. Yep, that sounds like mom. Anything else?"

She shrugged and grinned. "No, I think that was it."

He eyed her skeptically. "C'mon, there had to be more."

"No, that was mostly it. She's just really nice, Nick."

"_Mostly_ it. She didn't by any chance mention that they will all be expecting you to come with me when I go home? Or that everyone's dying to meet you?" He grinned as she blushed some more. "Yeah, I figured as much."

He kissed her gently again and then leaned back to look her in the face.

"I've told her all about you, you know."

She smiled nervously. "Yeah, she mentioned that."

"Don't worry, Alex. She'll love you... They all will. Because _I_ do."

She hugged him back tightly. "Yeah, but you're _special_."

He laughed and rubbed her back tenderly. "Well, that really has nothing to do with _you_ being amazing but, _yes_... Yes, I _am_ special."

She laughed and leaned back from him. "Funny, your mom said the same thing to me today."

He smiled. "Yeah? Well, what can I say- It's true. She oughta know!" He smirked at her. "And what was your reply to that, Miss Winters?"

"Well I had to agree with her, _of course_. And we decided she did a great job raising you."

He laughed again. "True enough. But remember: When you meet the whole clan, be sure not to mention to anyone that I'm her favourite, OK? They get so jealous..."

She laughed.

"OK. I promise. Not a _word_."

* * *

As Nick pulled out of the driveway later, Alex realized they hadn't talked about how his therapy session had gone.

_Well_, _he seemed alright tonight_. _It must have been OK_. _And he'll tell me about it when he wants to_.

Before he'd left, he'd called his mom back and they'd had a brief conversation. He'd smiled at Alex the whole time he was on the phone, making her nervous. As he'd hung up, he grinned at her mischievously.

"Mom said to say '_hi_' again."

When she finally went to bed that night, she smiled and snuggled happily into her pillow.

_Well_, _my family loves Nick,_ _so hopefully I can get along with his too_. _So far_,_ so good_.

* * *

Catherine passed Nick a bindle and then returned to her evidence kit.

The amount of blood in the place was shocking. Something had definitely gone down here tonight, but what? There was no body... Or no _bodies_ might be more appropriate, judging by the vast quantities of blood around them.

Nick looked up at her, grinning a little too happily at their good luck so far with the evidence.

She smirked at him. "Nick, it's a bit creepy to see you looking so happy in the middle of a fairly distubing crime scene, here."

He laughed in embarrassment. "Yeah, I know, I know. I'm just in a good mood. Sorry."

She grinned back. "Ah, don't be sorry. If you can manage to stay happy with all the crap we deal with, then more power to you."

They continued to process and finished up a few hours later. Catherine quizzed him as they drove back to the lab in her Denali.

"So things are going good with you and Alex? How's the _living together_ situation working out?"

"Well, it's only been a few days, but... Wow. I'm loving it so far."

Catherine smiled. "That's great, Nick. I'm really happy for you. You know how much I like Alex."

"Yeah, she's pretty amazing. There's no getting around it."

"What, like you'd _want_ to get around it?"

He grinned at her. "Not a chance in hell."

She laughed and eased off the accelerator as they approached a red light. Nick became quiet for a second and Catherine checked him out from the corner of her eye.

"Something else on your mind, Nicky?"

He smirked at her perceptiveness. The _mom/CSI_ cross was a deadly combination.

"I finally did it, Cath."

"What?"

"I saw a therapist after last shift."

Catherine was pleasantly surprised. She reached over to grab Nick's hand and gave him a firm squeeze.

"Good for you. That's been a long time coming, I think."

He laughed lightly. "Yeah, no kidding."

"So, how'd it go? Are you comfortable going back?"

He shrugged.

"It was... awkward. At _first_. But after a little while, I don't know. I guess it started to feel a bit easier. I think you were right about talking to a stranger. It's easier when there are no judgements made about you before you even sit down, you know? She made me feel pretty comfortable, actually."

Catherine smiled. "Well, I think it's awesome that you went. Hell, as far as I'm concerned _everyone_ should go to therapy at least once in their lifetime. There's nothing like a fresh ear to give you a new perspective on things."

Nick nodded. "Yeah, I think you may be on to something there." He sighed. "Anyway, I can't believe it's taken me so long. I'm glad I finally got my act together."

Catherine smiled knowingly while she drove into the LVPD parking lot.

"Yeah, sometimes it just takes a little nudge from somewhere unexpected to get you seeing what you'd be missing out on otherwise. Or_ who_ you'd be missing out on."

Nick laughed and smiled over at her.

"Yeah, no doubt. _No doubt_."

* * *

Nick left work on time that morning and he was still smiling as he pulled into his driveway.

He checked his watch. Alex should be up by now, since she had to be at her school for 8:30. As he opened the door, he could smell the lingering aroma of toast.

Alex poked her head out of the bathroom door. "Nick? You home already?"

He moved over to the door and smiled at her. She had the door open a crack and was clearly in a state of undress behind it.

"You require any assistance in there?"

She grinned at him. "I think I _might_, now that you mention it. There's this spot on my back..."

He smiled wider and pulled his shirt over his head as he slipped through the door after her.

* * *

Alex smiled in greeting at the other teachers in the staffroom as she entered that morning.

They all looked vaguely harrassed, but she thought they seemed like nice folks, since they had made her feel welcome since her orientation days at the school. The department head, Melina, nodded at her and pointed towards some pastries.

"I baked last night, believe it or not. Help yourself."

Alex nodded appreciatively. She'd _somehow_ managed to work off her toast from breakfast during her shower that morning and found she was hungry again.

Melina spoke again. "You know Alex, there are always spaces available in this district for teaching. Even if you don't find a permanent position right away, you'll find there's a lot of casual work available."

Another teacher entered the staffroom and Melina gestured towards her.

"And with all the women getting pregnant this year, we may be filling more positions than normal. What are you, Cindy? Like, the 4th woman in this school to get pregnant this year? There must be something in the drinking water..."

Cindy laughed and smiled at Alex. "Well, confidentially speaking, my husband and I have been trying for a long time. I wish it _had_ been as easy as having something in the water."

Alex nodded distractedly. "Yeah, I bet. Well, congratulations anyway."

Melina looked at Alex. "How about you Alex? Don't take this the wrong way, but since you're a little older than a lot of the new teachers, how does family fit in with your career goals."

Alex looked a bit uncomfortable and Melina felt instantly bad.

"Oh, jeeze... I'm sorry. I have this nasty habit of poking my nose in where it doesn't belong."

Alex tried to laugh it off. "That's OK. To be honest, I don't really know right now. I just sort of started a relationship, so it's not really an issue yet."

She felt a twinge as she considered how it almost _had_ been an issue, in reality. She shook off the thought and caught the tail end of Melina's last comment.

"... if you're not planning on having kids for a while, I'm sure you get a position filling the spaces left by those who_ are_, at least during maternity leave. It could be a good oportunity for you."

Alex smiled slightly. "Thanks, Melina. That's good to know."

Alex suddenly found that her appetite had deserted her, and she secretly slipped the pastry into the garbage. Feeling the need for a distraction just then, she pulled out her lesson plans and tried to concentrate on what she'd be teaching that morning, instead of the increasing sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach.


	17. Chapter 17

**A.N:** And now some fluff, followed by, um... Well, more fluff. And then, maybe... Just maybe, there will be some fluff!

* * *

Alex watched from a window as Nick mowed the lawn and felt the sudden urge to run and fetch him some lemonade, like a good 1950's wife. In her case, she felt it was only fair since he was putting on a fabulous show for her, albeit unknowingly.

It was late in the fall, but it was still hot enough during the days to make it a bit warm when doing manual jobs outside. He had on a pair of tan carpenter's pants and they sat attractively low on his hips, which were particularly visible since he didn't have a shirt on. A black baseball cap completed the ensemble.

Alex felt herself smiling involuntarily as she grabbed a bottle of water and a beer out of the fridge and headed outside. She was grinning as she approached him from behind. He appeared to have finished, and was bent over the now disengaged machine.

She had to admit she was throroughly enjoying the view of his backside, and hesitated for a moment before she cleared her throat to get his attention. He craned his neck to look up at her, and his face broke into an instant smile as he noted the two drinks she was offering him. She dangled them both before him, letting him decide.

He reached for the beer as he stood up slowly. He continued to smile at her as he turned his cap backwards on his head and took a long draw from the bottle.

"Thank you."

"Oh, you're _very_ welcome."

She couldn't stop her eyes from drifting to his chest muscles, now gleaming and well-defined after the short workout. She felt the urge to run her hands down the dampened plains of his body, her eyes watching as drops of sweat trickled down his abs. As she finally looked back into his face, he was grinning with amusement.

He laughed lightly, obviously pleased by her blatant ogling. "Like what you see?"

She smiled back unabashedly and moved closer.

"No..."

Looking down at his body again, she ran a finger slowly down his chest, following a line of perspiration. Then she looked back into his eyes, which were darkening with desire as she spoke.

"I _love_ what I see."

He felt his pulse quicken as he pulled her into his arms and ran his hands up under her tank top, massaging her back. She slid her hands up his back as well and kissed his neck, enjoying the salty taste. She grinned into the kiss as he trembled lightly under her caresses.

He turned his face and kissed her deeply, his body responding to her unconsciously. Then he laughed into her mouth.

"Man, I hope the neighbours aren't home right now."

She laughed back as she looked at him. "Why? We're just a couple people making out in the backyard."

"Yeah but... I have a feeling this has the potential to become a little more heated."

She ran her hands across his damp chest and nodded suggestively. "_Oh yeah_... I'm _counting_ on it."

He looked down at her hands caressing him and blew out a breath of air, one side of his mouth twitching upwards.

"I think we better go inside."

She laughed and kissed him lightly again. "After you."

He pulled her behind him and she laughed as they made their way into the house. He turned to look at her once they were inside and then he laughed again.

"Um, I think maybe we _both_ need a shower now. I got you a bit sweaty." His eyes were on her chest.

She looked down and smiled, noting two large wet spots on her shirt, pretty much encircling her breasts. She grinned up at him.

"Nice work. I guess we better go clean up, huh?"

He nodded and pulled her shirt over her head. "Here. Allow me to help you..."

She leaned up to touch his lips with her own once more, and as they backed their way towards the bathroom, she mumbled into his mouth.

"And _then_ after the shower... You can get me all sweaty _again_."

He slid his hands down her waist and started to undo her pants as they entered the bathroom.

"_Not a problem_..."

* * *

Nick grabbed the phone on the third ring, then looked around groggily for Alex. She was no longer in the bedroom.

His voice was still a little sleepy as he answered the call. "Hello?"

"Hi, Nick, it's Abby. Sorry, did I wake you?"

"No, it's OK. I was just getting up. How're you doing?"

Nick read the clock radio beside him. 4pm. They'd dozed off after making love and he'd been out for over an hour.

He answered as Abby Winters questioned him on the other end.

"You know, I'm not sure _where_ she is. I seem to have misplaced her. Can you hold on one sec?"

He got up and prowled the house, but she was nowhere to be found. Then he saw a note on the counter: _Need Diet Pepsi, STAT!_

He laughed and spoke to Abby Winters. "Sorry, she's gone to the store, but I'll get her to call you when she gets back."

"Thanks, Nick. Listen, I was calling because Al and I are wondering if she's coming home for Christmas. Has she said anything to you?"

"No, actually we haven't discussed it yet. I'm not sure what's happening."

"Well, if she _is _coming home, and I _hope_ she is... You know we'd really love to have you as well if you can make it. We may even have a white Christmas this year apparently, which is somewhat rare in Vancouver... Oh, and I think Sam's going to be home from Tokyo, so it would be a good year for you to come... But, anyway, if you can just get her to call me that would be great. Thanks, Nick."

He smiled at her excitement and then promised to have Alex call her back as soon as possible. He hung up the phone, deep in thought. He looked at the calendar, pondering.

It was early November and Alex would be done her practical teaching in a week, and then she had a couple of assignments due, but then she was free sailing...

* * *

Alex set her box of 24 cans of Diet Pepsi down on the kitchen floor and caught Nick smiling at her, shaking his head.

"What?"

"That stuff is _so_ bad for you. I thought vegetarians were more health conscious."

"Nick, you've seen me eat. Do I seem particularly _health conscious_ to you?"

He laughed and pulled her into his arms.

"Well, now that you mention it..." He sighed dramatically, feigning disappointment. "I guess I was hoping my good habits would rub off on you."

She smirked up at him. "Well, it never hurts to have a goal. I just hope you still love me after I refuse to give up eating _movie nachos_."

"Oh, I guess I can live with it... Just don't try and kiss me again after you've been eating peanut butter though! Ugh."

He made a sour face and Alex started to laugh. She'd found out about Nick's dislike of peanut butter by accident one morning after he'd arrived home after work to find her just finishing off some toast. She remembered the look he'd had on his face after he'd kissed her and she started to laugh harder.

"Hey- That wasn't my fault. _You_ kissed _me_, remember?"

"Yeah, but you could have warned me..."

"How could I have known that you don't like peanut butter? I mean, who _doesn't _like peanut butter, anyway? Isn't that _un-American_ or something? I think maybe you could be imprisoned for treason for an offence like that."

He laughed and pulled her tighter to him, leaning his head down to rest on her shoulder.

"I'm more likely to get in trouble for conspiring with a Canadian..."

"Hey, I'm half American."

He leaned back again. "Oh, and speaking of that; your mom called. She's wondering what your plans are for Christmas."

Alex frowned.

_Arg_. _The holidays_.

It was always such a big hassle.

"Hmmm. I hadn't really thought about it much, I guess."

She looked at Nick uncertainly for a moment, and he smiled at her.

"Well, I was sort of thinking about it, and I have an idea I'd like to run past you."

"Yeah? What sort of idea?"

"Well, I've been thinking I should finally take my mom's advice and head back to Dallas for a little visit, so..."

She looked at him, her heart sinking.

Was he thinking about heading home to Dallas while she went to Vancouver for Christmas? She honestly hadn't given it much thought, but in the back of her mind she'd hoped they'd be together for the holidays...

"So, I was thinking, why don't I take you home to Texas for Thanksgiving, and then if I can get more time off at Christmas, I could go with you to Vancouver then? Your mom invited me, so..."

He smiled at her hopefully and she swallowed down hard, trying to get her heart out of her throat. She couldn't contain the ecstatic smile that spread across her face.

"That's... That's a _great_ idea. I'd love to go with you to Dallas. And I know my family would love to have you for Christmas."

The idea made her more than a little nervous, truth be told, but she was excited at the prospect of seeing where Nick grew up, and meeting the people who'd helped to shape him into the amazing man he'd become.

He rubbed his hands together happily. He looked excited as he sat down at his computer.

"_Cool_. I better check out the flights to Dallas right now... It might be expensive to go then."

Alex nodded, knowing that Thanksgiving in the US was a much bigger affair than in Canada, and it was at a different time as well. In fact... she looked at the calendar. It had actually been Thanksgiving a few weeks ago in Canada and she'd forgotten to call home.

_Oh well_. _Christmas is the big holiday back home anyway_.

"Call your mom and I'll jump on the net and see if I can find something cheap."

"Don't you want to see if you can get the time off, first?"

"I won't book anything until I can confirm the days, but I want to get an idea about availability and pricing. I can always go in and submit my request today, if I need to. Gris should be able to tell me _yea or nay_ Monday night at work, but I doubt anybody else is requesting it off. Realistically, I'll probably only need 2 or 3 days of actual vacation time too, on top of my regular days off. And anyway, it's been _forever _since I've taken a holiday. I'm about due, I think."

He grinned over his shoulder at her, then started searching on the internet for flights.

Alex smiled happily, her heart expanding in her chest at the prospect of going away with Nick.

_This will be our first vacation together_.

* * *

A few days later, Thanksgiving was set and Nick called home to tell his parents. Alex smiled nervously as she watched him speak to his mother on the phone.

"OK... Yep. Yeah, she's right here. Hold on."

He put his palm over the receiver and looked at Alex, grinning. "She wants to talk to you."

Alex looked at him in question and then moved towards the phone. "Hi, Mrs. Stokes."

"Alex, please call me Laura. Especially since you managed to convince Nick to finally come home for a visit. Everyone will be so excited to see him, and to meet you."

"I'm really looking forward to it too. But it wasn't my idea. Nick planned the whole thing."

"Really? And it wasn't the old '_woman-plants-the-idea-and-lets-the-man-think-it-was-his-idea'_ scheme?"

Alex laughed. "No, it was all his idea. Honestly."

"Well, _I'll be_. Still, I'll bet it also has something to do with you, honey; I'm pretty sure he wants to come home and show you off to everyone." Alex laughed and smiled at Nick doubtfully.

Laura Stokes went on.

"Anyway, I'm just happy you're bringing him home. I miss him and he doesn't come home nearly enough. And I'll just warn you now that there may be a bit of hubbub when you get here. The family will probably be around a lot, and there are a _few _of us. Plus, they'll all be wanting to get to know _you_, of course. I hope you're comfortable with crowds?"

She laughed at this last question and Alex grinned.

"I'm sure I'll be alright. I'm really looking forward to meeting everyone."

"Good. Well, tell Nick to let me know me know if he decides to borrow my car rather than rent one. I really think that would be easier, not to mention cheaper, but he seems to have other ideas."

"OK, I'll mention it to him."

She said her good-byes and hung up, smiling. Somehow, she always felt a little less nervous about meeting Nick's family after she'd spoken to his mom.

Nick looked at her questioningly, and Alex told him what his mother had said.

"Ah, I'd rather we just rent our own vehicle and then we can always get away without feeling guilty if we need to..."

Alex laughed. "We haven't even gotten there and you're already planning your escape?"

He smirked. "It's not _that_. It's just that, well... Sometimes it can be a bit overwhelming with everybody around all the time. Especially since I've been away from them for a while. I'm used to doing my own thing now, you know? But don't worry; it'll be fun. And I hope you like crowds..."

Alex laughed. "Man, that's what your _mom_ said. You people are starting to worry me."

He pulled her close.

"Don't worry, it's not that bad. There are just a lot of kids... and dogs... and well, OK, yeah- My family is just large in general. But they're pretty friendly, so they'll make you feel right at home. I mean hey- It's _Texas_! There are no friendlier people on the planet than Texans. Especially once they all meet you. They're going to love you, Alex. Just you wait."

Alex felt a nervous flutter and smiled up at him.

"I hope so. And I don't need them to _love_ me exactly; I'd be happy with strong _like_."

He laughed and kissed her gently. "I felt _that_ for you almost the moment we _met_, so I'm fairly certain they'll love you soon enough. _I sure do_."

She smiled back adoringly at him. "That's _convenient_, actually because I happen to love you _very much_."

He kissed her gently and then pulled back suddenly, a puzzled look on his face. Alex frowned.

"What?"

He smiled. "Ah, nothing... I was just wondering if my mom will let us share a room or not?"

Alex raised her brows, laughing. "Ah, the priorities of men..."

He laughed down at her and rubbed his face against her hair.

"Yeah, you say that _now_, but just wait and see how you're feeling after you've been deprived of my _sweet, sweet lovin'_ for a few days..."

She barked out laughter and then snuggled into him closer.

"You may have a point there... Maybe we should get our fill before we leave, just in case?" She looked up at him innocently and his eyes sparkled.

"_That_ is a _brilliant _idea. I have to work in a couple hours, but I'm thinking we could get started right now?"

She gasped in arousal as his hands slid under her shirt to caress her breasts, his tongue teasing its way softly into her ear...


	18. Chapter 18

Alex put her hand on the woman's stomach.

"Wow. It's really moving in there."

"Yep. And I have to go to the bathroom yet again, as usual."

Alex laughed. Cindy was working as long as possible in order to maximize her maternity leave, so she looked about as close to bursting as you could get.

Ironically, Alex had gotten to know her the best of all the teachers during her practice teaching, and she was learning a lot about pregnancy... Almost more than she wanted to sometimes. Cindy was a sweet woman though, and Alex found herself genuinely happy for her and her engineer husband. They were going to be great parents.

"Well, Alex, I'm going to miss having you around here. Everybody else is over the whole pregancy thing. Nobody but you listens to my disgusting stories!"

Alex laughed. "Yeah, well I'm not entirely sure I'm going to miss _that_..."

She smiled at Cindy. But she felt a small twinge as she realized she _was_ going to miss it; _very much_, in fact.

Not only was Cindy a fun person to talk to, but her exuberance about being pregnant was positively contagious. Alex had been a little uncomfortable around her at first, since she'd still been licking her wounds over her own miscarriage, but after almost no time at all, she found herself thoroughly caught up in the other woman's pregnancy. She was surprised to find that she was awaiting the baby's arrival with almost as much impatience as the lucky parents.

_Lucky_.

She'd never used that word so genuinely with regards to parenthood before. It felt odd.

It was her last day and she was really going to miss the people in the History department. Like her last prac school, they'd all been really nice to her, despite her many mistakes. They all seemed to have the attitude of "_Well I was there myself, once_..." which Alex greatly appreciated.

Cindy was eyeing the _'thank you'_ cake that Alex had brought in for everyone. "I know I've had a piece already but..."

Alex cut her another slice and shook her head in amusement.

"Ah, you're eating for two, so why not?"

She smiled fondly at Cindy's stomach as the woman wolfed down her cake. She found herself unconsciously putting her hand on her own stomach, wondering once again about what might have been...

And for the first time she started to think it might not have been so bad afterall. Cindy was so happy.

As the day drew to a close, Alex said farewell to everyone and promised to come back to visit. Iif she didn't end up actually teaching there. She was sorry to go, but happy to finally be finished her course.

_Well_, _barring failing the course_, _I guess I'm pretty much a teacher now_. _Crazy_.

* * *

"So, I'm heading home for a holiday."

"Yeah? That's great, Nick. It's been a while since you've seen your family, hasn't it?" Dr. Masters asked.

"Yep. I'm actually looking forward to it, too. It'll be great to see everybody."

"Is Alex going with you?"

Nick smiled. "Yeah. I'm really looking forward to her meeting everyone. I can't wait to show her around the old stomping grounds."

Dr. Masters nodded. "Nick, have you told her about all _this_ yet?"

He shook his head _no_.

"Why not?"

He leaned back in his chair.

"I don't know, really. I guess... I mean, I haven't been having the dreams as much lately, and the ones I've had have been when she wasn't there..." He looked pensive for a moment. "What do you think that means?"

Dr. Masters smiled, as they played out their now familiar routine.

"What do _you _think that means, Nick?"

He laughed lightly. "_Right_. You get to ask the questions... I don't really know, to be honest. Maybe it's just because she makes me happy. I mostly only have them when I'm feeling stressed, or have a case at work that triggers the memories."

"Could be. Maybe she's like a talisman, warding off the demons."

He smiled. "Yeah, maybe."

Dr. Masters nodded again. "Well, how about going home? How are you feeling about going back to where it all happened, now that you've opened it all up for yourself?"

He shook his head uncertainly again. He had thought about it a couple times already, but his parents didn't even live in the same house anymore. And besides, he'd gone on fairly '_normally_' in Dallas for years after it had happened.

_Still_...

He smirked at the doctor, knowing he was feeling much better about everything since he'd started these sessions.

"I don't know. I guess I'll find out."

* * *

Alex eyed the closet uncertainly.

_Hmmm_... _But if it gets cooler at night_...

"Alex, you have enough jackets. You'll be fine."

She looked at him in chagrin.

"I know, I know. I guess I just don't want to be unprepared."

He leaned in and pulled on one of her hanging coat sleeves, a ski jacket.

"Well, unless you know something I don't, I wouldn't count on going skiing."

She laughed and shook her head at him. "It's just... I mean, what are we going to be doing while we're there?"

"Same things we do around here, pretty much. Except we'll probably be eating a lot more. Everybody bakes and they all look for any occasion to crack out the cooking skills. Now that I think about it, we probably won't fit into any clothes by the time we leave anyway, so you might as well bring fewer clothes anyway."

"You're not trying out that "_walk around naked all the time_" argument again, are you?"

Nick laughed, having tried that suggestion out on her more than a few times.

"Well, like I've said in the past, it'd be perfectly acceptable around here, but as easy going as most of my family is, I somehow doubt they'd appreciate it as much as I would."

She laughed again and then continued to smile, still excited at the prospect of meeting Nick's family. She's heard about the '_many, many sisters_' enough times that she was dying to meet them, and his brother. He came close and hugged her tightly, looking down into her face.

"You ready for this?"

"Yeah, I think so."

He kissed her nose. "Good. I can't wait to show you off."

Alex laughed.

_That's what his mom said_...

She suddenly felt a little nervous and it must have shown in her eyes.

"What? What's wrong?"

She grinned sheepishly. "Oh, nothing. I just hope I measure up. Sisters can be very critical when it comes to who dates their brothers. I know this from experience."

He smiled back at her. "Trust me, the first thing they're going to say to you is how happy they are that somebody finally got me to settle down. They've been on me about this stuff for years..."

Alex snuggled her head onto his shoulder, happy that he considered himself _settling down_ with her. But she was still nervous. Nick's family sat high on the intimidation scale.

They were all professionals in various fields, including law and teaching, and they were all married except for one sister, Jessica, who was divorced. Most had 2 or 3 kids as well. And then there was the fact that his father was a judge and his mom was a retired public defender. _Man_,_ they all sound so_... _together_.

He rubbed her back tenderly.

"So, we should try to get some sleep. It'll be a short flight, so we probably won't get much time to sleep on the plane."

It was only about a two and a half hour trip, but they'd had to book a late night flight. They'd be getting in around 1:30am. She sighed, knowing she was too nervous and excited to get much sleep.

"Don't let me sleep in too late tomorrow after we arrive. I want to get up at a decent hour to meet your parents... I don't want to look like a slacker!"

Nick laughed. "Don't worry about it. I'm sure at least one of them will be awake when we get there, anyway."

"Oh, OK." The nerves kicked in stronger.

He smiled at her obvious discomfort and tried to comfort her.

"You need to relax. It's going to be fine." He kissed her forehead. "I mean, I'm not that nervous about going to Vancouver for Christmas."

"That's hardly the same thing. You've already met my family, Nick."

"Well, not your _brother_..."

She looked at him bemusedly and he laughed.

"OK, you're right. It's not the same thing. But seriously, you already have the most important and the most critical person, I might add, on your side. I can tell my mom likes you already."

Alex smiled timidly. "You really think so? She seems so nice..."

"She is nice. And she likes you, I can tell."

He pulled her back towards the bedroom. "And besides, we'll have a day to settle in anyway, I figure. Nobody will be really showing up until Thursday anyway because everyone's still working tomorrow and the kids are still in school. I know my dad's working tomorrow."

She nodded, hoping she could shake her nervousness after they had the day to settle in tomorrow.

_God_,_ I hope I don't screw up_.

* * *

Alex looked at the lights below them and swallowed.

_Well_,_ any minute and we'll be on the ground_.

Nick leaned over her to look out the small window.

"_There she blows_. Man, it feels strange to be home already." He pulled back and whispered into her ear. "And I still think we should have tried to join the mile high club while we had the chance."

"And I _still _don't believe you're not _already_ a member."

She grinned at him suspiciously. When he'd made the proposition about half an hour into their flight, she'd thought he'd had a _few_ too many ideas about how easily they could accomplish the task. He'd sounded _way_ too knowledgeable for her liking.

He'd raised his hands in denial, but there had been a little too much amusement behind his grin for her to believe him.

"Hon, I swear... I've never-"

"Yeah, _save it_, lover boy."

She had cut him off, laughing and he had continued to shake his head, giving up trying to convince her.

As the plane began to land now, he pulled her closer to his side and kissed her forehead.

"You ready for Texas, darlin'?"

"I think so. But will Texas be ready for me, I'm wondering?"

He laughed.

"There's no doubt in my mind. In fact, I'm a little worried you'll see how charming everybody is here, and suddenly I won't seem so special anymore."

She chuckled. "You are charming, I'll give you that. But there may be a _little_ more behind my love for you than just that."

He smiled down at her. "Oh yeah? Like what?"

"Well, you have a really big..."

Her words were cut off as the plane hit the tarmac and the plane began to speed along the ground towards the terminal.


	19. Chapter 19

"But there are only _two_ of us."

"Yeah, but check it out- It's totally comfortable."

"It's _huge_. It reminds me of the Denali."

"Exactly. And I _like_ my Denali, thank you very much. I will be more comfortable driving one of these than some domestic car."

Alex shook her head in resignation as Nick dangled the keys for the Dodge Durango in front of her. He called over his shoulder as she waited by the curb with their luggage.

"And don't try and tell me you're not looking forward to taking her for a spin. It's a big sexy beast."

She laughed and waited for him to drive back to her location. She grinned as he hopped out.

"Yeah, I guess it_ is_ pretty sweet."

"Told ya."

"OK, smartguy. These bags aren't getting in there by themselves."

He laughed as he opened the back door and picked up a bag. She passed him the others and they climbed into the large SUV.

As they headed out of the parking lot, Alex grinned at him.

"So, are you sure you didn't get this because you're back home, and everything has to be _big_ in Texas?"

He laughed. "Honey, I think you know from experience that everything _is_ big in Texas."

She snorted. "Yeah, we can start with your ego..."

He tried to look insulted. "Oh darlin', you will _so_ be paying for that remark later, you mark my words."

Alex laughed as she grabbed his free hand. "Promise?"

* * *

As the Durango pulled up in front of a large home, Nick slowed down and then turned into the driveway. He switched off the engine and looked at Alex speculatively.

"We're here."

Alex looked nervously up at the house, then back at Nick. "Wow. It's a nice house."

She could see a light on in one of the windows on the bottom floor. The front porch light beckoned.

Nick jumped out and went around to Alex's door, opening it for her and glancing in at her with amusement. "C'mon out, chicken."

"I'm not chicken! I'm just... tired."

Nick laughed. "_Mmm hmm_. Let's go."

They went to the back and grabbed their bags. Alex had one case, and her carry-on was slung over her shoulder. As they approached the front door, it suddenly swung open and a woman stood smiling down the steps at them. Alex smiled tentatively and Nick moved up the step and lowered his bag on the porch.

She was shorter than Nick, with light brown hair and lighter eyes, although Alex couldn't judge their colour in the dimmed light of night. Alex figured that Nick must look more like his father because they didn't have much else in common, at least at first glance.

Then she smiled as Nick reached her, and Alex realized that he'd definitely gotten that amazing trait from her.

"Hey mom."

He gave her a big hug and she sighed happily, hugging him back tightly.

"Oh honey, it's _so good_ to see you. It's been far too long."

He looked a bit sheepish as he pulled away. "I know. It's really good to see you though."

He saw his mother glance down the steps behind him and he turned to see Alex standing shyly beside her bag.

"Mom, this is Alex."

Alex moved up the steps and started to reach out her hand in greeting, but Laura Stokes moved forward slightly and embraced her tightly. Alex quickly recovered from her momentary surprise and hugged her back. Nick smiled at her over his mother's shoulder.

The woman pulled back. "I'm so glad you came, Alex. I've really been looking forward to meeting you in person."

"Me too, Mrs. Stokes."

"Laura."

"Right, sorry... Laura. I've been really excited about meeting you all."

Nick moved to her side and grabbed her hand, squeezing her fingers lightly.

"Well, you both must be tired- It's late. Let's get you inside and settled in your room."

Nick grinned down at Alex, the implications of the singular "room" lingering in his smile.

"Nick, you bring the bags and follow us up to the room."

"Yes ma'am."

He smiled at Alex again and she laughed at his dutifulness to his mother.

Laura Stokes took them through a good sized foyer and headed up a staircase, chatting to Alex and explaining that Bertram "Butch" Stokes was sleeping soundly, since he had to work tomorrow and wasn't much of a nightowl usually. She'd probably meet him after work, around supper time. They started down a hallway, Nick bringing up the rear with the bags.

"I thought I'd put you on this side of the house, since the rooms have a better view. You can see the park nicely from here."

She opened a bedroom door and Alex looked around appreciatively. It was a decent sized room, tastefully decorated with sturdy oak furniture and warm natural colours everywhere.

"There's an ensuite bathroom over there, and your suitcases should fit on the shelves in the closet..."

Mrs. Stokes paused in her guided tour to look at Nick, who was looking confused.

"What is it, Nicholas?" Alex grinned at her use of his full name.

"Well, isn't Amanda coming home for Thanksgiving?"

"Yes, dear, she is. Why?"

"Well, she just usually has this room when she stays, is all."

"Well, she'll be staying in the end room this time."

Nick nodded in understanding, but he gave Alex a somewhat impressed smile as his mother turned back to her.

"So, there are lots of towels in there, and I have lots of shampoos and soaps and things if you need anything. Just let me know."

Alex thanked her and Laura gave them both another hug before she went to the door.

"And don't worry about getting up early to impress me, you two. You've had a busy night and I think you should sleep in, get refreshed. I'll see you tomorrow."

And with a smile, she closed the door behind her. Alex looked at Nick, smiling happily.

"Your mom is _so _cool, Nick. She really is very nice."

"Yep. Obviously I take after her."

Alex moved into his arms and kissed him softly. "_Obviously_." He grinned down at her.

She looked behind him. "Well, it looks like we'll be sharing a room after all. And it's so nice..."

Nick nodded, his brows going up. "Yeah, it is nice. I'm thinking it was a good thing I brought you along with me this time."

"Why?"

"Because I don't usually get the big room with the ensuite, that's why. My sister usually claims it." He smiled at her again. "So I guess this proves it."

Alex looked at him in question. "Proves what?"

"Proves that you've already impressed my mom. There's no way she would have given me the best room, otherwise."

Alex shook her head skeptically and laughed slightly. "But you told me you were her _favourite_...?"

"Oh, I am, trust me. But I'm also the single son who doesn't need anything fancy, normally. This is a major score, darlin'. A _major_ score. My stock is definitely going up, thanks to you."

Alex looked around her in speculation, smieking at him skeptically.

"Well, whatever. I'm not going to question _why_, I'm just going to enjoy it."

Nick moved close again and nuzzled her cheek. "_We_. _We're_ going to enjoy it."

She snuggled into his arms and sighed happily as she thought to herself:

_I can't believe I'm really here_.

He looked down at her. "Tired?"

She nodded sleepily and he rubbed her arms tenderly. "Let's unpack some stuff and hit the hay. Tomorrow, I'll give you the 50 cent tour of Dallas."

She grinned in anticipation. "I can't wait, Nick."

* * *

Alex felt a warmth invade her belly and then a whisper of something caressed her neck... She woke up slowly, opening her eyes as she did.

Nick was smiling down at her and after a brief "_good morning_" his lips moved gently but insistently against hers, his hands sliding tantalizingly down her belly. She moaned into his kiss and ran her own hands down his back, instantly aroused.

As he moved to lean over her body, she stared up at him lovingly... And then felt a ripple of surprise as she remembered where she was. She immediately began to pull at Nick's hands, trying to get them back into safer territory.

"Nick... Stop... Please."

He paused in his ministrations and looked at her in wonder. "What's wrong? Are you OK?"

She would have laughed, but she read genuine concern in his glance and was touched at how caring he was, as usual.

"It's just that... I don't think we should do this..."

"What?"

"I don't feel comfortable doing _this_ here... I mean, your mom's probably in the house somewhere..."

He frowned at her for a moment and then chuckled as he moved back to a position beside her, shaking his head.

"_Man oh man_."

She grinned awkwardly. "I'm sorry... I just..."

"Don't be sorry; I understand. I happen to wholeheartedly _disagree_..." He pulled her close to him and pretended to chew on her neck, and she giggled. "... but I understand. I guess it's only fair to let you get over your nervousness before I start tempting you to misbehave in the family home."

She smiled back at him, stroking his face gently. "You are tempting, sweetie... A little _too_ tempting for my liking right now."

He growled into her ear longingly. "Oh _yeah_? Are you sure I can't convince you to-"

She pulled away quickly and jumped out of the bed, laughing. "_Don't_! You know I'm weak."

He started to crawl out of the bed towards her, a predatory look on his face. "Oh, I know you can't resist me..."

She squealed slightly as he advanced menacingly towards her and she darted quickly into the bathroom, locking the door behind her. She leaned back against the door, unable to keep a big smile from forming on her face. She called through to him.

"Go say good morning to your mom and leave me alone. I'm going to take a shower."

He laughed. "Man, why do I have a feeling I'm going to be spending the better part of the next five days getting bossed around by women?"

He laughed to himself as he pulled a t-shirt over his head, listening to Alex's reply.

"The sooner you accept it, the happier we'll all be, I'm sure!"

* * *

Nick's mother accepted the offer of brunch downtown with Nick and Alex, and the three of them enjoyed a casual meal and some conversation on a restaurant patio, savouring the unseasonably warm late autumn day.

Nick was enjoying how well his mom and Alex were getting along, even though he was already being subjected to the inevitable barage of childhood stories that inevitably embarrassed the hell out of him.

Laura Stokes was animated as she spoke to Alex across the table. "Now this was back in the days when folks would have those sort of plastic-rubbery type cover sheets running down the center of their staircases to protect the carpet.They were hideous really..."

Nick groaned inwardly as he recognized one of his mother's favourite stories about him. He looked at his lap, shaking his head as he waited for the axe to fall.

"So, I was standing near a table, handing someone a cocktail when I hear Marjorie Pearson exclaim "Oh my", and I look across the room to see what the problem is. I followed her gaze to the top of the stairs, and what did I behold? Why, my darling 4 year old son Nicholas in his Evel Kneivel pyjamas, with his little willy in his hand, getting ready to relieve himself right there in front of God and all of my party guests!"

Alex burst out laughing and looked over at Nick in disbelief. He gazed up at her from an angle, still trying to look into his lap. He shook his head again and couldn't help but laugh. He groaned as his mother continued with the familiar coup de grace.

"Everyone in the place had stopped what they were doing suddenly and stood in shocked stillness as my baby Nicky, _fast asleep_ mind you, sent his little stream arcing down the stairs. _To this day_, I can still hear the pitter patter breaking the utter silence as it hit the plastic covering on the stairs..."

Alex was laughing uncontrollably now, the tears running down her face. She didn't think she could laugh any harder, but then Laura went on.

"I swear, I've heard of sleep walking, but Nick put a new spin on it: Sleep _peeing_! He could pee _anywhere_ while he was sleeping... He'd get up in the middle of the night and pee in his dresser drawers, or one time it was in the vegetable drawer in the fridge-"

"Mom!"

Nick was laughing now too but his face was getting redder with embarrasssment. His mother looked back at him with an innocent expression that Alex recognized from Nick's own repertoire, and she continued to laugh at the interplay between the two of them.

"What is it, dear?"

"I don't really think this is appropriate discussion for the lunch table, do you?"

"Oh honey, we finished eating a while back. I'm sure it's not ruining Alex's Diet Pepsi; is it dear?" She looked at Alex in amusement.

Alex laughed and then grinned mischeivously at Nick, who glared at her. This only made her laugh harder.

"Besides, you were just a _little boy_, sweetheart. It's not like you still do it... Do you?" She looked at Alex in mock alarm. "_Does he_?!!!"

"_Mom_!"

Alex laughed harder again as Nick looked about ready to choke.

He gave her another half-amused, half-annoyed glare and she tried to halt her laughing, but wasn't having much success. He grinned in bemusement and eyed his mother with chagrin, although Alex couldn't help but see the all too obvious deep affection between the two. He pushed his chair back slowly and stood up.

"I believe I will get the bill."

Alex was still laughing as he made his way inside.

* * *

Alex and Nick returned from their tour of Dallas just before dinner.

"Where did you go?"

Nick looked at Alex with chagrin, then back at his mother. "I can't believe it, but she made me go to the Conspiracy Museum and the Sixth Floor Museum. I swear to god, I don't think I've been to either of those since highschool field trips."

Alex laughed and Laura stepped in to defend her. "But she's a history teacher, Nick. She has a thirst for knowledge which you should appreciate."

Nick just laughed and put an arm around Alex affectionately.

"Well, after that we took in the scenery around Dallas and then I took her over to Fort Worth and we went to Heritage Park."

"Oh, that would have been nice. It's been so beautiful outside today."

Alex nodded. "I had no idea Dallas was so pretty. I wish I'd come here before now."

"Well, you might have felt differently if you'd come in summer. It's hot as heck here then."

Alex couldn't control a yawn that had sneaked up on her and she smiled guiltily. "Sorry."

Laura Stokes spoke up.

"Don't apologize... You must be tired, honey. It sounds like you've had a busy day, and you didn't really take my advice about sleeping in this morning. Why don't you catch a nap? Nick's dad won't be home for a good 3 hours and we won't be eating until then."

Nick squeezed her shoulders comfortingly.

"Why don't you head upstairs? I may actually have to join you shortly..." He yawned himself and Alex smiled gratefully.

"Well, if you don't mind..." She looked at Mrs Stokes.

"Of course I don't mind. Go get some rest."

Alex ran her hand gently down Nick's back and gave him a peck on the cheek. "OK, I'll see you later then? I probably won't sleep for more than an hour..."

Nick leaned in and kissed her more soundly. "I'll definitely be up in a bit, Alex. I'll try not to wake you."

Alex smiled at him tenderly, then changed to an appreciative smile for Mrs. Stokes and retreated up the stairs. Nick turned back to his mother to find her smiling at him. He grinned back shyly.

"What?"

She just shook her head as if to say "_nothing_" and patted him on the shoulder as she walked past him into the kitchen.

Upstairs, Alex crawled under the covers and tried to slow down her mind so she could sleep. Today had been amazing so far, but she was still extremely nervous about meeting Nick's dad... the _Judge_.

She swallowed uncomfortably and rolled onto her other side.

After 10 or 15 minutes of restlessness, the exhaustion finally began to take over and she felt herself drifting off. Just as she felt herself on the verge of dropping off completely, a hand slid over her waist and she felt a familiar body settle in behind her, snuggling into her back.

She sighed happily and stroked the hand at her waist. Nick kissed her hair and mumbled "_I love you_" just as she finally succumbed to sleep.


	20. Chapter 20

_**A.N**_: Thanks again everyone. I realize this story has become mostly fluffy, but whatever; I'm still enjoying myself! We'll see where this goes.

* * *

Nick was still dozing lightly when Alex awoke some time later. She snuck out of bed, kissing him lightly before she went.

After straightening herself up, she made her way downstairs towards the kitchen. She could hear voices coming from inside and she pushed the door open carefully.

Laura Stokes saw her over the shoulder of the woman she was talking to and smiled. The other woman turned around and Alex knew instantly this had to be one of Nick's sisters, the resemblance was so strong. She had lighter hair, like her mother's but she had the same warm dark eyes as Nick. Another version of Nick's smile played across her lips as she looked at Alex. She was a very attractive woman, not surprisingly.

"Hi, hon... How did you sleep?" Laura questioned.

"Great, actually. That bed is so comfortable. I feel a little more alive again." She smiled at the two women.

"Alex, this is my daughter Jessica. She's my second youngest, a year older than Nick."

The woman moved closer to Alex and clasped her hand, smiling warmly. "It's great to meet you, Alex. I've heard so much about you."

Alex smiled back, surprised at how much Nick's family seemed to know about her already.

"It's nice to meet you too. Nick's told me a few stories about his sisters, but I'm afraid I'm unsure which one was about _which_ sister..."

Laura grinned at her. "Don't worry about that- that's the trick with having a big family. Only the people within the inner circle can keep all the details straight. I'm sure you'll get the hang of it soon enough."

Alex felt encircled by the woman's warmth and was again impressed at how easily Laura Stokes had accepted her into the fold. She hoped it went as well with Mr. Stokes.

"Jess will be joining us for dinner. I have a feeling Michael and Kathleen might be showing up too, since they know Nick's here... I know Elizabeth won't be able to make it until tomorrow. Those are my 3 other kids that live here in Dallas. Amanda and Julia both live away."

Alex nodded, hoping she'd be able to keep track of all these names. And then there would be the spouses, kids, and apparently dogs...

A new voice from the back door of the kitchen broke into her thoughts.

"Laura, my love, I will be requiring a beer immediately. Please tell me we're fully stocked and appropriately refrigerated..."

A man around Nick's height had suddenly entered the kitchen from the back door and, seeing Alex standing there paused in his diatribe. She grinned timidly back at him.

"Well, well. This must be the lovely and talented Alex Winters... The woman who has stolen the heart of my youngest progeny."

He moved towards her and Alex felt her pulse speed up nervously. He stopped in front of her and seemed to be sizing her up, making her even more uncertain.

Suddenly, he shot out his hand and Alex almost jumped.

"Bertram R. Stokes at your service" He shook her hand firmly, then leaned in closer to wink at her. "But all the pretty ladies call me Butch."

Alex laughed, suddenly relieved. "Nice to meet you, um..."

"Sweetheart, you can definitely call me Butch."

She grinned wider and nodded back. "_Butch_. It's great to finally meet you."

"Yes, that's what everybody tells me. Would you care to join me in a beer, or do you favour girlie drinks like the missus over there?" He nudged his shoulder in his wife's direction and Alex laughed again.

"Well, I'm not too picky. Whatever you have the most of."

Butch laughed as he reached into the fridge. "Good answer, good answer. Beer it is!"

"Butch, dear; if you're done flirting with your son's girlfriend, why don't you head on out to the porch and get out of my kitchen so I can finish getting ready for supper."

"You don't have to tell me twice. C'mon Alex, let's take a load off so you can tell me all about yourself. I understand you're a history teacher..."

He took Alex by the arm and she looked back at Laura, wondering if she should offer to help her with the dinner preparations. Sensing her question, Mrs. Stokes waved her off.

"Get him out of my hair, will ya hon? Jess, go with them."

Jess smiled and grabbed another beer out of the fridge, then trailed after them.

Alex settled into a comfie chair on the porch. It stretched around the side of the house, and even though the sun had gone down, it was still relatively warm there.

"So you're from Vancouver, Alex?" Jess asked her.

"Yeah, that's right."

"Vancouver, huh?" Butch nodded his head. "I've never been there. I've been to Toronto and Montreal, and we had a layover once in Calgary."

"Really? So, what did you think of Toronto?"

"Nice city. Very clean for the size. I was fairly impressed. It was cold as hell though. I think I'd like to go back but I don't think it will be in January this time."

"Whoh- Toronto in _January_? You may as well have gone to the Arctic circle. Why did you go _then_?"

"Ah, the missus had a conference and I had time off so I thought I'd tag along. Nice folks, Canadians."

Alex smiled. "Thanks."

Butch laughed. "You're welcome."

The conversation continued and Alex became more and more comfortable with Nick's father.

He was a commanding presence despite not being much bigger than Nick, physically. But his personality was bigger than life. Still, he was as warm and genuine as his wife in his own way and Alex was enjoying talking to him immensely.

She could see where Nick had gotten the rest of his good looks as well.

Butch Stokes had compelling brown eyes that crinkled when he smiled just like Nick's, except much more time worn, of course. His dark brown hair was fairly laced with gray, not unlike her own father's. He looked to be a little older than her father as well, but he appeared to be fit as a fiddle and very handsome for an older man.

Jessica was a little more reserved than her father, but seemed to be as kindhearted as the rest of them. "So, have you found a position yet, Alex? I know you just finished school..."

"She's had a few offers, but I made her take some time off after school finished so she could come meet the Stokes clan."

Nick spoke from behind her and Alex turned to look at him just as he reached her back. He leaned down to kiss the top of her head and she reached up to touch his hand as it sat on her shoulder.

She smiled back at Jessica and Butch. "I couldn't resist the chance to see Texas."

Jess got up and moved over to Nick, hugging him warmly.

"Hey little brother. I've_ missed_ you."

He hugged her back and gave her an extra squeeze.

"Yeah_ me too_. Emailing just isn't the same as seeing you. How're ya doing?" Alex could see instantly that there was a special bond between these two. It seemed only natural, since they were so close in age.

Jess smiled slightly and he hugged her again. He looked into her face carefully.

"You and me got some catchin' up to do."

She nodded back and was still smiling, but Alex thought there seemed to be something a little sad about it.

"Get yourself a beer, son and join us."

"Actually, I've been sent to get y'all. Supper's ready."

Alex smiled up at him. One day in Dallas and Nick's accent was already coming out a little stronger. She hoped it continued to come out.She couldn't deny how sexy he sounded.

They all stood and Nick put an arm around Alex's shoulders as they headed into the kitchen. She snuggled in closer and looked up at him.

"Did you sleep well?"

"Yep. Missed ya when I woke up though."

He smiled at her and then nodded ahead of them, towards Butch and Jess. "I see you're gettin' aquainted with the family. How's it goin'?"

"Great, actually. I'm beginning to really believe you about Texan charm. Everybody's so _friendly_."

Nick laughed. "Dad pullin' out the charisma, is he?" He shook his head. "I don't think he'll ever stop flirting with the ladies, heaven help us."

Butch called back over his shoulder. "I heard that."

They laughed and everybody sat down at the table. Butch looked across at Alex conspiratorily.

"Nicky boy's just sore because all his girlfriends used to fall for me." He looked at Nick in feigned contrition. "I'm sorry son; I can't help the way I am. Women just can't resist me."

Nick laughed and Alex giggled beside him, remembering similar words coming from Nick as he'd chased her into the bathroom that morning. It was going to be fun finding out just how he came to be the way he was, and she was truly looking forward to learning more about this amazing family.

Laura passed behind her husband's chair and swatted him lightly. "Just as long as you remember who's number one, darlin'."

Butch grabbed her hand as she made to sit down and pulled her into his lap. Alex grinned as the woman giggled like a schoolgirl and tried unsuccessfully to act annoyed.

"Laura, my love, you know there's never been anyone else who could hold my heart since the day I laid eyes on _you_."

She struggled to get up unconvincingly and chastised him.

"Butch, you're being foolish... We have a guest. I'm sorry, Alex. The man has a tendancy to perform when there's an audience."

"Ah, Alex doesn't mind, do you hon? We're all adults here."

As if on cue, a voice came from the doorway to the dining room. "Grandpa! You didn't eat all the roast, did ya?"

A teen of about 14 or 15 entered the room quickly and eyed the table curiously as he leaned over to reach for the mashed potatoes. Laura smacked his hand and he grinned guiltily at her.

"Jase, sit down and wait your turn."

"Yes, ma'am."

A tall man and a fair haired woman came up to the table now and the man smiled at Nick, who stood and reached out to shake his hand.

"Nick! You finally made it home. Mom was getting ready to have you kidnapped and brought back to Texas."

Nick chuckled. "Good to see you, Mike. Jenny."

The blonde woman smiled back. "Good to see you too, Nick."

Nick gestured towards Alex. "This is Alex. And this is my brother Mike and his wife Jenny; and their youngest son, Jason."

Jason was sitting down already and grinned at her through a mouthful of peas. Nick laughed and Jenny shook her head.

"Watch out, Alex. The Stokes men like to eat."

Alex laughed. "So I've noticed."

Everyone sat down and Alex was reminded of eating dinner with her own family; all the little jokes and good humoured arguments... And just a general sense of togetherness. She hadn't realized how much she had missed that feeling until now. She sat back and enjoyed the atmosphere, smiling contentedly.

Mike looked more like his mother than Nick and Jess, and his son Jason seemed to take after his mother, with blonde hair and green eyes. Mike was good-looking nonetheless. Jenny was also very attractive and seemed to fit in well with the family.

At the end of the meal, everyone sat back and groaned about how full they were. Nick's mom had thoughtfully made Alex a small vegetarian lasagne which she'd happily shared with Jason, who'd seemed to need to eat a bit of everything on the table.

Nick rubbed his stomach and smiled at Alex. "Wow. I'm stuffed."

Butch nodded. "Yep. If that was dinner, then I guess I've eaten it."

Alex laughed and Nick shook his head again. "Dad, you never change."

Butch looked thoughtful for a moment. "Perhaps, but then again why mess with perfection?"

They all laughed and slowly made their way from the dining room. Alex and Nick helped Laura clear the table and then she shoo-ed them into the living room with the rest of the family.

They were just sitting down when some more of Nick's family seemed to be arriving. Butch called out to the newcomers.

"Kathleen, Dave. You missed dinner."

The fair-haired woman smiled and Alex saw the familiar Stokes trait once more. She too looked like her mother for the most part. She seemed to be in her mid to late forties, possibly a bit older than Mike. The man with her was blonde as well and had a good-natured look about him. He gave their excuse for being late.

"Sorry- That was my fault. I had practice tonight." Apparently he was a highschool phys-ed teacher and the coach for the football team. Mike questioned him on the status of the team and they began an animated conversation, which Butch joined in frequently.

After more hugs with Kathleen and the proper introductions for Alex, Nick sat down beside her again and put his arm around her shoulder. He whispered into her ear.

"How're you holding up? They're beginning to come out of the woodwork now, and this isn't even everybody yet."

She smiled. "I'm enjoying myself, actually. And the accents are wonderful. I love just listening to everybody."

He chuckled. "Darlin', _you're_ the one with the accent _here_."

She laughed. "Yeah, I guess you're right. I'm the odd man out this time."

"Do you need another beer?"

She nodded. "Yeah, but I really think I need to stand for a moment, so I'll get it myself. Maybe walking will help me to digest."

She rubbed her stomach and blew out a stream of air. "Man, I'm full."

As she stood to leave she asked if anyone needed a refill and laughed as about 5 hands went up. Nick stood beside her.

"I think I better come with you."

As they hit the hallway, Butch's voice rang out loud and clear. "And don't waste time foolin' around in there. I'm thirsty and you can make-out later!"

They laughed and Nick pulled her closer to him suddenly. He leaned down and kissed her deeply, and her heart began to beat more quickly in her chest.

"Nevermind him. There's always time for foolin' around."

As if he could see them, Butch's voice came from the living room once more.

"I'm serious, Nicholas. I'm not gettin' any _younger_ in here..."

They laughed again and made their way into the kitchen.

* * *

"So, what do you think?" Nick was leaning on his elbow beside her in bed. He played with her hair as she lay next to him.

"About your family, you mean?"

He nodded and she continued. "Amazing. Nice, friendly, funny... And everybody's so good looking. Your photo albums don't do them justice."

He grinned down at her. "But I'm your favourite, right?"

He leaned down to kiss her softly. She smiled when he pulled away.

"Well, I can't say for certain right now. I mean, I haven't met _everybody_ yet, so..."

She squealed a little as he unexpectedly rolled on top of her and held her arms down over her head.

"Honey, I don't think you _heard_ my question _clearly_. I _said_ '_I'm_ _your favourite_, _right_?'" He moved his face closer to hers and looked at her in mock seriousness.

She laughed again. "Well, like _I _said..."

She screamed a little as he let go of one hand and started to tickle her. She tried to fight back with her free hand, but he was too strong. He tormented her further as he continued to tickle her in spurts.

"Sorry, what was _that_? Did you say that _I'm your favourite_? I didn't quite catch that... _What_?"

She fought back the shrieks of laughter as he continued to hold her down beneath him, tickling her mercilessly. She managed to gasp out "_yes_!" in between fits of laughter and he lessened the torture ever so slightly.

"Sorry? '_Yes_' what?"

"_Yes, you're my favourite_! _I swear_, _you're my favourite_!"

He leaned his face back in closer and smiled down at her triumphantly. "You see now, darlin'? It's always best to tell the truth."

She laughed and he let go of her other hand, but stayed above her. She reached up to play with his hair and his smile became more tender. She leaned up to brush his lips with her own and she whispered to him adoringly.

"To quote someone famous, '_You know there's never been anyone else who could hold my heart since the day I laid eyes on you_.'"

He smiled lovingly and whispered back. "_Just as long as you remember who's number one_, _darlin_'."


	21. Chapter 21

Alex woke up thirsty at 5:30am.

She crept quietly downstairs to the kitchen, but was surprised to see light glowing from underneath the door. Jess looked up from the breakfast nook as she entered the room.

"Hey Alex. What are you doing up so early?"

"Ah, I was thirsty..." She looked at her in mild confusion. "Did you stay here last night? I thought I saw you leaving..."

Jessica smiled up at her sheepishly. "No, I went home. I just... Sometimes I can't sleep, and I find myself coming over here. It just feels more homey I guess."

Alex nodded sympathetically. Nick had mentioned that she'd only been divorced for a few months and she had her good days and her bad.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to intrude."

"Don't be silly. Pull up a seat."

Alex sat beside her and sipped her juice. "So, will I get to meet your... _Son_, wasn't it?"

Jessica nodded. "Possibly. He's with his dad's family this weekend, but Tom might bring him by."

Alex nodded, hoping she wasn't treading on uncomfortable ground. She knew that Tom, Nick and Jess had all been friends throughout highschool, so the whole situation was a little more awkward then normal. Alex tried to slip back to a safe subject- her son.

"I'm sorry, I can't remember his name..."

"Nicky. Brian Nicholas Campbell, actually, but we call him Nicky."

Alex smiled. "Oh yeah, that's right. The famous namesake. How could I have forgotten that one?"

"Yeah, Nick was proud as punch when we told him."

She grinned and then seemed to slip into her memories for a second. The sorrow sat behind her eyes once more. Alex tried to distract her.

"How old again?"

"Three. And he's a personable little fellow, if I do so say so myself. Definitely takes after his uncle Nick." She smiled warmly.

"Not that I disagree about Nick's personableness, but your whole family seems very friendly in general."

Jess grinned. "Yeah, we're not bad. Amanda's a little domineering, but she's got a good heart." She chuckled lightly. "In fact, I can't wait until she finds out Nick got her room this time."

Alex looked at her with concern. "It's _her_ room? I had no idea... We can easily move if-"

"No, no. Don't worry, Alex. It'll be fine. It's not technically _her _room; she just claims it whenever she's here because it has the ensuite. She'll get over it. Plus..." She grinned at Alex with amusement. "It will be fun to see Nick and her sparring like old times. It's been too long." She smiled wistfully and Alex laughed.

"If you say so."

Jess nodded again and Alex questioned her. "I can't imagine anybody here not getting along. There's just such a sense of comraderie with everyone..."

"_Hah_, don't be deceived. 7 kids raised by two people who get paid to argue for a living? It was chaos!"

Alex laughed, trying to picture it.

"Nick and I used to fight about _everything_ when we were kids. It was only once we were in our late teens that we got closer. And Nick was always the rebel anyway, so that put him at odds with half the family most of the time."

Alex was surprised to hear that. "Really? But he's so..."

"I don't mean it in the _black sheep_ sense. He just liked to strike out on his own moreso than the rest of us. He always wanted to blaze his own trail, be different. Like, with Mike for example... Mike played football in highschool, so Nick went out for baseball even though he was amazing at football as well. And while everyone mostly stayed around Dallas, Nick needed to get away."

"But I thought 2 of your sisters lived outside Dallas?"

"Amanda's in California because her husband got a partnership in a law firm there, but Julia's only in Austin.She and her husband both teach at the University of Texas there. Nick always wanted to get out of Dallas, but he didn't get his chance until that job came up in Las Vegas."

Alex was finding all this information very interesting. She and Nick had never really discussed the reasons why he'd gone to Vegas. She'd assumed it was just about his job.

Jess went on.

"I think the only reason he became a cop was because it almost seemed to be expected of him- Mike's a cop, mom and dad are also involved with the law; Elizabeth's a lawyer, and so are Amanda and her husband... The pressure was a bit overwhelming. I knew it wasn't the right move for Nick, but he wasn't really sure what he wanted to do back then. And mom and dad actually didn't like the idea of him being a cop, in the end... Anyway, he finally found the career he was meant for and he's really happy now... I think?"

She looked at Alex in question and she nodded back, smiling.

"Yeah, he is. He loves his job. And he's really good at it." She smirked. "I know first hand."

Jess looked serious suddenly. "Yeah, of course you do. I'm sorry Alex, I'd almost forgotten about your whole ordeal. I can't imagine what that must have been like. You must be a strong woman."

Alex scoffed. "Hah, I don't know about that."

"I don't know. I'm not sure if I would have been able to handle all of that. What a nightmare."

Alex smiled slightly. "Well, one good thing came out of it at least."

Jess smiled back at her.

"For both of you, I think. I've never seen Nick this smitten, Alex. And I've seen him date a lot of girls, lemme tell you..."

She stopped, realizing how that sounded. "Oh, wow... I'm sorry. I know how that must sound but he's-"

Alex was laughing now. "Please, don't worry about it. I didn't expect that he'd been celibate before he met me." She smiled broadly at the other woman. "He's just _way_ too hot for that."

Jess laughed. "And I'm sure you did alright yourself, huh?"

Alex hadn't expected that one and she blushed. "Uh, I guess."

"Well, anyway... He seems really, really happy, Alex, and I'm positive a lot of it has to do with you."

She seemed to get a little sadder again and Alex watched her carefully.

"Are you OK?" She asked gently.

"Yeah..."

She blew out a breath. "Yeah, I will be." She looked at Alex in bemusement. "I was just remembering the good times... Divorce really _sucks_."

Alex couldn't help but chuckle at the blunt statement. "Yeah, I bet it does. I can't imagine what you're going through right now. I'm sorry."

"Well, hopefully you won't have to find out. And if the way my brother looks at you is any indication, I doubt you'll ever have to."

Alex raised her brows in surprise.

"Whoh... We aren't... We've never even talked about marriage... I mean it's not like we're engaged or anything."

Jessica smiled. "Well, maybe not yet, but... Let's just say I won't be surprised when it happens."

Alex's brows went up again and she continued.

"No, I don't have any inside information or anything like that. It's just my intuition, that's all. I know my brother very well, and I can just tell. We don't talk as often as I'd like, but we email. He's crazy about you, Alex."

Alex didn't know what to say to that. She took a sip of her juice and grinned over her cup, mildly embarrassed. Jess laughed and shook her head. Then she looked at Alex with an air of consideration.

"Has Nick ever told you about Christine?"

Alex shook her head. "I don't think so."

"Oh, you'd remember if he did. They were engaged briefly."

Alex must have looked utterly shocked because Jess laughed again.

"Don't worry- It was so long ago I'm positive he didn't mention it because he just honestly forgot about it. It was seriously that brief. And she was utterly forgettable, lemme tell ya."

Alex leaned closer, curious. "OK, so tell me about her."

Jess grinned.

"She was gorgeous. Tall, built, dark brown hair, big blue eyes... Basically to die for. Nick met her in senior year at highschool and fell hard. She treated him like garbage, as do all self-absorbed women like her, but he ate it right up. Ah, hormones..."

Alex laughed, even though she was still mildly unsettled about this new information.

"So, anyway, we could never prove she was fooling around on him, but both Tom and I and assorted other friends _knew_ she was. But Nick couldn't believe it. He'd already dated quite a few girls by this stage and let's just say he had never been the one to end up with a broken heart. I think he honestly believed he was in control of that relationship, even though the rest of us saw it differently."

She grinned as she continued.

"Well, one day he comes home and tells the whole family he's engaged. We were obviously appalled, but what could we do? He'd never listened to any of our opinions about Christine before, so it was hardly likely to be different this time. So, off he goes to college in Houston and she stayed in Dallas, working on getting some certificate in something I can't recall. One weekend in the fall, he decided he missed her too much and snuck home to surprise her."

Alex grinned. "Let me guess? Caught her with another guy in a compromising position?"

Jess' smile increased. "_Two_, actually."

Alex snorted increduously. "Are you serious? At the _same time_?"

Jess nodded and Alex shook her head in amusement. "Oh man..."

Jess nodded. "Mmmm hmmmm. So let's just say the engagement was off and we were all very relieved. Nick had a broken heart for all of, oh I don't know, say a _week_ maybe..."

Alex laughed again. "I guess it was pretty serious then..."

"Yeah, _very_ serious, obviously. Well anyway, let's just say Nick had a bit of an eye opener about women and decided to play the distance game after that. He's dated a lot of women, but I haven't seen him get very serious about many of them. There've been a _few_, but not many. So needless to say, when we heard you were moving in with him..."

_Oh man_, _they're all hearing wedding bells_.

Alex was suddenly feeling nervous all over again.

"Um, well... I... Jess, I really don't know what to say. Seriously, we've never talked about marriage. I swear. We're just... We're very happy right now and I'm more than content with how things are. Honestly."

"Oh, Alex... I'm sorry if I sounded like I was trying to pressure you. That's not the case at all. I just want you to know that I think my little brother really cares about you. Deeply."

Then she grinned at Alex again.

"But if you hurt him, I'll have to kill you."

Alex laughed and nodded. "Fair enough. I'll remember that."

After alittle more small talk, Alex decided to catch a few more hours sleep, knowing she'd be meeting more Stokes soon. She wanted to be refreshed for the rest of the day.

She snuggled back in next to Nick, wrapping her arms around his waist from behind. She grinned to herself.

_My poor Nicky and his adulterous fiance_.

She felt guilty but she almost giggled out loud when she tried to picture him walking in to find his fiance with _two_ guys...

Just then Nick woke up partially and turned to face her. He kissed her forehead and pulled her tighter to him before falling back asleep.

* * *

Nick smiled as he heard the door open and a voice calling out.

"Yoo Hoo! Anybody here? The Ashfords have arrived!"

Alex looked at Nick questioningly across the kitchen table and he explained.

"Amanda and Rick." He looked at his watch and smirked. "Right on schedule, as usual."

Laura Stokes caught his expression and smacked him lightly on the head with her newspaper.

"Don't start Nicholas. Come out and say _hi_ to your sister and her husband. She'll be happy to see you."

He grinned at Alex and nodded his head to the door. "Come with me, hon. I may need to use you as a shield."

"Nick."

His mother frowned at him as she opened the kitchen door and he tried to look remorseful. He laughed as she disappeared behind the door.

"Seriously, this should be interesting. I can't wait until she finds out I've got her room."

Alex laughed. "Wow, that's what Jess said too. Well, let's go. I don't want to miss this."

He grabbed her hand and pulled her behind him. "And I wasn't joking about that shield thing..."

She was chuckling as they finally entered the foyer and saw the group gathered there. Jessica and her father had shown up as well.

"Nick! You're home. I'm so glad to see you, hon. It's been way, way, _way_ too long."

He moved over to her and gave her a big hug.

"Good to see you too sis. Rick." The other man nodded towards Nick, smiling. He looked back at Amanda. "How was your trip?"

"Oh, I'll be fine after I freshen up."

Alex watched surreptitiously from the sidelines and decided that most of the clan so far seemed to resemble their mother. Amanda's hair was blonde, but it was most likely dyed. She also wore more make-up then she'd seen on the other women in the family she'd met, but the whole affect was very tasteful, and business-like. She definitely looked like a lawyer.

Laura Stokes interrupted them. "Amanda, Rick... This is Nick's girlfriend, Alex."

She moved towards the couple and Rick grasped her hand warmly. "Nice to meet you, Alex."

Alex reciprocated and then Laura did the same.

"We've heard all about you Alex. I'm impressed somebody managed to trap this one." She motioned to Nick. "We didn't think he'd _ever _have a serious relationship."

Alex felt her brows go up slightly, but she tried to look neutral. "Well, uh... I had a big net. And I keep him tied up, so he can't get away."

Butch barked out laughter and Nick laughed beside her, putting an arm around her shoulders. He looked down at her affectionately and added, "She feeds me well, though. And sometimes I can go out into the yard."

The whole family was laughing now, with the exception of Amanda who seemed vaguely unimpressed, despite the smile on her face. It almost seemed as though she felt the joke was on her or something. Alex hoped she hadn't offended the woman. She wasn't hear to antagonzize Nick's family.

Then the other shoe fell.

"Oh, Amanda dear... I gave Nick and Alex the big room, since it's Alex's first time in Texas and all. I wanted her to feel at home here."

While to all outward appearances everyone seemed to hold the same posture in the room, Alex could almost feel the anticipation in the air as everyone waited for Amanda's response. Alex chewed the inside of her lip and watched the woman in front of her.

Amanda's face seemed to chaneg for a split second, but it was so quick Alex began to doubt whether she'd seen the emotion on the older woman's face or not: Outraged disbelief. Her words belied any discontent however, and she smiled sweetly.

"Oh, well _of course_. That's completely understandable. And afterall, Nicky's taken this time away from his precious little microscopes and fingerprint powders to finally grace us with his presence. Surely that's reason enough."

Nick shook his head in amusement and looked at Rick as if to say, '_How do you put up with this all the time_?' The other man just grinned at Nick, and he laughed.

"Yeah, it's nice to see you too, Amanda. Here, I'll help you guys with your bags."

He and Rick hefted the half dozen bags up the stairs and Butch nodded towards them as he questioned his daughter.

"You bring the kids, Mandy?"

"No dad. They had other things going on. They think they're too old for this stuff these days, you understand."

"Then what the hell is in all those bags? You packed enough for the whole family."

Amanda just looked at Alex and Jess as if to say, '_Men_... _they just don't understand_'. Alex smiled back understandingly, trying to stay on the woman's good side.

_Well_, _things just got a whole lot more interesting_,_ that's for sure_. _Ex-fiances and_ _melodramatic sisters_. _This holiday might be more fun than I thought_...


	22. Chapter 22

By later that afternoon, Alex had finally met the core Stokes family.

Julia and her husband Brad had arrived shortly after Amanda. They'd driven from Austin with their 17 month old, Jacob and their Border Collie, Cal.

Mike, Kathleen and spouses had returned as well. Jason was the only other child right now, in addition to baby Jake.

Elizabeth had also made an appearance and informed everyone that dinner would be at her house that evening. Alex would meet her husband and at least 3 of her 4 kids then, apparently.

"So does she have boys or girls, or both?" Alex quizzed Nick as the members of the family lounged around the various sections of the porch.

"3 boys, one girl."

"Wow. And Amanda?"

"A boy and a girl. Both in college."

"And Kathleen has 2?"

"Yep. Boys."

"And Michael has...?"

"You met Jase, plus there are 2 more older boys."

"Man. That's a lot of boys. How am I going to keep track of all this?"

He laughed and pulled her closer for a hug. "Don't worry about it. We're used to intiating people into the family. Brad was the last one and he's doing pretty well."

She smiled at him and looked at all the people mingling on the porch, enjoying their little reunion.

"Go talk to your family, Nick. I'm going to see if your mom needs help with the snacks."

"Yes ma'am." He saluted her and she laughed.

"Goof."

He grinned and gave her a peck on the cheek.

"Yeah, but you love me anyway."

* * *

As Alex returned with a tray of snacks, she heard everyone laughing and saw that Nick was entertaining them with some sort of story. She slipped unobtrusively into the back of the group and put the tray on the nearest table.

She was about to head back to the kitchen to help bring out the drinks when she suddenly felt something wrap around her left shin.

She looked down to see a small, dark haired head looking up at her with a big grin. She leaned down and looked the little guy in the face, smiling back.

"Well, hello there, Jacob. How are you?"

He grinned and pushed his face into her leg, giggling and gurgling. She looked fondly down at his dark hair and couldn't resist the urge to run her fingers through it. He slowly moved his face back to look at her again and she smiled back at him again. He giggled and hid his face once more in her leg.

She slowly starightened back into a standing position, watching him carefully all the while. As he felt her standing, he looked up, suddenly alarmed and then he raised his hands up, squeezing his fingers against his palms in the international baby sign for '_Up_!'

Alex looked around her and noted that the stories were still going strong beside her on the porch. She looked back at Jacob and then bent to hoist him into her arms. She put one hand under his diaper-padded behind and supported his back gently with the other. He giggled again and shoved his face into her neck, tickling her and causing her to laugh.

A voice came from beside her.

"Oh, you sneaky fellow. Are you trying to steal uncle Nicky's girlfriend?" Julia smiled at her son, wiping some spittle off his face with her hand.

Alex smiled. "Boy, he's not _too_ adorable, is he?"

Julia grinned. "Yeah, I sort of like him." She tugged at his little hand and he grinned happily at her. "Are you OK with him? I can take him off your hands if he's bother-"

"No, not at all."

Alex spoke up quickly and Julia smiled at her keen-ness. Then Alex remembered where she'd been going.

"Oh... But I was helping your mom..."

"No problem. I'm on it." Julia smiled again and headed inside to fetch the drinks.

Alex looked down at the chubby face looking back at her, still grinning for all he was worth. She was impressed that he hadn't fussed when his mother had slipped away from him.

"You're such a _good _boy, aren't you? _Yes_,_ you are_."

He drooled and smiled some more and she couldn't help but laugh along with him. He looked a lot like his father, Brad. Aside from having Nick's dark hair, that was all of the Stokes she could see in him. His blue eyes sparkled as he giggled and she felt herself losing her heart to the little guy.

She walked him over to the side of the porch where they could watch Cal the dog playing in the backyard with Mike's son Jason.

"See? That's cousin Jason and Cal."

He murmured "Cal" and she smiled at him.

"That's right! That's your doggie, Cal. He's a nice doggie, isn't he?"

Laura Stokes made her way to the porch and placed her drinks on the table. She shook her head as she heard Butch recounting one of his many stories. They'd all heard it a hundred times before, but nobody seemed to mind. She smiled.

_That man is a born storyteller_...

Her eye was suddenly drawn to Nick, who was staring at something past her on the porch. He had a slightly sad smile on his lips.

She turned to see Alex holding baby Jake at the porch railing, watching Jason and the dog run around the yard. She smiled sadly herself. As far as she knew, Nick hadn't told anyone else about Alex's miscarriage, but he'd called her when Alex had been acting a little out of sorts. She'd tried to tell him she'd be OK, but it hadn't been easy on either of them, from the sounds of it.

She turned back to Nick again. Slowly he felt her eyes on him and he grinned knowing that she knew exactly what he was thinking. She smiled back and slowly moved to stand beside him.

"Don't worry about her, honey. She'll be OK."

Nick smiled. "I know. It's just, we haven't really talked about it much since that first night. I don't know how she's feeling about everything now. I guess I should-"

"I think you should just let her be, Nick. She'll figure it out, and when she does, she'll talk to you about it."

Nick nodded, his smile still a little bittersweet.

"Yeah, I guess you're right." He hadn't stopped watching Alex with little Jacob."I think Jake's taken a shine to her though."

Laura smiled. "Yeah, I think you're right. Another ladies' man in the Stokes family; just what we need."

Nick laughed. "Dad's right: We can't help it if we're irresistable."

Laura's brows went up slightly. "Mmmmm_ hmmmm_...."

Nick continued to chuckle as he made his way over to Jake and Alex. Jake saw Nick first and reached his hands out over Alex's shoulder, wanting Nick to take him now.

"Hey buddy. You want to come to Uncle Nick?"

Alex smiled at him as she passed Jake over. Nick picked him up like a natural, and Alex realized he'd probably had a lot of experience with all the nieces and nephews he had. Jake reached out a hand and poked Nick's nose playfully. Nick pretended to look scandalized.

"Hey! What're you doing, Jakey? Huh? What's the big idea?"

Jake giggled and tried the move again. Nick looked affronted once more. Alex felt as if her heart was melting on the spot.

_He really would make a great father_.

She felt a quivering in her stomach. The thought left her a bit unsettled.

_But would I make a good mother_?

"_Hey there_."

She looked up at Nick's words questioningly.

"You alright?" His tender smile was tinged with concern.

She smiled back, trying to set his mind at ease.

"Yeah, I'm great." She grinned at Jake.

"I think I may have to dump you though... Another man has stolen my heart."

She grabbed Jake's fingers and blew a raspberry on the back of his little hand. He giggled loudly just as his mother returned to check up on him.

"What are you up to, Jake? You causin' trouble?"

She smiled at her baby, knowing in reality he was actually charming the crowd. She patted his diaper.

"Hmmm. It may be time to check this out... Care to do the honors, Nick?"

Nick suddenly had to speak to one of his sisters and made a hasty exit as Alex and Julia laughed at his retreating back. Julia shook her head.

"Typical."

* * *

Nick and Alex pulled into Elizabeth's driveway later that evening. Amanda and Brad had joined them in the Durango with various platters of food on their laps.

"I hope Dave decides to change out of his track pants for dinner this time. I've barely ever seen him wear anything else." Amanda voiced her disapproval from the back seat.

"Cut him some slack, Amanda. Phys-Ed and the football team are his life. And anyway, we're all family. Who cares if he wears track pants?"

She snorted from the back, but said nothing further. They all climbed out of the vehicle and headed to the front step. As Nick pulled the door handle, a multitude of barks started up on the other side. He grinned at Alex.

"They've got 2 dogs. Plus Cal's probably here..."

"Well, they'd better be outside during dinner." Amanda decided.

They forced their way past the curious dogs and headed towards the kitchen with the food. Elizabeth smiled at them all and then looked around herself suddenly.

"Dave!"

She shouted suddenly. A man's head poked around the corner.

"Yes, my precious."

"Come and meet Alex."

He smiled at her and shook her hand.

"Nice to meet you Alex. I'm Dave number 2." Then he looked puzzled. "Or am I number 1? I can never remember..." Alex laughed.

Elizabeth spoke up. "You'll always be number 1 with me, sweetheart."

He kissed his wife boldly and she swatted him away, laughing.

"If it makes it easier, we're usually distingusished by '_cop_ _Dave_'- that's me; and coach Dave. When in doubt, that's how to separate us."

Alex grinned. "Thanks. I'm sure I'll need to use that."

"When are we eatin', Lizzie?"

Butch had poked his head inside, eyeing the plethora of foods around the kitchen, all in various states of preparation.

"We'll eat when _I say_ we eat, dad. Dave, are the boys home yet?"

"Yep. Just finished practice."

"Make sure they shower before dinner. I don't want my dining room to smell like a football locker room."

"Yes, dear." Dave headed out of the room.

Nick and Alex made their way out the back patio doors onto a large deck where most of the family had congregated. 4 dogs ran in a fenzy around the yard.

"Oh, Kath brought Max with her. I told you there were a lot of dogs..."

Alex laughed.

"And _how_." Then she grinned. "Elizabeth and Dave are hillarious. They sort of remind me of Maddie and her husband. Gary's a lot like my dad, so..."

Nick nodded. "Yeah, I can picture that. Dave loves Liz like there's no tomorrow, too."

"Yeah, same with Gary. Maddie can do no wrong."

"I can't wait to meet him."

Alex smiled and grabbed his hand. She really hoped he managed to get time off at Christmas. She knew she'd get by without him if she had to, but she really didn't want to.

Nick spoke beside her. "Hey guys! How ya been?"

Two teen boys had meandered out onto the deck.

"Uncle Nick! Long time no see. What's up?"

"Not much. How's football going?"

"_Kickass_. We're going all the way this year, I _know_ it."

The second boy nodded. "We're the real deal, Uncle Nick. No one's gonna touch us."

Nick laughed. "Well, if confidence has anything to do with it..."

He pulled Alex a little closer.

"Tyler, Adam, this is my girlfriend, Alex. These are Mike's older boys."

Both boys grinned as they shook her hand and she could see the Stokes smile coming through once again. They were both good looking boys, and Alex could forsee a lot of broken hearts out there in the future.

"So, Uncle Nick... How about scoring us a couple beers?"

"Last time I checked, boys, neither of you was 21."

"Ah c'mon man... I'm _17_..."

"Whatever... I'm _18_..."

"Dudes, you're surrounded by varying degrees of law enforcement. Do you honestly think I'm going to risk my neck for the likes of you?"

Tyler laughed and smacked his uncle on the arm. "You suck, man."

Nick grinned back. "Yeah man, I know. You'll get over it."

Alex smiled at Nick as the boys wandered away. "They're nice kids."

"Yeah, they are. Awesome football players too. So are Liz and Dave's boys. They're all baseball players too. They're an athletic bunch."

They heard the call for dinner and slipped back inside.

The kids table had been set up for Jason and one of Kathleen's sons, who was close in age. The older boys, including Kathleen's older son who'd just arrived and Liz's 3 teenaged sons, filled their plates and headed into the other room to eat in front of the TV.

Fairly soon, everyone was muching happily, and a relative silence had descended on the dining room. A tiny shriek from Jake had everyone smiling, and Julia paused in her own eating to clean his whipped potatoes off her leg.

Laura looked up and smiled. "Well, there's one way to shut up the Stokes family... Put food in front of them."

Everyone laughed and continued to dig into the feast. Alex took a sip of her beer and watched everyone over the top of her bottle. No matter what Jess said, they seemed to get along really well for a family that size. There were many different personality styles, but it seemed to work fine for them.

"You gonna eat that?"

Nick whispered in her ear, looking greedily at the half a bun she had on her plate. She grinned back at him.

"You bet your life I am. Back off."

He laughed and moved back, looking back around the table for possible choices for his third helping. She shook her head at him in amusement.

"God, I thought you ate a lot _before_..."

He grinned at her with a mouth full of potatoes.

A large belch sounded from across the table and everyone looked over at Butch.

Laura frowned in dismay, along with Amanda.

"Dad! Manners, please."

Butch looked confused for a moment as he smacked his lips, considering the taste of his mighty burp.

"Hmmmm. I don't remember eating that."

Alex joined the rest of the family in their laughter.

* * *

"Oh man, I'm so full. I don't think I'm going to be able to sleep."

Alex sat on the end of the bed, caressing her swollen stomach.

"You were right about the cooking in this family. I just couldn't seem to help myself."

Nick smiled. "See? I told you. It's not like I was the only pig at the trough."

He was rewarded for this comment with a pillow bouncing off the back of his head.

"Hey!"

He moved towards her and made as if he was about to pin her, but she raised her hands in self-defense.

"Please- Don't! I'm too full!"

He laughed and sat beside her, wrapping an arm around her shoulders.

"Why don't we take a walk? I'm sure Julia would love it if we took Cal out for his evening constitutional."

"Sounds good."

A little while later, they were winding their way through Nick's old neighbourhood.

"So, how long did you live in this house?"

"Um, we moved here when I was around 10, I guess."

"Well, it's a great neighbourhood. Lots of trees."

"Yeah, it was a good place to grow up."

"Where did you live before that?"

She wasn't certain in the dark, but she thought she saw Nick's eyes tighten just the slightest bit as she observed him from the side. She thought she was probably just seeing things.

"Ah, a ways from here. Another suburb."

She was sure she'd heard something in his tone that time.

"Nick? Is there something wrong?"

He looked around, ostensibly trying to locate Cal for a minute, and when he had turned back to look at Alex, he hoped he didn't look as unsettled as he felt.

"Oh, nothing really. It's just that Jess suggested a drive by the old neighbourhood tomorrow... I'm just worried about her, I guess. She's having a hard time getting over this whole divorce; I think she's trying to remember the good old days, you know? Back when she didn't have the worries she has now."

Alex nodded. She believed him, but she felt like there might have been more he was holding back. She decided not to push though, since it probably had more to do with Jess. She didn't want to overstep her bounds.

"I'm sure she'll be OK, Nick. I bet it'll help getting to spend some time with you again."

He smiled down at her and squeezed her hand lightly.

"I've missed her. I've been trying to get her to come to Vegas, but she hasn't felt much like travelling lately. It's understandable, I guess."

Alex nodded. "Well, maybe since you're here in person, it'll be easier to convince her."

"Yeah maybe."

He still seemed sort of subdued and she pulled on his arm lightly.

"Hey, you know... If you want to swing by the old neighbourhood alone, just the two of you, I don't mind. I can-"

"_No_."

It had been sort of abrupt, and Alex looked at him curiously. He stopped and turned to look at her, realizing he'd spoken a little too forcefully.

"I mean, I'd really like you to come along with us, Alex. I think Jess likes you, so a little extra moral support will only help out in the long run."

Alex nodded, smiling gently. "OK. I'd love to come with you."

"Great."

He kissed her softly and they continued back towards the house. But Nick couldn't stop the thoughts that slipped around inside his head.

_I may need you there for myself too_, _honey_. _I just may need you too_.


	23. Chapter 23

That night, Nick began to slip back into the nightmare...

_As always, it was dark_. _And even though Nick knew what was about to happen to him, he was unable to do anything about it as his younger self sat in terror within the dream_, _waiting for the inevitable_...

Nick began to moan softly in his sleep and Alex rolled over, slowly drifting awake.

She'd always been a light sleeper, and it had actually taken her a short adjustment period to sleep in the same bed with Nick all the time. He had a tendancy to hold her close even while he slept, often keeping one leg wedged cozily between hers. At first, she hadn't slept as well as she might have. Now she found it hard to sleep _without_ him next to her.

He moaned again and she came fully awake.

She looked over at him in the darkness, but wasn't sure if he was just dreaming... Or whether the nightmare was back. He hadn't had it in a long time; at least not when he was sleeping with her. She figured that the therapy had been helping him, minimizing the occurrences.

She waited a second longer to see if he got any worse before she woke him unnecessarily.

_Nick heard footsteps outside his bedroom door and his heart began to beat frantically_._ She was coming_. _He couldn't stop her_; _he'd tried so many times, in dreams past_... _He pulled his knees up to his chest and tried to cover his head with his arms_,_ his hands_..._ Willing her to just go away_...

_He heard a voice calling to him from the other side of the door_. _It sounded familiar_... _And it definitely wasn't the woman he was expecting, the one he feared_...

"_Nick_?"

_He strained to hear if it came again, and then she was louder this time_: "_Nick_."

Nick lay on his side and Alex gently prodded his shoulder, afraid to startle him. She remembered all too well what had happened that first time she'd awoken him...

"Nick? Nick, wake up."

He moved slightly, almost coming out it...

"Nick? It's me, honey. Wake up...You're having a bad dream."

His eyes flickered open and he looked up blearily at the shadowed form above him. Alex was worried he'd be confused at the darkened form looming over him so she started to pull back from him. But he slowly reached up a hand to touch her arm. "Alex?"

She smiled down at him in the dark and stopped moving away. "Yeah, honey, it's me. Are you OK? You were having a bad dream, I think."

He sighed and leaned on his elbow. "

Yeah, I guess I was. But I... _I heard you_. Thanks... Thanks for waking me up." She reached out a hand to stroke his cheek and he felt comforted by her touch.

He moved in closer to her and put his face into the groove of her shoulder, breathing in deeply. Even the scent of her was making him feel better.

She layed back down, still holding him against her. She felt relief overwhelming her.

Maybe it hadn't been the same nightmare that he'd been having before, but she didn't care. This was the first time he'd let her in; let her comfort him. She was going to be there for him in any way he needed her to be. She kissed his forehead lovingly, not letting go.

_Thank God she woke me up before it got bad_.

Nick held on to her tightly as the lingering tension from the nightmare seemed to seep out of his body, replaced by a sense of warmth and tenderness as Alex held him close, stroking the back of his neck gently.

He sighed into her chest once more, slowly relaxing . For the first time he could remember in all his years of having the nightmare, he felt as if it couldn't touch him for now. Right now, he felt _safe_... Safe in Alex's arms.

Every so often, she planted small kisses on his temples and his forehead as he drifted back to sleep.

* * *

"Ah, Nick... Doesn't it remind you of the old days? Back when all we had to worry about was what friends we were still talking to that week, or who we could convince to do our spelling homework?"

Alex, Nick and Jess were leaning against the side of the Durango, staring at Nick and Jess's old grade school across the street.

Nick smirked. "I also remember that time you convinced me to stick my hand in that storm drain over there to fetch that damned 5 cent ring that you probably got from a box of Cracker Jacks. They almost had to call the fire department to get my hand out, and all for a stupid piece of green plastic."

She laughed and looked at him as if he was clueless. "But _Davie Michaels_ gave me that ring. He told me I was the only girl in 3rd grade who he'd ever marry."

"Wasn't he the one who used to eat worms in the schoolyard?"

Alex laughed and Jess grinned ruefully. "Well, I like to think of him as ahead of his time. He just knew the value of protein at an early age."

Then she smiled brightly and looked at Nick with excitement. "Want to go check out the old house now... What do you say? I mean, I know I live here and everything, but I haven't been back there in years..."

He grinned at her and nodded, but Alex thought she saw that same tightening around his eyes that she'd noticed last night. She climbed into the back seat and they pulled away from the curb.

After a few minutes, Nick pulled over to the side of the street they were on and shut off the engine. They were across from a large brick house in a friendly looking neighbourhood.

"Well, here we are." He smiled slightly at his sister in the passenger seat.

Jess smiled back happily and jumped out of the car, with Alex right behind her. Nick slowly climbed out and and joined them as they stood across from the house. He moved over to Alex's side and grabbed her hand. She couldn't read his expression, but he didn't seem to be as excited about seeing their old home as Jess was. She was getting ready to cross the street.

"Hey, do you think they'd mind if we took a look around? Maybe I'll just wander around the back..."

"Jess, people _live_ there. We can't just invade their privacy like that. We can see it just fine from here."

He looked up at the home, regarding the upstairs windows warily. Alex wondered at his unusual demeanor, but decided to hold her tongue for the time being.

"I guess you're right. But let's cross the street at least."

Jess gazed back at the large home smiling, clearly caught up in fond memories, and then moved across to the sidewalk in front of the house. Alex followed her and Nick slowly brought up the rear.

"Remember that little pool we had out back? I have that picture of you with those old orange water wings on, sitting in about a foot of water. I don't think you could have drowned if you wanted to!"

Nick laughed lightly and nodded. "Yeah, I remember that picture. I don't remember it happening, though."

He continued to gaze at the house. He was grinning, but Alex still detected the strange glint behind his eyes. She looked back at the seemingly innocuous home and wondered what exactly he was seeing. Something just wasn't right.

"Well, you were probably about 3 at the time. I barely remember it myself."

She looked over at her brother suddenly, a melancholy smile on her face again. "Those were the days, huh?"

Nick nodded at his sister and then, catching the touch of disillusionment behind her smile, he seemed to snap out of his own thoughts.

He put an arm around her shoulder and rubbed her back kindly. He was smiling gently, a touch of concern evident behind his expression. He really cared about his sister, and obviously he didn't like to see her unhappy. Alex stayed put, not wanting to intrude.

Jess looked up suddenly and seemed to regather herself. She smiled brightly and laughed self-deprecatingly.

"Wow, look at me... Getting all _maudlin_. And on such a nice day. Let's go do something fun, huh? Want to go to the Metroplex?"

Nick groaned. "Man, it'll be _packed_ on a holiday weekend..."

"So what? It'll be fun. We should probably go back and see if anybody else wants to come..."

She was still talking as she walked past them and paused, waiting for them to join her as she headed back to the Durango. Nick looked at Alex and smiled, and she grinned back.

"Is there shopping?"

"Oh yeah."

"Good enough for me, then!"

He laughed and she led the way back across to the SUV, Jess walking beside her.

She started to open her door and noted that Nick was still looking at his old home. She waited a moment, but before she could call out to him he turned suddenly and headed towards the vehicle. He had a strange look on his face for a moment, and Alex felt a shiver run down her spine, but she wasn't certain why. He'd looked sort of lost and... troubled? Again, she wasn't sure what was going on with him...

But the second passed and he smiled when he looked up at her. She wanted to ask him if he was OK, but she decided to let it go for now.

_For now_._ I'll ask_ _him about it later_...

* * *

"Ah Nick... You're back. You better switch into your sweats and head over to the park. The boys waited as long as they could, but everyone finally headed over to the park about 5 minutes ago. They probably haven't started yet." Laura Stokes was putting drinks into a cooler and Liz was loading up sandwiches.

Nick grinned happily, perking up immediately. He leaned in and kissed Alex quickly before moving towards the kitchen door. He called over his shoulder as he departed.

"Sorry, darlin'. Shopping will have to wait- There's some asskickin' to be done."

She looked at the other women in question and they grinned and said almost in unison, "Football in the park."

Alex smiled in understanding and helped them pack snacks. She laughed as Nick flew by them, only to return and quickly peck her on the cheek before darting out the door, yelling "See ya at the park!"

Sometime later, the women parked Laura's car and hoisted their cargo over to a picnic table overlooking the football field. The park was close enough to walk, but it would have been a pain with the two coolers they'd stocked up. Amanda brought up the rear with Jess, sunscreen in hand.

Alex put on her sunglasses and pulled a can of beer out of the cooler. Apparently, public drinking wasn't a big deal in Texas. Plus, having a cop, a judge and a few lawyers on hand seemed to make it more acceptable.

"Oh _good_. Tyler and Adam got Nick on their team. They looked a little disappointed when he wasn't home earlier." Laura smiled at Alex. "I think their father felt a little betrayed!"

Alex laughed. "Yeah, didn't Mike use to play football?"

"Yeah, but Nicky's a natural at pretty much every sport he tries. Used to drive Mike nuts." Jess added.

Alex nodded as she looked back over at the game in progress.

Nick was running along the side of the field, wide open for a pass. One of the other young guys threw it his way but came up short. Nick just laughed as the ball didn't quite make it into his hands, grabbing the rolling ball and heading back to the line of scrimmage. She could see him telling the young man, presumably another of his many nephews, not to worry about it.

She sipped her beer and listend idly as the women talked around her, making comments about the varying skill levels.

Mike was a decent football player, but as mentioned, Nick outshone him somewhat. Despite being a coach, Dave wasn't the speediest on the field, but he gave it his all nonetheless. Cop Dave was fast, but not particularly adept with the ball. Brad and Rick were holding their own, but were clearly not serious contenders.

And most of the younger men and boys were fairly decent. With the addition of a few friends and apparently some neighbours, it was a pretty decent game to watch, Alex decided. And she was secretly proud that Nick was one of the best players out there. She always felt the same way when she watched his baseball games. Impressed, proud... and partly _turned on_ by his athleticism. He just looked hot out on a playing field; there was no getting around it.

They took a halftime break to run over for refreshements. Nick pulled a beer out of the cooler and placed it on the back of his neck for a second before cracking it open and taking a big swig. He looked around for Alex and saw her talking with Kathleen. He caught the tail end of what Alex was saying.

"... too sarcastic for little kids, I think. I just thought I'd do better with highschool kids. Plus I don't think I'm smart enough to teach primary... I don't think I'm well rounded enough to teach kids _every _subject, _every_ day."

"Ah, it's not so bad. And it's not like it's advanced chemistry or anything. The most complicated things I teach are long divison and the multiplication tables." Kathleen responded. She grinned as Nick appeared behind Alex.

"Plus, I'd bet after spending so much time with Nick, you'd be adept at handling children."

"Hey!" Nick laughed and Alex turned to grin at him.

"Well, he has his moments..." She laughed as he gave her a look of indignation, his eyes sparkling with amusement.

"Oh, I think I see Jase trying to sneak a beer... I better grab him before Jenny catches him. She'll tan his hide..." She wandered away.

Alex smiled up at Nick, enjoying how hot he looked right now, covered in perspiration and smiling happily. She almost flushed as she thought about how sexy he looked.

"Enjoying the game?" He pulled her a little closer and she shivered lightly.

He frowned. "Are you cold? I can get-"

"_No_."

She cut him off quickly and he grinned, leaning in closer to her face and speaking in a low tone.

"Hmmmm. _I see_. So you _are_ enjoying the game."

He smiled at her knowingly and she laughed, slightly embarrassed. Nick was well aware of what watching him play baseball _did _to her and this was probably no different. She usually couldn't keep her hands off him afterwards. He felt a ripple of pleasure run up his spine.

"_Sooooo_... Does this mean you're finally willing to test the boundaries of staying under my parent's roof?"

She laughed quietly and ran a finger across his cheek. "We'll see."

He smiled widely and she felt her insides melt. He was just _too_ sexy for words.

He pulled her a little closer still, mumbling into her forehead as he caressed it with his lips. "Yeah, _we'll see_ alright..."

"Uncle Nick! C'mon. We gotta finish these _punkasses_ off..."

Alex and Nick looked over at Adam and laughed as cries of outrage filled the air around the young man. Nick smiled back at Alex and kissed her firmly on the mouth.

"Gotta go. But I want to finish this conversation _later_..."

He gave her a suggestive smile and then trotted back out onto the field as she stood watching, her heart beating a little faster.


	24. Chapter 24

The guys finished off their game, with Tyler and Adam leading their team to victory with a bit of help from their uncle Nick. The other team was complaining about bad calls and cheating, but Laura assured Alex that was all part of the yearly routine.

Butch joined them at the picnic table, looking for leftover sandwiches.

"Wow, I sure worked up an appetite..." He rubbed his hands together as he found a couple sandwiches in one of the coolers.

"Doing _what_ exactly, dad? It's not like you were playing football." Kathleen smirked.

"Hey, I was _coaching_..."

"Last time I saw you, you were smoking a big stogie and talking to Bill Watson." Nick commented wryly as he came up behind him.

Laura raised her eyebrows. "Butch, _my love_... Tell me you were _not_ smoking cigars."

Butch gave Nick a withering look and Alex put her hand up to her mouth to stifle a chuckle. Nick stared him down as the older man responded.

"I was merely discussing Bill's last call. I thought perhaps the whistle had been in error. I assure you I was _not_ smoking. Bill may have been; I don't _rightly_ recall..."

Laura gave him a look of admonishment and wandered away, gathering up the garbage from the table. Butch looked at Nick again, raising a finger.

"_You_..."

He shook his head and then turned to Alex.

"You'd better take him home, sweetheart. I wouldn't want to ruin my wife's visit with her long lost son by having to _maim_ him."

Alex laughed and grabbed Nick's hand. "No _sir_. We can't have that. I'll look after it."

They decided to walk back to the house and Alex found herself swinging their hands between them as they walked. Nick grinned down at her.

"You're in a good mood."

She pretended to be shocked. "Aren't I always?"

He laughed. "Actually, _yes_. Yes, you are. But today, you seem to be in an _extra_ good mood."

She squeezed his fingers lightly.

"Yep, I guess I am. It's been a nice afternoon." She looked up at him appraisingly. "You must be hungry. You worked hard out there. I think Tyler and Adam and _co._ were happy they had you on their team."

He smiled down at her. "We play every year, but it's been getting even more competitive as the boys have gotten older. They're damned good ball players."

She nodded. "Your whole family looks like an ad for the American dream... Everybody's good looking and athletic... And friendly."

He laughed and leaned in to kiss her cheek.

"And by the way, I _am_ hungry..." He regarded her carefully with an unspoken proposition in his gaze and she smiled in understanding.

They had reached the house and went in the front door. Once inside, Alex started to head for the kitchen, but Nick held onto her hand and pulled her back to him.

"_Whoh _there, missy. Where are you going?"

She raised an eyebrow and responded humourously. "Kitchen. Water. That OK with you?"

Grinning, he released her hand. "Yeah, but just this _one_ time."

He leaned in to speak into her ear more softly. "I was just going to take a shower. I thought maybe you could join me... There's something I need to show you."

She laughed. "Oh yeah? You've peaked my curiosity. Why, w_hatever_ could it be...?"

He started up the stairs, but threw one last comment over his shoulder, flashing her the full Nick Stokes smile.

"I'll give you one hint, darlin': It's _big_..."

She giggled as the kitchen door closed behind her. She grabbed a couple bottles of water out of the fridge quickly and sprinted up the stairs after him.

* * *

Supper was at the elder Stokes again that evening, and the Dallas Stokes all brought their own dishes of food. They got started on the cooking a little earlier that evening because the men were all famished after their afternoon exercise.

The family seemed to have an effective combined plan in place for the meals and Alex was once again impressed by the amazing variety of food available. She wandered into the livingroom, trying to stay out of everybody's way as they prepared supper.

She smiled as she saw Laura Stokes playing with her grandson, Jake. The little guy was smiling as usual.

Laura looked up at her. "Alex, can you watch Jake? I need to check on my roast."

"Yeah, sure. I'd love to."

Alex sat down on the carpet beside him and watched him play with his little toys. He seemed absorbed in placing them in just the right positions in front of him. Then he looked up and held a small stuffed frog out to her.

She grinned at him. "For me?"

He smiled and nodded and she held the frog to her chest. "Oh, he's such a nice froggy. Thank you."

Jake returned to his task and Alex ran her fingers through his hair tenderly.

Outside on the back porch, Nick watched Alex through the window. He sipped his beer, absorbed in the scene.

"I think she'll make a good mother one day. She seems very patient." Nick looked up at Jess's voice beside him and smiled slightly.

"Yeah, she is."

"She'd have to be, dating you..."

He tried to look offended, but ended up grinning in amusement. Jess looked in the window and Nick's gaze followed hers. Alex was hopping the frog around Jake's feet and he was giggling as he tried to catch it. Alex finally let him get it and he laughed and laughed as she tried to get it back, missing every time. Jess laughed, and watched Nick out of the corner of her eye.

"Nick, can I ask you something?"

He turned back to look at her, a look of question on his face. "Sure."

"Do you think you'll marry her?"

He smiled, but didn't answer. Jess grinned.

_Oh you'll marry her_,_ little brother_. _I can see it in your eyes_...

* * *

Supper turned out to be another boisterous affair, and Alex once again found herself uncomfortably stuffed.

Afterwards, everyone gathered around a bonfire in the back yard. It was still early, but the sun set much earlier in the late autumn days. Someone had put the stereo speakers up to the livingroom windows and soft country music drifted across the yard.

Alex grinned at Nick as she watched the fire in front of them. "Is this legal?"

"It is when you're a judge. Plus, Mike's here, so..." He shrugged.

She watched the fire flicker and looked up at the stars above them. It was clear as a bell, and a nearly full moon was already showing, casting light around the yard. Nick snuggled her from behind and she sighed happily.

He whispered in her ear. "So, are you enjoying your holiday?"

"Yeah, I am. I'm really glad you asked me to come with you. Everyone's been so great. You have an amazing family, Nick."

He kissed her temple softly. "Yeah, they're alright, aren't they?" He stroked her arms, which lay beneath his embrace as he reached around her, resting on her stomach. "And I was right, wasn't I?"

"About what?"

"They all think you're amazing too, hon. I told you they would."

She felt a frisson of happiness slip through her veins. "They're all so nice... I'm sure they treat everyone like this."

"Well, I won't deny they're good folks, but they've all told me how much they like you, sweetheart. The polls are all in your favour."

She laughed lightly, feeling her face become a little flushed, but she doubted anyone would notice in the yellow and red flicker of the bonfire.

"So, do you think they like me more than _Christine_?"

"Who?"

She didn't sense any recognition in his voice as he answered and she grinned to herself. It truly was ancient history for him.

But that wasn't going to prevent her from having some fun...

"Christine... Your _ex-fiance_."

She felt him immediately stiffen behind her at those last words, and she turned in his embrace, stifling her smile. It wasn't easy, especially once she saw the shocked expression on his face.

"Christine... _Damn_. I haven't thought about her in _years_. How do you know about... Ah. _Jess_." He shook his head. "I'll kill her."

"Why? For telling me the truth?" She continued to suppress her smile. He squirmed under her gaze.

"I... I would have told you about her, Alex but I... I swear to God I forgot all about it. It was so long ago."

She stared at him blankly.

"Alex, I wasn't trying to hide anything, I promise you. I was young and stupid and she really meant nothing to me in the end. It was a bad scene all around."

He leaned back and ran his fingers through his hair, and she decided to stop torturing him. She grinned as she spoke.

"Yeah, a bad scene involving your fiance and a _couple guys_, if I recall correctly..."

Her eyes were sparkling with mischief and he looked at her in surprise. Slowly, he shook his head, a smile spreading across his lips.

"Oh, _man_.... You're enjoying this aren't you?"

She tried to look innocent. "I don't know what you mean."

He pulled her closer and leaned in to look her closely in the face. "You're not annoyed at _all_, are you?"

She smiled.

He laughed quietly and put his mouth close to her ear. "You're a _devil woman_... Messin' with me like that..."

She laughed and he gave her a hug. He whispered in her ear again. "I'll get you for this one. Just you wait."

She continued to laugh and he leaned back from her once more. "I think I need a beer. You stressed me out."

She reached up to touch his cheek, grinning. "I'm sorry, honey. It's just... Well, that was too good a story to pass up on. I saw an opportunity and I took it."

He smirked down at her. "Yeah_ right_. Whatever. You'll be payin' for it later, just you wait." He nodded now, trying to look serious and threatening. "When you least expect it, _expect it_."

She laughed some more. "Duly noted. And can you get me another beer, too? Thanks."

He shook his head as he walked towards the porch, muttering '_women'_ under his breath. He gave Jess a dirty look as he passed her and she laughed, surprised. "What'd I do?"

She saw Alex laughing and walked over to her. "What was that all about? What did I do?"

"Ah, I might have messed with him a little bit about that whole _Christine_ affair..."

Jess snorted. "You _didn't_?" She grinned as Alex shrugged, still smiling. "Nice!"

Alex laughed. "I swear I didn't tell him that you told me, either. He seemed to figure that out quickly on his own..."

'That's OK. I don't mind taking one for the team."

She laughed again and then her smile froze as she looked over Alex's shoulder at something in the region of the porch.

Alex turned to follow her stare and saw Nick talking to someone new to the gathering: A dark-haired man about his own height. Judging by Jess's reaction, she could guess who it was: Her ex-husband, Tom.

He was holding a small boy in his arms as he talked to Nick, and Alex also assumed this had to be little Nicky. Nick was talking to the little boy, who smiled back at him. She looked back at Jess.

"Is that Tom?" She asked her gently.

Jess nodded. "Yep."

Just then, the man looked up and headed towards them. Nick followed behind him with a beer in each hand. The little boy saw his mom and instantly called out for her. Tom set him down and he ran towards her. Jess smiled at her son and scooped him up into a big hug once he reached her.

"Hello, my little man. How are you doing, huh? Are you having fun at Grandma and Grandpa Wallace's?"

He nodded his head vigorously and Jess gave him a kiss on the cheek. Tom stood quietly by, smiling slightly.

"Hey, Jess."

She smiled a bit in reply. "Hey, Tom. How have you been?"

He shrugged. "Can't complain. How's the gathering going? Looks like pretty much everyone made it home this year." He smiled at Nick beside him.

As Nick handed a beer to Alex, Jess introduced her to Tom, then put Nicky back down on the ground when he squirmed in her arms. He took off towards the fire and Alex heard various greetings for the little guy. Butch laughed as the boy ran straight to him. He picked him up, grinning.

"Now who do we have here? Are you _Jacob_?"

"No grandpa, it's me- _Nicky_!"

"Oh yes, that's _riiiiight_. Now I remember you..."

Nick grinned over at Alex and she laughed. He moved beside her and took her hand, leading her away from Jess and Tom.

"Will she be OK?" Alex snuck a peek at the other two as they walked back towards the fire.

"Yeah, she's fine. It's... complicated."

Alex nodded, but didn't ask for an explanation. She wasn't sure it was any of her business. Nick didn't seem to think so as he elaborated on the story for her.

"The truth is, I don't think she ever really loved him... Well, OK maybe she did at first, but.... Oh, I don't know. We were all friends for years, and I know _Tom_ loved _her_... _Still_ loves her, I'm bettin'. But he couldn't live like that anymore, and I can't blame him. He knew deep down that she loved him, but she wasn't _in love_ with him, if you know what I'm saying."

Alex nodded. "I guess I thought _he_ was the one who fell out of love, not _her_. She seems so strained over the whole thing..."

"Yeah, she is, but I think it's more about being alone again. She's gotten used to having someone there all the time, and now she has to fend for herself. Especially since Tom used to really dote on her. I hate to say it, but I think she just misses having a body there; another person around. And Tom knows it. He's a good guy; he deserves to be with someone who really loves him. I just hope he can get over Jess." He frowned and Alex nodded.

Suddenly, Nicky was standing in front of them, staring up at them with interest.

"Hey, buddy. Whatcha doing?" Nick smiled down at his namesake.

He played shy and then giggled as he skirted back into the crowd. Alex was amazed at how much he looked like Nick. She wasn't really surprised, since Nick and Jessica looked so much alike, but still... It was a bit odd to see a miniature Nick running around the place. It made her _remember_...

She realized Nick had spoken, but she'd been lost in her own thoughts. "Sorry, what was that?" She didn't want to follow the pathway where her mind had been leading her.

"I said, he probably doesn't remember me that well. It's been a while, and he's only 3..."

Alex nodded. "He looks so much like you, it's scary."

Nick smiled. "Yeah, he's a handsome fella. He's definitely bound for greatness."

She laughed, glad to have Nick around to draw her away from her unwanted thoughts. She leaned into his shoulder. "Yeah, no doubt. No doubt."

He put his arm around her shoulders and kissed the top of her head softly. As he watched the flames, he thought about Jess's question earlier.

_'Do you think you'll marry her?'_

He squeezed her a little tighter and she snuggled into his side.

_There's not a doubt in my mind_... _If she'll have me_.

He smiled into her hair.

_And_ _I'm pretty sure she will_.

But he knew there was no hurry. They'd only been together a few short months, and he didn't want to pressure her that early in their relationship, especially after all they'd already been through together. He thought it might be better for them to settle into a life that resembled something a little more _normal_ first. And he'd already taken the first step, asking her to live with him. Now all that remained was...

He sighed to himself, suddenly nervous. He'd known for a long time that she was the _one_. Probably for almost as long as he'd known he loved her. But there was still one obstacle remaining: His childhood abuse and how it was affecting him... And _them_.

His heart beat a little quicker in his chest as he thought about how to tell her. He knew he had to do it, and soon. It was the only thing that wasn't completely open in their relationship now.

But deep down he was still scared.

Not about how she'd take it, but about getting up his own courage and opening up to someone that way. It definitely hadn't been that easy even with his therapist at first, and this time it would be with someone he actually _knew_... Someone he _loved_ very much.

He'd felt an obligation to Catherine when he'd told her about it during that case; he hadn't known any other way to explain his unprofessional behaviour to her, and he respected Catherine enough that he thought she deserved to know the truth. But he'd never told anyone else before that, and if anything, he'd felt _more_ closemouthed about it since. In a way, the feelings of shame had seemed to be amplified by someone else knowing his secret somehow.

But the therapy was definitely helping. He wouldn't have even been able to _conceive_ of telling her the truth before, but now...

And then there was last night. That was the first time he'd felt comfortable in somebody else's presence after he'd had one of his nightmares. And she'd actually helped to make him feel better; to forget... That had to mean something, didn't it? Was he finally ready to open up to someone?

_She needs to know what I'm all about_.

He hugged her tighter. He chewed his lower lip, still uncertain.

_Man, can I really do this_?

He was so happy just then. Was it really the right time?

_Maybe I should just wait until we get back home to tell her_. _I don't want to spoil our_ _holiday_...

She reached her hands behind her and clasped his lower back. He leaned down to kiss her neck lightly and she sighed contentedly. Things were going so well...

_Yeah, maybe I _should _wait_...


	25. Chapter 25

Nick's reverie was broken as Jess appeared beside them, carrying her son. Alex smiled down at the adorable 3 year old and he watched her shyly.

"So, Tom's brother has to leave on Sunday, so they're having their Thanksgiving dinner tomorrow night. I'm going to bring Nicky here on Sunday for ours."

"That's awesome, Jess." Nick looked at his nephew. "You're going to be eating lots this weekend, aren't you buddy?"

Nicky grinned at his uncle and nodded happily. Tom appeared again and Jess passed their son to him. "Thanks for bringing him by, Tom."

Nick shook Tom's hand. "Good to see you again, man. It's been too long."

Tom nodded and said his farewells to everyone, then disappeared around the front of the house.

Jess was a little quieter after that, and Nick watched her wander around to the other side of the fire. He leaned down to whisper in Alex's ear.

"I think I'll go chat with Jess for a bit. You mind if I ditch you for a little while?"

"I don't mind. I'll just crack the whip when I need you back."

He laughed and kissed her temple. "Yes ma'am..." He made his way over to Jess.

Alex wandered over to where Elizabeth and Amanda were talking to Brad and Julia. Julia was holding Jacob, and when he saw Alex he reached out towards her. Julia turned and saw her coming.

"Alex, I think my son may have a crush on you." She laughed. "Do you want to take him?"

Alex smiled, surprised at Jake's reaction. "Sure. I'd love to hang out with you, Jakey." She grinned down into his face as his mom passed him over to her.

She'd always gotten along with kids, but she hadn't spent that much time around them, outside her sister's kids. She was amazed that she and Jake had this unusual little friendhip forming. He sat quietly in her arms as she listened to the converstaion around her. She rubbed his back gently.

Kathleen was speaking. "Well, it's my turn for dinner tomorrow night, so you guys need to bring the buns and desserts. Dave's barbecuing up steaks, hamburgers and hotdogs. She looked at Alex. "Do you want veggie _dogs_, or veggie _burgers_, Alex? Or both...?"

"Oh, veggie burgers would be great... But I won't eat more than 2, so why don't I just pick some up-"

"Nonsense. You don't have to pay for your own food because you're a vegetarian. We may be in the beef state, but we're all about equity. I'll look after it."

Alex smiled appreciatively and they continued their plans for the Saturday night dinner.

"Hmmmm. _Beer_. I need more beer." Julia looked at her empty bottle. "You need one Alex? Anyone?"

Alex looked at her beer and was shocked to note it was in fact empty.

_Man_, _I'm knocking 'em back tonight_.

"I'm OK, actually. Do you mind if I take Jake for a meander?"

The other woman shook her head. "No, not at all. He likes to socialize." She smiled down at her good-natured son.

Alex took a stroll with little Jake, letting him get smothered with attention by his cousins, and finally by his grandparents.

"Ah, a good Stokes man in the making. The ladies already love him." Butch grinned at his grandson. Jake put out his hands to his grandpa and the older man took him happily.

"Are you having a good time, Alex?" Laura smiled at her.

"Actually, I'm having a great time. Thanks so much for having me." She smiled back warmly.

"Anytime dear. You're always welcome here. In fact, maybe you can get Nick to come home a little more often. Everybody misses having him around."

"I'd love to come back and visit again. I'll try to work on him."

"Mom, are you tryin' to brainwash my woman?" Nick reached his arms around her from behind once more and she leaned back into his chest.

"Yes sweetie, I am!" Laura looked at Alex, grinning. "Is it working?"

* * *

Later, after a few more beer and a lot of laughter, Alex decided she was ready to retire. Nick was still enjoying himself so she snuck off quietly, telling Laura she'd see everyone in the morning.

She changed for bed and had just snuggled into the blankets when Nick appeared in the doorway, the hallway light illuminating him from behind.

"_Hey_. You disappeared." He moved into the room and then crawled up the bed towards her. She smiled up at him as he hovered above her.

"Yeah, I got a little sleepy and you looked like you were still having fun so..."

"Ah, I'm beat. All that beer and fresh air... Not to mention the football game today... I'm not as young as I used to be." He smirked down at her.

She laughed. "You still look pretty good to me, honey. Although..." She made a small sniffing sound. "...You _do_ actually smell like beer right now."

He grinned. "Right. I better go-"

"Don't you _dare_ move."

She pulled him down to lay beside her and nestled her head in the crook of his shoulder. She recalled that there was something she wanted to ask him about, but the beer seemed to have erased it from her mind.

Nick didn't even get a chance to pull off his clothes before they were both sleeping soundly.

* * *

The next day was a bit cloudy, so the women decided it was the time to go to the Metroplex.

Nick claimed to be helping his father with something, but Alex laughed at the sparkle in his eyes as he snuck out the back door of the house. Shopping with all his sisters and his mother wasn't really that enticing a proposition for him, and he'd mentioned it to her earlier.

"Don't buy me too many presents, ladies. You don't want to spoil me." Butch put his arms around Jess's and Alex's shoulders and they both laughed.

"Don't worry about it, dad. I don't think it'll be a problem."

He winked at Alex. "I'm a 34 waist and I wear a medium in shirts..."

"Butch... She's going to be a teacher, not a millionaire. There will be no gifts."

He leaned in closer to Alex's ear. "Don't let them tell you that you can't _buy_ your way into the family..."

Laura rolled her eyes. "We're leaving."

* * *

After picking up Elizabeth and Kathleen, Alex and the Stokes women hit the Metroplex. Alex was amazed at the size of it, and all the options in terms of entertainment and shopping. And on a holiday weekend, it was chocked full of people, of course.

Amanda had complained that it was a little cliche for the _women_ to go shopping while the men did '_manly_' things back home... But then she saw an expensive clothing store and was practically salivating as she made her way inside.

Liz shook her head at her sister, laughing. "Methinks ye olde credit cards will be taking a beating today."

Alex, on the other hand, did a lot of browsing but not a lot of buying. She bought some touristy shirts and trinkets for her family, but she didn't really need anything else.

She smiled as Laura picked up a men's shirt and checked it out. She caught Alex watching her and she grinned sheepishly. She grabbed another one in a different colour and headed to the cashier.

"So, I guess you can buy his _love_ too?" Alex grinned and Laura laughed.

"Yes, that's right! I do whatever I can to keep him happy. Now that I'm retired, I can't have him dumping me for a younger woman! I need a steady income."

Alex laughed. "I somehow doubt that will ever happen. You two seem very happy to me."

Laura nodded. "We do OK. The trick is to find the right man the first time. I got lucky."

Alex nodded and Laura continued. "And I think you know exactly what I mean, don't you?"

She laughed nervously and Laura just grinned some more, patting her on the shoulder.

* * *

Later that evening the clan had a large barbecue at Kathleen and Dave's place.

Their backyard was even bigger than Nick's parents' yard, so despite the dogs, teenagers and general hubbub, the scene still remained pretty relaxed in general. The clouds had gotten heavier, but they'd lucked out and no rain had made an appearance yet.

"Boy, I haven't drunk this much beer in ages. Do I look like I'm getting a beer belly?" Alex pushed her stomach out as far as she could extend it and Nick snorted.

"Yeah, you're HUGE. I'd seriously think about joining a gym when we get back if I were you."

Alex laughed and smacked him on the behind, much to his amusement. She heard a giggle behind them and they turned to see Jake wandering behind them. Nick scooped him up and smiled into his chubby, ketchup-smeared face.

"Did you like seeing uncle Nicky get in trouble? Huh? Was Uncle Nick being bad?"

Alex laughed as Jake nodded. Nick tried to look upset.

"_No no_. Uncle Nick's a good boy. Yes he is..." He started to walk around with Jake in his arms and Alex watched them fondly.

And she couldn't ignore the feelings that snuck up on her suddenly as she stared at the two of them: _A sort of yearning_...

Nick looked so natural with Jake. He really would make a great father; of that fact she had no doubt at all. And for the first time in her life, she was shocked to find herself starting to _consider_ that _maybe_ she wanted to help him out with that. She still wasn't sure, but she was beginning to feel open to the possibilty...

Nick turned around and saw Alex smiling at him sweetly. He looked down at Jake sitting contentedly in his arms, and then he looked back at her again. His heart gave a small jump as he watched the expression on her face. He smiled back and made his way back over to her.

He moved in close to her and she smiled up at him as she grabbed Jake's little fingers and played with them.

"Hey Jakey... Can I have the froggie back now? Huh? Where's the froggie?"

Jake giggled and shook his head. "No!"

"Oh no! I can't have the froggy back? Please? Pretty please?"

More giggling. "No!"

Nick laughed and Alex leaned in closer to Jake's face as he giggled harder. "Uh oh. Well, I'm just gonna have to kiss you then... if you don't give me the froggy!" She moved her mouth closer and the little boy shrieked and giggled.

"No! No kiss! No kiss!"

"Can I have the froggy?"

"No!"

"Then I'm gonna..." She leaned in again and he put up his hands over his face, laughing even more.

Nick smiled broadly at the interplay between them and Alex laughed up at him, her eyes shining. His heart caught in his throat as he once again realized just _how much_ he loved her.

Across the lawn, most of Nick's family smiled and murmured amongst themselves, knowing it probably wouldn't be_ long_ now...

* * *

Later that night, the storm finally broke and Alex snuggled in closer to Nick in bed. She was still feeling a little confused about her earlier maternal impulse, but it wasn't an uncomfortable feeling exactly. It just felt... _unusual_.

As Nick began to drift off, he ran through his own incomplete thoughts.

He was remembering how Alex had been watching him with Jake.

_And the look that had been on her face_...

A small ripple of pleasure slipped through him.

He still wasn't certain he was ready to have kids yet, but maybe _one day_... And the joy that he'd felt when he'd thought Alex might be feeling the same way...

_Yeah_, _maybe one day she and I will_...

A streak of lightening followed by a low rumble of thunder seemed to foreshadow the slight dark spot that appeared in his heart suddenly.

_But I still have some things to work out_.

He tried to shake it off and go to sleep.

_It's gonna work out_. _I've already come so far_...

Alex turned her face into Nick's neck and reached an arm across his chest. He felt her lips graze the flesh beneath his ear before she drifted off and he held her tighter. He fought the worry in his mind.

_Everything's gonna be fine_.

* * *

Alex felt her eyes open and she looked at the alarm clock beside her. 3:27 am.

Something had awoken her, but she wasn't sure _what_.

_The storm_?

She listened to the rain pounding down outside, and the glow from the lightning tripped along the far wall regularly as she watched. Slowly, she stretched her body slightly then rolled over to her other side to face Nick.

She froze.

He was still asleep, but he was moving his head back and forth eratically. As a series of lightening flashes sparked the sky outside their window, she could see his face clearly for a few seconds... His mouth was stretched into an anguished grimace and beads of sweat stood out on his forehead.

His arms were at his side, but he was clearly struggling against some nightmare image. A low moan escaped his lips and she could hear him utter a throaty word:

"_Nooooo_...."

She sat up quickly, flicked on the bedside lamp and reached for his shoulder, shaking him firmly.

"Nick! Nick, wake up!"

He struggled some more and his arms moved slightly, but she didn't move away from him. Sweat was trickling down his face.

"Nick! Please honey... Wake up!"

She shook him harder and it seemed like he'd heard her this time, and his movements started to calm. She shook him again, but more gently.

"Nick? Can you hear me? Please wake up, honey. You're just dreaming. It's not real..."

His eyes slowly opened and she sucked in a sharp breath. She felt her heart lodge in her throat as she watched the emotions roll across his face as he came awake... Fear, anguish, and then finally confusion.

She was afraid to speak, but she was more afraid not to...

"Nick? Are you OK?"

She wanted to reach out, to touch him and try to comfort him, but she held off. Despite the small breakthrough they'd seemed to have the other night, she was still nervous about his reaction to her after one of his nightmares. She didn't want to spook him again.

Staring down at him sadly, she watched him swallow with difficulty, and then he finally started to speak, squinting up at her in the light.

"_Al_... Alex?" His tone still had a hint of anguish in it and she fought against her own distress.

"I'm here, honey. I'm here."

She risked reaching out a hand to touch his shoulder. She felt him shudder as she touched his skin, but before she could pull her hand back he reached up and grabbed it, pulling it to his chest. He drew in ragged breaths as he clutched at it and she tightened her fingers around his.

"It's OK now, sweetheart... It was just a nightmare. It's over."

She moved in closer and ran her other hand through his short hair tenderly. He shuddered again and closed his eyes for a moment. Alex watched him with concern, still squeezing his hand and stroking his hair.

He blew out a strained breath as he opened his eyes again, staring up at her seriously. She stroked his cheek softly and he tightened his hold on her hand. He was clearer now and calm, but... Her heart beat painfully in her chest as she watched him try to keep his emotions under check. She tried to compose herself again before she spoke.

"Nick? Can I... Can I get you something? Some water...?"

He tried to smile at her, but the effect was eerie, his eyes were so haunted...

"No, I'm... I'm OK right now. Thanks." Then his smile fell apart and his eyes looked a bit glassy. She bit her bottom lip.

"Oh, _Nick_..."

She started to move closer and he pulled her down to him, rolling to rest his face against the side of her neck as she wrapped her arms around him. She could feel her own sobs taking hold as he shuddered in her arms, and she held onto him tightly. Feeling a dampness against her skin, her own tears began to flow freely.

"Nick... It'll be OK, I promise. I won't let you go..."

He sobbed out loud and she massaged his back and cried with him.

* * *

Alex rubbed his back softly, unwilling to lose contact. She didn't want him to feel alone. It had been about half an hour since she'd woken him from his nightmare and he'd finally calmed as he lay on her chest, but he hadn't spoken since then and she thought maybe he'd gone back to sleep.

Her cheek had been resting against his forehead, and she turned now to kiss him gently on the brow. His arms tightened around her and he sighed.

Slowly, he lifted his head to look into her face. She gave him a small smile and he responded in kind. He still seemed strained, but he also looked strangely grateful. Then he regarded her more soberly.

"I'm sorry, Alex."

She frowned. "There's nothing to sorry for, Nick. You had a nightmare."

She ran her hand across his cheek, caressing him. He smiled back sadly.

"I know. But I'm sorry you have to... That you have to deal with me when I'm like this." He swallowed as her eyes regarded him seriously.

"Nick, that's _crazy_. _I love you_. I don't feel like I have to '_deal_' with you at all. I just wish I could do more for you." She looked at him regretfully.

He sat up beside her and grabbed her hand again, seeming to study it while he massaged it gently. He looked at her intently.

"Honey, you _have _helped me... More than you'll ever know."

He blew out a stream of air and ran his other hand through his hair.

"I... There's never been anybody there for me after I've had the dreams before. I mean, I... I could never _let_ anybody else in before now..." He stared down at her hand again, trying to gather his thoughts.

She waited patiently, hoping he would finally be able to tell her what this was all about. She was scared; obviously it was serious enough to have affected him this badly. She sat up and leaned against the headboard, squeezing his fingers in encouragement.

He looked up again, his eyes still intense. She swallowed nervously and waited.

"Alex I... I need to tell you why I have these nightmares. I guess I... I need to tell you what happened to me... "

He drew in a deep breath and her heart sped up in response.


	26. Chapter 26

**_A.N_**: So, I decided not to update until I had _100_ reviews... Nah, just kiddin'! Just been busy. But I'm officially finished my schooling as of the end of next week, so... More time for writing. Although, the story may be done by then...?

Oh yeah- and thanks very much for all the very sweet reviews... And even for the _pressure_ to update more! You guys are awesome!

* * *

Alex watched Nick carefully, not sure if she should say something or not. She squeezed his hand again and gave him a tentative smile of encouragement.

He looked into her eyes, a strange expression on his face. He smiled tiredly and she could see that he was trying to gather up his courage. There was still discomfort and anguish evident behind his smile, but at least the fear was gone. Something like a bitter resignation had taken it's place.

The doubt in his eyes as he looked at her... She tried not to show how much it saddened her. She didn't want him to misinterpret anything right now. This was clearly too important.

"I... I don't know how to begin, so I guess I should just... I should just tell you what happened straight up."

He turned from her then and moved his legs over the side of the bed. His feet rested on the floor now and he looked down at them as he prepared to speak. She gazed at the side of his face with concern as he started, his voice low.

"Alex, when I was 9... When I was 9, I was sexually assaulted by a babysitter."

She felt ice slip through her veins and she drew in a harsh breath. Nick slowly looked up at her sideways, not comfortable fully facing her yet. She was aware that the shock must be clearly showing on her face, but she couldn't control it.

_Oh my God_...

This had been the last thing she'd been expecting. She'd imagined that it had been something traumatic, but she hadn't realized it had happened so_ long_ ago. She'd thought something had happened to him on the job, maybe... But not... Not _this_.

_Abused_.

She felt her eyes getting misty. She wanted to tell him she was sorry, even though she knew it wouldn't help much in the long run. But she couldn't seem to find her voice.

Nick sighed as he looked back down at his lap. Adult Nick was in control now, not the child he always became once more when he had the nightmare. But the anguish remained, and he could feel his eyes getting watery. It pained him to open up about something like this with Alex, but he knew he had to. She had to know everything if they were going to move forward in this relationship. It was all that was holding them back. He stared at the far wall as he continued.

"We had a case at work... A child abuse case. That was what triggered the nightmares again. I... I couldn't..." He blew out a breath. "That's what it's all been about, Alex. I'm sorry I couldn't tell you before."

He turned and smiled at her sadly. "I hope... I hope you can understand-"

"Oh, _Nick_..."

She sobbed and moved over to wrap her arms around him from behind. He leaned back into her wearily and she put her head on his shoulder, rocking them both gently and kissing his cheek as the tears streamed down her face.

"_I'm so sorry_, _Nick_. _I'm so sorry_."

She squeezed him tighter, afraid that if she let him go, he'd be hurt again somehow. He grabbed at her hands in front of him and held them close to his chest. She murmured into his ear.

"I... I can't imagine what you've been going through all this time."

She felt a strange pressure on her heart as she contemplated all those years, dealing with such a heavy load...

Nick felt a tear break free, but he wiped it away. Alex fought to control her own tears as well.

_C'mon Winters_,_ keep it together_. _He needs you right now_.

She leaned back and reached up a hand to touch his shoulder. He turned more towards her but he was still having difficulty looking her in the eye and she bit at her lip in sorrow.

"What... What happened to the babysitter? Did sh... she..." She stuttered off, looking down as she realized it could actually have been a _man_. Either way, the more she thought about it the more sickened she felt. She swallowed her nausea and looked back at him. He was frowning.

"Nick?" She reached out to touch his arm uneasily.

He shook his head sadly as he looked at her. "_Nothing_. Nothing happened to her because nobody _knew _about it."

She felt her brows raising as she stared back in disbelief. His eyes were still glassy.

"You... You never told anyone? Not your parents, or...?"

He shook his head and looked back in front of him. "I was too scared. After she... after it happened, I just stayed in my room in the dark and waited for my mom to get home. She never knew."

Alex wanted to scream.

_How could anybody have done something like that to a little boy_? _What kind of monster_...?

She took a deep breath and tried to calm her inner turmoil. She put her hand against his back once more and rubbed it gently. She'd couldn't believe he'd been dealing with something like this for so long _alone_. She felt her lower lip trembling as she tried not to sob again.

He took a deep breath himself, and half turned to her again.

"Catherine knows. I had to tell her a couple of years ago. I was... I was messing up in a case... Another abuse case, or so I thought. She confronted me and I realized I had to tell her the truth, but..." He shook his head.

Alex frowned. Catherine must know how hard those cases were for him, but there probably wasn't much she could do about it. It was a no-win situation.

"Nick, what... Is _that_ why you left Dallas? Does it remind you of...?"

She stopped as he started to shake his head '_no_'.

"No, it's nothing like that. I managed to somehow get through it. Maybe you're more resilient when you're a kid, or something... I don't know. But I moved because I wanted to move. I wanted the job in Vegas as a criminalist." He turned around to look at her now.

She nodded. "It's just that... Well, I haven't noticed you having the nightmares as much; or maybe when I'm not around you're having them?"

"No, not really... They've tapered off again. Or at least they _had_."

"Then why are you getting them again now?"

She stroked his cheek and he gave her another sombre smile. Before he could speak, she realized what had happened.

"_Oh_...The house... Your old house. You lived there _then_, didn't you?" She frowned again and he nodded.

"Oh, Nick... _Why did we go there, then_? I knew... I _knew_ something was wrong, but I never got a chance to ask you about it." She looked away regretfully and he put a hand on her arm.

"Hey, it's _OK_. I... I don't know if I would have been able to tell you then anyway." He smiled sadly.

"We shouldn't have gone there..." She looked strained and he squeezed her arm gently. He gave her another grim smile.

"Jess needed it. I had to do it for her. She needed me to go with her."

Alex shook her head. "Nick, I..." She blew out a ragged stream of air and looked at him intensely. "You need to be looking after _you_ too, you know?"

She felt the tears start to form again and he pulled her into his arms comfortingly. He whispered into her ear.

"I _know_. I know I do." He rubbed his cheek into her hair and she tightened her arms around him.

He sighed. "I told Catherine that I thought it... Something like that is what _makes_ a person, you know? And I guess it's true; except that it's also something that can hold you back." He leaned away from her slightly and she sniffled as she stared into his eyes.

"It's been the _one_ thing I couldn't be open about. With _anybody_." He looked away again. "I mean, I've always felt so... I don't know. Just... After the nightmares, I feel like I don't want people to see me..." He looked back at her once more. His eyes were watery and intense and she couldn't look away. "I didn't want _you_ to see me... I guess it was self-disgust."

She felt another tear run down her face. "I still see _you_, Nick. The same, wonderful _you_ that I love. Nothing could ever change that."

His eyes shined as he looked back at her. "I know that now."

He smiled slightly, but she could still see the pain lingering. And it made her angry, suddenly. She sniffled and shook her head in disgust.

"I mean, _Jesus_... You were_ 9_ years old... _9 years old!_ What kind of... What kind of sicko would do that to a _kid_? How could you ever feel like..." She shook her head, frustrated. "_It wasn't your fault_. There was nothing you could have done." She was livid now. "My God... If I ever meet this _woman_, honest to God, Nick... I don't know if I'd be able to stop myself from..."

He was surprised and then warmed by her anger on his behalf. He leaned in close and grabbed her chin gently, looking her closely in the eyes. Tears still brimmed there, but there was a fire behind it now.

"_Hey_, I know. Don't think I haven't thought of it a million times myself. But.." He sighed as he stroked her cheek thoughtfully. "It's not what's important anymore."

She continued to frown, but said nothing.

"I just... I just needed to finally confront the past. I'd never really dealt with it; I just kept reliving it and pushing it back down again, over and over again. But it just keeps _resurfacing_... And I've realized that I can't avoid it anymore. _You_ helped me realize that."

He smiled slightly and her brows went up.

"_Me_? I haven't done anything...?" In truth, she'd been frustrated that she hadn't been able to help him with all this. Especially since she'd never known what was troubling him. She'd always felt so useless.

"Alex, you know that's not true." He continued to stroke her face, slightly amused now at her look of doubt. "You must know how much I love you?"

She swallowed. "Yeah, but...?"

"If it wasn't for you, I may have gone on like this forever; trying to ignore it, pushing it back down and hoping it went away on its own. If I didn't have you in my life, I may not have seen how important it was for me to finally sort it out. I mean, maybe I would have eventually gone to therapy, but maybe not." He put his nose close to hers. "You gave me a reason, Alex."

She closed her eyes and rested her forehead against his. She didn't know what to say. He put his arms around her again and she laid her head on his shoulder. He spoke softly once more.

"And I've never... I've never had someone who... The other night you were _here _for me. You helped me feel human again, after the nightmare. You helped chase away the fear, the... The self-disgust. I've never had that before. I've never had someone to just be there for me... _Thank you_."

She pulled back, once again surprised. He stared back into her eyes.

"I can _do_ this, Alex. I can get past this... I know I can." He smiled at her shyly. "If you help me...?"

She caressed his cheek before kissing him lightly, sniffling into his lips.

"_Oh_, _Nick_... I'll always be there for you. _Always_. You have to know that?" Her bottom lip was trembling. "I love you. More than I've ever loved _anybody_ or _anything_ in my entire life. I'd do anything for you. _Anything_."

She smiled at him lovingly, tears slipping down her face.

He smiled as thejoy stole through him, and then he kissed her through his own tears. He'd known that she'd be there for him. He'd never had a doubt. But it was still a huge release for him to share the truth with her. He started to feel like everything would be alright after all.

She hugged him tightly to her, vowing to herself to never let go.

* * *

After holding each other quietly for a while, they'd finally drifted off to sleep.

When he'd awoken around 10 that morning, Nick had found Alex laying beside him, looking at him with concern. He tried to ease her concerns by smiling.

"Hey, sweetheart." He reached over to push a strand of hair behind her ear. "How long have you been awake?"

She smiled slightly. "Not very long. Did you... Did you get much sleep?" She almost looked as if she felt guilty because she didn't know.

He leaned over to kiss her. "Yep. Lots. Thanks to you."

She smiled wider. "I'm so pathetic."

He looked confused. "Huh? Why?"

"Because you're the one who... with... with, well... all of _this_. All that you've been dealing with. And here you are, obviously trying to make _me_ feel better." She shook her head in self-deprecation and repeated her earlier statement.

"I'm _pathetic_."

He laughed. "Hey, don't talk that way about the woman I love." He smiled at her encouragingly. "And I'm OK, so... It's no big deal."

She still looked chagrined so he went on.

"Honey, I... I can see how upset you are by all this and you know what? I _love_ you for it. Because I know how much you care."

She kissed him softly. "I do. Very much."

He smiled as he pulled her into his arms, stroking her hair. "Then I'm not worried anymore. We'll get through this together."

She laughed. "You're doing it again."

"What?"

"Making me feel better."

He chuckled. "Sorry, I can't help it."

She rolled around so that she was on his chest, looking down into his face. "Just as long as you look after yourself too, OK?"

He smiled sweetly. "Making you feel better helps _me_ feel better, honestly."

"Nick, I'm serious. _You _being _alright_... That has to come first, OK? I need you too much to-"

"Hey... _Easy_." He smiled gently at her, caressing her face once more. "I _am_ serious. Making you happy makes _me_ happy. And it really does make me feel better. I'm not making this up."

She shook her head at him. "OK." She smiled again. "OK. I love you, Nick Stokes."

He grinned happily. "I love you too, Alex Winters. Now we better make an appearance before the rumours get too advanced down there."

After they cleaned up and headed for the door, Alex paused.

"Nick, are you...?" She stopped, frowning.

"What?"

"Are you going to tell your family? Your mom?"

He shook his head. "No. It won't help me to tell them, truthfully. And it would only hurt them in the long run. My mother would blame herself..." He shook his head again.

Alex nodded. "Yeah, I understand."

He smiled and leaned in to kiss her. "Thanks."

Alex still felt a little strained as they entered the kitchen, but she tried to hide it. Julia looked up at them, smiling.

"Well now, if it isn't the lovebirds? Sleep in?" She grinned at them knowingly and Alex blushed.

Nick laughed and shook his head. "Yes, we did sleep in, in fact. Not that it's any of your business."

Alex felt a little uncomfortable for a moment, and it must have shown on her face. She couldn't help but think of what had gone on earlier that morning. Laura Stokes caught the expression and moved to her side with concern.

"Alex, honey... Is everything OK?" Nick's mom looked at him suddenly, worried something had happened. She looked between Nick and Alex with a frown on her face.

Alex looked at Nick guiltily. He'd told her eveything was OK, but she still worried. She thought quickly.

"Oh, no, nothing's wrong. It's just that... Well, I have these nightmares sometimes and... I didn't sleep the best afterwards." She caught Nick's eye and he smiled at her appreciatively.

And it wasn't exactly a _complete_ lie. She did still suffer from her own nightmares occasionally...

Laura frowned. "Oh, hon... I'm sorry. Of course you do; I'm not surprised after what you've been through."

She moved over to Alex and patted her arm gently. Alex smiled up at her gratefully. Julia looked uncomfortable in the corner.

"Well, I feel like an asshole now..."

Alex laughed, but Laura looked at her daughter sternly. "Well you _should_. And don't use that language in my house, please."

Julia held up her hands in defeat, muttering as she disappeared out of the room.

"Sorry, sorry. I better go find my son. He loves me just the way I am..."

Alex and Nick smiled at each other and sat down.

"Can I make you something to eat? You missed breakfast and lunch is a ways off..."

"Actually, I was thinking of spending some quality time with my girl this morning. Thought I might take her out for brunch. Unless there are big plans around here..."

Laura smiled at them.

"No, sweetie. I think that's a lovely idea. It'll help take your mind off things." She looked at Alex, her smile a little more sympathetic. "The storm's cleared too, so it'd be a nice day to wander around, see some more sights."

"I think we may just do that. I imagine we'll be back before 3 or 4 though. Do you need me to pick up anything for the big dinner?"

"Nope, it's all taken care of. Just bring yourselves and some big smiles. It's going to be a good feast!"

They made their way outside, Alex trying to picture a meal that could top the ones she'd already experienced so far during their visit. It seemed inconceivable and she said as much to Nick as they approached the Durango. He laughed.

"Oh, it'll be impressive. Just wait and see."

As they reached the vehicle, Nick grabbed Alex's hand and turned her around to face him. He pulled her into his arms, smiling down at her, the love shining in his eyes.

"Thanks for... For what you did back there. Covering for me..."

She smiled back and leaned into his chest, hugging him tightly. "Anytime, Nick. Anytime."

He kissed the top of her head and she leaned back, feeling happier all of a sudden. Maybe the dark cloud really had started to pass.

Nick dangled the keys in front of her.

"Want to drive?" He smiled encouragingly. "It's a nice ride, darlin'. I'd hate for you to miss out."

She grabbed the keys and scooted around to the driver's side. "I thought you'd never ask!"

He laughed and climbed into the passenger seat, grinning at her. They pulled out of the driveway and made their way into Dallas.


	27. Chapter 27

Brunch was nice and relaxed, despite their rocky start to the morning. Alex laughed as Nick dug into some of the more spicy offerings the cafe had to offer.

"I can't believe you can eat stuff with chili in it this early in the day."

"What? It's brunch... That's _practically_ lunch."

She looked at her watch. "A technicality only."

"This is Texas, darlin'. We live on this stuff here. And I can't get it this good back in Vegas."

She grinned back, imaging the heartburn she'd be suffering if she even _thought_ about eating the stuff.

After brunch, they took a stroll through some of Dallas' more scenic sections. It was a little cooler that day, but the sun was shining brightly and a few fluffy white clouds made it a perfect autumn day.

Nick showed Alex various points of interest, a few of which were his old drinking holes. Alex smiled as she looked up at him walking beside her.

"I'm not sure my heart can handle the details of your youthful escapades... Please don't mention the ex-girlfriends, OK?"

He winked at her and hugged her to him tightly. "Alex, as far as I'm concerned, there was no one else before you."

She snorted in disbelief. "Yeah, _whatever_..."

He smirked at her. "Yeah, and I'm sure you were single until the day you met me?"

She gave him him her most innocent look. "But _of course_, Nick. There's only ever been you."

He laughed lightly and hugged her again.

"Mmmm _hmmmm_. Maybe we can discuss this particular topic again one day. Oh, _say_...After we've been married for about 20 years and have 3 kids under our belt..."

He felt her stiffen ever so slightly under his arm and felt immediately foolish for that comment. He turned to look at her, smiling ruefully.

"Alex, I... I didn't..."

She smiled up at him. "Don't worry about it. I know what you meant."

She hadn't meant to react that way, but his words had taken her by surprise. It just seemed a little freakish that he'd mentioned the very thing she'd been thinking about more and more since they'd come to Dallas. She hoped she wasn't blushing too much and giving herself away.

He shook his head sheepishly.

"Man, what a trip this has turned out to be, huh? Probably a little more going on than you expected..." He looked down at her tenderly and she smiled back at him.

"Nothing I can't handle. And guess what?"

He stopped as they reached the Durango and looked at her curiously.

"I love you." She smiled happily as she reached for his hand.

He laughed and kissed her soundly before they climbed into the SUV and headed back to the Stokes household.

* * *

Alex grinned as she looked at the backyard.

Lots of tables and a couple of tents lined the yard, with a cooking area set up at the back of one tent, complete with two barbecues and a few hot plates. Laura and Kathleen were moving food into position for cooking. The massive turkey had been cooking all day and the kitchen smelled of nothing else. Nick came up beside her on the porch and leaned against the railing next to her.

"I told you it'd be impressive." He massaged the back of her neck and she felt the urge to purr.

"Shouldn't we have been here helping?"

"Nope. We use the local slave labour- All my nieces and nephews set it up. _Them's_ the rules."

Alex nodded appreciatively. "Nice."

She was about to turn around when a photograph was suddenly hovering in front of her face seemingly from out of nowhere. She stepped back, startled at first, but then she took a closer look.

"I _told_ you I had it."

Jess smiled at Nick as she held the picture up for them. He laughed, shaking his head.

"And now my embarrassment is complete..."

Alex was smiling as she took in a small dark haired boy sitting in a plastic wading pool, orange water wings inflated around his small arms. He was smiling so brightly she thought he looked like he'd just won a gold medal in the Olympics. She giggled as she turned to look at him.

"Oh, _Niiiiick_. You were so cute!"

She looked back at the picture, continuing to laugh. He moved in behind her and put his head on her shoulder, looking at the picture.

"Yep, I was a handsome fella. Still _am_, if I do say so myself."

She laughed again and he kissed her cheek. She questioned Jess.

"Any chance I can get a copy of that? I know_ just_ where to hang it..."

Nick rolled his eyes. "Great. I'll never be able to have the guys over again..."

He continued mumbling to himself as he wandered over towards the boys gathered around the picnic tables. Alex was still laughing and Jess nodded happily.

"Oh yeah. Ill get you a copy. Not a problem. Where ya going to put it?"

"There's this perfect wall in the bathroom..."

* * *

Butch was wandering around inspecting the set up when Jess's son Nicky ran over to him. "Grampa, Grampa!"

He scooped the little boy up and looked him seriously in the face. "Now what can I do for you, my boy?"

"Mom says I can't have a treat _afore_ dinner."

"You don't say?" Butch looked perplexed. "Let's go talk at her and see what's goin' on, shall we?"

Alex smiled as Butch approached the porch with the small replica of Nick. She couldn't help but grin as he stared at her unabashedly, clearly trying to figure out where exactly she fit into this whole crowd.

As Butch and Jess began their discussion about pre-dinner snacks, Alex watched Nicky closely. He smiled at everything his gandfather, a.k.a. his _champion_, said. When Jess spoke up, he frowned heavily and Alex felt chills run up her spine. The similarities were uncanny. She couldn't get over how much he resembled his uncle.

The debate was finally settled, with mom winning. Nicky scurried off unhappily, and Jess shook her head at her father. He shrugged and meandered away, muttering. "We men have to look out for each other these days..." He glanced back at Jess shaking his head ruefully. "No treats _afore_ dinner; that's just _wrong_."

Jess couldn't help but laugh, and Alex grinned along with her.

Alex turned and watched as Nicky encountered his younger cousin Jake and began to play with him. She watched the two of them affectionately while Jess trotted off to get them something to drink.

"Uh oh."

Alex saw trouble brewing as Nicky gave Jake a shove and the little boy fell over backwards. Sure enough he looked like he was about to cry and Alex rushed over to set him aright again. She sat before the two boys, squatting on her haunches.

"Shhh... It's OK, Jakey. You're alright. It was an accident. You're OK."

She stroked his head softly and he seemed to be calming down. She thought she'd averted disaster... Until she looked over at Nicky. He clearly thought he was going to get in trouble and his bottom lip was trembling. She patted Jake one last time and turned to the other boy.

"No, it's OK, Nicky. You're not in trouble. No, it's just... You're a big boy, aren't you?"

He looked at her uncertainly, lip still twitching.

"Are you a big boy?"

He finally nodded at her slowly and she smiled. "Yeah, you are, aren't you?" He kept nodding and she went on. "Yes, you're a big boy, but Jake's a little boy, isn't he?"

She looked at Jake and then back to Nicky. He looked confused again, so she switched tactics. She went down on her knees and looked back at Nicky.

"See, you're a big boy, right? A _big_ boy?" She made muscleman poses and he started to smile a bit. She realized she must look more like a monkey, but she kept on playing it up.

"Nicky's a _big _boy..."

She flexed her muscles again and growled a bit, trying to sound tough. Nicky finally started to giggle and she went on. "And Jake's a _little_ boy..." She crouched a little lower and put her thumb in her mouth, sucking on it noisily. Jake was giggling now too.

"So, Nicky the _big_ boy has to look after _little _Jake, right? Can you look after little Jake, Nicky?"

Nicky smiled at Jake and spoke proudly. "I'm a big boy. Jake is little."

"That's right. You have to look after Jake, OK?"

Nicky gave Jake an awkward pat and then jumped up in front of Alex, pulling his own muscleman pose. "I'm a big boy! _Rrrrrrrrr_!"

Alex burst out laughing and nodded. "Yeah, you sure are, buddy. You sure are."

He suddenly caught sight of the dogs at the side of the yard and tore off after them, screaming "I'm a big boy!" the whole way. Alex laughed as he terrorized the poor animals, chasing them around the yard.

She looked down at Jake and then stooped to pick him up. She was talking softly to him as Nick came up behind her, wrapping his arms around the both of them. Alex felt her heart flutter as he whispered in her ear before kissing her on the cheek.

"Nice save. Great Schwartzenegger impersonation."

She laughed softly and smiled as she turned slightly in his arms. "Thanks."

Her breath caught in her throat as she saw the way he was smiling down at her. The love shining in his eyes was there for all to see.

Laura Stokes spoke to Jess across the lawn, having stopped to watch them as she made her way to the kitchen to check on the turkey.

"She's a natural, don't you think?"

Jess nodded. "Oh yeah. I think you may have some more grandkids not too far down the line, mom."

Laura nodded, but her smile was a little melancholy as she made her way up the porch steps.

_Poor girl_. _The miscarriage must have been so tough on her_. _I hope she's not scared to try again one day_...

* * *

The meal was a hillarious, crazy, fun experience.

Everyone served themselves and then took places around the picnic tables, eating like a starving hoard. At one point, the teens seemed on the verge of a foodfight, but Laura stepped in to prevent it before it started. Her tone was so forceful, Alex was certain she'd gotten a glimpse of what Laura _the_ _lawyer_ must have been like.

Alex had also been touched when she was shown the tofu turkey Laura had cooked for her.

"I didn't even know it existed, but Jess tracked some down yesterday."

Alex smiled thankfully at the two women, trying to fight back a tear that threatened to fall.

_Man_, _I'm feeling emotional today_. _I think I better go easy on the alcohol tonight_...

As expected Jason needed to try the tofu dinner as well, and Alex smiled as he grinned up at her with a mouthful.

"Hey, that's not bad. Tastes like... _Turkey_!"

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure that's the _whole point_." She laughed back at him.

Nick shook his head at his nephew. "If it's _food_, he'll eat it. The kid's like a garberator, I swear."

They finished off the meal and the bonfire was quickly established once more.

Tonight, a few of the neighbours showed up and guitars appeared on the scene. Brad had a particularly good voice and treated everyone to some classics, both country and mellow rock. A few others jumped in and before long the party was underway.

Jake was taken to bed early, but Nicky ran around the crowd crazily, enjoying himself. Jess shook her head at Alex.

"He's a madman, but I love the little guy to death." She smiled tenderly at her son.

"Who wouldn't? He's perfect."

Alex smiled as she watched his crazy antics. She felt a small tremor in her stomach as she once again considered what might have been, but she tried to stifle it quickly.

_C'mon Alex_, _keep it together tonight_.

She looked across the yard to where Nick was standing and was surprised to see him watching his nephew as well. She felt the flutter return as she noticed his expression... He had a small smile on his face, but even from a distance she could see the sadness lurking in the background.

She frowned. What was troubling him? She looked back at the little boy again, uncertain. He was running from his older cousins who were chasing him slowly around the picnic tables as they pretended he was too fast for them.

As her glance returned to Nick, his expression seemed to have lightened somewhat, but still...? What was on his mind?

The more she considered, the more troubled she felt.

_Is he thinking about the baby we lost_? _Has he decided he really does want kids now and he's worried that I don't_?

Then she swallowed.

_Or is he remembering_...?

She didn't want to think about it, but she couldn't stop the thoughts from enveloping her mind.

_Nicky looks just like him_. _Is he thinking about his own stolen childhood_?

As much as she admitted that she was being irrational, that there was no way she could know what Nick was thinking about.

A new heartache took the place of the fears and regrets she'd felt since the miscarriage.

She stared at the man that she loved more than anything in the world and worried that she'd never really be able to take that sorrow away from him. There was nothing she could ever do to relieve that pain.

Feeling suddenly wretched and powerless, Alex tried to surpress her tears as she slipped quietly away from the crowd and into the house.


	28. Chapter 28

_**A.N**_: Just an aside to _melliebee_; yes, I am currently in Australia. At least they're finally showing the final eps of season 4! _Mmmmm_....tonight, we got to see Nick running and being all athletic in that relay! Very nice!

I'm heading back home to North America in January and I will be catching up on season 5 very quickly in an all-nighter marathon; I have a friend recording all the shows for me. I can't wait!

* * *

Nick watched his feisty namesake run around the yard and he grinned. It was like watching _himself_... The kid was unstoppable, fearless... Like he'd been when he was a boy.

He frowned for a moment as he suddenly realized something that had been troubling him his whole life, or at least since that fateful night when he'd been 9...

_Nobody can really control a damned thing_, _in the end_.

He had an amazing, loving family who'd been there for him his entire life, and yet he'd still been abused. There was no way they could have known it would happen; it wasn't their fault. And deep down he'd always regretted not having told them anything, if only because it might have prevented that woman from hurting anyone else...

He tried to clear his head. He'd already been through this with Dr. Masters. He'd been 9 years old, for god's sake. His response had been more than understandable for a child that age, and he knew he couldn't take responsibility for the actions of a pedophile. None of it had been his fault. He'd finally come to accept that.

And now something else occurred to him full force: No matter what, you couldn't protect your kids from everything; it just wasn't possible. He'd seen the truth time and again with his job, that was for sure.

But those were the extreme cases... the real tragedies. And that's why deep down he loved his work; he got paid to do his damnedest to make sure that the people who did these horrible things to people _paid_ for what they did. He felt extreme satisfaction every time they put someone away.

He had always known that his job had been a part of his compensation for what had happened to him years ago. But until he'd started the counselling, he'd never really considered just to _what_ _extent_ working in criminalistics was a direct result of his earlier abuse. And it was even clearer now as he watched his young nephew playing happily. He wanted to prevent anyone else going through what he'd gone through, ultimately. Especially the little ones.

As he looked at Nicky, his mind seemed to become clear for a moment, as though he'd been looking at the world through dirty glass until now.

_No_,_ you can't protect them from everything_, _but you can _try. _And in the end_, _that's gotta be enough_.

He looked around at his huge family, laughing and happy to be together. He smiled in amazement as he finally understood what he really wanted from life. He felt the fear slipping a little further away.

_I want a family someday_... _I want kids_.

Then he smiled to himself.

_And I want them with _Alex.

He looked around the yard for her, but she was nowhere to be seen.

* * *

Alex slipped past a few people in the kitchen and made her way upstairs. She rubbed at her eyes with the back of her hand, afraid someone would see the errant tears slipping down her face.

_Jesus_, _I'm a mess_.

She sighed with relief as she slipped into their room and closed the door behind her. The tears were unstoppable now and she couldn't seem to keep from sobbing out loud. She made her way over to the bathroom and flicked on the light.

She regarded herself in the mirror with disgust.

_You see Nick looking unhappy and what do you do_? _You _run _away_.

She blew out a stream of air and looked angrily back at her reflection once more.

_You told him you'd always be there for him and then the first chance you get_,_ you let him down_.

She ran the cold water and tried to get herself under control as she splashed it on her face. She drew in a few huge breaths and fought to force back the sobs.

Slowly, aided by an overwhelming sense of disappointment in herself, she began to feel like normal again.

_OK_. _Get back downstairs and _smarten_ the hell up_. _You're not some weeping idiot_, _so stop acting like one_.

She checked her appearance, making sure it wasn't too obvious that she'd been crying and then headed downstairs. As she entered the kitchen, Amanda looked up from the fridge.

"Hi, Alex. Can I get you a beer?"

Alex nodded _yes_.

_Liquid courage_... _Beer might be a good idea after all_.

As she handed Alex the bottle, Amanda looked at her closely.

"You OK?"

Alex nodded again. "Yeah, I'm fine. I just went upstairs to wash up a bit. I was feeling a tad smokey from the fire."

Amanda continued to observe her carefully and Alex felt somewhat uncomfortable under the lawyer's scrutiny. "Are you certain?"

_Man_, _she's up there with Catherine for penetrating stares_...

The discomfort changed to a sense of gratitude however, as she realized the woman was honestly concerned about her. She was almost amused at Amanda's next question. "Did Nick do something?"

Alex's brows went up quickly.

"Oh no..._ No_, not at _all_. OK... I... I just had a weird moment. I was feeling overly emotional for some reason, and...Well, it's sort of unlike me, so I... I just needed a moment to snap out of it, you know?"

The other woman nodded, smiling in understanding.

"We're women, honey. Happens to the best of us." She patted Alex on the shoulder kindly and headed back outside.

Alex was staring after her in amazement as Nick came into the kitchen.

"Ah, there you are. I thought maybe you'd skipped out on me." He pulled her close and smiled down at her, then looked over his shoulder at Amanda's retreating back. "What was that all about?"

Alex grinned slightly. "Nothing. Girl talk."

His brows went up, and then he looked at her more closely. "You OK?"

She watched with remorse as he looked at her, concerned.

_Dammit_, _Alex_... _This isn't about _you. _Fix this _now.

She took a mental breath and looked him in the eye.

"I am _excellent_, actually. I think I'm really going to miss your family when we all leave tomorrow, though." She smiled at him regretfully.

He seemed to buy it and Alex was relieved. The thing was, it was actually the truth in the end; she _was_ going to miss Nick's family.

"Yeah, I'm going to miss them too." He sighed and grinned at her sadly. "I think I may have to make it back more often in the future..."

Then he looked at her in amusement. "Well, actually, make that _we'll _have to make it back more often. I think I'd get in trouble if I didn't bring you with me!"

She laughed and kissed him lightly.

"I can't wait to come back sometime, if they'll have me. I can't remember the last time I had so much fun" She grinned mischievously. "So, I hope you aren't planning on dumping me when we get back..."

He laughed. "Yeah, cuz _that'll_ happen."

She smiled up at him. "Good. Because I'd miss your family too much!"

He tried to look hurt, but he couldn't seem to stop his smile from forming.

"Yeah, _whatever_. You just try and tell yourself you don't love me." He looked at her with mock seriousness. "_Baby_, I'm the _best thing_ that ever happened to you!"

She laughed along with him and she couldn't resist hugging him to her. She drew in a big breath as she held him tighter and spoke quietly into his ear.

"I know you are, Nick. I_ know_ you are."

He reached up to run his fingers through her hair and leaned back to look at her once more before he kissed her softly. His eyes were sparkling as he pulled back again.

"Alex, I-"

"Nick!" Butch yelled from the foot of the porch steps. "Stop assaulting that woman and get me a beer!"

Alex grinned up at him as a series of voices added their beer orders to Butch's.

Nick sighed as he smiled back at her. "Well, looks like I came all the way back to Dallas just to be a _waiter_." He shook his head as he opened the fridge door. Alex held out her free hand to take a few herself.

"Yeah, but at least you have your trusty beer wench to help you."

He laughed and loaded her arms with bottles.

* * *

The party grew quieter after 11pm. Near the end, only Nick and his sisters, brother and their spouses remained. All the kids and the senior Stokes had retired for the night, and the neighbours had drifted back to their homes.

Alex rested against Nick's chest as they sat on a blanket on the ground in front of the fire, his chin resting on her shoulder. The others were on other blankets and lawnchairs. A portable stereo played quiet music as the siblings were deep in their reminiscences.

"No, I think it was Jackie _Parrish_, wasn't it? Jackie _Engels_ was the brunette one." Jess was discussing her older borther Mike's first '_real_' girlfriend.

Amanda laughed as she looked at Mike. "And boy was she dumb. She made Anna Nicole Smith look like a Rhodes Scholar."

They all laughed and Mike feigned an insulted air. "Hey!"

Nick laughed from his position behind Alex. "Man, I was just a_ kid_ and I remember how dumb she was. Wasn't she the one who thought the bedet in the hotel room was a water fountain?"

They all burst out laughing and Mike nodded ruefully. "OK, _yeah_... Maybe she was dumb, but she had great..." He broke off as he saw his wife giving him an amused look of warning. "Um, _teeth_. She had really nice teeth."

Alex laughed heartily with the rest of them.

"Besides, Nicky... It's not like you didn't bring home some real _doozies_ yourself."

He shifted uncomfortably behind Alex and she snuggled more deeply in against his chest. He wrapped his arms around her in a sort of warding off gesture and Alex smiled, imagining the look of pleading on his face behind her as he spoke.

"Please... _Guys_: Alex is new to Texas. It wouldn't be nice to scare her with all your tall tales."

She laughed in his arms and he put his lips close to her ear, speaking quietly so only she could hear him.

"_Hey_, _you_... Don't encourage them! You should be on _my _side."

She reached one hand up to stroke his hair gently. "Sorry, hon. I believe it's every man for himself hereabouts."

He chuckled softly. "_Oh ho_... Just you _wait_. You _know_ who's gonna be in the hotseat once we hit Vancouver. I'm going straight to Maddie as soon as the plane lands..."

She laughed and pulled his arms tighter around her. "I know. But I have a feeling this might just be _worth_ it..."

And it was.

Alex learned of Nick's many curfew-breaking evenings, very few of which he managed to get away with, and the amazing array of shallow, self-absorbed girls he seemed to have been drawn to, not to mention the many drunken nights, the _streaking_ during his university years... And the stories went on. Alex laughed almost continuously for the better part of an hour.

Finally, she felt the sleepiness starting to take hold and she yawned into her hand. Nick leaned in to her ear again.

"Are you ready for bed, or are you planning on staying here for more fabrications of my youth?"

She laughed lightly and turned fractionally in his arms.

"No, I think I've heard enough. I really can't wait to get back to Vegas and go for coffee with Catherine..."

He pulled her tighter against him suddenly and grabbed her sides. She gave a small shriek and he put his face close to hers.

"You _wouldn't_..." His fingers tickled her sides ever so slightly in warning and she squirmed, laughing.

"OK, OK! I won't talk! I promise."

He loosened his grip on her and grinned at her smugly. "Just remember that: You _promised_."

He stood up slowly and pulled her to her feet, keeping a hold of her hand. She smiled up at him. "Yeah, I promised..." She looked up at him lovingly and he couldn't resist giving her a quick kiss.

"Jeeze, get a room will ya?" Jess grinned at them over her beer.

"Oh, we _have _one. Don't y'all worry now." Nick grinned back.

"Yeah, but it's _Amanda's_!"

They all howled at Kathleen's well-timed joke and Alex looked over at Amanda with slight trepidation. She'd finally begun to feel comfortable around the woman and didn't want to mess it up _now_. Fortunately, Amanda had a few drinks in her, and was obviously having a great time with everyone. She merely laughed, shaking her head in amusement. Her husband leaned in to kiss her affectionately.

Alex looked back at Nick as she moved towards the back porch stairs. "Oh, and Nick...?"

He looked up at her in question as he set an empty beer bottle in a carboard box on the ground. "Yeah?"

She grinned triumphantly at him, feet still moving along her planned escape route as she spoke. "I had my fingers crossed!"

She squealed as he immediately gave chase, a devilish smile plastered across his face as he flew after her through the house and up the stairs towards their room.

She couldn't wait to be caught.

* * *

Alex woke up later that night and grimaced at her dry mouth.

_Ugh_. _Beer_.

Then she smiled to herself as she stretched out languorously.

_And the amazing sex probably didn't help either_...

She moved quietly out of bed, pulled on her tank top and Nick's boxers, then went down to the kitchen in search of a large bottle of water. As she snuck back into the room and slipped under the covers, she realized Nick was awake and watching her.

"Hey there. Sorry I woke you."

She scootched in close to him and kissed him softly. He wrapped his arms around her and breathed in deeply.

"That's OK. I missed you." He kissed her temple and stroked her back. "Can I have some of your water?"

She rolled over and grabbed the bottle off the bedside table. "You can finish it if you want. I had lots."

He sat up and took a few big gulps. She ran her fingers across his stomach as he sat beside her. As he set the water back on the table behind her, she continued to caress him, her mind wandering.

She was once again amazed at how much she loved this man. She couldn't imagine being near him without touching him. It was like her fingers ached to find contact whenever he was around. Then she looked up at him, blinking as she realized he'd just spoken to her.

"Sorry, what was that?"

He slid back down beside her and put his hand on her waist as he faced her, both of them on their sides now.

"I asked what you were thinking about."

She smiled at him and spoke genuinely. "_You_."

His heart thrummed in his chest. "Anything good?"

She stroked his cheek adoringly. "_Everything_ good."

He felt himself stirring with arousal at her glance, and his hand slid under her tank top and slowly up her side. His fingers teased sensually around the side of one of her breasts. Her body began to respond instantly and she moved her hips closer to his, her hand reaching behind him to massage his lower back.

He caressed his lips lightly over hers and looked hungrily into her darkened eyes.

"Want to make the most of our last night in Texas?"

She breathed in sharply as his hand finally skimmed tantalizingly over her hardened nipples before massaging her erotically. She gasped her answer.

"Oh _please_, Nick... Y_es_...."


	29. Chapter 29

The next morning, everyone munched on breakfast and drank their coffees as people slowly began to make their exits.

Alex was touched by the kind farewells she was receiving from everyone. Even Amanda gave her a big hug and told her she definitely had to come back. She said something quietly to Nick and he laughed, shaking his head.

"OK, Amanda. You're the boss." She smiled at him and then she and Rick left for the airport.

The Dallas Stokes women had made quick appearances before heading off to their respective jobs. Jess had stuck around since she still had a few more days off, but Kathleen and Elizabeth had both hugged her warmly and demanded that she come back to visit.

Jake currently sat on his grandmother's lap as Julia and Brad finished with their luggage. He played _peek-a-boo_ with Nick across the table and Alex once again felt her heart strings being tugged.

She wasn't sure if he'd changed his mind about having kids, but she couldn't deny what she'd come to realize over the last few days in Dallas: She was beginning to think having a baby might be something she wanted after all.And she couldn't imagine having a child with anyone but Nick.

But now she had a better idea of why Nick was uncertain about having kids: His own abuse as a child had undoubtedly tainted his view of having children. Would it be something he could overcome, in the end? She frowned a bit to herself before a new voice broke into her thoughts.

"Well, we're about ready..." Julia entered the kitchen, Brad close behind.

"Ohhhhhh...." Laura stood up slowly with Jake. "I'm going to miss this little one. Are you sure I can't hold on to him for a few more weeks?"

Julia laughed at her mother. "Sorry, ma. I don't think I could handle being away from him for that long." She smiled at her baby boy, then looked pensive. "But you can have Brad for a while if you want!"

"Hey now!"

Brad laughed, giving his wife a dirty look. He shook his head at Nick. "I swear, you sleep through _one_ night of the baby fussing..."

Nick laughed and moved over to Jake.

"Well, buddy... Look's like I'll be seein' ya. You gonna miss me? Huh? You gonna miss uncle Nick?" He tweaked the boy's nose softly and Jake giggled. Nick turned around proudly. "Oh yeah... He's gonna miss me."

Julia moved to give him a hug. "I'll miss ya too, _Uncle_ Nick. Try not to be such a stranger, huh?"

He hugged her back and nodded. "I promise I'll be back to visit more often." He shook Brad's hand as Julia moved to Alex.

"You too, Alex. You come see us again soon, ya hear?"

Alex nodded and smiled happily.

"I'd love to. I'm going to miss everybody." She looked over at Jake. "Especially that little fella right there." She smiled at his little grinning face, drool bubbling on his bottom lip.

Laura handed the boy to Brad as Julia hugged everyone else. Then they were gone.

Butch sighed from behind Alex and she turned to look at him. He smiled up at her sadly.

"Damned kids... Always coming and going."

She grinned down at him. "You're not going to enjoy the return of your peace and quiet?"

He smirked as his wife replied.

"Ah, he's going to miss all the attention. I tend to ignore him when it's just us!" She dodged his hand as he attempted to slap her on the bottom, smiling. Then he looked at his watch.

"Well, I have to get to court before noon, so I better say my goodbyes."

He shook Nick's hand, then pulled him into a bear hug. Alex's brows went up fractionally as he spoke gruffly to his son.

"Don't screw this one up, son. I like her. She's a keeper." Alex blushed and Nick replied.

"Don't worry about it, dad. I'm pretty fond of her myself."

Butch gave her a hug and a peck on the cheek.

"You take care, sweetheart. And keep this one in line for me." He nodded towards Nick, who continued to smile. She nodded, too touched for a moment to reply.

And then he too was gone.

Alex, Jess, Nick and Laura sat around the kitchen table. A short time later Alex and Nick were about ready to leave, and Mike made a last minute appearance.

"Phew, I thought I was going to miss you guys."

He walked them out to the Durango. As Nick loaded up the SUV, Mike turned to Alex.

"I'm pretty sure I'll be seeing you again, Alex."

She smiled. "I hope so. It was great to meet you all."

Mike gave Nick a brotherly hug and then headed back to the police station. Laura and Jess took turns hugging her goodbye and then they both looked a little teary as they stared at Nick. He shook his head and laughed.

"Ladies, I'm _only_ a couple hours flight away. And those fights run in _both_ directions, if you take my meaning."

He looked at Jess pointedly. She smiled and hugged him again.

"I'm coming to visit you guys. I promise."

Laura grabbed Alex's hand and gave it a light squeeze. "I'm so happy you came Alex. I can't wait to see you again. You're welcome back anytime, hon. Anytime."

"Thank you. Thank you so much for having me. I've can't remember the last time I've enjoyed myself so much."

They turned to see Jess whispering something to Nick, who blushed slightly and nodded. Alex heard him say "_I know_" as he turned away, smiling. Laura gave her son one last mighty hug, then slipped off to the house before she became too emotional.

They climbed into the vehicle and Alex waved at Jess until they were well out of sight. She sighed suddenly and Nick looked over at her.

"You OK?"

"Yeah. I guess I just hate goodbyes." She looked over at him as he drove. "How about you? You OK?"

He smiled fondly. "Yeah, I'm cool. I think I was getting about ready to head back home anyway. But I _am_ going to miss them all."

She reached over to grab his hand as they sped towards the airport.

* * *

They got back to Vegas a few hours later. Nick started back to work that night so he went to sleep almost as soon as they reached home. Alex laughed at him as he slipped off to bed grumbling and pretending to be disgruntled.

"I can't believe you _still _wouldn't try outfor the 'mile high club'. If you _really_ loved me..."

She threw a sofa cushion at his back and he yelped, laughing.

* * *

The next few weeks flew by as Nick worked almost continuously and Alex picked up a few solid weeks of casual teaching work.

She was almost relieved when the school holidays started. She was exhausted. She began to wonder how she was going to handle a regular full-time position, once she had one.

_Oh well_. _Everyone says the first year is pretty rough_.

She looked down at the mail as she entered the house, surprised to find a large brown envelope addressed to her. It was from Jess. She grinned as she opened it and a Christmas card and a picture fell out. She grinned down at the photo of Nick as a child with his water wings on, sitting in the plastic pool. She ran a finger gently over his smiling face.

_What a cutie_.

Just then the phone rang and she rushed to pick it up before it woke up Nick. But then it turned out to _be_ Nick.

"Wow, are you working _another_ double, hon?"

He'd been working more and more doubles since they'd gotten back. She wondered what it was about the Christmas holidays that caused people to commit so many crimes. But she knew what it was: _money_, and the _lack therof_. That, and loneliness.

"Yeah, I'm afraid so. I'll probably be home around 5 to catch a few hours sleep before I head back in tonight..."

She frowned. It seemed as though she'd been seeing less and less of him since they'd gotten back. Even his days off had been cut short last weekend. She'd tried not to show her disappointment, but Nick had known. And he'd felt disappointed himself. But he knew this busy phase at work couldn't last forever.

Alex had been extremely patient so far, but he knew their lack of quality time together was starting to wear on her, despite her best attempts to hide it from him. And what he had to tell her now wasn't going to make her happy, either...

"Uh, Alex... I just found out...Uh... I may have to push back going to Vancouver."

She felt a surge of disappointment, even though she was uncertain what he was saying. It didn't sound good. "_Push back_?What does that mean exactly?"

"It's just the way things are going... We're really falling behind right now..." She sighed and he felt a pang of regret as he went on. "But I'm still trying to get some time off. I may just have to come a day or so after you."

She finally felt as if she'd been pushed past her breaking point, but she tried not to let it show.

"Look, Nick... If you can't go, I guess I understand, but-"

"No, Alex... Hold on. I really want to-"

He was cut off and she could hear him covering up the phone as he spoke to someone at work. He came back on.

"Alex- Sorry. I'm going to have to go, but I'll talk to you about this when I get home, OK?"

She sighed. "OK."

"Don't worry. It'll work out. I promise."

"OK. I'll see you when you get home."

She hung up and moved over to the sofa, flopping down heavily. She looked down miserably at the picture of little Nick in her hand.

_Speaking of loneliness_...

She was beginning to think she'd have to commit a crime before she got to spend anytime with Nick again.

* * *

Alex looked out the window of her parent's house and tried not to be depressed. She'd arrived three days earler... Alone.

Nick had swapped his ticket up for a standby seat, and once he figured out when he could come he would try to catch a flight. She remained at least partially hopeful that he'd find a flight, since the Vancouver/Las Vegas trip wasn't _that _popular...

The trick now was to see if he actually got time off from work.

She sighed heavily. It wasn't his fault. He'd had to bump himself further down the time-off list because he'd taken those days off at Thanksgiving. And she definitely couldn't begrudge him that time, especially since she'd had such an amazing time herself. No, she was just going to have to suck it up and hope he could make it.

_It's just that it's Christmas Eve and_...

She chewed her bottom lip and sighed.

_Stop sulking_,_ Alex_. _It was never set in stone that he'd make it to Vancouver for Christmas anyway_. _And he'd be here if_ _he could_, _you know that_.

She took a deep breath. She was determined to sound as upbeat as possible the next time he called, no matter what. He was working his ass off and the last thing he needed was a guilt trip from her.

"Aunt Alex?"

She turned to see the oldest of Maddie's two daughters looking up at her. Lily was 10.

"Mom said to let you know we're all going to pick up uncle Sam soon. Are you coming with us?"

"You bet I am. Let's go!"

She smiled at her niece and followed her downstairs. Maddie looked up at her as she entered the living room, smiling. Alex eyed her suspiciously.

"What?"

Maddie shook her head slightly, then smirked. "Taking some time out of your busy moping schedule to go get Sam?"

Alex couldn't help but laugh.

"OK, OK. You're right. But I'm turning over a new leaf as of _right now_. _All _happiness, _all the time_." She squared her shoulders and looked around at the group. "So who's driving?"

* * *

Seeing Sam made it that much easier for Alex to stay happy.

It took a while for him to get through customs, due mostly to the sheer number of gifts he'd brought, but once he placed his feet on free Canadian ground, the little girls were hurtling towards him and he was laughing immediately.

"My fans have arrived!"

He leaned over his tall frame to give them both a massive bear hug as Alex, Maddie and their parents smiled on. He finally made it to the rest of them, the giggling Lily and her little sister Chloe perched atop his luggage cart.

"Hi guys!"

He smiled brightly at the family. Abby Winters hugged her son tightly and started to get teary, so he laughed.

"Jeeze mom, you'd think I was _departing_ instead of _arriving_..."

She smiled. "I know, I know. But I've _missed_ you, Sam."

"Me next!" Alex wrapped her arms around her big brother and hugged him close. "Man, I've missed you too, Sammy."

"Me too, kiddo. Me too."

Maddie hugged him next and whispered something in his ear. He leaned back and grinned at her in question, and she looked at him intently. He finally nodded and then turned to his dad, who embraced his son happily. They were all laughing as they drove back to the Winters household.

Maddie's husband Gary had returned from work and waited at the Winter's house, and it was like a whole new reunion all over again once they were all inside.

Alex was genuinely happy and realized she'd been acting like a wet blanket for days. She started to feel more like her old self again and grinned a she watched Sam fighting off the girls as he teased them about their Christmas presents. Then he looked up at her suddenly and seemed to remember something.

"I almost forgot. I was missing one bag, and the airport said it should be in this evening. I may need to go back there again tonight..."

"I'll go with you, Sam." Alex wanted to get in some quality _Sam_ time while she had the chance.

"Cool. I'm worried I've forgotten how to drive on the right side of the road!"

Alex laughed and shook her headwith amusement.

"Although... It's starting to snow and I haven't driven on slippery roads for a long time..."

* * *

"So what's the story with this Nick guy?"

Alex grinned and looked at her brother out of the corner of her eye. The snow was falling heavily now and she drove more slowly than usual. "What do you mean?"

"You know what I mean. Is this the real deal, Alex? Maddie and mom and dad seem to like him..."

"Yeah, they do."

"And?"

"And what?"

Alex was enjoying dragging him along. He laughed and turned in his seat to face her better.

"_Alex_."

She laughed. "OK, OK. He's amazing, actually. He's just... Well... I guess I've never met anyone like him before."

"He's from Texas?"

"Yep. Big family. From Dallas."

"You love him?"

She grinned shyly. "Yeah, yeah I do."

"And he's nothing like Darrell?"

Alex laughed, outraged. "God, no! He's about the furthest thing from Darrell you'll ever see."

He smiled. "Then I like him already." He shook his head the tiniest bit. "Man, I can't believe you're actually_ living_ with someone. I thought you'd never settle down."

"Hah. Look who's talking, Mr. _Permanent Bachelor_."

He shifted uncomfortably in his seat. "Well..."

She glanced over at him quickly before returning her eyes to the road ahead of them.

"Well, _what_? Don't tell me...?" She looked at him hopefully and he smiled.

"OK, I've met someone."

"Someone?"

"A woman."

Alex laughed. "Well, not that I'd care if you were gay, but I sort of assumed it was a woman. What's her name?"

"Yuko."

"Ah, Japanese."

"Half, actually. She works for the company I have a contract with. She's half-American."

"Hmmm. We have something in common then. Would I like her, Sam?"

"You'd love her, Alex. She's hillarious. We have a lot of fun together."

"Wow. I'm so happy for you, Sam. I've always thought it was a waste that you'd never found anybody."

"_Whatever_! I could say the same thing about you." He looked thoughtful for a moment. "Will I like him, Alex?"

She smiled, her heart warming up at the thought of Nick.

"Yeah, Sam. Yeah, you will."

Her only hope now was that Sam would actually get to meet him before he went back to Japan.

* * *

They moved towards the baggage claim counter on the opposite side of the huge Vancouver airport.

"So what's in this bag, anyway? I swear to God, you already had enough luggage for a couple people, let alone a single guy..."

He laughed. "It's just more presents, I promise. I'm still all manly-minimalist and masculine... _Whoh_. Try saying _that_ three times fast!"

She was laughing hard now, happy to be hanging out with her brother again. Despite their 10 year age difference, they'd always gotten along extremely well, having the same sense of humour. But most people liked Sam instantly anyway; he was just a genuinely nice, likeable guy.

"So, what's this Nick guy look like anyway? Is he a dreamboat?"

Alex chuckled at their old joke. "Yep. Tall, dark, and handsome with a killer smile. I don't know what he sees in me!"

Sam grabbed her and pulled her into his arms, hugging her tightly.

"Oh, kiddo, you're a _god-dess_. The boys have always loved you."

She hugged him back in amusement. "A _God-dess_, Sam? Are you sure you're not gay?"

They laughed, still hugging. She spoke into his shoulder. "Whatever. You're biased... And I love you for it."

He looked over her shoulder at the man walking towards them, smiling. Sam grinned back, fairly certain this was the guy Maddie had sent him to pick up.

"Well, Alex, I'm pretty sure you're going to love me even _more _in a minute..."

She moved back from him, a curious smile on her face.

"Why?"

He nodded behind her and she turned slowly. Her breath caught in her throat as she saw Nick walking towards them from across the hall, his huge smile turning her stomach to mush.

Her feet barely touched the floor as she flew towards him.


	30. Chapter 30

Nick set down his bags just as Alex reached him and he scooped her up in his arms as she jumped into them. He squeezed her tight and groaned into her hair.

"_Man_, I've _missed _you. Three days... Felt more like _3 years_."

She sighed into the shoulder of his down jacket and hugged him back. "_Tell _me about it." She tightened her grip and he laughed.

"Hon, I don't know if I'm going to be able to breathe in this coat..."

She pulled back fractionally, smiling up at him, her eyes shining with happy tears. "Sorry."

He placed his hands gently on her face and leaned in to kiss her deeply. He sighed as they stopped, leaning his forehead against hers. His eyes were glittering.

"I mean it, Alex. This has been the longest three days of my life."

She reached up to stroke his cheek as she smiled up at him lovingly.

"Me too." She gulped, momentarily overwhelmed. "I can't believe you're really here..."

He smiled back, speaking softly. "Yeah, I'm really here."

He leaned in to kiss her again and she thought her body might fly off into a million pieces. She couldn't remember the last time she'd been this happy to see somebody. Then she smiled as they drifted slowly apart again.

_Yeah_, _I remember the last time I was this happy to see someone_..._ And it was Nick_ then _too_.

They continued to smile at each other until finally, at a small _ahem_ from beside them, they looked up. Sam was grinning.

"Oh... Sam. Sorry." She smiled sheepishly at him and he gave her a wise grin.

"Nick, right? I'm Alex's brother, Sam. It's great to finally meet you."

Nick let go of Alex and reached for the other man's hand, smiling back at him.

"It's great to meet you too, Sam. I've heard a lot about you."

He raised his brows and looked at Alex. "Hmmm. Don't believe the hype..."

Nick laughed and Alex grabbed Sam's arm affectionately. "Oh, Sam... you know it's all true. You're my _favourite brother_, after all."

He laughed shaking his head. "Yeah, _riiiight_."

Nick grinned. "Well anyway, thanks for helping me surprise Alex tonight."

"Hey, no problem. And Maddie was actually the mastermind. I was just a convenient excuse to get her back to the airport."

Alex leaned in to kiss her brother on the cheek. "Thanks, Sam. You really are the greatest brother around."

He grabbed one of Nick's bags before he could protest and motioned towards the exit with his head.

"Well, I hate to break up the _Sam worship_, but I'm sure Nick must be beat. Let's get going."

Alex laughed, and grabbed Nick's hand. She kept looking up at him, grinning stupidly. He laughed at her and she smiled even wider. She moved in closer to his side as they walked out towards the parking lot and he leaned in, whispering quietly into her ear.

"Miss me?"

She smiled at him ruefully. "Just ask my family _how much_. I've been a real barrel of laughs the last few days."

He squeezed her hand tighter and frowned slightly.

"I'm really sorry I couldn't get here sooner. I-"

"No, no, no. No apologies. I understand completely. I'm just so happy you're here now." She kissed him again as they walked. "All is right with the world!"

He laughed again and pulled her hand up to his lips, kissing it lightly.

Sam stopped as they reached Alan Winters' large SUV.

"Well, lovebirds, we're here. You gonna get in or do you guys want to make out some more?"

Alex leaned down to grab a handful of snow from the ground and Sam ran around to the other side of the vehicle laughing. He climbed into the back as Alex resumed her place in the driver's seat and Nick climbed in beside her.

As Nick grabbed her free hand and caressed her fingers, she was thankful her dad hadn't purchased an SUV with a stick shift. She squeezed his hand and pulled out of the parking lot.

When they reached the house high up in the hills of West Vancouver, the snow was falling more heavily and Nick squinted up into the sky as he climbed out of the SUV. 

"Wow, I've seen snow before, but never falling like this. Very cool."

Sam smiled at his sister and grabbed one of Nick's bags again. "I'll just take this up to your room, Alex. See you guys inside."

Nick nodded his thanks and Alex smiled back at Sam. She moved around to stand beside Nick and he put his arm around her shoulders as she spoke to him.

"Yeah, it doesn't usually snow much in lower Vancouver, but up here in the hills they see a little more. Thankfully, it doesn't get as cold here as the rest of Canada in winter though." She snuggled into his side. "I wouldn't want you to get a chill in those southern bones of yours."

He laughed, remembering one of their first conversations together... The first night he'd met her.

_I can't believe she remembered that_.

He realized he was incredibly moved by it. He wrapped her in his arms once more and brushed his lips against hers, enjoying their warmth in the chilled night air. He grinned into the kiss.

"Well, darlin', I'm pretty sure I'd know a way to warm them up if I need to..." He continued to speak softly to her. "All in all, it looks like we'll have plenty of excuses to snuggle."

Her heart bursting from happiness, she pushed her body closer to his and put her face into the side of his neck.

"I really can't believe you're here. This is the best Christmas present _ever_."

He chuckled and then just stood there holding her. She kissed his neck lightly and he shivered. She smiled.

"You cold?"

He leaned away to look at her and was amazed at how beautiful she looked, her hair sprinkled with snow, a few flakes resting on her eyelashes before they melted away. Her tender smile was enough to send his pulse racing.

"_No_."

He leaned in to kiss her passionately and she felt her legs getting rubbery at the onslaught. She felt a moment of confusion as she heard a voice from the distance and she looked up in a daze.

"Alex?"

They both turned towards the voice and were embarrassed to find the entire family, minus Sam, standing at the open front door.

"Um, are you two planning on spending the night outside in the storm?" Maddie was grinning, and even from a distance Alex could tell she was amused.

Nick laughed softly and stepped back from their embrace before resting his arm around Alex's shoulders once more. He grinned at the Winters family as they moved towards the door.

"Coming, Maddie. I was just taking in the... snow."

They all laughed and Maddie grinned. "Yeah, we could see that."

* * *

Nick met Maddie's husband and her two girls and then they all settled in by the fireplace in the large central living room. Alex got everyone some red wine while Nick snuck upstairs for a moment.

She was just settling in to a comfy sofa when Nick returned, his arms full of presents. Lily and Chloe looked up in surprise and watched him carefully as he layed them under the Christmas tree. He grinned at them as he held a couple small boxes in either hand, and they couldn't resist moving a little closer. Finally Chloe scooted over beside him and then clapped her hands in excitement.

"It's for me!"

Nick laughed as Lily followed her younger sister's example. She looked at Nick in surprise.

"You got us presents? Wow!"

"Of course I did. Your Aunt Alex told me that you guys were the most important ones here, so..."

Lily looked at Maddie pleadingly. "Mom, can we open them tonight? Please? Just _these ones_..."

Maddie shook her head. "No way. You're going to have to wait until tomorrow."

Lily looked sulky for a moment and then climbed up on the sofa beside Alex. "Not fair."

Alex stroked the little girl's light brown hair as she layed her head on her lap.

"Sorry, sweetie. But Christmas isn't until tomorrow."

Nick stood up from the tree and moved to grab his wine from the table. He watched Alex over the rim as he sipped. It seemed as though she'd grown even more beautiful in the three days they'd been apart.

He laughed as Chloe crawled up on her lap as well, nearly smacking her knee into Lily's head.

"Chloe... You're on my hair!" Lily tried to move out from under the offending leg.

Alex shuffled, trying to fit them both next to her.

"Man, you guys are like a couple of monkeys. Maybe uncle Sam will get you some bananas."

Chloe giggled and Lily tried to look insulted, but she couldn't help but laugh when Sam made some monkey noises. He leaned over and scooped Chloe up and she struggled in his arms, laughing for all she was worth.

"Sam, they have to go to bed soon. Don't get them all riled up." Maddie tried to sound stern but her small grin gave her away.

Lily looked nonplussed. "But mom-"

"Look, it's already past your bedtime. And the sooner you go to bed, the sooner you can get up and see what Santa brought you."

Lily looked like she was about to say something to the contrary, but she saw Chloe and stopped herself. Lily no longer believed in Santa, but her little sister still did and she knew enough not to spoil it. Impressed, Alex smiled down at her and kissed her forehead.

"Good girl."

Lily shrugged and pretended it didn't matter, but Nick grinned as he saw the girl's small smile when she looked away from her aunt.

Maddie shook her head as she looked at Lily.

"Man, I swear she's more like you every day, Alex. So much attitude... I'm not sure I can handle another _you_ around."

Alex laughed and pulled a protesting Lily closer to her. "So what? It just means she's impossibly _cool_." She looked down at her niece's face, grinning. "Right?"

"_Aunt Alex_..." Lily tried to get away but was giggling just the same.

"OK you two. Up and at 'em. Bedtime. Say goodnight to everyone." Maddie spoke up suddenly and Gary moved towards the door.

Lily still looked unimpressed, but got to her feet slowly. She kissed her grandparents and then said goodnight to Alex and Nick. She dragged her feet out of the room and they all laughed as she stomped all the way upstairs. Sam carried a squealing Chloe up after her, Gary close behind.

Nick slipped across the room and stood before Alex on the sofa. "Want some more wine?"

She nodded and he grabbed the bottle off the table, filling her glass. Then he sat down beside her and she leaned into his side contentedly. He replaced his arm around her shoulders and watched the flames in the fireplace, relaxed and comfortable.

"Well, I think I'm going to check out the girls..." Maddie looked at her father pointedly and he grinned.

"Yeah, I'm going to see what's on the old squawk box. C'mon Abby. You've had enough wine."

Abby smiled. "Actually, I think I may be ready for bed myself. It's been a busy day."

Alex laughed. "It's only 9:30, mom. I think you're getting old."

She whacked Alex on the head with hermagazine as she walked past.

"Yes, but I'm still your mother." She shook her head bemusedly. "Nick, you're a nice boy from Texas. Maybe _you_ can teach her some manners."

He laughed and squeezed Alex closer. "I'll see what I can do."

Then they were alone by the fire. Alex sighed and snuggled into Nick's side as she turned slightly. Her chin rested near his collar bone and she kissed his jawline softly. He rubbed her arm gently and kissed her temple.

"This is a beautiful house. Did you grow up here?"

"Yeah, for the most part. We moved here when I was 4."

He turned back to the fire. "Man, this is like something out of a movie. I feel like I'm at a ski chalet or something."

"Yeah, all we're missing is the bear rug on the hearth before the fireplace."

Nick grinned and nodded slightly. "_Mmmm_. I've always wanted to fool around on a bear rug."

Alex laughed and kissed his cheek. "Sorry, we don't have one. I guess there won't be any fooling around then?"

She continued to laugh as he pulled her onto his lap, growling. She shivered with pleasure as he put his face into her throat and proceeded to cascade her with butterfly kisses. She massaged the back of his neck and enjoyed the building tingling sensation that slipped through her body.

"I know I may have mentioned this already, but I'm so glad you're here, Nick. Christmas wouldn't have been the same without you."

She pulled back to look down into his face and he stared at her so intensely that she found herself swallowing.

"I wouldn't have been anywhere else, Alex." He hugged her closer again and mumbled into her neck. "I worked my butt off to get this time off..."

She rubbed his shoulders. "I'm sorry I pressured you... I feel sort of guilty-"

"Don't be crazy, honey. I _wanted _to be here." He kissed her neck delicately once more and she shuddered.

A noise outside the door caught their attention and Alex slowly sidled down off Nick's lap. She looked embarrassed and he smirked at her, pulling her back into his side. Then he looked up at the large bay window.

"I can't wait to see what it looks like outside tomorrow. All that snow falling..."

"Well, I hate to say it, but don't be surprised if it's mostly gone in the morning. It tends to come and go here."

"I'll keep my fingers crossed. I was hoping to take you for a roll in the snow tomorrow."

She laughed lightly. "Um, it won't be like a roll in the hay, you know. It'll be a lot chillier..."

"Alex, I'm from Texas, not _Mars_. I know how snow works."

He squeezed her shoulders for a second. She turned her face up to look at him.

"Sorry. I know you're smarter than you look."

He shook his head and laughed quietly. "Oh sweetheart, _once again_ you're asking for it..."

She gave him her brightest, most encouraging smile. "Yeah, well I'm just hoping you're finally going to come through with the actual _punishment_ one of these days."

He looked at her wickedly.

"_Oh ho_... be careful what you wish for, missy." He stood and pulled her up into his arms. "I think you better show me to our room now."

She felt her heart tremor with anticipation, but she still looked at him uncertainly. "But we're in my parent's house..."

He smiled devilishly and chastized her. "You should have thought about that before you messed with me, darlin'. Now it's too late."

She giggled as he led her upstairs and let her guide him to their room. Hearing the occasional noises from down the hallway, she locked the door behind them, just in case.

* * *

Alex got up in the middle of the night for water, as usual. As she passed the back living room, she saw Sam watching TV. She moved into the room and flopped down on the sofa next to him. It was 4:30 am.

"Can't sleep?"

"Serious jetlag. The last time I came home it took me over a week to get onto North American time."

"Crappy."

He smiled over at her. "What are you doing up?"

"Thirsty." She yawned and stretched out her slippered feet.

He nodded, smirking. "Yeah, I'll bet."

Alex looked at him in surprise and then looked at the TV screen uncomfortably. She attempted to deter any pursuit of that innuendo. "What are you watching?"

"_Hogan's Heroes_. Listen, I have to put out the gifts from _Santa_... I told mom and Maddie I'd probably be up early, and you know the girls; they can't sleep for hours after they've gone to bed, so putting the presents out before midnight is no good."

Alex laughed, knowing the familiar patterns all too well. "OK, let's do it."

They slipped out to the garage and grabbed the presents from the back of Maddie's car. It took them two trips before they had everything.

"Man, I don't remember getting this many presents when I was a kid."

"Whatever, Alex. You were spoiled rotten."

She shrugged. "You're just jealous because once I came along, you were no longer special!"

He barked laughter. "Yeah. _That's_ it."

They placed the presents on display around the tree. Sam looked at Nick's little presents for the girls.

"So what did you guys get the girls?"

"Well, I got them cute little earrings, but I don't know what Nick got them."

Sam looked surprised. "You didn't buy these together?"

She smiled, proud of her boyfriend. "Nope. I didn't know he was bringing any of these."

Sam looked down and was impressed to see there was one for him as well.

"Well, I'll be. And here I thought I was the thoughtful, sensitive guy because I included him in my gift pirchases. Guess we're both awesome!"

Alex laughed and gave him a big hug. "Yep. You both are."

Sam watched her yawning. "You're still sleepy. You better get back upstairs to Mr. Right."

Alex laughed.

"Yeah, maybe you're right."

Sam grinned as he saw her smiling while she looked towards the ceiling and _upstairs_, clearly thinking about Nick.

"Man, you got it _bad,_ little sister."

She folded her arms in front of herself, grinning sheepishly. "Yep, I know."

"He seems like a decent guy, too."

"Yep, he is."

"So... Are you going to release the _marriage ban_?"

She laughed, surprised. "_What_?"

"Look, I know you've never been that interested in getting married, although I have no idea _why_...But I suppose spending time with Darrell would do that to anyone..."

She shook her head but said nothing.

"Well, you're living with this guy, so obviously it's serious. So what do you think? Are you going to marry him?"

Alex merely shook her head at him, both amazed _and_ amused.

_He should know by now that I never discuss this stuff_._ I'll give him points for trying though_...

Sam made his own interpretation of her response. "Look, _Alex_... you need to get over this contempt for marriage. You're going to change your mind one day, you'll see."

She shook her head again and gave him a quick hug. "Goodnight, Sam. I'll see you in a few hours."

He shook his head in resignation. "Goodnight."

She smiled as she went upstairs.

_Ah_, _if only you knew the truth_, _Sammy_. _I'd marry this guy in a _second.

* * *

Nick woke up to find Alex missing. He smiled as he stretched out, knowing she wasn't far away.

_Damn I've missed her_.

Thinking she probably went for water, he crawled out of bed and threw on his sweats and a t-shirt before heading downstairs. As he reached the bottom, he heard voices speaking in the living room and he paused on the last step.

_Sam and Alex_.

He heard Sam saying, "_He seems like a decent guy_," and he smiled at Alex's reply.

"_Yep_,_ he is_."

He was about to continue over to the doorway, but he stopped in his tracks at Sam's next question.

_"So_..._ are you going to release the marriage ban?"_

He didn't move as he waited for Alex to reply. He heard her laugh as she asked, "_What_?"

Nick listened carefully as Sam continued.

_"Look_, _I know you've never been that interested in getting married_,_ although I have no idea why_... _But I suppose spending time with Darrell would do that to anyone_..._ Well_,_ you're living with this guy_,_ so obviously it's serious_._ So what do you think? Are you going to marry him?"_

Nick felt his breath catch in his throat as he waited for her reply, but nothing came. Sam spoke again and Nick felt a sinking sensation in his chest.

_"Look_, _Alex_..._ you need to get over this contempt for marriage_._ You're going to change your mind one day_,_ you'll see_.

Nick didn't realize he'd been holding his breath until he finally released it when he heard Alex saying goodnight to her brother. He backed up and quietly made his way back upstairs quickly, his heart pounding painfully in his chest.

He stripped back down as he climbed back into the bed. His mind was racing.

_Is it true_, _Alex_? _You don't want to get married_?

He swallowed painfully.

_Not even to_ me?

He heard her outside the door and he turned over on his side quickly. She slipped in beside him and wrapped an arm over his shoulder, cuddling into him carefully from behind. She thought he was asleep.

He stared sadly at his bags laying close to his side of the bed, his chest tight.

_There goes my big Christmas present_.

* * *

****

****

**_A.N_**: Muahahahahahaha! Just when you thought it was safe... I'm relentless, I tell you. _Relentless_! ;)


	31. Chapter 31

_**A.N:**_ Oops. Busted. Maddie's husband's name is _Gary_... Sorry, I was writing that late the other night and I must have spaced. Or I had an acid flashback or something. Anyway, I've changed it back.

* * *

Alex woke up later that morning as she heard feet in the hallway. She looked over at the clock and smiled.

_Wow_, _they held out until_ 6:30 _am this year_. _I'm impressed_.

She looked over at the handsome man sleeping beside her. His chest rose and fell slowly and he had one arm thrown over his head. His face was tilted towards her and she couldn't help but stare at him while he slept.

_I don't need to look under the tree for my presents_. _All I need is right here_.

She heard Maddie's voice in the hallway and she grinned. The volume of her voice as she told the girls to be more quiet was louder than the noise they were actually making. Nick began to stir, and she propped herself up on her elbow, still watching him. When he seemed like he might not wake up after all, she couldn't resist leaning over and kissing him softly.

His eyes fluttered open mid-kiss and he moaned and pulled her closer. She ran her hands up to his shoulders as he rolled her on top of him, kissing his jawline as they moved. She looked down into his face.

"Merry Christmas, Nick. I love you."

He smiled up at her, unable to contain a small yawn. "Merry Christmas, Alex. I love you too."

She lowered her lips to his once more and deepened the kiss. He groaned a little deeper this time and ran his hands down her back. He felt the stirrings of arousal beginning... and then there was a thump on the door followed by a small, pleading voice.

"Aunt Alex! You have to get up! Mom won't let us in the living room until everyone is awake!"

Chloe sounded positively desperate and Nick laughed into Alex's lips. She pulled away, smiling.

"We'll be right there, Chloe. Don't worry."

She caressed Nick's cheek with her fingers...

"To be continued?" She looked at him in question and he laughed.

"It's a date."

* * *

The girls went nuts over their presents, which included a variety of clothes, games and assorted little girl novelty items.

But Alex was more than a little impressed when they each opened their presents from Nick. He'd gotten them each a small silver chain that had their names spelled out in matching small silver letters. Lily in particular was looking at Nick with new eyes as she made her mother put it immediately on for her.

Alex and Nick sat back as the girls took turns bringing everyone their gifts. Alex was pleased to see the usual array of underwear, sweaters and other useful items. She loved Christmas just for that reason- she usually got a refresher on all the items that needed replacing because they were wearing out.

Nick had been surprised to see that Alex had brought along the presents from his family for him to open, and he whispered into her ear.

"Good thing I made it here after all." She grinned sheepishly as she replied.

"For more reasons than one."

She kissed him softly as the girls began bringing him his presents and he looked at her with amusement as they quizzed him on the names on the tags.

"Who's Jess?"

"That's my sister."

"Who's Kathleen?"

"My other sister."

"Then who's Julia?"

"Another sister." He laughed as Lily looked at him in shock.

"How many sisters do you _have_?"

He looked down at his fingers as he counted them off. "Hmmm, there are 5 of them I think."

She was even more surprised. "Five? Wow!"

"He has a brother too." Alex contributed.

Lily was amazed. "Are you the oldest?"

"Nope. I'm the baby." He grinned at her. Chloe suddenly jumped up and ran over to them, hurtling herself onto his lap.

"Like me!"

He laughed down at her and nodded. "Yep, that's right. Like you."

Alex grinned as she noted Lily's slightly perturbed look at Chloe's intrusion. She was beginning to think Lily might have developed a bit of a crush on Nick.

"Alex."

She looked at Nick as he handed her a small rectangular present. "This is from me."

He maintained his smile, however and watched her happy expression as she looked at the small box wrapped in shiny blue paper.

She smiled down at the box and slowly began to unwrap it. As she opened the lid she gasped and Nick smiled at her.

"How did you know I love emeralds?" She held up the small silver chain with a single emerald surrounded by silver trim hanging in the center. It was beautiful.

He smiled at her. "I have my ways."

She was incredibly touched and she leaned over to kiss him, overwhelmed. "Thank you. It's so beautiful, Nick. It's _perfect_."

"Want me to put it on you?"

She nodded excitedly and lifted her hair as she turned her head away from him. She felt the slender chain slip around her neck and she reached up to grasp the emerald as she turned back to him, eyes shining.

"I... I have to go take a look!" She lept up and ran from the room in search of a mirror and he laughed as she disappeared from view.

He couldn't fight back a tinge of disappointment.

_I really wish I was giving her the other box_...

She returned a moment later and he swore her eyes seemed a little misty, but he decided not to mention it in front of her family. She sat back down beside him and leaned into his shoulder. She whispered into his ear over the hubbub in the room.

"I love it, Nick. Thank you so much."

He kissed her cheek gently and whispered back. "You're welcome, sweetie. It looks beautiful on you, too."

She squeezed his hand. "Well, my gift for you isn't as amazing as this, I'm afraid..." She looked somewhat bemused and he grinned.

"Honey, I don't care what you got me. _You're_ the only present I wanted."

She smiled as she remembered thinking the same thing earlier. She reached beside her and grabbed a box wrapped in gold paper. She passed it to him, still looking uncertain.

"I mean it, Nick. It's not very romantic. Especially after the necklace..."

"Alex, I'm a _guy_. We _give_ romantic presents; we don't _get_ them."

She laughed. "OK, well have at it then."

Lily had moved back over and leaned on the arm of the sofa next to Nick, curious. As he pulled off the paper, she offered to take it for him and he grinned at her. Alex noted a slight flush on the little girl's cheeks and held back her own smile.

_Yep_, _she definitely has a crush on him_. _And who can blame her_?

She watched Nick's profile as he examined the box his gift came in.

"Is _this_...? Oh man! This is awesome, Alex. Thank you!"

He seemed genuinely happy and she felt her own flush of pleasure. Gary looked up from across the room.

"Whatcha got there, Nick?"

He smiled broadly as he held it aloft for the others to see.

"It's the new U2 iPod. It has the whole U2 collection already downloaded, and on top of that you can still load a few thousand more songs." He looked at Alex happily again. "I love it, honey. This is amazing!"

He leaned in to kiss her and she breathed a sigh of relief.

_I guess boys really do love their toys_...

"I'm glad it's OK. I wasn't sure..."

He pulled her closer and put his face into her hair, speaking quietly. "It's better than OK, Alex. Seriously, thank you so much." He kissed her cheek and she grinned like an idiot.

"Keep in mind I may want to _borrow _that from time to time..."

* * *

It was just after 9 am as Alex wandered through the house in her oversized slippers. "Anyone seen Nick?"

Sam and her parents looked up. "I think I saw him trying to find someplace to charge up his iPod..."

Alex grinned and moved towards the back of the house where she could here some muffled voices from the TV room.

She stood outside the door, listening to her nieces' conversation with amusement.

"Well, one day when I grow up, maybe I'll marry him."

Chloe chimed in. "Well, when I grow up I'm going to marry uncle Sam."

"_Pfffff_. You can't marry Uncle Sam, dummy. He's our _uncle_."

"Well, you can't marry Nick either then."

"Yes I _can_ because he's not one of our uncles."

Alex jumped as a hand slinked around her waist from behind, then smiled as Nick whispered in her ear.

"What are we listening to?" He looked around her into the TV room where the girls sat with their backs to the door, playing with some of their Christmas presents.

She grinned and reached around behind her to grab at his sides. "Well, apparently you're _betrothed_."

A minor shock rippled through Nick at her words, but before he could speak, Chloe's voice rang in the air.

"Well I don't care. If you can marry Nick then I can marry Uncle Sam."

Alex felt Nick chuckling behind her and smiled.

They heard Lily blow out a disgusted breath. "Whatever. You're just a kid anyway."

"So are you! And I'm not just a kid. I'm 8!"

Alex moved slowly back, forcing Nick to move with her. Then she turned in his embrace to look up at him. "I think my niece is trying to move in on my man!"

He laughed, his nerves a lot more settled now than a minute ago. "What can I say? I'm popular with the ladies."

She snorted. "Yeah whatever, _Butch_!"

He smiled down at her before he hugged her closer.

But as he stared off past her shoulder, he felt his disappointment from the early hours of the morning resurfacing. He'd tried to convince himself that he couldn't really assume anything from what he'd overheard since Alex hadn't actually _said _anything, but...

He'd still grabbed the larger of the two small boxes he'd brought along to give to Alex for Christmas this morning. The smaller one remained in his duffel bag.

_I'm not sure what to make of all this_. _Would she really turn me down if I asked her to marry me_?

His frown deepened.

_Maybe it is too soon, afterall_...

He almost didn't notice that Alex had pulled away from him, and he was too slow in hiding his frown.

"Nick? You OK?"

He smiled gently. "Yeah, everything is amazing actually."

"You sure? You looked a little-"

He kissed her quickly then leaned back. "I'm awesome." He gave her a mischievous look.

"Want to go play in the snow?"

* * *

Alex crouched behind a snow bank, hiding from the bombardment.

She couldn't believe they'd actually plowed on Christmas morning, but she couldn't begrudge the bank of snow protecting her right now. She was about to stand up and check on the enemy when a soft _thud_ sounded beside her head and a snowball rolled down beside her feet. It was still mostly formed, so she packed it up again and lobbed it back to where it had come from. She heard giggles in the distance and grinned as she called out.

"Hey, this is totally not fair! It's three against _one_!"

Nick shouted back. "These girls are smart, Alex. They know how to pick the winning team!"

She laughed and then heard a new commotion from the other side. As the giggles and shrieks grew louder, she sneaked a quick peek over her snowbank and started laughing as she saw Sam attacking the girls from behind.

Nick was laughing himself, and Alex took the opportunity to pelt his back with a couple of fast snowballs. He dropped back to the ground quickly, laughing and shouting.

"Hey!"

"Never turn your back on me, Stokes. I play to win!"

She started to pack some more snowballs together and was ready to begin her next assault when she heard a soft noise above her.

_Uh oh_...

As she slowly looked up, a fluffy pile of snow dropped on her head, causing her to sputter. She tried to grab a snowball, but she had her eyes closed from the snow deluge and couldn't seem to find one.

Then she found herself pinned beneath something heavy, and she couldn't help but laugh as Nick gently swept the snow out of her face with his gloved hand as he sat on top of her. She continued to laugh and he smiled down at her.

"I play to win _too_, Winters."

Then he shouted and jumped up as she snuck some snow down the back of his pants.

"Holy sh..." He halted his epithet as he saw the two young girls watching him with Sam. Alex laughed and scooted towards them.

He finally made his way over towards the group, shaking his head. "I think my butt may be frozen."

Chloe and Lily giggled and he feigned outrage while he scooped up some more snow. The girls screamed and went off in different directions. Sam grinned at Nick and Alex.

"You guys get Chloe... I'm on Lily!"

The girls screamed again and tried to run around the side of the yard. Alex and Nick chased Chloe around the corner, laughing. Just as they had her cornered, snowballs in hand, Nick rushed in to pick her up in his arms and throw her over his shoulder. She laughed hysterically and Alex tried to tickle her while she was trapped in Nick's arms.

As they made their way around the corner, Lily was dumping snow on Sam's head, laughing in triumph. He finally stood and attempted to clean himself off as Lily stood behind him grinning like a maniac.

Alex spoke quietly to Nick as she scooped up some snow and made two snowballs. "Nick... _Watch this_."

She called out to her brother. "Sam!"

He looked up at her questioningly and she lobbed a ball high in the air like a fly ball. He looked up at it, and as he attempted to catch it she hurled the other snowball at him, hitting him squarely in the chest.

Nick chuckled beside her, impressed with the decpetive move. "Nice shot! Honey, I'm starting to think you should be playing on my baseball team."

She grinned up at him. "He _always_ falls for that. What a-"

She screamed as two arms picked her up from behind. Sam threw her over his shoulder and she was laughing hard as she struggled to get free. He whacked her on the butt and grinned at everyone.

"Girls, I think you better stay here. Your Aunt Alex has been naughty and I'm afraid she's going to have to _pay_. This is not going to be pretty." Then he disappeared around the corner, Alex still struggling to get free from his clutches.

Nick, Chloe and Lily all smiled at each other when they heard Alex suddenly start screaming from the back yard, then qucikly made their way around back to see what was going on.


	32. Chapter 32

Alex stood in the bathroom, more snow falling out of her shirt as she pulled it away from her skin.

Nick laughed at the sight of her: Her hair was a tangled mess and her face was red and blotchy from the snow bath Sam had given her. Mascara pooled beneath her eyes.

Once Nick and the girls had finally gotten around to the backyard, Alex was buried in a pile of snow and Sam was relentlessly shoving more of it under every piece of her clothing he could get his hands on.

"_Alex_,_ Alex_, _Alex_... I hoped you've learned a valuable lesson about teasing." Nick gave her a look of admonishment.

She stuck her tongue out and threw a small piece of snow at him as she slammed the bathroom door in his face.

* * *

After a big Christmas dinner everyone sat around the fireplace again, groaning.

"Oh boy. I don't think I'm going to fit into my new pants anymore." Alan Winters rubbed his stomach uncomfortably.

Abby looked at him with annoyance. "Well dear, I'm glad you enjoyed the cooking but that didn't give you carte blanche to make a pig of yourself. I'm sure this is killing your cholesterol levels."

Maddie rolled her eyes and Alex smiled at her father.

Chloe looked up at everyone in confusion. "Why aren't we having pie yet?"

They all eyed her with disbelief and Alex laughed. "Chloe, one day I'm going to have to take you to Texas..."

Nick laughed from his place on the floor at her feet.

"Yeah, no kidding. I think I need to introduce you to my nephew. You and Jase would get along really well."

Sam and Gary started to quiz Nick on Texas and Las Vegas and Alex sat back lazily. She was too full for words. She decided to get up and get some wine to help aid her digestion.

As she returned from the kitchen carrying a tray laden with wine and wine glasses, she grinned. Lily had stolen her spot on the sofa behind Nick.

_Cheeky_.

"Nick, do you want to play checkers?" Lily asked him shyly.

"Sure. Go get the board." Nick smiled up at her and she sprinted from the room excitedly.

Alex poured wine for everybody and she took the last glass over to Nick. "We have beer too, if you'd rather have that."

He pulled her down beside him on the carpet. "Nope. Red wine is good."

He kissed her cheek and Alex laughed at the dirty look she got from her niece as she re-entered the room, checker-board in hand.

"Oops. I better move. Lily's staring daggers at me."

Nick laughed and held her in place as she tried to move away.

"Not so fast there, lady. I need you here for good luck. Lily has the look of a checkers _ace_ about her and it's making me nervous." He motioned to Lily and she grinned happily.

"I always beat daddy!"

"Yeah well, just for _that _comment, I'm playing the winner!" Gary interjected.

A short while later, Nick was indeed the loser and he stood up dejectedly.

"Lily, you _killed_ me. Gary, I think you have to regain the honour for us menfolk."

Gary smiled and Lily looked up proudly. They all laughed as Sam added, "Just in case, maybe I better play the winner of _this_ game..."

Gary shook his head in chagrin as he moved towards his oldest daughter, noting the mercenary gleam in her eyes.

Alex whispered into Nick's ear. "Want to take a walk? It'll be pretty tonight with the fresh snow in the moonlight."

He pulled her up to her feet, nodding. "Let's go."

Alex was amused to note that Lily barely noticed them leaving. Clearly _winning_ was more important to her than boys at this stage.

* * *

Nick leaned against the stone wall, holding Alex in his arms in front of him. She pushed closer against his chest and sighed contentedly.

"I told you it was a good view."

Everything was brighter with the moonlight reflecting off the snow, so they could see everything around them fairly clearly even though it was evening. Alex had taken Nick to a small park at the end of the cul-de-sac where the Winters house was located. From this vantage point they could see the ocean, Stanley park and the lights from part of downtown and the West side. Everything seemed crisper and brighter underneath the wintry layer.

"No kidding." He put his chin on her shoulder as he looked out over the scene below them. He quietly sang "w_alkin' in a winter wonderland_" in her ear and she laughed softly. She squeezed his hands, which were clasped over her stomach.

"My first serenade..."

He laughed and kissed her cheek. "I really had no idea it was so beautiful up here."

Alex laughed again. "Let me guess: When you think of Canada, you only think _cold_. Right?"

He chuckled into her ear. "Yeah, pretty much. Oh, and _hockey_."

She chuckled and then he admitted, "Funny thing is, I'm not that cold."

They'd bundled up tightly and Nick was surprised to find himself enjoying the cold air.

"Well, it doesn't get that cold in Vancouver anyway. And if it does, Canadians are well-versed in the science of staying warm."

"Hmmm. I might have some suggestions on how to stay warm myself..." He spoke sensually in her ear and she shivered.

She turned in his arms and kissed him deeply, her hands clucthing at the back of his down jacket. He put his arms lower and as his hands slid over her behind, she giggled into the kiss.

He grinned into her lips. "Is your butt warmed up from your snow bath earlier?"

She leaned back, smirking. "Yes, thank you. Oh, and I've been meaning to thank you for rescuing me as well. I really appreciated it!"

Her tone dripped with amused sarcasm and he laughed.

"Hey, far be it from me to get in the middle of a _sister/brother_ match. I've been there too many times myself!"

She laughed now too. "Yeah, I bet you have." She rubbed her mitts gently over his face. "Sorry, I didn't get a chance to ask... Did you talk to everybody in Dallas today? How are they all doing?"

"My mom says _hi _and wanted to know when we'll be visiting again, as usual."

Alex grinned. "I'm ready to go back anytime. I need more stories of the youthful exploits of Nick Stokes. I may write a book."

Nick gave her a secretive look. "Yeah, _I bet_. Which reminds me... I had a nice chat with Maddie and Sam while you were taking your bath."

She looked up at him in alarm. "What? About _what_? What did they tell you?"

He grinned victoriously. "Oh, let's just say I've come to find out that I wasn't the _only_ one who walked in their sleep as a child..."

She felt her pride deflating as she waited for the fatal blow. "But at least _I_ could keep my clothes on!"

She couldn't stop herself from laughing, albeit in embarrassment. "I will _kill_ them._ I swear to god_."

"Hey now... Turn about is fair play. And I also have a great picture that I think will look very nice beside_ mine_ at home..."

Her brows went up as she struggled to figure out which photo he could be talking about.

"_What picture_?"

"Oh, you'll see." He leaned in to kiss her lightly and then he put an arm around her shoulders and started to walk back towards the house.

"I think we should head back. Apparently they have plenty more stories to tell, and I don't want to miss out."

She leaned down to grab some snow and he ran ahead of her, laughing.

* * *

Nick woke up in a cold sweat, confused.

He sat up in bed and tried to remember what he'd been dreaming about, but it wouldn't come to him. He looked at Alex laying beside him on her back, just the slightest hint of a soft breast enticing him from under the sheet. Gazing at her fondly, he brushed a strand of hair from her face.

_Well_, _at least I didn't wake her up_.

It was still early in the morning, but he pulled on his sweatpants and a t-shirt and went down to the kitchen for something to drink. He jumped slightly as the door opened while he leaned against the counter, sipping orange juice.

Sam grinned apologetically. "Sorry man. I thought I heard someone come downstairs."

Nick grinned back. "No problem. Sorry- did I wake you?"

"Nah. I'm still on Tokyo time."

"Bummer."

"Yeah, tell me about it."

Sam looked at Nick for a second and something seemed to occur to him.

"Listen, Nick... I never got to... Well, I just want to thank you for being there for Alex during all the... That whole Meadfield horror. I mean, as I understand it you saved her life." He looked a bit pained for a moment and Nick jumped in.

"Oh I wouldn't go that far. I just... Well, I was in the right place at the right time. We got lucky, is all."

"Lucky, _my ass_. You were there when she needed you, man, and I'll never be able to thank you enough for that. I owe you. My whole family does."

He blew out a strained breath and tried to smile again. "The little jerk means a lot to me, you know?"

"Yeah, I do." Nick grinned at Sam in understanding.

Sam looked like he might be getting choked up, and he cleared his throat suddenly. "Well, listen man... Just... Thank you. Thank you for being their for my little sister."

Sam started to get an inkling of just how much the younger man cared about his sister when Nick looked back at him, his eyes intense.

"It was the best thing I've ever done."

Sam nodded, smiling.

* * *

When Alex woke up the next morning, Nick wasn't beside her. She looked at the window and saw the gray light from outside.

_Hmmm_... _More snow coming_?

She crawled out of bed and threw on her track pants and a shirt. She made her way downstairs groggily, hearing voices as she approached the kitchen.

"He loves her, that's for sure."

"Well, _d'uh_. Have you seen the way he looks at her?"

"Have you seen how _she_ looks at _him_? It's only a matter of time..."

"Yeah, but you know how she feels about marriage."

"Sam, nobody _ever _really knows how she feels about _anything_. She's a closed book. You know that."

"OK, I'm here now so you can stop discussing my lovelife." She shook her head at her siblings and headed to the coffee maker. She frowned at it. "Are you kidding me? Did you guys drink all the coffee?"

Maddie grinned. "Mom forgot to buy more. Nick drove her to the store."

"Nick drove her?"

"She was nervous about driving in the snow."

"Where's dad?"

"Went to the golf club to help them set up for their boxing day event."

"OK, so let me get this straight: Mom was nervous driving in the snow, so she asked the _Texan_ to drive her? Why didn't you guys take her?"

"Nick offered." Sam shrugged.

She shook her head at them. "If they get into an accident, I'll kill you both. You know that, don't you?"

"Ah, _how sweet_. Maddie, our little girl is all grown up and in love."

She gave them another sour look and started back upstairs, hoping a shower would wake her up. She heard Maddie's parting comment as the door closed behind her.

"Man, I bet he offered to drive just to get away from miss _morning person_, here..."

She tried to ignore Sam's annoying laughter.

* * *

Alex towel dried her hair as she sat down on the side of her bed. She called downstairs to see if Nick and her mom had returned yet, but they hadn't. She was vaguely nervous as she got dressed.

_There are so many hills and it'll be slippery_...

She took a deep breath and tried to think more rationally. Nick was a good driver. He'd manage.

She was moving towards the door when she caught sight of Nick's luggage out of the corner of her eye. It got her to thinking...

_Hmmm_. _I wonder what picture of me they gave him_?

She eyed the bags nervously. They didn't really have any secrets from each other anymore, and there was nothing they really owned that was off-limits to the other, but... She wasn't sure if it would be right for her to rifle through his things. She started to walk out the door, but the idea nagged at her and she stopped again.

_What _freaking _picture did they give him_?

Images of bad highschool hairdos and fat gradeschool cheeks flashed through her mind.

_Oh god_.

She started with the suitcase.

* * *

Alex could hear the door open downstairs as Nick and her mom returned.

Her relief was followed immediately by a feeling of guilt as she looked at her hands buried in Nick's duffel bag. She shook her head in self-disgust and started to close it up again when her hand hit something that was both hard and soft at the same time. She reached down and pulled out a small velvet box.

_What's this_?

As she flipped the top open, her breath caught in her throat. It was a small white gold band with several small diamonds surrounding a larger one. Her heart began to beat erratically.

_Oh my god_. _Is this_... _Is this a_...?

She heard footsteps on the stairs and snapped the lid shut. She jammed it back into the duffel bag and rushed to the bathroom, closing the door just as there was a rap on the outer bedroom door before it opened. She thought she might be hyperventilating because she couldn't seem to catch her breath.

"Alex?" Nick called through the bathroom door.

She tried desperately to reply, but no words would come. Her mind was racing.

_Was that an engagement ring_?

He tapped the door gently. "Alex? You in there?"

Once again, she tried to answer. She finally managed to gasp out. "Ye... Yeah. I'll be right out."

She ran the water quickly and then looked at her face in the mirror. She had to admit she looked shellshocked.

_Oh Man Oh Man Oh Man Oh Man_...

She splashed some cold water on her face, hoping the chill would snap her to her senses.

"I just wanted to let you know was back. I'll see you downstairs, hon."

She heard the door closing again and she breathed a sigh of relief, despite the fact that her heart was still fluttering like a hummingbird. She didn't think she could face him right now. She was too freaked out.

She looked in the mirror again and saw the beginnings of a small nervous smile invading her expression.

_Is Nick going to ask me to marry him_?


	33. Chapter 33

Nick looked at Alex curiously across the driveway as she climbed into the back of the SUV, Sam getting in behind her.

_What's up with her_? _She's been acting strange all day_... _She's so jumpy_.

He climbed in from his side and sat next to her. He looked down at her and spoke quietly into her ear and frowned more deeply as she twitched in surprise again.

"Alex, are you sure everything's OK?"

She smiled up at him, but he could have sworn she looked nervous. "Everything's fine, I swear."

He looked a little skeptical, but realized there was no point in pushing it any further. She'd been saying the same thing all day, and he was beginning to find out about how tight-lipped she could be from her brother and sister as well. Normally she was pretty open with him... But maybe there really wasn't anything wrong and he was just over-reacting.

_Man_, _maybe I should just leave her be_. _If she wanted to tell me about something_, _she would_.

They pulled into a parking lot and everybody climbed out. Maddie, Gary, Sam, Alex and Nick had decided to check out a local pub that night, leaving the elder Winters home with the kids.

They entered the large establishment that offered a pub, a nightclub and a restaurant, all under one roof. They veered off past the nightclub section towards the pub and settled into a cosy booth, ordering a round of beer. Gary didn't drink much and had offered to be the designated driver.

The conversation started up and Alex leaned back against the red velvet booth wall. Nick moved his arm around her shoulders and was confused when she jumped slightly at his touch. He was about to ask her about it when the waiter returned with their beer.

Maddie watched Alex in amusement as she quickly grabbed hers and drained the top third in a large gulp. Alex looked up and caught Maddie's questioning glance, but stared back at her as if to say "_What_?" Then she looked away again.

Within 10 minutes, Alex had finished her beer and ordered another. Nick did the same. Soon, she had a few under her belt and was feeling much more relaxed. She snuggled into Nick's side as he started telling stories about some of the more bizarre things he'd seen as a criminalist.

"Maddie will like this one... We had a case with a Dr. who was a consultant for athletes. She'd get her dog to attack joggers and then she'd remove their livers, spleens... the organs that were the richest sources of blood. Seems she had a bizarre condition that made her require large amounts of heme."

"What's heme?" Gary asked.

"The main component in blood." Maddie answered. "What was her condition?"

Nick looked upwards as he tried to remember the name. "Um... Crap. I can't think of it. It was also called the _madness of King George_..."

Maddie looked surprised. "Porphyria?"

"That's it!" Nick snapped his fingers in recognition. "She'd grind up their organs into a powder and then drink them like a protein shake."

Alex grimaced. "Sounds like a vampire."

Nick laughed. "Nope, but I've seen _those_ too..."

Alex laughed in surprise, but somehow she didn't doubt it. Las Vegas was a trippy place sometimes.

Next, Sam began to regale them with stories of life in Japan, and most notably the ways in which westerners and the Japanese differed. Usually, the westerners came off looking stupid. Alex was just finishing another beer as she spoke up, feeling more than a little buzzed.

"Are you sure you're not just a little bit biased towards the Japanese, Sam? Especially since you have a Japanese _girlfriend_?" She smirked at him and he gave her a half-amused, half-annoyed look. She grinned some more as Maddie pounced immediately.

"What girlfriend?"

"Oh, woops. Was I not supposed to mention that?" Alex gave Sam another devilish grin and then filled in the blanks for everyone.

_Who's tightlipped now_,_ I wonder_...?

"Her name's Yuko. She's half-Japanese, half-American."

Maddie began pelting him with questions and he gave Alex a look that spoke volumes. She giggled and stood up, sensing she should probably make herself scarce for a while. She felt a bit wobbly as she stood.

_Whoh_, _I am drunk_. _No doubt about it_.

She smiled at everyone.

"If you'll all excuse me, I have to use the ladies."

Nick watched with amusement as she walked a little shakily towards the door to the main hallway. He was glad she was more relaxed now, but he was still concerned about her previous behaviour. What had been going on with her earlier?

* * *

As Alex left the bathroom, she began to think about the ring again. She managed to control her heart rate this time, but she had a feeling it had more to do with the 4 (or was it 5?) beer she'd drank than with any sort of self-control.

She was remembering the delicate diamonds on the band as she heard a voice behind her.

"Alex?"

She turned around a little too quickly and felt a moment of light-headedness.

_Oh man_. _I better start ordering water from here on out_.

She reached out her hand to steady herself and a hand came from nowhere to assist her. She looked up blurrily at the face above her.

"Alex! I thought it was you."

"_Darrell_?"

"I didn't know you were home for the holidays!"

He gave her a big hug and spoke into her hair. "Merry Christmas, babe." He turned his head and tried to kiss her but she moved at the last minute and the kiss landed on her cheek.

Darrell was undaunted and he put his arm around her shoulders.

"Hey, why don't you come in and dance with me? Everybody's here, you know... Carmen and Dale are both here. Oh and Jenny..."

He started to drag her towards the nightclub section before she realized what was happening. She suddenly dug in her heels.

"No... Darrell, I need to... to get back. I'm with-"

"Hey, how are your parents, anyway? Maddie?"

"They're great, but I-"

"How long are you staying in Vancouver this time?"

"Uh, not long, but seriously Darrell, I-"

She was interrupted by a squeal from the door in front of them.

"Alex! Oh my god!" A blonde woman wrapped her arms drunkenly around Alex and she couldn't help but grin.

"Carmen? Hey, how are you?"

Carmen kissed her cheek and held onto her hand. "I'm awesome _now_! It's so great to see you!" She started to drag Alex inside. "Everyone's going to be so glad to see you! Come on."

The next thing she knew, she was being led inside the club and over to a table near the dance floor. She wobbled a bit and Carmen laughed.

"I see you've had a few _already_. Well, I'm going to have to get you another one, to celebrate!" She shouted over the loud music as they reached the table."Hey everyone! Look who's here!"

The table looked up and there were smiles all around as they saw Alex. Someone pulled her up a seat and she sat down thankfully. Her legs didn't seem to be working very well this evening.

Suddenly, Carmen returned with a tray full of shooters and she looked at them nervously.

_Oh man_. _I really need to start drinking water right now_...

Not one but two tequila shooters were plopped down in front of her, as well as two slices of lemon.

_Oh god_. _Not tequila_.

Darrell looked at her expression and laughed. "Come on, Alex. You must be able to drink tequila again by _now_? It's been _years_ since the _'tequila incident'_!"

Everyone started to laugh and Alex grinned sheepishly. She'd gotten incredibly hammered on tequila one night and had spent the better part of the next two days in bed with the worst hangover in history.

"Oh, guys... I don't know. I've already had a lot of beer..."

"Beer? Bah! That doesn't count. Here." Darrell handed her the fist shot glass and she looked at it uncertainly.

Then she looked at the smiling faces of some of her closest friends from university and thought, _ah_, _what the hell_...

She licked the side of her hand and sprinkled the salt over it to the cheers of all her old friends. They followed suit and shortly thereafter everyone had upended their glasses and were reaching for their pieces of lemon. Alex's mouth turned down as the sour taste overwhelmed her.

"Quick! We have to do the next one before she chickens out."

Carmen handed her the second shooter and they all quickly went though the same routine once more. Alex could feel her eyes watering this time and frowned at the bitter taste in her mouth.

_Man_, _I'm going to be feeling this tomorrow_.

Darrell put his arm around her shoulders once more and leaned in to whisper into her ear. "Want to dance?"

She shook her head _no_, drunk but still well aware of her poor balancing skills at the moment.

"Ah, c'mon. It'll be like old times. We always danced well together..."

He gave her the old familiar '_come hither_' stare and she vaguely recalled all the times that she'd fallen for it in the past. Even in her drunkenness, she was totally disgusted. She carefully removed his arm from around her shoulders and tried to look at him seriously, although he seemed a bit blurry.

"No _thank you_. And this isn't like old times anymore, Darrell. Not at all."

He laughed, unable to believe she would turn him down, especially while she was this drunk.

"Ah come on Alex..." He leaned in closer again and she looked the other way, trying to get away from his alcohol-steeped breath. As she looked away she saw Nick coming towards her. He wasn't smiling.

* * *

"Where's Alex? She's been gone a while." Sam looked towards the door curiously.

"Ah, she's probably passed out in the bathroom. She never could hold her booze." Maddie grinned at Nick and he laughed. She stood up. "I'll go check on her."

Nick continued to talk with the guys and when Maddie returned a few minutes later, she was alone. Everyone looked at her in question and her brows went up.

"What?"

Sam shook his head, laughing."Did you find Alex?"

She laughed, embarrassed. "Oh yeah... I forgot that's why I went in there." They all laughed and Gary rubbed her shoulders lovingly. "Sorry. Anyway, I didn't see her in there."

Gary gave her a peck on the cheek. "Hmmm... Somebody _else_ may be a little drunk, if I'm not mistaken." Gary grinned at Nick and Sam. "I may be getting lucky tonight, boys!"

Maddie looked at him in horror and whacked him on the arm. "Gary!"

He grinned back at her and then tried to look forlorn as he commented. "Woops. Maybe _not_, boys..."

They all laughed and Nick slowly stood up.

"Well, it's my turn to _critique the facilities_. Then I'll see if I can find Alex after that."

He wandered away from the table as Maddie continued to admonish Gary, although Sam knew it was only halfheartedly done.

* * *

As Nick walked into the nightclub section he smiled.

_Ah_, _the pick-up scene_, _alive and well_...

Then his eyes fell on Alex across the room, sitting with a group of people at a table by the dance floor. His hackles went up as he saw some guy with his arm around her shoulders, leaning in closer to her.

He picked up his pace, trying not to let the beer take a hold of his testosterone and cause him to over-react. It wasn't easy though, as he watched the guy practically drool all over her.

He tried to squeeze past a couple tables that were close together, and as he looked back up he saw Alex removing the guy's arm and pulling a little further away from him. Then she looked in his direction and, seeing him, she smiled beautifully.

* * *

Nick didn't look mad, exactly, but he didn't look happy either.

_Damn_, _how long have I been sitting here_?

She felt a bit regretful as she watched his face, and then she couldn't control the smile that crossed her lips. He was just too damned handsome for his own good.

_And funny_, _and thoughtful_, _and fun_, _and_...

* * *

Nick couldn't help but smile back, his heart warming instantly at her response to the sight of him.

_Man I love this woman_.

She reached out her hand for his as he finally reached her. "_Hi_."

He smiled down at her and caressed the back of her hand. "_Hi_."

He leaned down to kiss her cheek and she giggled happily. He laughed lightly.

"Alex, I think you may be a little drunk."

She pulled him closer, her knees rubbing against his waist.

"A _little_? I think I was a _little_ drunk _before_ the tequila shooters..."

He looked at the table of empty glasses and laughed. Then he noticed the other people around the table smiling at them expectantly. He smiled and reached out his hand to one of them, a dark haired woman.

"Hi, I'm Nick. Alex's boyfriend."

Alex smiled at the word 'boyfriend'.

_Ahhhh_... _My boyfriend_...

All the others introduced themselves, and all but one of them smiled at Nick speculatively. Darrell looked a bit sulky and he sat back from the conversation. Carmen looked at Alex, impressed.

"Alex, why didn't you tell us you were here with someone? He must have been wondering where you were."

"I tried to tell you, but you weren't listening. Then you dragged me in here." She looked at Nick guiltily and hiccupped. "I'm sorry, Nick."

He laughed and wrapped an arm around her shoulders, kissing the top of her head. "It's OK. I found you."

She smiled up at him blearily. "Yes, yes you did." She hiccupped again as she put her head into his collarbone. "You're always finding me, Nick..."

She hugged his arm weakly and he looked up at the other people around the table, grinning.

"Um, I think maybe she's all done in. Maybe I better take her home."

They all laughed as they watched Alex try to look back over at them, her head bobbing slightly as she spoke.

"Oh yeah. I think I'm definitely ready to go home." She looked up at Nick again and smiled. "With my boyfriend. My boyfriend Nick. Let's go home to Texas, honey..."

She yawned and blinked several times, trying to clear her vision.

Nick chuckled and corrected her. "Well, I _am_ from Texas, but our home is actually in _Las Vegas_. Right honey?" He looked down at her grinning.

She gave everyone a goofy smile. "Yeah, that's right. Texas." She hiccupped again and he helped her to her feet, laughing.

"It was really nice to meet y'all." He smiled at them and slowly turned her towards the door.

Carmen and Jenny watched them leave the club and then grinned at each other. Carmen shook her head.

"Damn, that was one _fine_ man right there. _Whoh_."

Jenny nodded. "Alex has caught herself a superhot cowboy, that's for sure. I'm totally jealous."

They laughed and then smirked at Darrell as he spoke up.

"Whatever. He just looked like another southern redneck to me."

Carmen smiled knowingly. "Yeah, you just keep telling yourself that, Darrell."

Jenny laughed and Darrell stood up in disgust and went off in search of another conquest.

* * *

Sam laughed as they approached the bench in the hallway where Nick had left Alex while he got them.

"Whoh. She's wasted."

She looked up and grinned at them all. "And _how_! Merry fucking Christmas!"

Nick burst out laughing and the others joined him. "C'mon, darlin'. Let's get you home."

She stumbled out to the vehicle under Nick's guidance and they climbed into the back seat once more. Nick put his arm around her and helped her to lean into his shoulder. She sighed happily and turned her face into his neck.

"_Mmmm_... This is _good_."

Sam laughed beside them. "Hey, no fooling around while I'm present, OK. I don't need to see that."

Nick laughed and Alex spoke up from where she was, her lips tickling his neck.

"Whatever, Sam. You just wish _whatsherface_ was here...Yu... Yur... Yum..."

Alex was slowly dozing off in Nick's arms and he laughed again.

Sam shook his head, grinning. "_Yuko_. The name is Yuko. And yes, I do wish she was here. Satisfied?"

Maddie giggled from the front seat, having had a bit more to drink than normal herself. "_I_ am! It's about time you found someone, Sam. I was starting to worry you were trying to emulate George Clooney."

Sam snorted from the back and Alex seemed to wake up again.

She mumbled loudly to her brother. "You need to get married Sam. You're getting old."

He leaned over Nick to look at her in amazement. "Look who's _talking_."

She sighed deeply and Nick thought she'd finally drifted off. But then her groggy voice came clearly from her resting place on his chest.

"Don't worry about it. I'm going to marry Nick someday..."

And then she finally did pass out.

Nick's brows went up in surprise and he felt everyone staring at him, including Gary's eyes in the rearview mirror.

Maddie was grinning like an idiot and Sam looked at him with an appraising grin.

"So... Anything you want to tell us, _Nick_?"


	34. Chapter 34

Alex was conscious of a few things during the night.

She was aware of Nick pulling a t-shirt on over her head, even though she didn't remember him pulling her other clothes off in the first place.

She was aware of running to the bathroom to throw up.

Then later, she was aware of Nick gently prodding her from her passed-out position on the amazingly nice, _cold_ bathroom floor and gently urging her back to bed…

She was aware of him making her swallow some pills with water. And then _more_ water.

And then his hand rubbing her back gently as she fell back asleep, amazed that she was actually happy he was there. Usually, she needed her space when she was sick…

* * *

She opened her eyes and squinted at the bright light shining through her window.

_Arg_.

She rubbed her eyes and turned over to look away from the brightness. Her mouth tasted like…

_God_, _I don't know what, but whatever it is_, _it isn't good_.

She frowned as she suddenly remembered last night.

_Oh jeeze_…

She pulled a pillow over her head and groaned loudly.

_How embarrassing_.

She attempted to put together the fractured images of the night: beer, _Darrell_, Carmen, Jenny and the gang, _tequila_… And Nick coming into the nightclub to take her home.

_Crap_. _I was such a mess_.

Nick had never seen her drunk before. The truth was, she didn't really drink to that extent very often, so she didn't have much of a tolerance for alcohol.

_Yeah_, _take last night for example_…

In fact, the last time she'd been _that_ drunk had been when she'd broken it off with Nick.

She pulled the pillow off her face and sat up, grinning stupidly. She could remember him laughing at her a couple times last night, but not much else.

_God_, _I hope I didn't make too much of a fool of myself_.

She sat up slowly, somewhat amazed that her head wasn't really pounding that badly. Then she smiled as she saw the half-empty jug of water and the bottle of Tylenol on the bedside table.

_Damn_, _he's so sweet_.

She got up and made her way to the bathroom for a shower.

* * *

Her father looked up from the kitchen table as Alex entered. He smirked at her.

"How's your head, sweetheart?"

Alex laughed. "Ah, so you _heard_?"

"Sam filled us in this morning. Need some aspirin?"

Alex grinned. "No, I just took some. I think I must have taken some last night at some point too because I don't feel too bad actually. I thought I might risk some toast."

She moved towards the cupboards. "Where is everybody?"

"Sam and Nick drove the girls home. Maddie and Gary stayed at their house last night." He nodded towards the back of the house. "Your mom is doing some laundry."

"Ah." She popped some bread into the toaster and sat down with her dad. He was holding a paper in his hands, but he was still staring at her with a grin on his face.

"What?" She looked at him nervously.

"Nothing, sweetie. It's just nice to have you home again."

He wasn't about to tell her that Sam had also mentioned her little declaration in the car last night.

She smiled. "Thanks dad. I'm sorry I was a bit cranky those first few days-"

"Ah, we all knew _why_. And you seem happy enough now."

She laughed. "Yeah, I am. I guess I was just worried Nick wouldn't make it up here."

"I know. I'm glad he did too, hon. He's a good lad."

She leaned in to hug him as she went to butter her toast. "Thanks, dad. I'm glad everybody seems to like him so much… Cuz _I_ sure do."

He laughed. "Yeah, we noticed."

Her mother entered the kitchen as she munched on her toast in companionable silence with her dad.

"Well now. If it isn't my daughter the _lush_. I'm-"

"_Ahhhh_… Don't start with me, mom!" Alex shook her head and her father lifted his newspaper a little higher in front of his face.

She felt bad as her mom looked a little taken aback. "I was just going to say I'm glad you had fun last night. Sam and Nick said you were very entertaining."

Alex felt like a jerk. "Oh, mom… I'm sorry. I thought you were going give me a hard time."

"I wouldn't do _that _dear."

Alan Winters snorted behind his paper and Alex grinned as her mother shot a dirty look his way.

* * *

Alex made herself some hot chocolate and curled up on the sofa in front of the TV.

She'd thrown in a DVD and was enjoying the mindlessness of just sitting and watching something. She actually felt OK, but she wasn't feeling overly motivated this morning.

She heard the front door opening and waited expectantly for Nick's voice. She could hear Sam speaking and she turned towards the doorway and tilted her head… Then Nick walked in through the door and, seeing her he smiled with amusement.

"Oh ho. Princess _Boozey_ has arisen."

She laughed and shook her head in embarrassment. He moved to sit down beside her and she pulled her feet out of the way. He leaned in to kiss her softly, massaging her shoulders.

"How you feelin'?"

She smirked. "Pretty good actually. Thanks mostly to _you,_ I'm guessing."

He chuckled. "And maybe the fact that you cleaned out your entire system last night…"

She groaned and stuck her face into his shoulder.

"Oh, Nick… I'm so sorry. I feel like such an idiot."

He laughed again and brushed her hair off her forehead. "Don't be. You were pretty funny, actually."

She kept her face in his shoulder. "Well, I'm sure I still wasn't the most fun to sleep next to-"

"Well, you spent half the night asleep on the bathroom floor before I noticed, so I got in a little sleep."

She laughed. "I sort of remember you bringing me back to bed…" She sighed. "Anyway, I'm really sorry. I'm pretty sure you didn't count on having to baby-sit your drunken girlfriend over the holidays."

He squeezed her tighter. "Seriously, honey… It was no big deal, I promise you. Like I said, you were pretty funny."

She had a sense of deja-vu as she looked up at him, still shamefaced. "Well, I'm glad I was entertaining at least."

"Oh you sure were, darlin'… Yu sure were." He laughed down at her again, playing with her hair.

"Man, what did I do? Did I say anything stupid?"

His eyes sparkled. "No, nothing stupid."

He thought about what she'd said in the back of the car and grinned wider. Maybe she'd just been drunk but… Just because your inhibitions were down, it didn't mean you said things you didn't _mean_...

"Please, Nick… Tell me? It's all a blur…"

He broke off from his thoughts at her question.

"Hmmm. Well, you were a bit wobbly and hiccupping a lot. And talking sort of nonsense… Trust me, you had all your friends laughing in the bar."

"Oh wow, I forgot about that. I'm sorry, Nick… I honestly didn't meant to ditch you, but I ran into…"

She frowned as she thought about Darrell. Nick didn't miss the change in her expression.

"What?"

"Oh, it's nothing really. It's just that… Well, one of those guys was my _ex_."

Nick nodded, smirking. "I'm pretty sure I know which one."

Alex looked up at him speculatively. "Yeah?"

He grinned at her. "Yeah."

"How?"

"When I came looking for you, I saw him with his greasy paws all over you."

Alex looked shocked and tried to recall that moment. "I… I don't- Oh."

She suddenly remembered him leering into her face, asking her to dance or something and she squinched up her nose in disgust.

Nick kissed her forehead, speaking softly. "And I also saw you push him away."

She smiled up at him. "Yeah, I did, didn't I?"

"Mmmm hmmm."

He grinned, remembering the amazing smile she'd given him from across the bar. "Good thing, too. I wouldn't have wanted to get tossed into a Canadian jail for cleaning his clock. Might've needed Amnesty International to get me out or something..."

She laughed and put her head back on his shoulder, hugging him tighter. "No, we couldn't have that. And Grissom would've killed me."

He laughed and snuggled in to watch the movie with her.

* * *

That afternoon, Alex took Nick up Grouse Mountain.

They'd been packed like sardines in the gondola amongst the skiers and tourists, but Nick thought the view was worth it. It was partially cloudy, but they could still look over most of the city below.

"Wow. Who knew Vancouver was so spectacular?"

Alex grinned. "I did."

He pulled her into his arms as they stood on the lookout terrace. He smiled down into her face.

"Yeah, I should have known it would _have_ to be amazing if _you_ came from here."

She laughed and grabbed his arm. "_Ohhhh_. Smooth line there, Stokes. But just so you know, you don't have to butter me up; you've _already_ got the girl."

He laughed and leaned down to kiss her deeply. Just as her stomach began to flutter, he pulled away again.

"Maybe I do have the girl already, but I like to play it safe." He grinned. "And you _are_ amazing, Alex."

She felt a stupid grin stretching across her face. "Aw shucks, Nick. You're making me blush."

"Don't worry. Everyone will think it's from the cold."

He looked around him and then back at her. "Man, if this isn't the most romantic spot, I don't know what is." He looked at her in consideration for a moment and then looked back around again.

"Stay right there."

She watched curiously as he went back inside. He returned a moment later, smiling. As he reached into his pocket, Alex's heart began to pitter patter in her chest.

_Oh god_. _Is he going to_…?

Just then another person came onto the deck and Nick smiled as he pulled his camera out of his pocket and handed it to him.

She felt her stomach drop and she took a small breath.

_Wow_. _OK_, _I feel stupid now_.

"You OK?" He looked at her, suddenly concerned as he moved up towards her. The earlier flush had been replaced by a white pallor. She gave her head a small shake and then grinned.

"I'm cool. I think I just had a hung-over moment for a second. It's passed."

He laughed. "You sure? I thought I'd get a picture of us here…"

"Yeah, I'm good. Let's get the shot."

* * *

Dinner that night was a little less boisterous, since Maddie, Gary and the girls were visiting one of Gary's family members. Sam still took the opportunity to rib Alex about the night before however, since he'd been unable to do so all afternoon while she'd been out with Nick.

"So, Alex... You want a beer?"

She looked back at him in challenge. "Maybe I _do_."

He grinned. "And how about some tequila to start?"

She couldn't help but grimace. "On second thought…"

"Sam, stop teasing your sister and eat." Their father shook his head, smirking.

Sam stuck his tongue out at Alex and mouthed the words '_daddy's_ _girl_' when his parents weren't looking. Nick laughed and Alan looked at him in question. Nick looked down again, still smiling and Alan gave Sam a look.

Sam looked at him innocently. "What?"

After dinner, they all settled in for a movie and Alex leaned into Nick on the sofa. She was still a little shaken about what had almost happened…

_Correction_: What she'd _thought _was going to happen.

Then a disturbing idea came over her.

_What if I'm totally wrong about this_? _What if that wasn't an engagement ring at all_?

But then why did Nick have it? If it had been just a Christmas present, surely he'd have given it to her? Her brain was buzzing.

_Maybe he didn't know what I liked_, _so he brought two options_?

Hmmm. But what were the chances he would have specifically picked an emerald as one of his choices? Seemed a little unlikely. She sighed out loud, unknowingly.

"You OK?" Nick whispered down in her ear.

She snuggled in closer. "Never better." She gave his side a small hug.

He kissed the top of her head and returned his attention to the movie. Alex found it hard to concentrate.

_Why hasn't he asked me then_?

They were leaving tomorrow evening, and if he'd brought it all the way to Vancouver, surely he must have wanted to ask her there?

_So what's he waiting for_?

If he'd wanted a romantic place to propose, he'd admitted himself that the lookout on Grouse Mountain was pretty much _it_. The more she considered it, the more she felt her stomach dropping.

_Maybe he's changed his mind_.

She bit her lower lip and tried to ignore the thought, but it continued to distract her from the movie.

* * *

As Alex shifted at his side, Nick tried to concentrate on the movie, but his mind kept drifting back to what she'd said last night.

_"Don't worry about it_._ I'm going to marry Nick someday_.

He felt the familiar tingle in his chest as he considered the words for the thousandth time since she'd said them.

At the time, he'd spent the rest of the drive home trying to convince the others that _no_, in fact he _hadn't_ proposed to Alex. He'd wanted to add '_yet_' to that statement but he'd held back. There was too much uncertainty in his mind over the whole thing to open up that can of worms with her family. He still hadn't been able to reconcile Alex's drunken statement last night to her unspoken one early Christmas morning.

Although he wasn't sure how Alex really felt about the whole thing, he still dared to entertain a small hope that she might actually want to marry him. But he also couldn't shake the case of the nerves he got every time he thought about asking her.

_What if she says no_?

It was the uncertainty that was killing him. But he only knew one way to find out the truth…


	35. Chapter 35

**AN:** Sorry for the delay, folks. First it was the site problem, then the computers here were down all weekend. Very annoying... _Grrrr_...

And it seems that everybody has been getting mad at me anyway, and I don't really know why… _Heh heh_. OK, maybe I keep dangling carrots just out of reach, but...? I guess _I Want George_ has got me figured out: I'm really finding it hard to quit writing this story, because it will **absolutely** be the final Nick/Alex story.

By the way, if you want to see a beautiful version of Nick confessing his childhood abuse to someone, you should check out ForensicsFan's "_Sometimes It Pours_", if you haven't already. Seriously, I wish I'd had her writing that particular part of _my_ story!

* * *

Nick, Alex and her family stood in the airport lounge saying their goodbyes.

Alex thought she may have convinced Sam to come down to Vegas to see them, since he still had three more weeks of holidays to kill.

"Might not be a bad idea, since I'm up half the night anyway…" He grinned.

Chloe had thrown herself into Alex's arms and then did the same with Nick, kissing them both goodbye.

"It's shocking how shy that kid is." Maddie laughed.

Lily had hugged Alex and then looked at Nick shyly. Then she giggled hysterically as Nick scooped her up and planted a big kiss on her cheek. She grinned quietly for the rest of the time.

"Well... I think I may just hit the restroom one more time before we board. I hate those cramped ones on the plane." Alex spoke up.

"Yeah, I'll join you. I think I had too much coffee tonight." Sam started to walk with her and they found the restrooms a few hundred meters away.

As they made their way back, Sam was staring at Alex out of the corner of her eye and she finally stopped and looked at him.

"What?"

He looked at her with amusement. "What do you mean, _what_?"

"Why are you staring at me like that?"

"I don't-"

"Sam..." She gave him a threatening look.

He started to laugh and held up his hands. "OK, OK... I'm just amazed that you finally seemed to open up with everyone a bit the other night."

She stared at him blankly. "I'm gonna need more information than that."

"Oh it's nothing, really." He started to walk again and she trotted to catch up to his long-legged strides.

"_What_'s nothing? Are you deliberately being vague or...?"

He grinned down at her as they walked. "It was just nice to finally hear your _real_ thoughts on marriage."

She felt more confused than ever and he laughed out loud. "You don't remember do you?"

She shook her head, beginning to get annoyed at his little game. "Remember _what_?"

"Oh, just a little something you said the other night in the car before you passed out..."

They'd reached the others now and Alex's eyes were wide with wonder. Her heart was beating erratically in her chest.

_What_?!!!

"Alex, you OK?" Her sister looked at her with concern.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I-" She was still staring at Sam in shock and he was grinning even wider as their final boarding call was announced.

"Oh, sweetheart... I'm going to miss you!" Her mother gave her a big hug, but she continued to stare at Sam over her shoulder.

Maddie gave her brother a look and he smirked back, mouthing the words '_later_'. Alex desperately wanted to know what it was she didn't remember from the other night, and started to move towards Sam after her mother released her.

"Sam, I need to-"

"Alex, we better get going." Nick was looking at her now and she fought to hide the nervousness that was shooting through her entire body.

"Yeah, but-"

"Have a good flight, honey. And call us when you get home, OK?" Her father hugged her, then shook Nick's hand.

"Yeah we will, Alan. And thanks for everything. I had a great time."

"You're welcome back any time, Nick. It's been a pleasure."

They all smiled as Nick grabbed Alex's hand and started to lead her away. Just before they crossed the threshold, Alex turned around and looked back at Sam, her eyes shooting daggers at him.

As they disappeared, the Winters clan turned a curious eye to Sam. He shrugged non-committally and started to head out towards the parking area.

* * *

Alex had been quiet since they boarded the plane. Nick grabbed her hand and stroked the back softly.

"You OK?"

She smiled up at him, sheepishly.

_Oh man_... W_hat exactly did I say the other night_?

"Alex?"

"Oh yeah... I'm alright. I'm just a little tired, I guess."

He was regarding her closely as usual, and she fought the urge to squirm in her seat.

_Damn it_... _What the hell did I say the other night_?

"You sure nothing's bothering you? You seemed a little peeved at Sam back there..."

She worked to cover her strain.

"Oh, that... Seriously, it was nothing. He just made a stupid crack. A brother-sister thing." She smiled up at him, hoping to god he'd let it go. "You must know about that, huh?"

He grinned and nodded. "All too well, I'm afraid."

She snuggled into his shoulder and out of the sightline of his too-perceptive gaze. "I think I need a nap. Do you mind?"

He squeezed her shoulders affectionately. "Nope. Make yourself comfie. I may just give my new iPod a listen."

She grinned into his shoulder, then closed her eyes. But her mind kept circling around the same question.

_What did I say_?

She didn't sleep a wink.

* * *

Sam was conveniently _unavailable_ when they called to say they'd arrived safely.

Alex wanted to scream. She kept a straight face in front of Nick however, hoping her very own personal investigator didn't realize how high-strung she was still feeling. Fortunately, he was pretty tired once they got home and they went almost immediately to bed.

It took Alex a little longer to doze off, and she stared into the darkness as Nick spooned behind her. As if it hadn't been enough that she'd seen the ring, now she had to worry about whatever stupid thing she'd said the other night while she'd been too drunk to remember.

_What could I have said? Is that why_..._ Did I say something to make Nick change his mind about asking me to_...?

* * *

Nick seemed to be thrown immediately back into work again the next day. And he was working New Year's Eve on top of it all.

She tried to convince herself that it was no big deal; it was just another night, after all…

But as they'd been packing to leave Vancouver, her mind had constantly drifted back to that little ring she'd seen in his bag. She'd started to have the stupid idea that maybe he was waiting for New Year's Eve to propose to her.

_But then_...

She tried to quell her rising disappointment once again. He'd taken it all the way to Vancouver… And back again. But why hadn't he…

_Fuck_. _What did I say_?

She tried to be rational. She couldn't even really be sure he was going to ask her to marry him in the first place.

Realistically, they'd only been together 4 or 5 months.

_It's probably too soon to be thinking about marriage anyway_. _I think I was just fantasizing this whole thing_.

* * *

New Year's Eve had arrived and she was getting ready to head to a party at the same country bar where she'd once spent _another_ drunken night.

Since the owner was Alison's friend, they were getting in for free. Nick was working, so she really had nothing else to do. And the last thing she wanted to do was sit alone at home thinking about how she may or may not have royally screwed things up. She'd already spent the last few days doing just _that_.

Nick poked his head into the bathroom and smiled at her. She looked up and smiled, then continued blow-drying.

He walked into the kitchen and rifled through the cupboards looking for something to eat, despite the fact that he'd just finished dinner/breakfast and wasn't hungry at all. He didn't know what else to do with himself while she was getting ready, and it wasn't time to head into work yet.

He heard the blow-dryer stop and he called out. "When did you say you're going again?"

She leaned out the door and smirked at him. "For the twentieth… Or maybe it's the twenty-_first _time by now… I told her I'd be there by ten."

She laughed at his sheepish look as he apologized. "Sorry. I keep forgetting. And what will you be wearing, again?"

She walked over to him in her robe and wrapped her arms around him as she looked up into his face.

"Um, overalls. Big, baggy overalls… And maybe some work boots. You have any flannel shirts I can wear? Something in a red check?"

He laughed and squeezed her close. "I _wish_. I don't want you looking sexy for a bunch of other guys."

She squeezed him back. "Well, you could call in sick…" She grinned, knowing he'd never do it.

He looked down at her with regret. "I'm _almost_ tempted to."

She shook her head, laughing. "Nick, I'm not going to this party to pick up. You _know_ that. Has it escaped your notice how much I love you?"

He smiled down at her. "Oh darlin', I know that. I'm not worried about _you_, trust me. I'm just worried about the _guys_…"

She pulled back and put up her hands in a boxer's pose. "Don't worry, baby! I can defend myself!"

He let out a bark of laughter and shook his head. He looked at his watch. "You better finish getting ready or you'll be late. And knowing Alison, she'll blame me."

She laughed. "Yeah, she probably would."

Alison seemed to think that every time Alex was late for something, it was because she'd been busy having sex with Nick. She couldn't deny that they had a very healthy sex life, but they weren't _that_ bad. Alex kept trying to convince Alison that she needed to try a _real_ relationship out one of these days so she'd know what it was actually like.

"I'm going to head in early. I don't think I need to see what you're wearing tonight." He looked at her, eyes excessively full of remorse.

"Nick, Nick, Nick. What am I going to do with you?"

He checked his watch again, and his lips curved into a smile as he looked back at her with new interest. He moved closer to her and she giggled.

"Sorry, _no can do_. I just had my shower and managed to get my hair straight for a change so…"

He sighed. "Damn. OK then. Well…"

She moved into his arms and kissed him deeply. "I love you and I'm going to miss you tonight." She smiled up at him as she touched his cheek. "And keep your phone free around midnight."

He smiled and kissed her again. "I will."

He slowly let her go and walked to the door. Before he slipped outside, he spoke up.

"Alex?"

She turned to look at him. "Yeah?"

He smiled. "I love you too. Have a good time."

She smiled back and blew him a kiss as he left. She heard him mumbling as he disappeared from sight.

"But not _too_ good a time..."

* * *

Alex was enjoying herself... At least at first.

She'd decided not to have more than a drink or two, not interested in a repeat session of the last time she was here. But as the people around her got progressively more drunk, it became harder and harder to talk to most of them. And the ones that spoke to her were mostly fairly drunken _guys_. The drunker they got, the more she was beginning to regret her choice of wardrobe.

She'd decided New Year's Eve was definitely a black dress occasion, so she'd bought a little number just yesterday that she'd really liked. It was form fitting with a high neck in the front, but bare arms and a low cut back. It fell to just below her knees, and she'd worn a slightly higher heel than she was usually comfortable wearing, but she wanted to feel tall for a change.

And apparently a few of the more sloshed guys liked the dress as well. She moved out of reach of the last one who seemed interested in running his hand down her bare back.

Alex looked at the wall clock behind the bar. Five minutes to midnight. She opend her handbag and found her cell phone.

_Maybe I'll just find a quiet place and call Nick a bit early before it gets too crazy here_.

She slipped out a patio door and stood on a balcony. Surprisingly, nobody else was outside, but then it was a bit chilly. She dialled Nick's cell phone and wrapped her arms around herself for warmth.

"Stokes."

She smiled into her phone. "I love you."

She could almost hear him smiling on the other end. "Um, hi there… Just a second, OK?"

She waited a moment and then he came back on. "Sorry. I just moved into the hallway. I was playing cards with Greg."

"Oh, big night, huh? I always figured New Year's would be a bit nutty for you guys. Especially since it's Las Vegas."

"Yeah, well it could hit the fan at any time. We're just quiet right now. So… How's the party?"

"Not bad actually, but I think I'm the only sober person here."

"You're not drinking?"

"Not really. I had a couple glasses of wine. I'm on water right now."

He laughed. "What, no repeater of that night in Vancouver?"

"Ah, _no thank you_."

She tried to push down the inevitable question that came up every time she thought of that night. She re-focussed on the conversation at hand. "And I want to be able to drive home."

"Right. There'll be lots of cops out tonight so be careful."

"I will. So, uh… Miss me?"

He groaned. "You have no idea. It's really boring here, and I keep picturing you looking all hot in that dress."

She smiled. "Sorry. If it's any consolation, I'm sort of bored myself. I wish you were here." She shivered a bit and drew in a chilled breath.

"Are you cold? Where are you?"

"I'm on a balcony. It's quieter here."

She could hear the countdown beginning inside. _Ten_, _nine_, _eight_…

"Oh, hon- They're starting the countdown."

"Do you want me to let you go, so you can go back inside and join in?"

"Nah. I'd rather count down with you."

_One_.

"Happy New Year, Nick."

"Happy New Year, Alex. I love you."

She smiled. "I love you too."

Alex went back inside after she hung up the phone. Everyone in the room was laughing and having a great time, but she just couldn't seem to get back into the spirit of things.

Alison had quizzed her on her mood earlier, and she'd let the other woman think she was just bummed because Nick had to work. It was true, to an extent. She'd hardly spent any time with him since they'd gotten back because he'd been working a lot again.

But mostly she was still concerned that she'd said something stupid that drunken night in Vancouver. Something that made him ignore that beautiful ring she'd seen in his bag.

She sighed to herself. She'd almost gotten up the nerve the other day to ask him what she'd said, but at the last minute she'd chickened out. And so here she was, just as worried as ever that she'd blown it.

_He's probably already pawned the ring_.

She shook her head at her own self-pity. She knew it was getting her nowhere. And she knew she didn't feel like hanging around here anymore, either. She decided to make her exit and looked around for Alison. The other woman was leading a handsome guy towards the dance floor and she laughed.

_Alison always gets her man_...

She made her way over and gave her a Happy New Year hug before making her exit. Alison was too drunk to complain that she was cutting out early. Alex said goodbye to a few other people before she left, but she was fairly certain most of them were barely conscious of her departure. She made her way out to her car and started it up. As she backed out onto the street, she paused.

She began to consider the benefits of going home, where she'd only continue to worry about what she may or may not have said to Nick. She'd been too scared to ask him the other day but...

She blew out a stream of air and stared out the windshield ahead of her.

_It's New Year's Eve and I haven't made any resolutions_.

She put the car in gear and headed down the street.

_I wonder if Nick would get into trouble if I stopped by there_?

She smiled at herself in the rear-view mirror.

_Only one way to find out_.


	36. Chapter 36

Alex parked her car in the CSI lot and made her way towards the doors. She paused, nervous about how she was going to approach this question.

_Stop being foolish_. _Just ask him what you said_. _It's probably no big deal_ _in the end_.

She took a big breath, but just as she reached for the door handle her cell phone chirped. She smiled at the display: _Sir Cool_.

"Hello there, handsome. What can I do for you?"

"Tell me you're not making out with some twenty-one year old right now."

She laughed. "OK. I'm not making out with a twenty-one year old right now. I think he's closer to _twenty-four_…"

"Ahhhh. My _heart_. Don't even joke with me about that sort of stuff."

"Sorry. It won't happen again."

She moved through the doors and smiled at the receptionist, who raised her eyes at Alex's clothing. Even if it was New Year's Eve, she was a little dressed up for the LVPD buildings. Alex stopped at the desk.

"Nick, can you hold on a minute?"

She told the woman who she was and got the OK to go back and surprise Nick.

"OK, I'm back. Sorry, what were you saying? You're still playing cards with Greg?"

She mouthed the words '_Happy New Year_' to the receptionist before heading down the corridor towards the criminalist's staff room.

"Not at the moment. We're taking a break from our… _break_. It's crazy. Warrick had a call, but otherwise we've been quiet. I begged him to let me help out, but the selfish bastard blew me off."

She chuckled. "Well, maybe he wanted you to take a break after all your doubles lately. I'd say he's being a good friend."

He snorted. "Yeah, whatever. He's enjoying knowing that I'm suffering from boredom."

She rounded the corner and felt a shiver of excitment as she glimpsed the staffroom just ahead.

_I can do this_. _It's just a simple question_.

"Now, now, Nicholas. Don't be bitter. It's New Year's Eve. Time to start thinking about all the new positive attitudes you'll be adopting for this year."

Nick was now visible through the room windows and he sat with his back towards her. Greg was rifling through the fridge.

"Alex, I am the _epitome_ of positive attitudes. You know that."

She grinned. "True enough." She gave an exaggerated sigh into her phone. "_Hooooo_...And you're sexy too. Especially in that brown turtleneck. You know I love that one."

Just then Greg turned around and his brows went up at the sight of Alex standing behind the glass. He smiled appreciatively, openly checking her out. She grinned back, embarrassed.

Nick frowned. "Hey, how did you know I changed into my-"

He'd started to turn to see what Greg was smiling at and stopped as he saw her, smiling at him through the window. He took a big breath and then his mouth slowly turned up in a huge smile, his eyes twinkling.

"Alex, I'm going to have to let you go. The sexiest woman I've ever seen just showed up at my door."

She laughed and shut down her phone as she moved towards the door. Nick had stood up and was making his way over to her. They met at the doorway and he pulled her immediately into his arms. He whispered into her ear as he held her close.

"Mmmm. This is a very nice surprise. Happy New Year, Alex."

She hugged him back. "Happy New Year. I couldn't seem to stop myself from coming here. My car was on auto-pilot or something."

He pulled away to look at her, shaking his head.

"You look _unbelievably _beautiful."

She smiled shyly and Greg chimed in behind them. "Hmmmm, _I'll_ say."

Nick laughed. "Greg, can't you go somewhere and do… _something_? Like, _right now_?"

Greg sighed melodramatically as he moved past them and down the hallway. "Ah, always a bridesmaid, never a bride…"

Nick returned his attention to Alex. "Seriously, darlin', you look good enough to eat."

"Thank you." She leaned up to kiss him and he held her body close to his once more. The kiss deepened suddenly and then Alex pulled back, laughing as she touched her lips uncertainly.

"Um, we probably shouldn't do this here."

He nodded. "Yeah, probably not… but what the hell; it's New Year's."

He grabbed her again and resumed the kiss, his tongue playing temptingly with hers. She clutched at his sides and felt the old familiar tingles through her body. Once again, she pulled away.

"Uh, Nick… Unless there's a broom closet around here, we better stop. I'm feeling the urge to rip off your clothes."

He ran his fingers raggedly through his hair, watching her with amusement. "Hmmm. As much as I love you in that dress, I was having similar thoughts myself."

She smiled up at him and he felt his heart leap.

_Damn_, _she looks so beautiful tonight_.

They both started to speak at the same time, and then they both stopped, laughing.

"You go first." Nick grabbed her hand.

She swallowed deeply and smiled, but Nick could sense she was nervous about something. He squeezed her fingers lightly.

"Everything OK?" He frowned slightly.

She nodded, but still seemed a little jittery. Nick was reminded of how she'd been behaving that day in Vancouver... _Jumpy_.

"I'm fine. It's just... I..." She let out a little sigh of air. "There's something I need to ask you."

He was mildly surprised at her statement, especially in light of how unsettled she seemed.

"Sure...Uh, what is it?" He found that he was nervous now too.

"Well, I was wondering about something... Um... From when we were in Vancouver..." She started playing with his fingers absently.

Her pause seemed to stretch on, so he prompted her. "OK, so what-"

"Nick. I need you for a-" Brass paused as he noticed Alex standing on the other side of Nick.

"Oh, sorry Alex. I didn't see you there." He smiled at her. "And might I say that you are looking very fetching this evening? Happy New Year."

She smiled at the man, not certain if she was relieved or disappointed about the interruption. She'd gotten a sudden case of the nerves just before he'd arrived.

"Thank you. And Happy New Year to you, too."

"What's up, Jim?" Nick half-turned towards the man.

"I'm afraid we have a... A _scene_ to check out. We need you and Greg ASAP." Brass decided not to mention a dead body in front of Alex, especially on New Year's Eve/Day.

Nick nodded. "OK, we're on it. I just need to talk to Alex for a sec-"

"No, Nick... That's OK. You better get going. It'll keep." She squeezed his hand in reassurance.

He frowned at her uncertainly. "You sure? I can take a second before-"

"No, really. You're working. I'll talk to you tomorrow." She smiled at him.

He was still curious about what she'd wanted to ask him, but realized he didn't have the time to pursue it right then. He nodded slowly.

"OK. I'll see you in the morning.."

As Brass headed towards the staffroom, she leaned in to kiss Nick softly. "Happy New Year, honey. I'll see you when you get home."

He squeezed her hand once more than headed towards the staffroom. He looked back over his shoulder at her with one eyebrow raised, but she pretended she didn't notice and turned around and headed back down the hallway.

Nick frowned to himself. He couldn't quell the nervous flutter in his stomach.

_What was that all about_?

* * *

Alex decided the feeling in her gut right now was disappointment.

She was no further ahead than she'd been before. She looked around the living room dejectedly. She wasn't even slightly tired, still riding on the nervous adrenalin from earlier.

_Now what_?

Not bothering to change, she sat down on the sofa and turned on the TV. She stopped channel surfing when she came across _When Harry Met Sally_.

_Yeah_, _I could use a laugh right now_...

* * *

Nick drove back to the labs and headed across the parking lot.

Greg had already returned with most of their evidence for analysis, but he still had a few things to go over himself. It was an unusual case:How often did you come across the body of someone in a dumpster who had all the characteristics of a homeless man... Except for the fact that he was wearing a new tuxedo that would have cost thousands of dollars?

As he entered the building, he suddenly pictured Alex in his mind from her earlier visit. A stupid grin crossed his face.

_Man_, _she looked sexy_.

Then he remembered how nervous she'd been about something and his smile slipped slightly.

_What was that about_, _anyway_?

She'd mentioned something that had happened while they were in Vancouver...

He was just starting to mentally scan through their holiday when he heard his name and turned to see Warrick walking down the corridor towards him. He was shaking his head in bemusement.

"See man? I was looking out for your best interests after all. I get stuck with a smash and grab and you guys score a D.B."

Nick laughed. "It's karma, man. Karma."

Warrick laughed, swearing under his breath. The two men made their way back towards the labs and Nick laughed at Warrick's mutterings about Texan Buddhists.

* * *

Alex yawned and hit the time button on the TV. It was almost 5 am.

_Well_, _I've stayed up this long_..._ Maybe I'll just stay up until Nick gets home_.

Then she promptly fell asleep on the sofa.

* * *

Nick walked into the house and then stopped, smiling.

The TV was on and Alex was fast asleep on the sofa. Her back was towards him and he took a moment to appreciate the view of her backless dress.

He switched off the TV and sat on the edge of the coffee table beside her. He reached a hand out to gently massage her shoulder, and leaned in closer to her.

"_Alex_."

She stirred slightly but didn't wake. He moved over to the edge of the sofa and spoke softly in her ear, his hand stroking her back.

"Alex, honey... Wake up."

She stirred once more, and this time she rolled back towards him, her eyes fluttering open. She smiled when she caught sight of the handsome man leaning over her.

He stroked her cheek as she yawned. "Hi, beautiful."

She continued to smile. "Hi, handsome." She started to sit up. "What time is it?"

She leaned into his arms and he wrapped them instantly around her. She sighed contentedly as she rested her head on his shoulder.

"It's just past 8:30." He began to caress her back once more. "Mmmm. I really _do_ love this dress."

She shivered under his touch, and he whispered into her ear. "Have you been out here all night?"

"Yeah, I guess I have..."

He picked her up in his arms and carried her back towards the bedroom. "Well, I think it may be time for bed, darlin'."

She smiled into his neck and tightened her arms around him. He drew in an aroused breath as she began to tease the soft place just behind his earlobe with her lips, her teeth...

* * *

Alex woke up just after lunch time, smiling at the feel of Nick's arms holding her from behind.

She could hear his soft, steady breathing and tried not to wake him as she slipped out of bed.

After a shower, she sat down at the computer desk and called her parents and Sam to wish them a Happy New Year. She pounced on Sam the minute he picked up the phone.

"Sam, I'm serious. You have to tell me what I said. I've been going slowly insane, and Maddie won't tell me either."

Sam laughed. "And I've told you three different times: You'll have to ask _Nick_."

She let out an exasperated groan. "Sam, this isn't fair. This is _important_, and you've had me stressed about it since I left. Try and act like an adult for a change and tell me what I said!"

She spoke in a harsh whisper, not wanting to wake Nick up.

"Alex, it's _your_ turn to be the adult. Grow up and ask him what you said. Stop being such a baby."

"You're unbelievable, you know that? Why do you think I never tell you guys anything? Huh?" She paused while he contemplated it, and then continued. "_This_... _This_ is why. You never take anything seriously. And you know what, Sam? This _is_ serious for me. Nick means everything to me and if I've done something stupid without realizing it, I need to know! I mean, I was so drunk, I could have... Damn it, Sam! _What did I say_?"

She could hear him laughing softly and she began to lose her temper. She started to count to ten before she lost it completely, and Sam spoke up.

"Alex, you didn't say anything stupid, trust me..."

The rest of his words faded out as she caught sight of something out of the corner of her eye and turned to see Nick standing behind her, smiling. She gulped nervously, wondering just how long he'd been standing there. Sam continued to beat around the bush on the phone and she cut him off.

"Sam, I have to go. Thanks for nothing. Oh... And _Happy New Year_." She hung up the phone.

Nick continued to stand where he was, smiling at her enigmatically. She swallowed again and smiled back.

"Hi there. You're up."

"Yep."

"Yeah, um... How long have you been standing there?"

His smile didn't falter. "Not long. Why?"

She tried not to look guilty. "Uh, no reason."

She stood and moved towards him, her insides quivering.

_Is he messing with me_? _Did he hear any of that_?

She decided to sidestep the issue. "Did you sleep well?"

She leaned against him, her fingers playing absently with his bare chest as she looked up at him nervously.

He played with her hair. "Yep, I sure did. You?"

She nodded and put her arms around him, placing her cheek against the side of his neck. "Yeah. I always sleep better when I know you're beside me."

He hugged her tight. "Yeah, me too."

He smiled into her hair as it all became clear to him.

_So that's what she was worried about_.


	37. Chapter 37

Nick had the day off, and they spent the rest of the afternoon relaxing together in front of the TV. Alex had managed to reach a calmer state as she snuggled into Nick's side on the sofa.

"Alex?"

She felt her nerves start up again. Everytime he spoke to her, she started getting ready for him to bring up the phone call to Sam... And what had been driving her nuts for days. But he just rubbed her arm affectionately as she answered.

"Yeah?"

"I was thinking maybe we could have our own New Year's celebration tonight, since I'm off. _Just you and me_. What do you say?"

She felt her heart warm up and she leaned away so she could look at him. She smiled.

"I'd love that, Nick. It sounds wonderful."

He kissed her forehead, then raised one eyebrow in question. "I don't suppose you would consider wearing that dress two nights in a row?"

She laughed at his hopeful expression. "I think I can manage it. As long as nobody else sees me. I wouldn't want to be seen committing a fashion faux pas."

He snorted with disbelief.

"Baby, if I had _my_ way, you'd wear it _every_ day!" He smiled mischievously. "That, or nothing at all..."

She laughed out loud. "Well, sometimes I like to vacume wearing nothing but high heels..."

He pretended to be shocked and pushed her back down on the sofa. She giggled as he leaned closer in, his lips brushing her neck.

"Darlin', don't tell me these things. It's making me all hot and bothered..."

* * *

Nick made Alex gather up all her necessities and lock herself in the spare bedroom until he was ready for her.

She smiled into the mirror as she put on small dangling earrings. She was truly excited about spending a special evening alone with Nick. Then she sighed.

_Maybe I should try and get to the truth tonight_. _I've let myself put this off for too long_.

She loved Nick and they were always up front with each other. Now was not the time to start hiding things.

She finally finished getting ready and sat down on the edge of the bed, putting on her heels. She hadn't been waiting 5 minutes when there was a tap on the door. She heard a strange _whooshing _noise and then the door opened. Nick was tossing a towel into their room across the hall, and her breath caught in her throat. He was wearing his navy suit and tie, with a white shirt: _Her_ _favourite_.

He smiled as he turned back to her, and she felt the urge to swoon.

"I had a towel across the bottom of the door so you wouldn't smell what I was cooking."

She recognized the wonderful aromas coming from the kitchen and looked at him in wonder.

"Is that...?"

"B.C. salmon. Your mom helped me find some that I could bring back with me from Vancouver."

Her smile grew. "Oh _yum_! I can't believe you snuck that one past me."

Then she blushed as she recalled what _else_ he'd almost snuck past her. She pushed the thought back before it put a damper on her high spirits, and she made a decision on the spot.

_Not tonight_. _I just want to enjoy the evening_.

He grinned at her red cheeks. "What?"

She laughed. "You look so handsome." And it wasn't a lie.

He smiled and did a little turn where he stood. "I look OK?"

She smiled her appreciation. "You are the most handsome man I've ever seen. I feel... I feel nervous all of a sudden."

He laughed. "It's just me. Nick. Remember?" His mouth tilted up at one side.

She grinned, embarrassed. "Uh, you're too unforgettable for me to... Um... forget."

He laughed lightly and then held out an arm for her. She moved towards him and took the offered arm as he looked into her eyes, which for once were at the same level as his own.

"Well _you_, my love..." He kissed her cheek softly. "... look incredibly beautiful." He smiled down at her high heels. "And tall!"

They both laughed and he gestured down the hall.

"Your table awaits, madam."

He led her to the table and pulled out her chair. She smiled as she looked around at the candles arranged throughout the living room. There was no other light in the room and the kitchen light was turned low while Nick finished up.

"Everything looks amazing, Nick. I didn't realize..." She found her voice had left her as she looked across the room to where he stood, and he smiled gently.

"You didn't realize I could do romantic?"

She laughed lightly. "Yeah, I guess. Not that it would have mattered to me anyway." She smiled again. "But this is so beautiful. Thank you."

He grinned as he finished with the plates on the counter and turned off the kitchen light. His eyes were glittering in the candle light as he moved towards her.

"Wait til you taste the fish. I think I may have even outdone_ myself_ tonight."

She laughed, shaking her head but saying nothing. Truthfully, he usually wasn't exaggerating about his cooking skills and she had no doubt tonight would be no exception.

And she wasn't disappointed. The fish was delicious, and Alex couldn't stop from smiling through the whole dinner. Nick grinned back at her, but neither of them said very much as they enjoyed their meals and each other's company.

Alex brought her wine glass to her lips, still smiling over the rim. Nick laughed.

"Did you enjoy the meal?"

She nodded, her eyes sparkling. "_Very much_. Thank you."

"You're very welcome." He reached for her hand across the table and she sighed contentedly.

"This is so much nicer than last night."

He stroked the back of her hand with one finger, staring into her eyes. "Yeah?"

She smiled and nodded slowly. "Oh yeah. _Much_ better."

He smiled wider. "I'm glad." Then he tilted his head at her. "Wanna dance?"

She nodded. "I'd love to."

He moved to the stereo and she noticed his iPod was plugged into it. He pressed play and a slow song that they both really liked from the new U2 album started to play. She smiled.

He grinned and took her hand. "Shall we?"

She put her hands on his shoulders and smiled up at him. They slowly began to move in a small circle in the center of the living room. He pulled her closer against him and she rested her head on his shoulder.

"... _I kneel 'cos I want you some more  
I want the lot of what you got  
And I want nothing that you're not_..."

His hands slid across her bare back and she ran her own fingers up through the hair at the base of his neck. She smiled as she heard him singing softly along. "_And you feel like no-one before_..."

She kissed his neck tenderly and then snuggled in closer. The song faded out and another slow one started to play. Nick's hand continued to massage her back and she felt a strange, overwhelming pressure in her chest.

Everything about this moment was so... _intimate_.

She'd been as close to Nick as a person could physically get, but something about the way he was holding her, the candles, and the music he'd obviously carefully chosen without her knowing about it... She could feel her eyes welling up and she fought against getting too emotional.

_Come on Winters_... _Keep it together_.

But her heart was betraying her. She buried her face deeper into Nick's shoulder and he ran his hand up her back to her shoulder.

"I love you, Alex."

She couldn't help but sniffle then and he stopped dancing and leaned carefully back, looking closely into her face.

"_Hey_... You OK?" He ran a finger across her cheek and she smiled up at him as a tear ran down her face.

"Would you believe me if I told you I've never been happier in my entire life than at this very moment?"

He smiled and wiped away the tear. "Really?"

His own eyes became a little glassy now. She nodded and another tear ran down her face.

"Yeah, really. This is all so...beautiful. And you look so... so handsome, and the music... I... I'm just so happy right now, I'm a bit... Well, overwhelmed or emotional or something. Sorry."

He leaned in closer. "_I'm_ not sorry. Not at all." He stroked her cheek softly again. "You look so beautiful tonight, Alex."

He kissed her tenderly and her stomach did a couple flips. The kiss deepened and she clutched at him weakly. She couldn't believe she was being such a _girl_, but she couldn't seem to help herself.

Nick slowly pulled away and looked down into her face once more. She smiled at him weakly, her eyes still watery.

"Alex, I... there's something I need to talk to you about." He smiled gently again.

She smiled back, despite the fact that her stomach had suddenly knotted up. "OK."

"Well, um... OK, where do I start?" He wrinkled his forehead in thought and she put her hand on his cheek.

"How about at the beginning?"

He smiled again and nodded.

"Alright. In the _beginning_, I met you and fell head over heels in love with you. Every day I thought I couldn't possibly love you more, but somehow every day I _did_ love you more..." He rubbed her back softly.

Her heart lept and she couldn't take her eyes off his face.

"Then, we went to Vancouver, and I overheard something one night."

He chuckled lightly at her sudden change of expression. "Just wait, Alex. Let me tell the whole story before you speak, OK?"

Her nerves were stretched tight at the moment, but she nodded nervously. "OK."

"I woke up early Christmas morning and you weren't beside me. So I went downstairs to try and find you."

Now she was confused.

_Oh_. _This isn't what I thought_...

"When I got downstairs, I heard you talking by the Christmas tree with Sam. And the last thing he said to you was that you needed to get over your _contempt_ for marriage."

Alex's heart jumped into her throat, but Nick put a finger to her lips, still smiling. "Just wait, honey. There's more."

She swallowed and waited for him to continue.

"So, I was a little uncertain about...about _us_, I guess. I mean, I know we've only been together a few months, but I thought we were progressing towards... Well, _something_. We weren't just about having a good time; I was pretty sure that this meant more to _both_ of us. And when I heard that from Sam, well..." He shrugged. "I just didn't know what to think."

Alex was ready to kill her brother at that moment.

_Is that why he didn't ask me_...?

He noted Alex's panicked expression and laughed lightly. "Maybe you should sit down, honey. I'm not finished yet."

He pulled out a dining chair for her and eased her into it. He pulled the other one around and sat facing her, then he grabbed her hand and began to speak again.

"And my confusion only increased as we spent more time together in Vancouver. I was certain I couldn't be mistaking how much you cared about me. We just... We _fit_, Alex." He grinned. "Anyway... Then we went out for drinks that night, and that proved... _enlightening_. In many ways."

Alex let out a breath and Nick smiled, continuing before she could try to say anything.

"First, I didn't realize how jealous I could get... I mean the sight of that guy with his arm around you..." He shook his head in amusement. "Let's just say it's a good thing you blew him off before I got to the table."

She grinned weakly and he squeezed her fingers in reassurance.

"And then later, you said something interesting on the drive home..."

Her heart dropped out of her throat and landed in the pit of her stomach.

_Oh god_. _Here it is_.

"You were arguing with Sam about him getting married, and you told him... Well, you told us _all_ that you were going to marry me someday."

Her eyebrows shot up and her jaw dropped. He watched her, one side of his mouth quirking up into a half-grin. His eyes were sparkling.

"I know you were pretty drunk, but... Did you mean it, Alex?"

The words seemed to reverberate around her head like an echo in the Grand Canyon.

_Did you mean it, Alex?_ _Did you mean it, Alex_?_ Did you mean it, Alex_?

She tried to speak but no words would come. He smiled at her once more.

"We've been through a lot, you and I. More than anybody should ever have to go through. But we did it... And we did it together. I tried to be there for you during that awful Meadfield mess..." He looked grim for a moment, then seemed to shake it off. "And _you _were there for _me_ during my own nightmares, about my past. And then the baby... The baby we lost."

He leaned back and sighed.

"It's all been tough on both of us." He tightened his hold on her hand again. "But we made it to the other side, and I swear my love for you just kept growing through it all."

Then he smiled so tenderly she felt her mouth going dry.

"Alex, you once said you'd do _anything_ for me... And, well... You _already have_. You've done so much for me, I can hardly believe..." He grabbed her other hand now.

His eyes were misting up again and her own tears threatened to spill over once more. "I... I need to ask you to do one more thing for me."

He looked at her intensely, then removed one of his hands from hers again. She gasped as he reached into his pocket and withdrew the small velvet box that had been tormenting her since Christmas.

The tears finally started to fall as he went down on one knee and asked her the question she thought she may have been waiting her whole life to hear.

"_Alex_, _will you marry me_?"


	38. Chapter 38

Alex was literally speechless.

_Oh my god_. _He asked me_.

Her lower lip was trembling almost at a half beat with her pounding heart and her tears began to fall harder.

She tried to say the word _yes_, but nothing was coming out. She attempted to wet her lips but couldn't even manage that. Even her autonomic functions seemed to be misfiring.

Nick watched her uneasily, hoping he hadn't seriously misjudged this whole thing. She looked shocked, understandably... But was she _too_ shocked?

_Has is really never occured to her that I'd want to marry her_?

When she still hadn't responded a few moments later, and merely sat staring at him with a shellshocked expression, he spoke again nervously.

"_Alex_?"

She stared into his eyes and saw the question that still remained there. And then she realized she hadn't managed to answer him yet and started to grin stupidly.

_He wants to marry me_._ Nick Stokes wants to marry_... _me_.

She threw her arms around him, squeezing him tightly and gasping into his ear.

"Oh _god _yes, Nick! Yes!"

He groaned loudly with relief and hugged her back for all he was worth, kissing her hair.

"_I love you so much_, _Alex_."

After a minute he pulled back and looked her in the face, eyes shining. "You really want to marry me?"

She laughed ecstatically. "I really, _really _want to marry you."

She leaned forward and kissed him tenderly. The kiss deepened and Alex felt the tears still running down her face. Nick finally stopped again after a moment, smiling broadly. Alex couldn't tell if they were her tears on his face or his own.

He lifted the small box again and Alex smiled down at the ring propped up inside.

"Maybe you should put this on."

He grasped the small band and held it up. She wiped at her damp face with the back of her hand, still smiling. He lifted her chin gently with his hand and looked into her eyes.

"Then it'll be official... And you can't back out."

She grinned. "Nick, now that you've finally asked me you're never going to get rid of me, I promise you."

Another tear escaped and before she could bat it away, he moved in and kissed it away. Then he leaned his forehead against hers, eyes looking into hers.

"I think I can live with that. Especially since..." He grabbed her hand, slowly reaching for her ring finger. "... I can't live _without you_."

He slid the ring on her finger and she couldn't take her eyes off it. He smiled at her downward glance, happier than he'd ever been before.

_She said _yes. _She's the most amazing woman I've ever met_..._ And she said yes_.

He watched her face. She looked so happy; he couldn't imagine what he'd been worried about. He shook his head with amusement and she caught his expression.

"What?"

"You had me a bit nervous there when you didn't answer right away."

She smiled sheepishly. "Sorry. I was a bit shocked for a second. You took me by surprise. I... I thought I'd missed my chance."

He looked at her curiously. "Missed your chance?"

She felt guilty, but she decided to be honest with him. "I saw the ring when we were in Vancouver, Nick."

He was more than a little surprised now himself. "What? How? When?"

She looked embarrassed. "I was being nosey. I.... Well, I went through your bag looking for that picture of me you said you'd gotten from Maddie and Sam and ... I stumbled across the ring."

He shook his head, amazed. "And you didn't say anything?"

"Um, _no_. I wasn't sure when...Or even _if_ you were going to ask me. Especially after...After you brought the ring all the way to Vancouver and then back to Las Vegas again. I thought maybe you'd...changed your mind."

"Oh, honey..._No_. I never doubted that I wanted to marry you. I just wasn't sure if _you_ wanted to marry _me_... Or _anyone_, _ever_ for that matter."

Then he ran his hand through his hair and blew out a breath. "The truth is... I was going to ask you on Christmas Day, but..." He looked at her regretfully.

"But you overheard Sam and me in the living room?"

He nodded, smirking, and she groaned.

"Oh, _Sam_. I _am_ going to kill you."

Nick laughed lightly.

"He meant well, Alex. You know that. He was just worried about you." She laughed as he finished. "But maybe we can still lure him down here and just rough him up a little."

He took her ring hand in his own and looked down at it, then looked back into her face, smiling in amazement. Her expression mirrored his. She let out a huge sigh of happiness as she wrapped her arms back around him.

"God Nick. I can't believe you really want to marry me. Are you sure?"

But even as she asked the question, she tightened her hold on him as if to indicate that she wouldn't let him go now, no matter what. He laughed into her hair, sliding his hands down her back.

"I've never been more sure about anything. _Ever_."

He pulled her gently to her feet and looked down into her face.

"I'm so happy, Alex. I can't picture spending the rest of my life with anyone else but you. You're the love of my life."

"Oh , Nick..." She was speechless once more. "I..."

She shook her head to try and clear it again as a few more tears snuck down her face. All she could do was lean up and kiss him as the music continued to play softly in the background. Then she suddenly felt incredibly nervous again, and she looked at the ground uncertainly.

_Do I really deserve a man like him_?

She saw a napkin on the floor and picked it up and placed it on the table. She felt shy all of a sudden. When she faced him again he was grinning in amusement. As if he could read her mind, he grabbed her hand and gave it a squeeze.

"I'll always be there for you, Alex. We belong together."

She smiled up at him, and let out a sigh of relief. She'd never met anyone who could read her like Nick... Or who understood her so well. And that was part of why she loved him so much. He was right: _They just fit_.

She let out a small breath and moved closer, slipping her hands under his jacket, her fingers moving up to his shoulders. She felt a surge of electricity when her body moved against his, and her pulse began to beat erratically when she saw the heat building behind his stare. His hands slid up her back and began to massage her sensually.

Alex put her lips to his, just grazing them at first before pulling back.

His eyes were dark as he watched her, his hands slipping lower down her back. She kissed his jaw and moved back towards his earlobe, her teeth tugging ever so gently there. She could feel his arousal beginning to press against her middle and she smiled. She whispered into his ear.

"I've never even _imagined_ loving anyone the way I love you, Nick."

He let out a ragged breath and began to kiss her forehead, her cheek... Alex tugged the front of Nick's shirt from his trousers and her fingertips touched his bare skin. She was overwhelmed by the warmth of him....

His lips finally found her mouth again and she moaned as she pressed herself against his chest, her body beginning to pulsate.

Nick pulled off his jacket, his lips never leaving hers. She pulled the rest of his shirt-tail free from his waistband and he groaned into her mouth as her hands carressed him, setting his skin on fire.

Then she pulled away factionally, and reached up to touch his face, swallowing at the raw emotion in his eyes. She caught a glimpse of the ring on her finger again and a tremor slipped through her. Her smile increased, and he followed her glance. He smiled then too, and her heart beat faster.

She looked back at him, shirt pulled out of his trousers, eyes darkened with desire. She felt her knees go weak, but she somehow managed to move away from him and take a few steps towards the hallway. She looked at him over her shoulder and reached out her hand towards him, beckoning him to follow.

He bit his lower lip and moved up behind her, one hand entangling in hers as he moved his chest against her back, his lips sliding down the side of her neck. His other hand slid like a whisper down the front of her body, over her breast, her stomach...

She gasped as his fingers slipped enticingly over the soft material covering her inner thigh. His lips slid down to her shoulder blade as he eased her towards their bedroom, hands moving to her hips. She didn't need any further encouragement and they soon found themselves at the foot of their bed, Nick still behind her.

She closed her eyes as his lips moved down her back, hands sliding down her sides, massaging her. He slowly turned her towards him as he started to stand back up, and her hands moved to the buttons of his shirt. She slowly undid them as he watched her through lidded eyes, his hands on her hips once more. She finally pushed the material over his shoulders and as it fell to the floor, she ran her fingers teasingly over his chest muscles.

Alex stepped out of her high heels then reached her hands up behind her neck and released the dress clasp there, clutching the falling material to her chest as it came free.

Nick moved closer and put his hands over hers, pulling her fingers gently open so that the material slipped to the floor. His eyes were sparkling as he looked at her. Then one finger caressed softly down between her breasts and slowly lower, and Alex shivered at the molten trail it left behind.

He eased her back on the bed, his hand sliding down to the garters that held her nylons in place. Deftly releasing the fasteners, he slipped the sheer material down one leg, and then the other. Alex leaned back on her elbows, closing her eyes at the intense sensations Nick's lips were causing in her as he kissed his way back up her inner thigh...

She layed her head down on the bed when his hands slid her panties down her hips and gently pushed her legs apart. Her hips raised of their own volition, and she cried out when he tasted the warm, dampened flesh in between. She clutched at his shoulders as the waves of pleasure started to build within her.

Nick groaned as he savoured her, his hands caressing her belly and then clasping her hips, pulling her closer. She started to move in a gentle rhythm against him, and his own arousal began to pulsate as he kneeled before her at the foot of the bed.

"_Nick_."

He lifted his head in surprise and she smiled at his lust-tinted confusion. She slid down closer to the edge, wrapping her legs around him where he kneeled.

"I want you inside me when I... When ..." She began to move against him seductively and his erection began to throb almost painfully. He gasped and lifted her onto him, still on his knees.

She wrapped her legs tighter and put her arms around his neck, staring into his eyes. "_I love you_, _Nick_."

There was a catch in his ragged breathing and he looked at her with such love and need...

She put her face to his neck, kissing every inch of skin she came in contact with as she forced herself down harder on him, wanting him deeper and deeper inside her.

He clutched at her behind, pushing and pulling her harder and faster, his mouth desperately devouring first her neck then her shoulder. He moved faster and faster inside her until she felt the bliss begin to wash over her...

Her hands slid up to the back of his neck, her fingers grasping at his hair as the rapture enveloped her body, and she was hazily aware of Nick's groans as her body massaged him from deep within her...


	39. Chapter 39

Nick was propped up on their pillows and Alex lay in his arms, her face next to his cheek. She kissed him softly.

"I really don't know how I came to deserve you."

He rubbed her arm softly. "Just lucky I guess."

They both laughed lightly. Alex moved away from him so she could look into his face.

"Seriously though, Nick... I... I'm so-"

"Alex... _I'm_ the one who's amazed. I never thought I'd find someone like you." He ran a finger across her cheek before tucking her hair behind her ear. "Never question how much I love you. It's the one thing you can _always_ count on."

She smiled back at him, climbing on top of him. Pleasure stole through him as he felt her skin against his once more. She leaned in to kiss him slowly and thoroughly. His hands slid down her back and he breathed in deeply as she broke off the kiss, looking at him as if a new thought had just occured to her.

"_Oh_... I forgot. I have to call home and tell everyone-"

He stopped her with a kiss, his hands sliding lower. His lips slid off her chin and he whispered in her ear.

"I think you may have to wait until tomorrow..."

She closed her eyes, enjoying the spark of electricity that stretched through her body as his mouth claimed her breast once more.

* * *

Alex woke up in the middle of the night to find Nick missing.

She could hear him in the kitchen and smiled as she grabbed one of his t-shirts from the chair and pulled it over her head. She giggled when she found him going through the contents of the fridge, completely naked.

"Hmmm. I think you may be a bit overdressed for this restaurant."

He smiled at her from around the door. "Yeah, but I get more tips than the waitresses."

She laughed and moved to his side, her hand moving up his back to rest on his shoulder. He took a drink from a bottle of juice and held it out to her.

"Thank you."

She drank deeply, then once again noticed the ring on her finger and couldn't stop the smile from stretching across her face. He smiled back and pulled her into his arms, whispering into her ear.

"So, I was wondering..."

"Yeah?" She kissed his neck tenderly.

"Are you planning on taking my last name, or did you want to keep Winters? Or maybe Winters-Stokes?"

She wrinkled her nose at the last suggestion.

"Yuck. Too _pretentious_." She smiled up into his face. "I like the sound of _Alex Stokes_, don't you?"

He nodded happily and she added, "Plus, if it's good enough for half the population of Dallas, then it's certainly good enough for me!"

They both laughed and he started to manoeuver her back towards the bedroom. As soon as she entered the room, he began to tug the t-shirt over her head and she laughed harder.

"Hey! Easy there, cowboy!"

"Sorry, ma'am. Just inspecting the goods before I commit to the purchase."

He caught one glimpse of the look of outrage on her face and tackled her onto the bed before she could protest.

After wrestling and laughing hysterically for a few minutes, they finally settled back into each other's arms quietly. Nick lay on his back and Alex nestled into his side, her arm thrown over his chest, her face against his neck. She smiled as he asked her another question.

"So... What do you think? Do you want to get married in Dallas or Vancouver? Or maybe here...?"

She continued to grin, happy he was clearly so anxious to get married. Before she could answer, Nick spoke up again.

"Sorry, honey. We don't have to worry about that right now. I mean we haven't even set a d-"

"Dallas. Definitely Dallas. My family is much smaller than yours, so it'll be a lot less hassle for them."

He hugged her closer, smiling. "You sure? My family wouldn't mind you know."

"I'm _sure_. I'd _love_ to marry you in Dallas. It'll be beautiful." She sighed as she imagined it.

_Wow_. _This is real_. _I'm going to marry Nick_.

She started to picture both their families gathered, everyone dressed up and smiling... Then she felt a familiar nervous tremor as she saw little Nicky in her mind's eye.

_Children_.

Her heart rate picked up its pace.

_Does Nick still feel uncertain about having children_?

She frowned slightly.

_Do I_?

Unaware of Alex's train of thought, Nick kissed her forehead softly. She smiled and let out a breath.

_No_. _I'm certain_. _I want to have Nick's children_.

She felt his chest beneath her fingertips and stroked it softly. She knew this was something they needed to discuss before they went any further, but she was scared.

Nick's therapy seemed to be progressing wonderfully. His nightmares had completely disappeared for the time being, but she knew they weren't gone forever. It would probably only take another abuse case to open up that wound again. But was he more equipped to deal with it now? And was he ready to...

_Is he open to the idea of us having kids someday_?

Nick sensed a change in Alex and tilted his head to try and see her face, just a pale image in the moonlight slipping through the blinds over the bed.

"Alex?"

She shifted slightly, and her face now rested beside his, facing him. "Yeah?"

He ran his fingers through her hair, smiling tenderly. "What's going on in there?" He kissed her brow once more.

She laughed lightly at his usual perceptiveness. "I think we may need to add something new to our wedding vows."

He waited for her to continue, smiling.

"In sickness and in health, and with _keen investigation skills_ and _instincts_..."

He laughed and she kissed him. "You amaze me."

She caressed his chest lightly as she considered how to ask him how he felt about kids.

_Just ask him_.

"Nick, I... Um... I think there's one other thing we need to talk about before we get married."

His brows went up, but he continued to smile. "Oh yeah? What's that?"

But he knew. He knew she wanted to talk about having kids. And he also knew that, unless he'd missed his guess in Dallas, she wanted to have children. Hopefully, she'd finally come to realize it.

"I need to know... I need to know how you feel about having children now. I mean... Not about having them _right now_, but now that you've had some time to think about it, do you want to have them someday, or... _Not_?"

She felt like she was babbling, and decided to just stop talking and let him answer. He didn't stop smiling, and she felt a butterfly take wing in her chest.

"Well, Alex... How do _you_ feel about it?"

Her eyebrows went up, and she laughed. "I asked you first."

Then he looked at her more seriously, and the butterfly in her chest found some friends.

He spoke slowly.

"To be honest, for a long time I didn't know if I could face bringing up a child in a world like this, especially after what happened to me..." He let out a breath, and she waited nervously.

"And then I saw you holding my nephew in Dallas and everything changed. I think... I think maybe I could face it after all, Alex. In fact, I'd like nothing more than to have a child... With you." He stroked her cheek tenderly and she swallowed heavily.

"But that's only if... If _you_ want to."

He smiled at her weakly, becoming more nervous now himself. "Alex, I... I can't be _without_ you. So if you've decided you don't want to have kids, then... Then we _won't_ have kids."

He held his breath, waiting for her to respond.

For the second time that night, she was too overcome with emotion to reply right away. She couldn't believe what he'd just said.

_He'd give up having children to be with me_?

"Ni... Nick, I... _My god_."

_Don't cry again_... _Don't cry again_...

There was a quiver in her voice as she responded. "You would... You would _still_ marry me even if I didn't want to have children?" She placed a hand on his cheek.

He nodded. "I'd do it for you, Alex." She saw his grin reflected in the moonlight through the blinds. "But I won't deny that I'd probably try to change your mind over time..."

She leaned in to kiss him deeply, overwhelmed by what he was willing to sacrifice to be with her. Her voice cracked as she whispered to him.

"You... You wouldn't have to convince me, Nick. I _want_ to have your baby."

He smiled with relief, squeezing her tighter and kissing her again. He spoke into her lips between kisses.

"I _thought _you might..."

"Yeah?"

"_Yeah_. You looked right at home with those little boys in Dallas... You're going to be a wonderful mother, darlin'."

She felt a shiver of happiness. "You really think so?"

He carressed her cheek, smiling wider. "I _know _so."

He pulled her back on top of him and she snuggled into his chest.

"Nick?"

"Yeah?"

"There's no rush though, right? We don't have to have them right away or anything, do we?"

He chuckled.

"Um, I'm pretty sure my mom would prefer if we got married first... I mean, she wouldn't mind that much, but still, she'd probably prefer it."

He smiled into her eyes, speaking softly.

"And besides..."

She pushed herself up to look into his eyes. "And besides _what_?"

"And besides, I'd kinda like to spend a little time together first, just the two of us."

She smiled happily. "Me too."

He felt his heart lurch. "Yeah?"

"_Yeah_. There's no hurry. There's still lots of time for us to have kids."

He ran his hands down her sides softly and she shivered lightly in anticipation as he spoke.

"But we can still practice... _a lot_."

She continued to smile as his touches became more sensual. "I _whole-heartedly_ agree."

He laughed lightly and she moved a hand back to his face, stroking his cheek.

"I'll love you _forever_, Nick Stokes."

He felt his heart palpitating in his chest, and he kissed her shoulder as he whispered back throatily.

"_You better_."

* * *

_**A.N:**_ Well, _that's it_. The end of the Nick and Alex saga. I hope everyone is content with the ending. If not, feel free to write your own! You have my permission!

Thanks to everyone for reading and giving me such wonderful reviews. You've made it all worthwhile, honestly. And trust me... I'm going to miss them too. ;)

It may be a while, but _maybe_... Just _maybe_ I'll take a shot at Nick and Sara. Excuse me while I start doing some research on some snickers stories... :)


	40. EpilogueFinale

Alex hung up the phone, frowning. A _triple _shift?

Once again Nick was working a seemingly endless stream of shifts. She was tempted to call the Human Resources department for the LVPD and see if this wasn't some sort of infringement on employee welfare or something.

_Oh, it's an infringement alright_. _On ME_.

But there was very little she could do about it. The fact of the matter was that Nick frequently had to work over-time and that was _that_. And she loved the heck out of the guy so there was very little she _would_ do about it even if there was something she could do, which there wasn't. He loved his job and she loved _him_, so...

Besides, he always made their time together special when he _was_ off. And even if the only time they got to spend together lately was sleeping in each other's arms, she loved it just the same.

She smiled as she thought about how she'd go to bed alone but then wake up in the middle of the night to find herself wrapped in his arms, his even breathing whispering on her neck. She rarely heard him come home, and he always tried not to wake her but he always ended up snuggled against her once he started to fall asleep. She loved their little routine and she always savoured the feel of him next to her.

She resigned herself to another day alone and sat down on the sofa, trying to figure out what to have for dinner. She'd just returned from a jog and she was starving. Or maybe she should shower first...

_Nah, I need food_. _Dinner for one, anybody?_

She shook her head, grinning at her own self-pity.

_Get over yourself, Winters_. _You know how lucky you are to have Nick_.

She had just decided on making herself some macaroni and cheese when the doorbell rang. Frowning at her sweaty appearance and possibly less than pleasant odour, she made her way over to the door and looked through the peep hole.

* * *

Nick grimaced into his rearview mirror as he pulled back into the CSI parking lot.

_A triple_. _Excellent_.

Once again, Alex hadn't been overly impressed when he'd told her he was probably going to be working more over-time. She hadn't said anything, but he knew she was unhappy just the same. She always tried to hide her disappointment; she was a real trooper, but he could sense it nonetheless.

And he couldn't blame her. It seemed like once the doubles kicked in, he was locked into them for a month at a time. He was actually having difficulty remembering when his last full day off was...

_Damn, I'm tired_.

He walked through the lab yawning, evidence bag in hand. He loved his job, but he was exhausted. And he missed spending time with Alex. Letting her down again only worsened his already grim mood... The case they were on was driving them all crazy.

He sighed and pushed one of the lab doors open to where Catherine stood inside.

"Ah, Nicky my boy. I was just about to call you."

_Great_. _Now what_?

This case was taking them around in circles and he was well beyond frustrated. They all knew the boyfriend did it, but while the evidence always pointed back roughly in his direction, they hadn't found anything yet to actually link him physically to the murder. Nick, Warrick and Catherine had been dancing around this particular suspect and the excruciating lack of substantiating evidence for days. And Nick was starting to feel like he lived here.

And he was also starting to think he should just take a page out of Cavaliere's book and try to intimidate a confession out of the boyfriend...

"Well, Brass just checked in. Seems like the boyfriend finally gave it up. We now have a signed confession."

"Seriously?" Nick was truly amazed. He'd sat in on some of the questioning sessions and the boyfriend had been as cool as a cucumber. He wouldn't have guessed the guy would cave.

"Yep. So guess what?" She smiled at him sweetly and he grinned back.

"I can log my evidence and go home?"

"You betcha." She patted his arm. "And say _hi _to Alex, if she's still talking to me after all the O/T I've had you logging."

He laughed, nodding. "Don't worry, Cath. She told me she saves her annoyance for the criminals who don't realize we need days off."

She laughed now too. "Well isn't that enlightened. I wish Eddie had been as understanding back in the day." She looked at the evidence bag in his hand. "Hurry up and finish that so you can go home."

"You don't have to tell me twice."

He wandered around the corner to finish up and considered calling home to let Alex know he was coming home.

_Nah_. _I think I'll surprise her_...

* * *

Nick noticed a newish looking Ford sedan in the driveway next to Alex's car so he parked in the street.

Weary and mildly annoyed, he was also disappointed that Alex had guests and figured that maybe he should have called to tell her he was coming home after all. Maybe she would have gotten rid of them and they could have spent some much needed time alone together...

He smirked at his misfortune; he couldn't seem to catch a break lately.

He sighed as he turned his key in the door and stepped inside. Moving into the living room, he was surprised he didn't see the owner of the Ford anywhere. Or Alex, for that matter.

_Maybe they went for a walk somewhere_.

Disappointed yet again, he figured he could at least get some sleep. He stretched his tired arms over his head, yawning again. He'd barely started to move towards the bedroom when he stopped short.

A man clad only in a towel had suddenly stepped out of the bathroom and into the hallway, still damp from a shower.

Nick's brows went up in surprise, but before he could say anything to the guy, Alex came out of the bedroom, her own hair damp. She was about to speak to the man when she noticed Nick standing in the living room.

Her sudden smile froze on her lips when she saw the look of shock and confusion on his face.

Then she said words she never thought she'd hear coming from her lips:

"Nick, _wait_- This isn't what it looks like..."

It sounded lame even to her own ears. And when Nick pursed his lips and shook his head before he turned away from her and walked back out the door, the look of shock having been replaced by one of hurt, she almost wasn't surprised.

Her breath caught in her throat, and her feet seemed suddenly rooted to the floor.

_Oh my god_... _Nick_?

* * *

Nick clenched his fists as he walked outside, fighting back the sob that threatened to escape. He couldn't even begin to wrap his mind around what he'd just seen. Alex and...

_Who the hell was that!_

Was she actually fooling around on him? It was inconceivable to him... Not after everything they'd been through together, and everything they meant to each other. Or at least everything he'd _thought_ they'd meant to each other. He stalked towards his Denali, hurt and angry.

_How could she_...?

When he finally reached the vehicle he leaned his forehead against the side, swallowing heavily in a dry throat. He loved this woman more than he could even express in words and he'd been certain she felt the same way. He felt a distinct aching in the region of his heart.

This couldn't be happening. They were getting married in less than 4 months...

_Then who the hell was that guy in the towel_? _Would she really do that to me_? _To us_?

And then suddenly, he leaned back and looked very seriously at his reflection in the door window as the thought took hold.

_No_._ No, she wouldn't_.

He frowned heavily at his reflection as he realized he hadn't even given her a chance to explain. They'd already been down this road before, and if nothing else they'd learned to communicate much better... _Until now_.

How could he have been so stupid? Alex deserved more than that from him. _So_ much more.

He slowly turned around to head back inside, hoping she'd still feel like talking to him after he'd acted so foolishly and jumped to conclusions... and then he stopped again when he saw Alex standing on the walkway staring back at him. And the expression on her face tore at his heart.

* * *

Still rooted to the carpet, Alex couldn't believe what was happening. Could Nick honestly believe that she...that she was _fooling around on him_? She looked at the towel-clad man standing outside the bathroom door looking at her sheepishly.

_Nick thinks I slept with Mike_!

She couldn't get a handle on what she was feeling just then, as so many emotions were shifting through her: hurt, disappointment... and _fear_. Fear of losing Nick.

"Ahem..."

She snapped out of her reverie to look at Mike. He put his hand to his chin as if in thought, speaking with a bemused air.

"Um, Alex... I think you better go after him."

She felt her brain finally seem to click back on and she nodded as she rushed out the door.

And now here she stood, staring at Nick and completely at a loss for words. And she was scared; really and truly scared. He meant everything to her and right now he looked so hurt, it was breaking her heart. She saw him swallowing as he slowly moved back towards her and she held her breath.

"Alex... I..." He finally reached her and he blew out a harsh breath. She looked up at him nervously and he frowned.

_Damn, she looks so worried_...

"I'm so sorry for walking out on you back there. I... Why don't you... why don't you tell me what's going on?"

"You mean you'll... you're willing to listen to me now?"

He frowned some more as he heard the tinge of skepticism in her tone. He reached out and tentatively took her hand.

"Yeah... Yeah, I'll listen." He found some solace in the fact that she didn't pull her hand away, and he hazarded his own question. "Who... Uh, who's that guy in there?" He avoided mentioning the mystery man's state of undress and watched her closely. She looked so anxious...

And as much as it pained him to stress her out, right now he just needed to know that he'd misunderstood what he'd seen. He needed to hear it from her.

"He's just a friend, Nick."

Her eyes were serious as she spoke and he began to feel even more awful about walking out. And when she continued he felt even worse. "One of my closest friend's boyfriend actually. You know... my friend Julie from university?"

A burgeoning relief sneaked through his veins. He nodded guiltily, realizing what an ass he'd been.

"Yeah... Julie. I... Uh..." He ran a hand through his hair. "Jesus, Alex... I'm so sorry. I don't know what I was thinking..."

She was starting to feel better now herself and she risked a small amused smile. "Maybe you were wondering what your fiance was doing with a strange guy in a towel in your house?"

She gave him a small smile and he felt incredibly relieved... and even more stupid. He reached out and grabbed her other hand, groaning with regret.

"I'm _so_ sorry, honey. I wasn't thinking straight. I'm just so tired, and the case was a nightmare..." He drew in a deep breath. "... None of which are good enough reasons for being such a dumbass. Can you forgive me?"

She squeezed his hand a little tighter, smiling gently. He did look tired and her heart went out to him uncontrollably. "Of _course _I do. And it's OK... I know how it must have looked." She sighed, and her smile reverted back to a smirk once again. "Although it probably wouldn't have been so bad if Julie hadn't been taking a nap in the spare room at the time..."

Nick groaned again and pulled her into his arms. "You mean she was actually _here_ the whole time, too? God, I'm such an asshole."

She squeezed him tight, smiling into his neck. "Maybe, but you're _my_ asshole."

He laughed softly, hugging her back. "Thanks."

She ran her hands up his back, sighing. "I was worried I wouldn't catch you in time... That you'd tear off in your SUV and I'd be left standing at the end of the driveway alone, like some bad movie."

She felt him chuckling in her arms and then he leaned back and smiled down at her."I didn't get very far... I just had to wait for my brain to catch up with my heart."

She reached up to touch his face, smiling tenderly. "I love you, Nick. There could never be anyone else for me."

His chest tightened as he gazed back at the woman he loved so much. "I know, darlin'. I _know_. I won't forget again." He hugged her close once more. "Man, I love you."

"Yeah, you do. And now we need to get back inside and you can explain all this to Mike..."

Nick sighed loudly . "Damn... Well I sure made a hell of a first impression."

They made their way back up the walk and Nick held her close to his side. He kissed her forehead as he spoke softly.

"And by the way, honey... It's not _my_ house. It's _our_ house. OK?"

She smiled and nodded, pushing more closely into his side. "OK."

"So, you still want to marry me?"

She stopped and turned to look at him. "More than ever." She leaned up and kissed him deeply in emphasis and he felt all the stress of the last few days, and more importantly the last half hour, dissipating quickly.

When they finally drew apart, she smiled at him. "Ready to meet one of my best friends?

He grinned. "I'd love to..." He caressed her cheek longingly, an amused sparkle in his eyes. "... and then can you get rid of them?"

* * *

"Hey there."

Alex peered through the small gap in the door and grinned. Then she looked furtively over her shoulder into the room behind her before whispering to him. "Um, Nick... I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to be here right now. It's bad luck.'' She smirked and he grinned, laughing lightly.

"Sweetie, we've had so much bad luck between the two of us, I don't think anything else could possibly go wrong. In fact, I think this might have some sort of balancing effect, from a cosmic sense."

She laughed and leaned her head against the door jamb. "Don't tell me you're getting all existential on me, and less than half an hour before we get married?"

He grinned. "Well, you know what they say: Love can do strange things to a man."

She smiled wider. "So, is there any particular reason you're here?"

"Ah, you know... Just wanted to make sure you weren't planning on slipping out the back door and leaving me stranded at the alter."

She reached out the doorway and touched his cheek. "Not a chance. You're stuck with me." She rubbed his face tenderly and then looked over her shoulder sheepishly. "Besides... This is _Texas_. Your sister has the shotgun trained on me at all times!"

He burst out laughing and Alison's ears perked up from inside the room and she looked at Nick's sister Jessica, shaking her head. "The guy can't even wait another hour to see her."

Jess shook her head in amusement.

Alex grinned as she heard a chorus of "Nick, you better get out of here!" and "Nick,beat it!" from her mother and her bridedmaids in the room behind her.

She pulled his face closer and kissed him chastely. "I'll see you soon... and hopefully you'll have pants on by then!"

He looked down at his dress shirt hanging over his Calvin's and chuckled. "I'll see what I can do."

She took a peek at his butt as he moved away until Maddie pushed the door closed and gave her a chastising look.

* * *

A tanned hand slid softly across her abdomen and Alex stirred. She stared up at the smiling man leaning over her.

"Hi." She stretched an arm out and ran a hand across his thigh as she smiled back.

"Hi." Nick leaned in and kissed her tenderly. His hand caressed her arm as he sat back up. "You dozed off."

"Yeah, I guess I did." She stretched languorously on her towel and closed her eyes, still smiling as she sighed contentedly. Nick couldn't resist running his hand across her brown stomach again. She slowly sat up to face him, also unable to resist touching him. She stroked his side as she leaned in closer. "Enjoy your swim?"

He admired her from hooded lids, nodding. "Mmmm hmmm." His fingertips whispered down her back, stopping to whisper along the top of her bikini bottoms. She resisted the urge to sigh again and smiled at him suggestively. "Hungry, Mr. Stokes?"

His eyebrows quirked up and he grinned back. "Always... _Mrs_._ Stokes_."

He rose slowly, pulling her to her feet and grabbing her towel and bag for her.

He watched as a drip of perspiration slid down between her breasts, and his pulse jumped. They started up the beach towards their cabin and Alex leaned happily into Nick, despite the tropical heat. As they entered the cabin, he pulled her into his arms, looking down at her with a seductive smile. "So, what are you hungry for?"

She reached her hands up to the back of his neck and massaged him softly. "Hmmmm. I don't know." She moved closer in his embrace and her lips grazed his neck lightly. "Maybe a little..."

He scooped her up in his arms and growled into her ear. "_Me_?"

She moaned a little as his teeth tugged gently on her earlobe. "Oh... _That_ sounds good..."

He laid her down on their bed and she grinned up at him as he began to crawl up the bed towards her. "But..." Her eyes driftted down his body."...I think it may be more than a_ little_..."

* * *

Nestled in Nick's embrace, Alex smiled to herself.

_Is it possible_? _Could I really be this lucky_?

She ran a finger down the arm encircling her and sighed as she felt him kissing her hair.

"I love you, Nick. So much..."

He breathed out deeply. "I love you too, darlin'." He pulled her around in his arms until she was resting on top of him. "And we made it!"

She laughed and kissed him softly. "Yep. We sure did. Maybe our luck is finally changing for the best, huh?"

He smiled back, playing with her hair. "God, I hope so... But still..." He pursed his lips and she tilted her head in question.

"But what?"

"What if it's not always... well, _good_?"

She frowned. "What do you mean?"

"Well, I guess I'm saying that... I mean, hopefully things will always go smoothly for us... but what if they don't?"

She smirked. "_So what_ if they don't, Nick. '_For better or for worse_', remember?"

He smiled up at her, stroking her cheek. "Yeah?"

"Yeah." She shook her head slightly in amazement. "Um, honey... In case you forgot, we're already married. Why are you asking me this _now_?"

He chuckled and pulled her closer, kissing her ear, her neck. "I guess I'm just paranoid because everything seems to be going so well for us lately."

She laughed, kissing his neck. "Oh, I don't know about that... There was that inconvenient ketchup stain on your tuxedo pants on our wedding day..."

"Yeah, but my mom fixed it. No harm no foul, and nobody knew the difference."

"True. OK, so I guess you're right. Things have been going surprisingly smoothly for us."

"Yep."

"Well... I think it just means that karma finally came around for us, sweetie. The universe has finally realized that we were meant to be together. It was destiny."

He chuckled again into her warm, soft neck. "Uh _Hoh_... Now who's getting all existential?"

She scootched up his chest a little further, lifting her head to gaze intohis eyes. "Love does funny things to a woman. But I'm right though, aren't I?"

He smiled widely, nodding. "Yes, ma'am... You sure are. I think we're going to be OK."

She leaned in to kiss him deeply, and then she looked into his eyes again.

"Better than _OK_, my love." He moaned softly as her hand slipped lower down his body to stroke him softly. He pulled her tighter against him, growling into her throat.

"Oh, _helllllllll_ yeah..."

**_Finis_**

* * *

And they live happily ever after. Seriously. ;)


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